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When Should Women Initiate Date Plans?


Women are born planners.

But it’s still customary for the guy to plan the dates at the beginning. So, when is it OK for the woman to take the reins and initiate plans for a date?

For the most part, ladies, you won’t get too much blowback from your man if you want to help him out with some ideas, but you still need to be careful not to bruise his ego or jump in the driver’s seat too soon.

Make his ideas better.

A man’s plan is “Let’s eat and then go somewhere.”

A woman’s plan is “Pick me up at 7 p.m. so we can stop and see Bob and Carol’s new baby first. Then we can have a light dinner at the Chateau, leave the car there and take the subway downtown to the new dance club. At midnight we can come back to the car so I can change my shoes, and then we can meet the gang at the bar for half-price appletinis and appetizers. The moon should be above the trees by the lake in the park by then, so we can take a little walk in the moonlight and . . .”

You get the idea. Details are not a man’s strength. Start by taking his beige idea and add some glitter.

Don’t tell him the whole master plan ahead of time. Just let it unfold naturally as you help him think of the next step.

Follow up on his ideas.

In the course of your conversation over dinner, on the phone or whenever, you will talk about many subjects. You will find out what he likes, how he spends his spare time, how active he likes to get and much more. And you can drop some hints about things you like to do as well.

You may or may not be a huge sports fan, but you can pick up on his love of basketball and suggest that you go to a game soon. See who’s playing and suggest a couple of dates and teams that will be in town soon.

Being interactive, starting with his likes and pegging your ideas to a coming event are good ways to gain his trust in your ability to plan dates that don’t include the ballet or a flower show.

"Seize the moment and tell

him you’ll take care of it."

Piggyback your idea with his idea.

There are a lot of ways to plan dates that keep him in his comfort zone while also introducing him to a piece of the world you love.

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Bowling doesn’t take all night, for instance. Suggest a new seafood restaurant beforehand or a new dance club afterward. Billiards, burgers and beer followed by ice skating or the auto races and a walk in the moonlight along the riverfront can work together well.

Maybe you love gardening and he loves remodeling bathrooms or landscaping. There’s something for everybody at the home and garden show, usually held every spring in a convention center or arena.

Tell him what you would love to do.

As the relationship evolves to a more intimate and romantic level, he will be more attuned to you and the developing physical aspects of the relationship, and the date itself will become secondary to the fireworks that follow, at least for a while.

This is your opportunity to become social director of the preliminary events.

It can start with some pillow talk in the afterglow of a romantic interlude. Tell him what a great night it was, and let him know you would love to repeat it again very soon.

With the “dessert” as the hypnotic bait, it’s easy to suggest something for your next date, even if it’s the ballet or your kid sister’s basketball game.

As long as it ends with, “And then we can come here and do this again” he is likely to be open to any suggestions you might have.

Modern men aren’t very dependent on date planning as a symbol of their manhood. Many of them would love to turn the job over to you, as long as they have veto power and he gets to do some of the things he enjoys often enough.

If he is having trouble coming up with a new idea when you ask him what’s up for your weekend date, just seize the moment and tell him you’ll take care of it.

Tell him to pick you up at 8 p.m. wearing a nice pair of pants and a dress shirt and you’ll surprise him.

Run ideas by him sometimes and make sure he is engaged in the idea or can begin or end up in his favorite hangout.

Planning dates together can be fun too, and how you work out these early dates can set the tone for a cooperative relationship that fulfills both his needs and yours.


Renee' D. Campbell from Gaithersburg, Maryland on December 17, 2012:

Cute hub! It made me laugh because it is so true. I think at times we need to bite the bullet, male or female and do some things that we are not particularly interested in because it shows our interest in our mate. That's what makes us different. I think men plan, as do women-but we plan differently. Men say you want to go to the movies Friday, I want to see Batman! You say "Sure" and then they know on Friday we will meet up and eventually go to some movie theater somewhere in some city and see Batman. We just have to be prepared for their way of thinking and say "Batman is playing at ________ at 7:10 and midnight - which one do you want to go to?" This will make the man happy and say "Wow she really wants to go see Batman with me."

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