Kenneth Avery is a Southern humorist with well over a thousand fans. The charm and wit in his writing span a nearly a decade.
In the past months and years, I have “taken a stab” at trying to write by those writers who I have respected the most. Namely, the late Dr. Hunter Thompson and J.D. Salinger. Is there really a need for me to take the time to share the many award-winning pieces that the two have written? I would love to, but I would end up feeling the more depressed, experience dark thoughts, and feel an uneasy feeling. So to avoid those pitfalls, I won’t
I wanted to try something new today. Something on my own. Love me or curse me, I take the responsibility. You are in the best shape because I have no one to blame but myself. Kinda nice, huh?
As you have scanned the headline, then you know that one of my favorite topics to share with you is things about lovely women. And let me brag on God, the Creator, because He made lovely women the world over. Disagree? Just read the early chapters of Genesis in the NKJ Bible and you will see a woman, Eve, who God created to be Adam’s help mate. Mind you, I am not a Bible scholar, but I do find myself imaging how Eve looked and I arrive at the same location: She looked much like any Miss Universe contestants now and in the past.
Looking at lovely women is okay, but what about their minds? What about their minds? Lovely girls do have great I.Q.s regardless of what those narrow-minded, male-confused males of the 1930’s through the 1950’s who were prone to yell about a woman’s place being in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant. Just how silly and ignorant can some guys be? Thank God for my parents who steered me early on about how women required respect and if I were to be in their company, to listen and not necessarily talk to women because they were very smart. I have to brag on my late parents who I can tell you now that they were seldom wrong.
What is on the blond’s mind and if she is not offended by my complimentary slang, “Sugar?” Then I shall go ahead and share what she is thinking, that is, if I were ever (from this day on) to meet one in the flesh (a bad pun) just to see what all she is thinking about.
She strikes me by her stoic, mysterious look that she is empowered, free from all the unneeded pressure that most males put on her. Not on your tintype! Just gaze into her eyes. She could tell a very seductive, but truthful essay all with her eyes. That would be very nice to me. My wife is like that when I catch myself of staring at her without her knowing it. Then her look is anger Then it is time for me to look away. Swiftly.
The blond also is the type to want to dine outside a four-star restaurant, al fresco. She would not eat that much and stare into space and upon he putting a foot into my mouth, she would instantly get hold of her emotions and then give me an I understand your ignorance look, but still, I wish that you were Mark Harmon right now.
Enough about the gorgeous blond. What about the wonderful looking brunette at the bottom? What is your first impression? Mine is, oh my goodness! I have struck the mother lode of gorgeous brunettes. Fact is, when I was a teenager, she looks just like the woman whom I wanted to leave my home, parents and all, and take a ride with her on a romantic ferry boat in Gulfport, Miss. Women like her do not have to advertise just how gorgeous they are. They allow their male and female admirers to come near them first to just know who they are what are they thinking about.
She also fits the pattern of being able to pose for any photo shoot for any subject from expensive clothing in France to a sultry photo spread captured on any beach in Panama City, Fla., I mean every word. I know going in that when I would take her a drink, I would be so caught up in her eyes that I would fall on my face and when I do gather myself, I have white sand covering my face. She tries hard not to laugh, but giggles so softly and melodically.
This lovely girl loves music, to an extent, but cannot tolerate Rap. She likes soft music, maybe orchestra music that she listens to alone in her expensive loft apartment somewhere in New York City. She sits sipping her expensive wine letting her thoughts fall into an intelligent line of fantasy. Eating? She might eat a few, and I mean few, crackers, the small ones, that a waiter or waitress brings you with their salad that she has ordered.
For her expert education base, she could flaunt her enlightened viewpoints, but she is not out to shame anyone, not even the late Albert Einstein. This girl would simply stand silently and listen the mumbles that some intelligent show-off’s spit ot of their mouths to just be seen of others. Not this wonderful woman. She doesn’t need the competition. She knows just how smart that she is.
As for romance, she has a very romantic side. Her boyfriend is not a multi-millionaire, but a bookstore owner who loves the printed word. He does his own work and invests some of these profits to benefit her and their favorite charity.
Look at both pretty girls again. And again Then ask yourself just what are you thinking about? And leave the “sugar” off. She also knows just how sweet that she is.
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