My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.
As women, the qualities that we look for in a boyfriend many times aren't necessarily the qualities that we seek in a life partner—especially if we are younger, in an indifferent stage, or desperate to have a man in our lives.
When we are younger—twenties and sometimes even early thirties—we haven't fully figured out what qualities are important to us in a life partner—which is natural. Often at that age, we can confuse our vision of marriage and children with the assumption that these things automatically come with a great partner. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Unfortunately, many times that is far from the case.
How can you know what qualities make a great life partner if you are still growing and changing yourself? When we don't fully know ourselves and exactly what we want, it can make you hang onto a relationship for all the wrong reasons.
- You are hoping that his love will complete you
- You're hoping that he will one day change to be the guy you really want
- You are afraid to be alone
- You lack self-love and hope a relationship will change that
Desperation will cause us to overlook finding a guy who will make a great life partner—however, once we have been with a guy for several weeks or months we will think it's OK to change him into the man that we want to spend the rest of our lives with. Ladies, this is completely backwards thinking. You can't change a man.
I've said this many, many, Many times...If a man wants to change, he will do it on his own, Not because you want him to. And, if you are pressuring him to change, he may for a little while but this “change” will typically not last. Why waste your time changing a man who you want him to be versus finding a man who already has the qualities that you are looking for in a lifetime partner?
Let's be clear, the qualities that make a man a good boyfriend compared to a great life partner can be very different—again, depending on your age and what you are looking for at the time. Yes, the older you become the qualities you are looking for in a life partner should be similar to what you seek in a boyfriend, however many times they are not because companionship—for a lot of women—is more important than waiting for a great man to come into their life.
When you can take time between relationships to evaluate what did and didn't work for you then you have more control in not attracting similar men. And if these same men happen to enter your life—God's way of testing to see if you have really learned your lesson—you can foresee clearly the Red Flags that come up—giving you the strength to walk away sooner.
Yes, wanting to be in a relationship is important for many women, however many times the older we get it's not just about getting into a relationship, it's also about find a life partner— which again, can be challenging if we haven't determined what that looks like for us—separating qualities from superficial.
Often we tend to focus on looks. I get that looks are important ladies. Yes, there needs to be a physical attraction, however it's also import that you're being realistic and not stuck on just the outside beauty—staying with a guy because he's attractive—disregarding how he ultimately treats you. For a relationship to work long term there needs to be substantial qualities that would make him a great life partner.
22 Qualities That Make A Man A Great Life Partner:
- A good listener
- Goal oriented
- Values similar to yours
- Open and honest communicator
- Can grow and change With you
- Can except your growth if he's not in the same place
- Interests that are similar as well as different
- A solid foundation of trust with him
- Emotionally supportive
- Balanced—with the relationship, work, hobbies/passions, working out, family, friends
- Has a level of romance and Chivalry
- You have Substantial chemistry
- Respects or has similar beliefs as you
- You can count on him when you need him
- He should be one of your best friends
- An agreeable partnership
- Sexually fulfilling
- A good provider
There are many other qualities, however these are some of the important qualities that many women will often disregard in order to have a relationship. Really? Why would you want be with a guy who makes you unhappy most of the time? I'd rather be alone and miserable by myself then be with a man who causes me misery. And, if you are working on yourself and doing things for yourself the likelihood of being miserable on your own is slim. Your entire happiness does not rely on having a man and when you can see that, real love will come into your life.
Real love isn't full of pain and distrust. PERIOD. Finding a man with great qualities will make you realize this. Don't settle ever, realize that you do deserve love—even if this means that you need to be single for a while.
I have purposely taking "time-out" from dating many times in life to reflect inwardly on what I really wanted. Unfortunately, there is so much bullshit I've come across and it doesn't matter what the guy looks like. Taking time to reflect on the qualities I want in a man has given me clarity and a new restored hope in finding a great guy one day—because each time I do this, I become more clear on what's important to me and I'm willing to be patient until I find it. By not rushing the process it's brought me closer and closer to finding a quality man worth keeping.
Ladies, finding a man who is a life partner is connecting with someone you can share happy, loving memories with, your hopes and dreams with, and can grow old with. He will also value and support you. When you patiently wait for him, you will not only find a great partner but a lasting love who you are truly compatible and content spending your life with.
MaryRB on March 23, 2016:
It is amazing how growing older can change our attitudes about what is and is not important in an enduring relationship if we do not cling to immature ideas about love. This was a very insightful article.
realtalk247 on March 21, 2016:
Your list of qualities in a great man-excellent.
"Unfortunately, there is so much bullshit I've come across and it doesn't matter what the guy looks like. " -Hilarious commentary because in the dating world this is so true.
People must be healthy to enter relationships and it helps if they are looking for genuine people. There are so many people afraid of being hurt holding back affection for those that deserve it while showering the undeserving leading to the self fulfilling prophesy-love is a battlefield.
I wish love was simple.