Cheating is as old as language itself, and men have the habit of doing it.
Take a deep breath, because the facts are mind blowing.
Men cheat for a variety of reasons or for no reason at all.
Men are divided into several categories, the wimp with a conscience, the smart without a conscience and the ruthless in between.
Women should be in search for a husband to complement their lives, not to complete it. If you are hunting for husband to get a free meal ticket, to finance your habits be sure you have a pretty face that will lasts for quite sometime.
When the novelty wears off, your marketable value proportionally depreciates as you grow older and when the wrinkles start to appear.
Let us forego discussing the men who have no morality. These men don't have a conscience, they are only loyal to themselves. How to identify them? The best way to find out is to live with them, that is where the snippets of reality start to unravel and you will begin to see what your man is made of.
Typical men want to taste different cuisines just like they want to experiment with women that catches their fancy.
When the wife turn obese, the sagging tits, stretch marks on the tummy, varicose veins, loose muscle mass on the thighs after the arrival of kids can take a toll on a woman's body.
Please do not take it against him if he does not fancy you anymore. It is your responsibility as a woman to keep yourself fit at all times. Be smart. No excuses.
If he will still continue to be in love with you despite of your gross appearance or physical transformation, then consider yourself lucky and blessed, compared to the other loyal wives being left behind.
Men are fools, they do not even know what they want,it is their vision that rules. Their mindless eyes focus on beauty are the one who made a choice for them. Unfortunately, men fall in love because of the looks, that is why women wear make up while women fell in love because of what they hear, that is why men lie.
Except for practical men with less affordability to splurge on the expensive maintenance of pretty women, they will opt for a nondescript beauty to be their wives, it can save them money, stress and the chance for their wives to cheat on them.
Smart men prefer to be with twat wives. They don't relish the thought of a wife competing with their career, challenging their masculinity, questioning their intelligence and undermining their competence.
The sexual part might be enjoyable between a smart man and a twat wife, but later on he will get bored..If you think you are a twat, brace up for the time will come and detect that when he is doing it with you he is no longer loving, tender and gentle, nor mindful of how you feel, because his intent is to punish you mentally, emotionally and physically for being a meek woman.
Not long he will start to throw insults and verbal abuse tirade to force you back into a corner.
How will you deal with it? Talk to him, if he is ready to confess what is raging inside his mind or loins he might just spill the beans, but if not, you will be in for a rough ride. Do not try to understand a man, you will run out of books to read to define them, for they have a different mind set.
It is important to know the person you are going to live with. Men are like kids too, attention seeker, egocentrics and wants adventure in different myriad forms.
...drifting apart, looking for someone to focus with, is a grave sign that your man , is bored with your company or has become a new person altogether. He morphs into another individual, which might be a far cry of what you knew him to be.
We do change as we go through with life. Sometimes it is not even the fault of the wife or the erring husband. A connection just went kaputz, so stop looking for hidden answers, reasons, justification, or even try to make sense of the situation.
..is your husband really in love with you, or was only obligated to marry you because you have a kid together or you just happen to fit his self serving agenda. Are you holding the right credentials for him to be able to access the right people that he wants to associate with?. Politicians do marry for political ambitions, wealth career advancement among others.
So when and if your husband started cheating on your marriage, ask yourself first if he marries you for that priceless commodity called love or is it for other reasons that do not fit the criterion called love.
Love has no price. It will grow, if it is mean to grow between you two. What if he falls in the concept of love, creating an alter persona of what he wants or perceive you to be- at least inside his mind - instead of what you really are, the reality, with all your shortcomings and imperfections.
...with that being said...let us now focus on what is marriage, remember that marriage is a business, both of you will share an input, capital or investment in myriad forms, you do not own your partner or bought her/ him in a meat auction, so exercise caution, discretion and respect for each other, for the partnership to bloom and lasts.
Marriage by definition is a partnership of the mind, heart and soul. It is a serious legal commitment that entail trust, loyalty and reliability.
You do not get married in order to just get hook up, right? Getting married is giving up a part of your individual freedom to live with someone whom you believe truly loves you back.
You get married because you want to spend your life with the one who believes in your vision, rejoice in your achievements, supports on your plans and encourage you to reach your highest potential, right?
You get married because you want to spend a life of permanence with the one whom you deduced is an extension of yourself, someone who makes you feel important, cherish, love, valued and ready to assist on your dreams.
You get married because you believe that your partner is responsible, dedicated, committed, to have children or not, but the bottom line is to invest together, enjoy the fruits of your labor, lends each other emotional, mental and financial support.
You get married because you are convinced beyond reasonable doubt that he is your soul mate, someone you can depend on to be there with you through the good and the bad times, sickness and in health until death do you part
Then your bubble world collapsed, because your husband has failed your expectations, violates your trust, betrays your confidence and slaps your face with his illicit affair.
What will you do, how are you going to cope, is there hope for the marriage, are you willing to give your cheating husband a second chance? Is he still interested to make amends, what do you think shall be the best course of action for you both?
Those are the pertinent issues that an aggrieved wife must addressed
First let us define what is a typical Man.
Men are typical, restless humping rabbits, possessing pea sized brain between their loins. When man reached the age of puberty his testosterone hormones surge upwards, tipping the scales on his 20's. go haywire on his 40's and short circuited at 50's. Few men gain wisdom upon reaching the age of middle age, most are stuck in a Peter Pan syndrome, chasing their own tails on end until their hairs turned to gray.
The facts above are for typical Men, but I bet you did not marry a typical Man, you have chosen the special one whom you think and firmly believe is the most rational, logical, trustful person that you want to entrust your life with.
So what went wrong, why did your husband cheat on you?
Your husband cheated on you because he is no longer happy and contented living with you. I know it hurts, but the sooner you accept the facts the better for your sanity.
Your husband cheated on you because the marriage became tedious and you transmute into a hideous boring bitch.
Your husband cheated on you because he is disillusioned with the partnership, hence he seek and search for what is lacking, convinced he has found a new meaning, purpose and comfort in the arms of someone that made him feel alive again.
Your husband cheated on you because you turn into a fat, nagging wife who always find fault on his actions.
Your husband cheated on you because you transform into a selfish self centered career driven woman who is seldom at home and you no longer give him the attention and care that he thinks he deserve, as your husband..
Your husband cheated on you because solace at the home front is gone, the arrival of kids put stressed on the marriage.
Your husband cheated on you because he fell out of love, intimacy is gone.
If any of the above list, checks out, the best course of action is for you to kick him out of your life. Do not hold your husband hostage on a marriage where he is no longer interested. Putting a ring on each other's finger and saying " I do" to each other does not equate you own each other until death. Never use the children as your bartering chip, they are not objects or collateral. Be prudent, accept the inevitable and finish the issue. Let it go.
Wives will never know what they are getting into, and what kind of husband they got until they spend some years living with them. That is why it make sense to have a long engagement or avail of the living in arrangement before affixing your signature on a piece of paper.
Long engagement and living in arrangement will at least give you ample time to be with each other , without the pressure of marriage. Discovering each others filthy habits, personality flaws, attitudes, hidden talent, interest, vocation, views on life will provide you insight if the relationship is worth another trip.
Once you are married a written, well defined tacit agreement is in forced, a legal tie that binds you together, if you found out your personality clashed and you do not see each other eye to eye, divorce is the only way out which would mean you both will shell out thousand of dollars of expenses coupled with stressed, part of the cost of being free once again..
Meanwhile there are two rare instances where:
1. A type of married men which are addicted of humping around, engaging on the act for the sheer thrill of it, they are known as sexual nomads who goes around having illicit affairs but only regard their indiscretions as a phase and will never divorce their wives.
2. There are also typical married Men who might just be experiencing a temporary aberrant behavior, having a temporary lustful torrid affair with another woman which germinates out of boredom ..
It is important that you as the wife must be fully cognizant if your cheating husband falls under 1 or 2. because believe it or not, your husband's brain's wired differently. He sees sexual adventures with different females as an adventure and fun, to spice up a monotonous moment. How will you deal with it? Quite hard right?
You see, men have a talent of compartmentalizing their feelings, actions and emotions, there is a box intended for torrid affairs without emotional bond, there is a box for platonic bond without sex, and there is a box reserved for the wife where sexual intimacy and emotional bond is being housed. No wonder men , go to bed with women, and then the next day forgot their names.
It is not easy to just end the marriage and divorce him, if he is still in love with you, only he admitted that he owns a two or three headed dick that needs constant practice. It is not easy living with a polygamous husband, do what is best for you and the kids. If he is a good provider , buy your wants, luxuries and provide you overseas trips abroad, shower you with gifts, but demanded you to be sport about his innate talent, then why not stay on the marriage for awhile. See how it will work out.
All married men undergo the identity crisis syndrome and it usually happens at the age of 40 and beyond. If your husband has no scruples left and is a selfish bastard, he will search for a lady young enough to be his granddaughter to validate his masculinity, reaffirms his male potency. It is their last trip going full blasts on a blaze of glory before facing extinction.
Food for thought: A cheating husband is a consummate liar and a selfish tyrant who intentionally betrays your love, trust and confidence. Marriage is all about trust, loyalty and commitment. Can you live with the awful truth that your erring husband violates your trust and betrays your confidence? Is Judas kiss acceptable?
Never allow yourself to be in a position where you shall be digging your own grave, as the day passes by. Life is what you make it. Do not allow the actions of your husband to manipulate your life and dictate your fate. You are the captain of your own ship. Steer the course of the ship to places and horizons you only want to see and explore.
The trouble with lying cheat husbands is that they will always find an excuse and a reason to pin the blame of their indiscretion to their wives whom they accuse of being frigid in bed, fat and boring.
Ask yourself thoroughly, whether your husband is only loyal to himself and no one else, because men who lie and cheated on their wives, do not know what loyalty is all about except when it applies solely to them.
If you discovered that the affair has not taken roots on his system yet, and your erring husband is willing to give the marriage a second chance, you may use the tips below to ferret out the reason behind his betrayal and what you can do to save the marriage.
1. Be calm, and serene as a placcid lake. Shouting match wont help, the aim is to save the marriage, and never lose focus. Do not give him an ammunition to turn the tides on his advantage by accusing you a psychotic freak. Don't throw things, Don't cry, do it alone by yourself, deal the pain with no one watching you.
2. Do the confrontation in a tactful manner, do not swear, do not be overly dramatic, avoid getting hysterical, get the facts straight from the horses mouth without using intimidation. He might just come up with something like " oh its nothing serious Darling, the woman is the one who is tempting me, and just like a normal man with raging hormones I took what is offered for me for free".
3. Do not mentioned the mistress or he might just shut off, leave the mistress out of the discussion, you shall do your own digging later on.
Approach the mistress in a calculated manner. It pays to know your enemy. Do not confront the mistress, by throwing insulting words. Just be frank, direct to the point of what do you want her to do, which is to leave your husband . Be discreet, and give her a fair warning.
4. Go to a marriage counselor if you both decide you need a mediator to air out your grievances. It helps to have a neutral party acting as a moderator or referee.
And if your husband will do it again the second time around, throw him out of the door, and change the locks.
5. Stick to the immediate issue at hand, do you want to give your marriage a second chance or not, that is exclusively for both of you to work on and decide. It is very important you are privy on his thoughts, what are his plans and intent on the fate of the marriage and what positive actions you can do to save your affair from extinction
6. Give him space and time to think things over. Both of you must reflect and think of the life of your kids. After the grace period is over, finished the business once and for all, find out if it worth another trip or not. Accept the verdict with an open heart.
How to avoid your man from cheating on you again?
1. Keep him constantly happy, make him feel he is the center of your world and the only thing that matters, aside from the kids. But do not give up your job.
2. Give him the best sexual calisthenics in bed. Make him feel he is the eternal wild stallion oozing with unlimited sexual prowess and stamina.
3. Do not nag on him. To get across your, point, convey you proposal, plans or opinion in a matter of fact voice, no flowery or flattery words and innuendos. Be firm and consistent, be sure he understand your point and intent.
4. Defer major decisions in favor of your husband, a man likes to think he is in control of the relationship. Besides who would want to be stuck with a wife who keeps on defying his wishes and questioning his wisdom.
5. Be a good cook, there's no better way to get inside a mans heart but through his stomach. Feed him the best dishes he loves.
6..Do not get fat, or if you already are obese, try to lose that unwanted weight. No excuses, start on a diet, enroll on a weight fitness program.
7. Try to reinvent yourself once in a while, take good care of your looks, be a whore in bed, be mentally stimulating and try to work on a compromise agreement as much as you can.
8, Be a responsible and loving Mother.
9. Be vigilant, and do not give the potential mistress the chance and opportunity of putting her predatory claws on your husband.
Forgiving your husband is different from being stupid. If your husband flaunts his illicit affair in front of your children and your friends, it means he has no respect for you and his intent is to inflict the most emotional pain and mental torture that you could swallow and endure. Would you still want him back, clearly your husband has no qualms of insulting you for all the people to witness and blasphemed the sanctity of your marriage..
Consequently, even if you are a fat nagging, boring wife he has no right to have an affair behind your back while you two are still married, keep that in mind. Marital issues are meant to be discussed to solve any discord.. He has no right shacking up with another woman for the reason he feels good about it.. He has no right to inflict you emotional and mental torture , there is a divorce option if he is really sick and tired of your presence.
Trying to understand his motive and his actions is a moot in point, because it is obvious he no longer cares about the preservation of your marriage. He has no respect for you and the kids.
Recommended mode of actions to deal with the transition:
1. Accept the truth. You are married to a selfish turd. It is not the end of the world. Self pity is only allowed up to two weeks, after that get on your ass. Your life will have to shift gears, for the better, if you are being wiser after this sordid affair. Do not stoop down to his level by looking for another man to hump. .
2. Spent time soul searching, are you in anyway indirectly responsible for his transgression, besides it takes two to tango.
3. If you did not see any reason that you are to be blame for his transgression, then stop blaming yourself. Begin sorting out your affairs in order.
4. Explain to the turd that you want out of the marriage, then get yourself a good lawyer. Do Do not go on verbal sparring, avoid throwing angry punchlines
5. Have a long talk with the kids. Spare them the drama, hysterics and avoid mentioning who is the good and the bad guy. The kids should be cushioned from the impact of the failure of the relationship. Spare them additional pain, and do not make them lost respect on their father, for that is their personal journey to discover.
6. Make plans for your life. go back to school, or start a new hobby or interest that will empower your life.
7. Surround yourself with friends who will help you to move on forward with zest. Do not seek revenge or envelop yourself in bitterness, there is a wonderful whole new world out there, waiting to be explored..
7. Your soul mate is out there, but give your full attention to the kids first. The transition might be a shock, but let me assure you, you are not the only one who goes through a separation, and certainly you are not the only one that has been betrayed and cheated on by a husband. You just happen to chose the wrong man, learn from your mistake. Your experience is not unique, but your journey is personal. Look forward to the future with hope and optimism.
Rose on June 02, 2017:
Your words can't be more useful for me. It seems like you are paintaing my live.
Jonamin (author) from top of the world on December 20, 2016:
You are right dear, but most men are unto visual...physical looks, the younger the better...
M M on December 19, 2016:
There is no such thing as "gross appearance " a woman will always be beautiful and it is not that easy for some people to "be fit" that easy, everyone is different.