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Funny and Nasty Things to Say If Your Boyfriend Dumps You

StricktlyDating is an Australian writer who creates pages of original funny quotes and status updates.

Funny and nasty things you could say (or just amuse yourself with the thought of saying) if your boyfriend dumps you.

Because when you’ve been dumped it’s painful, and sad, and you’re not expected to act all mature and graceful about it.

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Nasty Things To Say If Your Boyfriend Dumps You

  • Oh well, every happy, beautiful and successful woman has at least one ex behind her... Like I'm talking way behind her, like at the end of the queue, or the other end of the earth. Or in hell.
  • (Burst into the lyrics from the movie Frozen): "Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free, just stay away and you'll be safe from me".
  • Oh my gosh, now you're going to be that guy, the ex, that I bad mouth about to all my friends because of all the stupid decisions you make.
  • You must be crazy, because you’d have to be crazy to leave me.
  • OK, now you're going to be the guy that my next boyfriend is going to mend my dear broken heart over.
  • OK, I think it's for the best, I'm about to inherit quite a sum of cash and I really need to be free to make my own choices with it.
  • I hope the next girl you kiss has something extremely contagious on her lips! And you catch it.
  • Well, I do believe this calls for a girls night out, a bottle of wine and a random flirting and kisses and my little black dress.
  • Yeah, I’ve been like - we're in the jungle and I'm the celebrity dying to say ”Get me out of here!".
  • Ok. Fine. I'll just date myself then.
  • I think it’s probably for the best. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but I realised a while ago... I see you as more of a brother figure.
  • That's alright, because I love you but I'm not in love with you in a romantic way.
  • Okay. Don't talk to me any more, and delete me and my family, and my friends, from your Facebook friend list, Instagram and Twitter.
  • Well, if that's the case, you are not exactly the answer to my relationship prayers!
  • I think I’m really guilty of romanticizing the whole thing with us. You’re not really everything I thought you’d be.
  • I actually agree that things were getting a little stale, and I want to experiment a bit.
  • I had a feeling your heart wasn’t in it anymore, because there didn’t seem to be any passion there.
  • That's okay, I know I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable!
  • That's a shame... I was secretly planning to propose to you! How embarrassing.
  • If you're going to hurt me, do it quickly, because I'm not spending any more time crying over someone who's not going to stick around.
  • Cool, but when you see me with someone else, don't you dare come running back to me.
  • Honestly, I have been feeling like I'm too hot to be with someone like you.
  • That's okay, because I've been feeling something more for someone at work.
  • If you don't have a problem walking out of my life, then I don't have a problem shutting the door behind you and changing the locks.
  • What! Are you drunk or something?
  • Thanks, because I fell out of love with you ages ago and just didn't know how to tell you.
  • Oh, what a relief! Because I've fallen in love with someone else.
  • Okay, no hard feelings. So is it cool with you if I date your dad?
  • I must admit, I've been mentally cheating on you for months.
  • I have to admit, I've been seeing someone else. Did you find out?
  • Let's bury this relationship and be done with it.
  • I want to break up too, because I couldn't stand another day being around you.
  • Fine, because I haven't been honest with you during our entire relationship.
  • That's fine with me. I'm already dating someone new, and I'm really excited about him!
  • Apparently a girl has to date one or two bad men before she finds a good one! So that's cool with me.
  • Well, I suppose now is not a good time to let you know I've booked us a romantic getaway!
  • Hang on, it ain't over till the fat lady sings: "Tra la la la la, la, la, la!"
  • The worst way to love someone is to sit next to them, knowing they aren’t capable of loving you back because they are so stupid.
  • I guess you don’t realize how much you don't care about someone until they don’t care about you.
  • Oh. Poor little, single bachelorette me!
  • Yeah, well I was getting kind of bored dating you, so I'm cool with this.
  • We were going to split over religious differences sooner or later anyway, what with you thinking you're God and me disagreeing.
  • Look over at that house plant. See the camera? You're on Candid Idiot dot com!
  • Well, all I can say is thank you for being the one to show me what kind of guy I don't want to be with.
  • Men are like dessert: Nice, but not necessary! At least I can still enjoy dessert.
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  • Here's just a reminder of what you can't have! *flash skin*
  • You must have been reading my mind. I've wanted out of this relationship with you for weeks now!
  • Is it cold in here? Or is it just your heart?
  • Oh I feel so heartbroken. No, just a second, I just think that was me feeling sorry for what you have lost.
  • I'm just wondering what I was doing when you decided you didn't want me any more!
  • Good luck finding someone better than me, you were always going to be punching above your weight with me.
  • Break up? Wanna get married instead?
  • Okay, seeya later, never!
  • I want to thank you for giving me the worst day of my life.
  • I know I should respect your choice, but I'm finding it hard not to think you're being a really massive idiot.
  • Well, thank you for raining on my love parade!
  • I've got places to go, things to see, and people to do!
  • It's okay. I'd rather date a man with a better job.
  • Wow. I feel so totally heartbroken... Nah, just jokes, I plan to hit the town and run wild with my crew to celebrate this sudden announcement!
  • *Burst into song* I can have another you in a minute, in fact he'll be here in a minute baby!
  • Oh thank goodness, now I can have some happiness in my life!
  • What a relief... Now don't have to pretend to be satisfied!
  • Don't bother telling me why, I'm just happy to get the hell away from you!
  • It only takes one bad boyfriend to make me realise I deserve someone better!
  • If one day I actually start to matter, let me know. If not, goodbye forever.
  • That's okay. I don't really enjoy seeing you without your clothes on. That's why I've been dimming the lights.
  • Your heart is a huge icepack and I have no intention of being your defroster.
  • Well, this is awkward, I was just about to dump you too!
  • Cancel my subscription: I'm tired of all your issues!
  • That's cool. I'm looking for someone a little more intelligent.
  • If you're stupid enough to walk away, then I'm smart enough to let you go.
  • I know that some people aren't meant to stay in my life because they are stupid.
  • It's a shame you missed out on seeing me in my new Victoria's Secret lingerie. Your loss.
  • Well, my big mistake wasn't falling for you, it was being fooled enough to think you fell for me too.
  • If you're dumb enough to let this relationship go, you didn't deserve it in the first place!
  • Thank you for breaking my heart. You've only made me me stronger. Like a female body builder kind of strong. I could probably do Ben lift a small vehicle right now.
  • Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened, and know I’ll go on to meet someone more worthy.
  • Copyright: Hubpages.com author StricktlyDating. The content on this page should not be copied or commercialised as the author retains copyright over the text and images on this page.
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Comments:

amnasa k marak on July 20, 2014:

awesome

MonMon on December 02, 2011:

I have used almost all of these and boyfriend still wont just wont let me go! I need something really good to get rid of this one.

guess who on November 14, 2011:

That's ok they call it "settling" "down" for a reason. I don't feel like settling

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