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What Men Should Know About Women

Susan believes there is nothing more irritating than "interruptions" in sweet life. Using fact and humor, she loves sharing advice.



When my husband was in Iraq, I read everything I could get my hands on about how to please a man, what men want, what men think, what makes men happy, and what makes a man happy in bed, etc. He and I would talk on the phone, and he kept telling me things like, “I read that women want their men to be rough around the edges.” I asked him where he was getting his information, and he said, “Cosmo .” I had to laugh because he was reading the girls’ magazines. At that time we had been married for 20 years. Though, that doesn’t mean we are old, I am no longer a Cosmo girl and reading about young, single women was not going to turn me into one. I had to tell him it was not a definitive resource on what women want who are in a long-term relationship.

I began to ponder these conversations and did my own research on such sites as (a great site for women’s issues) and magazines. I was astounded at how needy most of these articles make women appear when it came to men. I did a web search for articles for men to read about women and what men should know about women, but I only came across 2 out of thousands I had found for women, and there was a required fee to get to them. It began to feel like there was some type of conspiracy to keep women in their place and men in their dream world with this false image of women who always looked like they were in the throes of passion. Men need to know what women want, not the "needy women" portrayed in mainstream magazines, but real women. Then I started looking at men’s magazines. The articles are understandably geared toward men and fitness, men and hobbies, men and sports, but nothing or very little on women, not how to get and keep a woman, not about what makes women happy in bed, and definitely not about dealing with the female emotional structure. Of course, I know men's magazines are never going to have in-depth articles on relationships with women because a man's world is branched out; whereas, society has made a woman's world revolve around man.

After my husband and I had talked about what he “thought” he had learned in Cosmo , I had to say, “Hold on there, partner. I hate to tell you, but you are not coming home to some 20 something, sex starved nymphomaniac, nor are you coming home to a porn star.” I am sure he was disappointed. On the other hand, everything I had read up to that point had been about “pleasing” the man. I began to think I was just a cold fish. I mean if this is what is popular and a large percentage of women read all this stuff, then the message seemed to be that women don’t count and if you want to keep a man, you better learn he is the center of the universe while you are just there for his pleasure.

What is society doing to women? After spending 17 months away from my husband along with several other wives who had husbands in his battalion, I started seeing for myself and from these women that we need men to know what makes women happy. And the truth is men aren’t going to get it reading Cosmo or any one of the popular adult magazines geared toward men and their wants and needs. The playing ground needs to be leveled for the sake of relationships. It is not a fault on either the man or the woman's part that society has tried to create stereotypes through media. Men aren't mind readers and women do not only want what money can buy. There is so much more to each sex and their needs.


What Women Want

Several women, from differing ages and marital statuses, have compiled a list of things men should know about women in order to have a stronger relationship.

  • Women need some time to themselves or with other girlfriends, not unlike men needing to go play golf or having a poker night or even mowing the yard. A confession: women like to get away from their men sometimes, too. Shocking, but true. There are the occasional women who complain, but hopefully their complaints will pass when the relationship grows and she sees that both need time.
  • Women just want men to be reasonable. Most of men don’t want their women in a bar alone; well, the same rule should apply to men, too. There are lots of other places to go and things to do that do not involve being in a bar with single women, for whom men will ogle. Women aren’t idiots. Men would save themselves some harassment and choose going to drink at a buddy’s house while watching football or whatever seasonal sport there is. Wives or girlfriends may say it is all right for men to go to bars or “gentlemen’s clubs” and it doesn’t bother her, but, believe me, going to bars without her causes resentment and trust issues because it is a signal that makes her feel you are saying she is not worthy.
  • Most women like it when men make more money than they do, but women do not like to hear how much more important a man's job is while women's job are minimized. Please remember women do not just work at their jobs, but they also take care of the house and kids too. Most women love doing it when they know they are appreciated. Women do understand men do things around the house, but most of men are not there as much as women are, nor are most of men with the kids as much as we are. Those "at home" jobs need to be recognized as valuable, too. Many men are great at this while others do not notice.
  • Men shouldn't nit pick every single little thing women do or try to do, like driving. If you don’t want women to drive, take the keys but expect consequences. But if a man asks a woman to drive, he should be quiet and let her drive the way she normally does. It is truly okay if she doesn't drive the way he does.
  • Women want men to feel confident that they can be trusted to do things right and to remember that all of us make mistakes, including men. In many cases, nothing fires women up more than being told “instructions” over and over again then a month later seeing her husband or boyfriend has made the same mistake but expects complete understanding or worse, laughs it off after she had her butt chewed over it. Especially since, to date, she hasn't burn the house down or maimed one of the children or pets.
  • It is all right for men to treat women like sex goddesses, without the rutting, but men also need to equally treat women as the intelligent creatures they are. Yes, the two can coincide with the other. Don’t get the wrong idea with this suggestion; women like the chase and the “wooing” but not the groping.
  • Men should tread lightly if they see a woman with a sad face or an intense look. Don’t continually pester a woman about what is wrong, but wait until she is ready to talk about it. Remember, most of women give men the same consideration. And, when and if women do come around to discussing something they were working through their minds, men shouldn't say, “I knew there was something wrong and it would eventually come out,” as if that justifies the earlier aggravation of repeatedly asking, “What’s wrong?” Well, DUH! Yes, it came out, but so did the proverbial cat around the man's head when he pushed it too far. Saying “I told you so” is a sure way to start a fight, especially if one or both are already in a bad mood.
  • Women do like to take care of men, but also like to be taken care of, too. It would be nice if the man had the babysitter ready, the restaurant chosen, and a movie he thought both would like to see. Maybe this is asking a lot, but God knows how many blood and gore or military movies women have sat through, and even learned to like because they are in love with their men. So men can learn to do the same for an occasional romantic comedy or even, yes, dare it be said, a chick flick. Or, if there isn't time for an evening out, a foot or shoulder rub would be an excellent treat. Women's lives, just like men's, are filled with details and a little TLC is always appreciated and goes a long way.
  • Women, despite independence, like it when men open doors and pull out a chair. It doesn’t have to be all the time, but every now and then would be nice to be treated like a lady rather than the old ball and chain. Just common courtesy and manners apply here.
  • Don’t complain just to be complaining. Women are called bitches if they complain, so unless you can change or help the situation, keep it to yourself.
  • Women want a partner. For years women have had to, yes, recent magazine articles prove it, “serve our men.” Women go places with husbands and boyfriend that they do not particularly enjoy, they tolerate friends who they don’t necessarily find appealing, and stand by when a man needs a dinner date for the office party without complaint even though he leave her stranded with strangers while he talks business with someone. Men need to show the same consideration, but here’s a little secret, women probably would never strand a man to fend for himself with people he has nothing in common with. Also, when a man's head is saying, “I don’t want to do this” or “I don’t want to be here,” he shouldn't use the argument, “I never asked you or made you go with me.” While that may be true, he is missing the point. Women do things out of love and respect and want the same in return.
  • After being with a woman for a certain number of years, remember you are not 25 anymore. Most women used to be more tolerant in their younger years and relationship, but it ceased to be funny when, after too many Crowns and cokes, a man takes a nose dive off the pool ladder while skinny dipping in the back yard pool with his buddies, but rather than falling in the water, he falls off the ladder onto the ground using his head to cushion the fall. Men need to pace themselves, especially when they are around other men, because women don’t want them to be in pain or see them cause some irreversible damage because they have had one too many drinks and were showing off to friends.
  • Remember, if a woman has a problem, she just wants to talk about it and have a good listener. She doesn't necessarily want a man to fix it. Fixing it is part of what she has to work through, and chances are that a man would want to fix it in a completely different style because that is just the nature of men and women to take different approaches. Men need to remember "different" does not mean "wrong." On the other hand, if she asks for advice, a man needs to give it but without condescension.
  • Men need to knock it off with the selective hearing. If a man sees something around the house, yes, even on the inside, he should just do it. By not working with your wife or girlfriends men must take some of the responsibility of turning them into nags when neither he nor the kids are willing to jump in to help. The kids see what their dads do and follow suit. It also leaves mom hanging out there as the bad guy. Talk about tension in the household.
  • Women want men to remember that as a partner in the relationship, the future is with them. They are not just the mom or the housekeeper or the social secretary. Both need to build a strong foundation so they will have a comfortable future when the kids are gone and the job no longer matters. Women want men to recognize this issue.
  • Remember, communications is the key to every good relationship. Women want to be the best friend, the lover, and the partner in every way. Discussing things, especially if there is a tense situation, helps relieve the tension or it brings out some funny things or intellectual issues that might not otherwise come out if communications stop.
  • Make women laugh. Laughter and having a sense of humor can cover a multitude of problems or at least ease them. Women and men have stressful jobs, but a sense of humor will help break the monotony.

More Great Hubs:

  • Advice to a New Bride
    Marriage is work. Both husband and wife have to get used to change. Patience and compromise are needed. In this article, neither patience or compromise are practiced.

Concluding Observations

Well, this seems to be a lengthy list, but the tension has been building. Society makes women seem desperate to please their men or to be what their men want. Men need to find out what women want and honor these essentials as women have honored men and their sex since the beginning of time. If men want a real partnership, a real life partner who is enjoyable to be around and to talk to and who is going to be there through good and bad, then they must step up and give women the same consideration. She deserves to be treated like a lady, a friend, a tigress, a pal, and so much more if some concentration can be placed on her. Men want an equal, not an empty-headed Barbie Doll. Men want fulfillment, not a false sense of security of thinking they are the masters of the universe when it has been women who helped put them there. Is this an ego blow? Welcome to a woman's world. Women have been given all the “instructions,” so now it is time for men to receive a crash courses in “Girl 101.” Believe me, men will be satisfied with the results over all if they will give it a shot. The point is the more we value each other in our relationships, the more we are going to get out of it in the short- and long-run.

© 2011 Susan Holland


Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on September 03, 2012:

Thank you for the lovely comment. :-)

yssubramanyam from india, nellore. andhrapradesh on September 03, 2012:

men should know that respecting a woman starts from home. encouragement for good job and lenient corner in silly affairs is mandatory. role of a woman is much more than a husband. give her confidence that you are with her at every moment with heart and soul. lovely hub.

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on September 03, 2012:

Hi Ralph, at first when I read your comment, I thought, "Surely not. I know that it is 'nit' and not 'knit.'" Well, you were correct. Thank you for pointing it out to me. I do not look at your constructive criticism as nit picking. The error has been corrected. :-)

Scroll to Continue

Thanks for dropping by! :-)

Ralph Deeds from Birmingham, Michigan on September 02, 2012:

Well done.

Forgive me for picking a nit.

"Men shouldn't knit pick every single little thing women do or try to do, like driving. "

I believe the correct word is "nit," not "knit."

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on September 01, 2012:

Hi Wheelinallover! Yes, it is all about give and take in a relationship. Money has not been the issue with me and my husband. We both came from pretty humble backgrounds and have built whatever we have together. I do know money is an issue in many relationships. My husband and I believe we need to be satisfied with what we have and work for the rest (not that we don't disagree on other things - ha!). If we don't have the money for it, we don't get it.

Thanks for dropping by! :-)

Dennis Thorgesen from Beatrice, Nebraska U.S. on September 01, 2012:

I will be the first to admit I don't understand women. I have lived with up to six at the same time and they all had different needs. These were much younger women who were taken in out of abusive relationships or were homeless. We somehow muddle through. The first woman I took in basically took over. My part in this is to show the women there is a better way. In time each become independent, yet part of the group.

I sure do understand women all have different needs at different times. The most important part it seems is they all need someone to listen and care. They also find that at times they have to listen too. To meet their needs takes money. Here we don't hand it to them, they have to earn it.

Some have a hard time learning "the world doesn't owe them." A good thing is once they do start earning it changes them. They gain a feeling of self worth. It also builds self esteem. They all learn the most important lesson I was ever taught. "What do you want, and what are you willing to give up to get it."

In my marriage this always came up when we were discussing the yearly budget. One realistic want each was our gift to each other, by giving up for the other we strengthened the relationship.

In today's world if instant gratification this doesn't seem to work. The needs have to be met and a yearly budget is out of the question. I have been very close to bankruptcy twice because others had needs that I gave everything I had to meet.

This article is about relationships. What we do might not fit completely with parts of this article. It does point out though that it takes give and take to make even what we do work. In the end this is what all lasting relationships have in common.

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on May 28, 2012:

@Anna - thanks for reading and the follow. :-)

@Joey - You are not the only one... I am right there with you. LOL Thanks for dropping by!

@Wisdom - I wish you luck with your wife. Maybe she wants to be married to the man she first married or to the one she has grown with. Only you can decide that. Keep those communications open. Thanks for dropping by! :-)

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on May 28, 2012:

Kevin, you crack me up! Chick flicks are fun!! LOL I have to disagree that women don't let men in on some of these secrets. Women want men to know the differences and maybe there are things men want us to know that we don't pick up on, too.

Thanks for reading and commenting! :-)

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on May 28, 2012:

Thanks K2! We are going on 29 years this July, and we still find ourselves scratching out heads. LOL It is good to keep communications open and to try to understand the other's side of an issue. Sometime we both would rather be heard than listen. It is good to always look for ways to improve. :-)

I hope your husband does not take it personal. Some men get angry when they read it. Mine was fine with it, and we discussed what some of the other women had to say as I wrote it. He said he didn't "get" a couple of things. I said that was all right because there were a couple of things I didn't "get" about what he didn't "get." LOL

Thanks for dropping by!! :-)

Maurice Wisdom Bishop from San Tan Valley on May 27, 2012:

I have to say this article is very informative and it made me realize that I need to make my wife happy the way she wants wants to be happy and not what I think will make her happy. Women wants to feel appreciate it and want men to be that man she fell in love with. I vote this up. Much love and respect

Joeythegrreat on May 27, 2012:

Very interesting, I am trying to figure out this whole Venus vs mars thing to.

Anna Kathleen on May 27, 2012:

Great hub. Can't wait for more like this! Now following :)

KevinMillican from Fort Smith, AR on May 27, 2012:

What's wrong with a guy watching chick flicks? I watch chick flicks all of the time. Of coarse, now I realize I watch them alone, and after reading this hub, I understand why lol.

Thanks for letting out those secrets other women would not give out to us men! ;)

Kimberly Mace from Spokane on May 26, 2012:

I am impressed that after twenty years you were both still researching what makes the other sex happy. These are very good suggestions. Lovely hub. Thank you. I want my husband to read this:)

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on May 24, 2012:

Thanks, Yenza! Yes, there are quite a few comments, which I love even if the person disagrees.

Thanks for dropping by and the votes. I feel honored that you book marked the hub. I hope you find it useful. :-)

YenzDaSynthKiller from North Carolina on May 24, 2012:

WOW, I thought I'd never get to the bottom of this page to post. I love this hub and it definitely will be bookmarked. Voted up and useful. :)

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on April 10, 2012:

Hi James! I agree that each relationship and individual is different. The things listed above come from many relationships and individuals, and what might work for one might not work for another. Caring, sacrifice, compromise, communications... all must be a part of a good relationship. You are so right about there being ebbs and flows. The foundation and clarity need to be established depending on the two who are in the relationship.

Thanks for reading! :-)

james-raterman on April 10, 2012:

Times have changed and a lot of the points you make are the exact inverse in my relationship with women. I think in the end it really is about how much you care about that person. In long term relationship there will be ebbs and flow. And at times one will lift the other up. It is a times like these that we find what human bings need. Yes everyone wants to be validated at times in a relationship. But there is no general answer for all woman or all men. It is up to the individuals in a relationship if they care about each other to make the sacrifices to keep each other happy. And for all people it is different.

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on April 09, 2012:

Thanks Phil! I hope it is helpful. I really does take understanding on both sides. We go into relationships thinking we know that, but sometimes communications get lost in just living life.

Thanks for reading! :-)

Phil Plasma from Montreal, Quebec on April 09, 2012:

There's no doubt an article like this needs to have been written. I'm glad you did it, you've done a great job.

My wife has hinted at a number of the items you've listed above. I think you've rounded out the list for me - Thanks!

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on April 09, 2012:

Thank you, Magg. I didn't think I was using an aggressive tone or a "my way or no way" comment anywhere in the hub. I was just sharing what some women wanted their husband or boyfriend to know. I tried to use humor in some of it, so maybe that was where the misunderstanding came in. I am not sure.

I just love fpherj48's comments. I have linked one of her hubs to this one. She is a hoot and wise too. :-)

I love your distractions! :-) Thanks for dropping by and voting!

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on April 08, 2012:

LOL Hector - communications?? What a "novel" idea? ;-) So glad you dropped by! Thanks! :-)

maggs224 from Sunny Spain on April 08, 2012:

I enjoyed this hub very much, but sometimes I wonder if I have been reading the same hub as some of the other people who have commented.

When I read the following

…you are really having so aggressive tone ... the guy has to do what you say or all bets are off… does all seem rather prescriptive and - forgive my being blunt - somewhat dictatorial….a presumption that the woman's way is right…

I had to go back and read the Hub again to see what I had missed because the hub I read just did not come across to me at all like these comments.

I have been married 45 years he was in the Royal Navy when we wed and so like fpherj48 I am now in that magical age. Unfortunately I can be distracted easily and that is why I re read the Hub but even on my second reading I was still not seeing what these folks saw.

I thought you laid out quite clearly where you were coming from and why you had written it and you stated that the list was not yours but a compilation of other women’s opinions of what they thought men should know.

See I told you I could be distracted easily, I only wanted to say how much I enjoyed reading your hub and the comments that followed it (especially fpherj48 comment) but instead I have wandered off the path because of some of the baffling bits that I came across in the odd comment.

Before I get distracted again let me say a great hub which I really enjoyed reading - I have voted up and hit relevant buttons

hectordang from New York on April 08, 2012:

Yes, I agree! Marriage has been an exercise in communication (Wait, that's not normal!!! Huh, but that's the way my family did it, so it is normal!). It's been fun times!

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on April 07, 2012:

Hi Vicki! It is a two way street. Both sides need to communicate and compromise. Thanks for reading! I appreciate the votes! :-)

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on April 07, 2012:

Thanks, ThoughtSandwiches! You're the Man! :-)

Victoria Lynn from Arkansas, USA on April 07, 2012:

Great hub. Right on with your insights. There is so much for men and women to learn about each other. Great job! All the votes!

ThoughtSandwiches from Reno, Nevada on April 07, 2012:


My short-term memory being what it is...I'm glad I saw this for a reread!! Vot...well...I already voted back in the day...but I will share again!


Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on March 02, 2012:

Thank you, Ruchira! I hope your better half will enjoy it, too.

Thanks for dropping by! :-)

Ruchira from United States on March 02, 2012:

Fantastic hub sholland :) I am fwding this to my better half :)

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on February 27, 2012:

Thank you, Wayoftheplayer! I had lots of help from a variety of women ranging in age and time in relationship. Thanks for dropping by! :-)

wayoftheplayer from Melbourne on February 26, 2012:

Nice article, you have obviously thought this through very well great work!

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on February 20, 2012:

Rajan, thank you! Mutual respect is what we need to work towards with our spouses. It is so easy to see media hype and expect one thing, but as we get older, we see the reality.

Thank you for dropping by and the vote! :-)

Rajan Singh Jolly from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar, INDIA. on February 20, 2012:

Susan, some real practical advice here. An eye opener for most of us who have been fed magazine stuff. Very interesting.

Voted up.

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on February 16, 2012:

Back atcha! I just came from one of your hubs. It is my pleasure to follow you, too. You have great writing style full of captivating insight. :-)

The Frog Prince from Arlington, TX on February 16, 2012:

Susan - You gained a follower. It was my pleasure to read a well written article.


Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on February 16, 2012:

Hi Frog Prince - first: thanks for your service; my husband is also US Army (Retired).

You are right that communication is the key. I think the part about not putting each other through the ringer, sometimes it comes with age and maturity. It is a tough one to get through, though. Mutual respect and not letting the media create expectations are main points I hope readers come across in the hub.

Thanks for dropping by! :-)

The Frog Prince from Arlington, TX on February 16, 2012:

Susan - Just caught up with this one through Google+. Written from a truly woman's perspective which I can appreciate. I gave you the 5 Stars because you had me reading right along seeing where you were going next.

I have written a few things myself about relationships, in particular getting what you need rather than want. Communication is the key to having a solid relationship and on the level of being non-judgmental. Ye, we all make mistakes but don't deserve the "put him/her through the ringer" type treatment for something that he/she was involved in in a past relationship. I learned that is when it's time to run like hell.

The Frog Prince, US Army (Retired)

rlaha from Spartanburg, SC on February 13, 2012:

Hi Sholland10. Yes he definitely is a great person, and I am glad to have him in my life. We do communicate quite well. Yes we are very lucky :).

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on February 13, 2012:

Rlaha, he sounds like a keeper. I am glad you have good communications. :-) We are very lucky. :-)

rlaha from Spartanburg, SC on February 13, 2012:

Hi Sholland10: Well, he's pretty open to things so I'm going to let him read this and see what he thinks :). He's pretty good about reading me. If I'm not feeling well or am having a bad, he notices. That's what I love about him.

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on February 13, 2012:

Thanks, Ralph! I hope that men would be receptive to reading it and not be defensive or feel offended. That was not my intent in writing it. Some men have taken it that way.

Thanks for dropping by! :-)

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on February 13, 2012:

Vinaya, thanks for dropping by again! We read so many hubs that we forget what we have read. LOL Take care! :-)

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on February 13, 2012:

Rlaha, good luck with sharing this with your husband. My husband didn't think too many men would want to read it. He was supportive, but he feels that men are not going to be receptive to what a woman has to say on the subject. My point in writing it is that women do have needs for being understood, and we are not the "image" the media puts out there.

Thanks for dropping by! :-)

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on February 13, 2012:

Keith, I guess all of us can be considered a bitch, women and men. We should try to see what the other is saying, rather than resorting to name-calling. We need to realize there are differences and not expect the other to "mold" around us.

Thanks for dropping by!

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on February 13, 2012:

Hi Tammy! Yes, I am a military wife. Separations make each of us think about the relationship. Nitpicking is my biggest pet peeve. Each of us is used to being in control of our environment. When he would come home and point out things he didn't like, at first I would come back with something snappy then I learned patience... I think he is still working on patience. LOL He will freely admit it too.

Thanks so much for dropping by! :-)

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on February 13, 2012:

Greg, I agree that it is common sense. Each person in the relationship needs to communicate.

Thanks for dropping by! :-)

Ralph Deeds from Birmingham, Michigan on February 13, 2012:

Wow! Quite a lot of good advice. It should be mandatory reading for all husbands and boy friends.

Vinaya Ghimire from Nepal on February 13, 2012:

I had read and commented earlier. I enjoyed the first hand experience again. Good work. I feel enlightened.

rlaha from Spartanburg, SC on February 13, 2012:

Hi Sholland10: Thanks so much for sharing this hub. You know, a lot of it is true, and men do seem to have misconceptions about women. I am going to show this to my husband and see what he has to say :).

Keith Schroeder from Wisconsin on February 13, 2012:

It seems to me men and women are much alike with a few notable differences. Much of what you say should be common sense. My personal pet peeve is when a woman is referred to as a bitch. I don't care how a female acts, they should never be called that. It really boils down to respect. Most things fall into place without effort if you show respect.

Tammy from North Carolina on February 13, 2012:

Wow Susan, I didn't realize you were a military wife. Thank you to you and your family for the sacrifices. I love this list. I agree with all of these items. My biggest pet peeve is the constant nitpicking. Just because a woman doesn't do something the way a man wants it done does not mean it is done wrong. Great hub!

Deninson Mota from East Elmhurst, NY on February 13, 2012:

Common sense. Men should take a look at this article. It's not hard to please a woman. But it takes caring, understanding, love and especially the bliss of the two. When the two are happy, the relationship is healthy and durable. Good hub sholland

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on February 13, 2012:

Wmhseo, I hope it is helpful. Some men take it as helpful and others do not.

Thanks for dropping by! :-)

wmhseo from Canada on February 13, 2012:

It's seems to me that the article you have posted will help many men out there to know more about women.

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on February 09, 2012:

Josh, I hope it was helpful. Every relationship and person is different, which is a good thing. What works for one, may or may not work for another. Communication is key. :-)

Thanks for dropping by!

Josh Lakie on February 09, 2012:

Thank you for this hub! Maybe some of the things in here will help me to understand my girlfriend a tad bit more :)

Thanks again!

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on February 03, 2012:

Thanks, Aperd!! I appreciate you dropping by!

aperd1 from Malaysia on February 03, 2012:

Great advice alot of points.

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on February 02, 2012:

Researchpapers, I appreciate you dropping by! :-)

Jimmy from USA on February 01, 2012:

Awesome hub and I must say thanks for giving that advice.

Richard Lawton from London, UK on February 01, 2012:

Hi Sholland10 - thanks for replying.

All these issues have been staple content in Cosmo and other magazines for over 35 years. Is there anyone out there who doesn't know them? They came out of 70s feminism and quickly became mainstream.

I think the problem is that we have never had a mainstream equivalent for men. When it comes to interpersonal issues, I feel that the female perspective is dominant in the media. I agree that men are not emotionally illiterate, it's just that what most people mean by 'emotional literacy' is actually female-style communication. Which does reflect a gender difference; at heart, women tend to connect and communicate, men tend to separate and act.

As a therapist I see both sides of the story. I would say that generally it seems that women believe that men 'should' communicate in a style they find congenial and 'should' meet their needs, and that men know this - even if they don't do it! But few women appear to truly understand men and their needs, and few men are capable of explaining themselves without guilt - primarily (in my opinion) because there has been no mainstream model for them to use. 70s feminism certainly challenged the old abusive patriarchal ways (and rightly so) but I don't think men have collectively found a new voice. In short, feminism demanded a new concept of masculinity and that simply hasn't happened.

Fascinating subject!

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on January 31, 2012:

Fpherj,I understand what you are saying. Our son and his wife have been married for 3 years. They are more mature than we were we we got married - they were wise enough to wait until they were older (not 18 and 20). Anyway, my husband and I see them picking at one another, and we just smile. It is something they have to go through and figure out themselves. It is fun to watch. I told my daughter-in-law my story from my hub "Advice to the New Bride." If he does something for you, accept it or he might not ever do it for you again. LOL

I will be anxiously awaiting your hub. Comment back when you write it. :-)

Thanks! I love that you came back again! :-)

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on January 31, 2012:

Richard, I am sorry that you took the suggestions from these ladies as dictatorial. It was not intended to have that tone. More of a nudge with humor. Nor did I intend it to seem that the "woman's way is right." It takes two for a relationship, and this hub is just coming from women's perspective.

The pool incident was by admission of the husband as a case of showing off in front of his friends. They laugh about it now, but even the kids say, "Dad, you would have killed us if we had stood on the ladder." LOL They are great people, and the incident scared the wife to death. It isn't a matter of even understanding the other sex; it's a matter of not wanting the other to get hurt or worse.

Not sure I agree with you on men not being emotionally literate. I live with a crusty old soldier. We both are type A's used to being in control of our environment, but we talk about things. I think we do all right for having been together for 30 years and much of that time separated. ;-) It is about being fair in the relationship, not pushing the other around. Trust me, I would be divorced if that happened in my marriage.

Men and women are different, and each person is an individual. This list is not inclusive and it is not meant for each couple because all have our own ways of doing things. That's a good thing. :-)

Thanks for dropping by! :-)

Suzie from Carson City on January 31, 2012:

sholland10...I just knew you would relate and appreciate. Not that you have enough years under your belt, but I'm sure you've witnessed plenty of SENIOR couples. My husband and I sometimes think we'll get carted away in straight jackets for all the hysterical laughing we do....mostly AT EACH OTHER. Truly, the day arrives when ALL that was so incredibly vital to us, not only ISN'T anymore....Everything is funny, "OK" or too much trouble to bother with....One day I intend to do a hub on SENIOR couples....

Richard Lawton from London, UK on January 31, 2012:

Well, that certainly covered all the bases! But it wouldn't surprise me if many men reading it decided to just give relationships a miss... LOL

I appreciate that it is intended as 'Girl 101' for men, but nevertheless it does all seem rather prescriptive and - forgive my being blunt - somewhat dictatorial. There are gender differences, and you perhaps appear to have a presumption that the woman's way is right. I also suspect that you don't really understand men. For example, your comment about men "showing off" - you really don't understand us, do you?

Don't get me wrong - I know that most of what you say is probably on every woman's checklist! But there's another side to the story. The trouble is, most men are not sufficiently emotionally literate to actually communicate their needs in a language that women understand. But that's another story...

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on January 30, 2012:

sholland...I'm actually looking for my relatives, or should I say my dad's relatives. Some are still in Missouri and some in Georgia...haven't been in touch in forty years so who knows? And thank you, I think you are a pretty nice person too. :)

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on January 30, 2012:

Bill, you and I MUST be related somehow/someway... Our comments posted at exactly the same time. LOL Mine is now in the "5 minute edit." LOL I do think if young couples were more considerate of each other, not just the man, not just the woman, but both, that relationships would last longer. We do get wiser with age - I know my husband and I have, and it sounds like you have a lovely lady in your life. HAVE A GREAT NIGHT! :-)

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on January 30, 2012:

Cousin Bill, you are such a nice guy, I doubt you need to take one note - let alone use sticky notes. I am taking Fpherj48's advice, "Oh, that's nice, Honey." It does yield better results when you think about it. LOL

Thanks for dropping by!! :-)

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on January 30, 2012:

Well shoot, I wrote a comment and it disappeared...anyway, loved the Hub and had I known this thirty years ago things might have turned out differently...but I know it now and am in a loving relationship that is destined to last...thank you for the reminders and great job.

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on January 30, 2012:

Fpherj48, I have to tell you, I think you should copy and paste your comment, rework it a little, and turn it into a hub!! You are so right!! I had to giggle several times because I relate to what you are saying.

I wrote this for a writing class I was taking while my husband was deployed to Iraq. That was nine years ago, and we have reached a nicer stage in our marriage. We communicate, and sometimes, as you say, "Oh, that's nice, Honey," is the correct response for nearly everything. LOL With age comes the wisdom to pick your battles. All the points above were from a wide range of women, and I do think the issues need to be put out there. None of it was because the women didn't love their boyfriends or husbands.

I so enjoyed your comment. Thanks for your wisdom and the smile it brought to my face. We will be heard... :-)

Thanks so much for dropping by!! :-)

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on January 30, 2012:

SanXuary, I hope you find a woman who is your right fit. Sorry if you have had some bad experiences. My husband and I have been together so long that we can just tell each other what we want - sometimes we get it and sometimes we don't, but at least there is no game playing. Don't give up. :-)

Thanks for dropping by! :-)

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on January 30, 2012:

Hi Escobona, the hub was not written to dis men. It was written to help men understand some of the things women want and/or need.

The woman who told the story about her husband falling off the ladder of the pool was not concerned about his inner child coming out. She didn't want her four children to be without a father just because he didn't know his limits after a few drinks. Let the inner child come out, but know when to do it and don't get hurt and put yourself at risk while risking your family's future were her thoughts. They are still happily married and do laugh about the incident. The way he felt the following morning told him he was no spring chicken anymore - he was quite sore after the fall.

As you pointed out, women and men are different. That was the point in interviewing these women. The media makes women seem "overly sensitive" or needy, when, in fact, women can be just as strong emotionally as men.

The women I interviewed ranged from being with their boyfriend for about a year through those who had been married up to 30 years. These were real issues that they voiced. The hub does not represent one woman or one man, but many with many different analyses. All the women loved the man they were with. Just as I had to tell my husband not to expect a Cosmo girl (which was more of a joke between us, except for maybe in his dreams:-)), they were trying to say none of us are perfect, yet we do have many things in common with our men and just want fair treatment.

Thanks for dropping by! :-)

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on January 30, 2012:

Who am I to argue with a long-lost relative? :) Very good hub and a pretty comprehensive list for me to sink my teeth into. I think I'll need post it notes all over the house as reminders....thank you!

Suzie from Carson City on January 30, 2012:

sholland10....This is excellent, even for a woman with all of these concerns behind her. Well, yes, I'm married, but NOW, is just as fine a time as any, to share some sage advice with all you lovely "youngsters"..(if you please)..The reality is, there's a magical age (as in years of life) that arrives, (incrementally or overnight)...that brings with it, all the wisdom and understanding about the opposite sex, that you could ever hope for. It presents you with the gift of ultimate knowledge in terms of "relationships." I fully appreciate AV explaining the use of the phrase, "it's in the book"....which is his clever way of stating that men are men from beginning to end....this is sweet & true.

Without saying the dreaded "number," just know that my husband & I have been retired and on SS for "more than a few years." The "phrase" used a whole lot around couples our age is..."Oh....that's nice, honey, OK" I might add, it's the response for anything & everything your spouse says. It doesn't matter what either of us has done or said...Believe me, the response is THAT one.

No analysis, no questions or hurt feelings. I KNOW at this point how MEN are, what they will and will not do, whether they have a selfish or giving motive, why they "pretend" to listen..and ALL the things you mention. While my husband admits he'll NEVER understand women, he's learned extremely well, how to cover for this, & he DOES understand me. Also, I no longer CARE whether he understands me, just so I get my say...not necessarily my WAY....just my say. I know you ladies get THAT one.

When I have a problem (that he doesn't understand but INSISTS on "fixing")....I assure him I can take care of matters myself and he's happy with that. I refrain from telling him that whenever he's tried to FIX my issue, it's gotten worse. "Oh, that's nice honey,OK" Simple, to the point and very peaceful.

It's a wonderful thing, people...just trust me. Your time is coming and when it does, the first time you calmly say "Oh, that's nice honey, OK," you'll remember when I told you so.

In the meantime, I applaud the desire and the efforts made to understand what each other to make each other happy...what it takes to be an ideal wife or hubby. We ALL did this in our day. Very smart and loving efforts to that you can finally reach the "PLACE." The place where you accept that it is what it is....we are who we are and we do what we do...and despite it or because of it....WE LOVE ONE ANOTHER. And honestly ladies, we don't need reinforcement or validation to know we're the superior sex, do we? Men believe this too, you know. They just want us to NEED them....and let's face it, we DO, because we love them. Bless all you Young Lovers and Good Luck!

SanXuary on January 30, 2012:

The article is great but I have not met any women lately who fit the bill. A reasonable World would be nice with people who our just living and grabbing onto the things that are good. Instead its a World of mostly destructive people and no amount of good knowledge seems to help. Your point on not being a mind reader is an absolute.

Its better then playing a game of clue, with me guessing how they kill me this time. Is it the rope, the gun or poison.

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on January 30, 2012:

Vinyaya, thanks for sharing the beautiful story. I appreciate you dropping by! :-)

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on January 30, 2012:

RusticLiving, your response made me LOL! I wish I could vote it up and across!!

Thanks for dropping by!! :-)

Escobana from Valencia on January 30, 2012:

In a world full of overly sensitive women, loads of advice for men on how to treat a lady, I must say men do a pretty good job.

Hubpages is filled with advice by women on what men should know about them. I can only say Hubs like yours, inspired me to write a Hub a while ago, to give all the guys some credit for the many times they really try to understand women.

I'd love my guy taking a nose dive off the pool ladder, to show off with his friends. The simple fact that he didn't lose the child from within, would make him a much better parnter to me, than someone who needs to open doors and offer me a chair, simply because 'I would like him to do so.'

Everyone man or woman has their own personality and we are in a relationship to accept someone for who he is. You love who you love and you do so with all of your heart.

Women love different than men. Women ARE different than men. Whatever they should know about us, if they are going to treat us they we would like to, as if they're working down a list, I'm sure we women would gladly complain about the fact that they're not acting very natural.

We need to be able to be ourselves. Especially in a relationship. Though I'm a woman with similar needs, I've learned you can't have it all.

A lot of TLC, making me fly to the moon and back by a simple kiss, feeling very loved and appreciated, is more than enough for me and my darling boyfriend.

I can open the door myself and get my own chair, since I know he treats me like a lady in so many other ways.

I can only say: Lots of happiness and laughter to you and your husband. Enjoy your moments together for time goes by so quickly.

Vinaya Ghimire from Nepal on January 30, 2012:

Your perception about woman and womanhood is very interesting. I loved your point of view on relationship.

There is this story about what a woman wants. A woman, who was a witch, asked a man, what do you want me to be, a beautiful woman in the day time to show the world and hideous creature in the night? Or an ugly woman in the day time and beautiful woman to enjoy the night. The man answered, you decide yourself. She replied I'll always be beautiful woman for you.

Liz Rayen from California on January 29, 2012:

Dear Diary,

Today I found this awesome HUB written by sholland10 on what Men need to know about women. Tomorrow, I will print out copies and stick them in the following areas around my home: The fridge, the bathroom mirror, under the lid of the toilet seat, the fridge, the remote, the TV, the fridge, on the Harley, the fridge, "his" underwear drawer, in the centerfold section of "Motorcycles R US", the fridge, under his pillow, and..... the fridge.


the WOMAN!

voted up and acrossssssssss!


Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on January 29, 2012:

LOL You should respond, "It will count more if I have more than a clue as to what you are talking about." For women, it is the romantic ideal that we cling to, but as years go by, we grow and understand that men are not mind readers - nor are we. My husband imparted that male wisdom to me. Once I accepted it, things were so much easier and the romance wasn't harmed because understanding aided it. :-)

cebutouristspot from Cebu on January 29, 2012:

Believe me sholland I tried. Does the phrase "if I tell you it dont count" mean anything to you ? hahahaha.

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on January 29, 2012:

LOL CTS, women do tend to hint for things and think their men will pick up on it. Maybe you should just say, "Just tell me what you are thinking." Communicating is best. I learned a long time ago to try not to say one thing and mean another. Seemed to frustrate my husband and get my feelings hurt when I thought he understood. Best wishes!!

Thanks for dropping by!!

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on January 29, 2012:

Thank you, MissOlive! I am glad you enjoyed it. Thanks so much for the votes and shares!! :-)

cebutouristspot from Cebu on January 29, 2012:

Understanding women is a difficult task they tend to say one thing and mean another :) no offense this is based on my experience but this is indeed a great tip you manage to put together. Thanks for sharing

Marisa Hammond Olivares from Texas on January 29, 2012:

excellent hub! I am sharing this in my networks!

voted up and across!

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on January 29, 2012:

Well, I'm not sure about "everything," but communicating our needs and wants to each other is the best scenario. :-)

Thanks for dropping by!! :-)

onlinearticlespk from Islamabad, Pakistan on January 29, 2012:

They should know everyting and vise versa.

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on January 29, 2012:

Acaetnna, thank you so much! I am glad you enjoyed it. It is important that we understand each other in our relationships. :-)

Thanks for dropping by and voting! :-)

acaetnna from Guildford on January 29, 2012:

Wow what an amazing article. I so enjoyed reading it and so many of your points I completely agree with. Definitely voting this hub up and pressing those buttons.

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on January 28, 2012:

Shorty, I agree with you: talking/communication is the key. With my marriage, we have been apart so much because of the military, but we have always talked about nearly everything. Sometimes we have had to step back and choose our battles, but those are just common sense moves. The other women who shared in this story have good marriages, too, but they wanted their husbands to know certain things that didn't seem to be coming across. Maybe that selective hearing thing. LOL

Thanks for dropping by!! :-)

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on January 28, 2012:

Thank you, Alecia! I know, it does seem like it is all about women serving their men. You are so right - and this goes for all of us - if you don't like how it is being done, just do it yourself without nagging a person to death. Women are supposedly the stereotyped nags, but I have seen some men really lay into their wives. It is bad either way.

Thanks so much for dropping by and your kind words. Sometimes when I read your comments, it is like I can hear my own voice saying the exact same words. :-)

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on January 28, 2012:

Thanks Nell Rose! Boy, isn't it the truth how the media makes women look so needy?? Almost everything out there is about us pleasing the man. I think selective hearing might just be built in to all men. LOL If I weren't so sassy, I would probably do well to use it sometimes, myself. LOL

Thanks for dropping by, voting, and SHARING!! :-)

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on January 28, 2012:

Thomas, I am so glad you are cancelling your subscription to Cosmo... LOL It is all right to treat her like a sex goddess as long as you remember she has a brain, too. :-)

Thanks for dropping by!! :-)

Susan Holland (author) from Southwest Missouri on January 28, 2012:

Awww, Alcosin, nothing raised your eyebrow?? I need to revise it then. It must be losing its luster. LOL

Thanks so much for dropping by, the kind words and the votes!! :-)

shorty72 on January 28, 2012:

I quite liked this hub. My husband and I have been together for 18 years and we still appreciate each others space and love spending time together as well, but it hasn't been without our ups and downs. I think we just have to keep working at it and growing together, also alot of talking to each other. thanks

Alecia Murphy from Wilmington, North Carolina on January 28, 2012:

I love this hub. Thanks for posting it. I agree that women's' magazines are too involved with women "serving" men instead of developing a partnership in which both are satisfied. I especially love the points about men complaining about driving or nitpicking just to do so. If you want something done and you don't know how someone else will handle it, do it yourself. Great hub!

Nell Rose from England on January 28, 2012:

Hi, Oh this is so true! as you said, this is probably the only place I have actually seen common sense advice! why is it in this day and age, womens magazines online or on the shelf always pander to men? I love the selective hearing! my dad was great at that, it drove my mum mad! nice one! voted up and shared!

ThoughtSandwiches from Reno, Nevada on January 28, 2012:


Should I ever manage to find myself in another relationship, I shall take your excellent wisdom to heart!

So...treating her like a sex goddess is still OK?'s been awhile...

OK...I'm off to cancel my subscription to Cosmo...



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