Jennifer has a B.A. in Communications. She is an expert with self- help. She studied two years of marriage and family therapy.
At first he acts like is cold and aloof
1) In the first "After" by Anna Todd. Hardin and Tessa meet During class. Tessa and Harding are the exact opposites. She knows where her life is going and has a boyfriend back home, while Hardin avoids relationships altogether. Most of it is due to his trauma growing up as a child with his parents. Hardin developed PTSD and commitment issues.
Meanwhile in class, Tessa and Hardin get into a debate on the subject of "Pride and Prejudice." Tessa cannot stand him but Hardin seeing Tessa getting flustered, is a turn on to him.
2) He Will Charm You
They Meet again at a party and during a game of "Truth of Dare," they Kiss. Tessa ends up cheating on her boyfriend with Hardin. She can't stay away from Hardin. The passion is so intoxicating.
3) He will gaslight you
Tessa ruined a relationship with her long term boyfriend. She fought with her mother over Hardin, while her mother did have narcissistic qualities- her mother was trying to protect her. Her mother went through a similar situation when she was younger.
Now, Hardin is saying things like "I don't do relationships." "It was nothing. It's not my fault you broke up with your boyfriend for me." He was actually verbally abusive to Tessa.
Outcome - Confused, heartbroken and single
Tessa is confused at the whole entire thing. She thought that Hardin loved her. She is now single and hurt. She can't believe how she gave up everything for him. She is crying and upset and heartbroken. She feels like an idiot.
What does this have to do with reality?
This is portraying a real life narcissistic relationship. Most of these realationships do happen online. Not all. They could happen anywhere. This is usually the setup though. While in some cases, a narcissist acts charming first and then once they get what they want they leave. Sometimes it is the other way around.
Sometimes, they hold their feelings in. They observe. They try to get a rise out of you. Then when you can't resist them anymore. They start telling you what you want to hear and then when they got you "hooked" they act like it was all in your head and leave you flat. Sometimes, they come back and fourth and other times they do not come back at all.
Question: Why would a narcissist act like my enemy in some cases and in other cases charm me right away?
Answer: A skilled narcissist is very smart. They have a plan and an agenda. They study their victim or their prey. They observe. They don't just go in.
an empath and a narcissist usually attract each other. That is what forms a toxic relationship. That is why there are so many toxic relationship. A narcisisist is going through things from the past and is not healed. The empath wants to help heal the narcissist but gets dragged down.
Q & a
Can a relationship ever work with an empath and a narcissist?
It could, but it is not very likely. It could work with boundary setting, communication and with both people agreeing to make it work. The empath also has to understand that as much as they love and care for the narcissist the narcissist has to be the one that has to want to change and make the relationship work.
How to handle a "Hardin" When you come across one
1) Communication- State what your looking for. If your not into playing games. State it.
2) Set boundaries- The narcissist will try to push your boundaries. Do not give in. It is better to be alone than be on an emotional roller coaster.
3) Be honest- Be real about what you want and what you do not want.
4) Be yourself- Never change yourself to what the narcissist wants. If the narcissist cannot accept you, then too bad.
Read "After" by Anna Todd
If you have not read "After" by Anna Todd, read it. It is a great saga. What makes it so great? It's realistic fiction and romance. Hardin is a real character with real wounds. Just like many of us and many people who are online dating. Tessa tries to help him and heal him just like many people who are in relationships with people who are suffering from something. I love it because I think it is a saga that we can all relate to!
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This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2021 Jennifer Panaro