I accept everyone for who they are, but that doesn't stop me from having my own feelings. Having feelings does not equate to caring.
Content and Trigger Warning: Before you read this article you need to be made aware that it is going to contain triggering and contentious content. I do not care about your feelings and sentiments any farther than warning you. Thus, you have been warned; I hope you have the respect for yourself and those around you not to go any further if you are unable to handle mature topics, discussion, and exploration.
Why Is This Topic Important?
When deciding what to write on I basically have a bunch of article titles to choose from, and because many acquaintances of mine are wondering why they are being marginalized by the Black Lives Matter movement based solely on their skin color, I figured I'd throw some darts randomly at the transgender topics.
I'm feeling frisky and as such I wrote down a bunch of article titles and so did the dart land upon the topic of my own dating experience with a biological male/transgender woman.
This article topic is important for the sole reason it was a novel experience to be hated for my sexuality, to be looked at as lesser or out of place for being with someone of the same sex that was transitioning to the opposite sex. I wasn't prepared for the emotional aspects of the relationship both within and throughout every experience we would have with one another, and of course the frequent emotional upsets due to a myriad of emotional, physical, and perceptive issues.
Those that will never know what it is like to date a transgender person, whether that be because of ignorant biases or personal preference, deserve to be able to touch upon such information from another person's perspective.
So, without further ado, let's delve into it and pick dating a transgender person apart.
Why Did You Decide to Date a Transgender Woman?
The concrete, unarguable reason I decided to date a transgender woman, a biological male, is one that I continue to explore and try to debate with myself. There doesn't seem to be any solidified reason, at least not one that can be explained concisely, as to why I would turn away from my traditional values for a spicier and more controversial relationship. However, I can melt the feelings down into some fundamental reasons worthy of exploration and maybe even concern for some.
First of all, I was attracted to them immediately and their ability to take control by utilizing their sexuality, their seductive traits; it was something I never experienced from a woman before. They went out of their way to be hyper-sexual, hyper-feminine, and every move they made was meant to entice a sexual response. Women don't often let themselves appear, "slutty," or, "over-sexual," and sometimes even avoid it on the grounds that they shouldn't have to, but most men melt like butter at the sight of a woman who is unafraid of her aggressive and endearing sexuality.
To compound the hyper-sexual appearance and my attraction to it, it felt a bit naughty to be attracted to someone of my same biological gender and sex. All my life I was told that it was a sin, that I'd go to hell and burn for eternity if I slept with a another man, and so it was another chance to spit in the face of ignorant religious people and their hateful God(s). Let me tell you, God made this person the way they are and so did we celebrate in the worship of our beauty; and I know God was smiling as he watched us revel in his creation, unlike what religious zealots would have most believe out of hatred.
Hatred, an all-too-present facet of society, was another reason I could not help but immerse in and learn about dating a transgender woman. I've heard being transgender and transgender dating being called an abomination, a gross misrepresentation of traditional values, and otherwise something worthy of having laws brought against it. This instilled a deep sense of curiosity and desire to learn about why the experience and state of existence was so widely hated.
Emotionally, it was no different for me than dating biological women, although it did lead me to question my own sexuality on a deeper level.
It Was the Same as Dating a Biological Female—Emotionally
Most interestingly, it didn't feel like dating a man in any way and that is a very important facet of the conversation to consider—at least I think so.
Having been with guys in the past I can say without a doubt that it feels strange in the face of societal expectations, but being with a biological male who identifies as and looks like a female felt so natural as to not even be worthy of consideration in the moment. Not to say I haven't considered it on deeper levels, I mean I'm writing a damn article about it, but when I was immersed in this amazing being it didn't dawn upon me I was with a man.
People have asked me out of ignorance, "How do you see them as women when they have penises?" and that is actually still the only confusing part of the whole thing. Why, when a man was inside my mouth, did I feel a woman there? Why did it feel no different emotionally and spiritually than being with a woman?
Well, I suppose when you truly give your love and acceptance to someone you can see past biology at the emotional level and connect with their soul. Equally so, if you are unable to do this then you must only be capable of shallowness, caring only for your own comfort over that of your partner. Then again, religious and other principles around sexuality are more-than-worthy of following within many contexts; yet that is what I see causing the most issues, rigid adherence to shallow idealism.
Shallow idealism made hatred come to the forefront of my perceptions, hatred that stemmed from ignorance.
People Are Cruel and Hate Is More Prevalent Than I Thought
Hatred is a strange, sad thing, that I have found all-too-prevalent within society as a whole. Now, I won't sit here and say that it is rampant, but it is present within enough people that it is worthy of addressing and speaking out about. This is because those who hated us in public, called us, "faggots," among other names, and stared in disgust made us feel as if we'd be better off dead.
With how prevalent religion is in society, and how ignorantly hateful many religious tenets are, it wasn't surprising that we were disliked openly. I mean, in many cases the hatred was more accepted by the majority around us than we were accepted in our loving world with one another. Expecting a punch to the face doesn't make it hurt any less, and the hate was nothing less than a punch to the heart.
Just to put a little something out there, some advice if you will, for those who lack self-awareness. We can hear you whispering about whether or not we are two dudes, the burning stares from across the room are felt and recognized, and we are already aware of how non-traditional and unacceptable we are viewed as being. Equally so, the praise of something we view as natural and worthy of ignoring only draws more hateful attention to us, so it would have been appreciated if people didn't praise us either.
Love is love, and it is worthy of nothing less than acceptance.
Love Is Love
When I see two individuals happy together, I can't help but see them for what they are, two loving beings seeking the same happiness that we are all seeking. I don't care about the composition of your genitals, and nor should anyone else. If people care so much about what your genitals are doing, it begs the question what they are, or in this case are not, doing with theirs.
As it concerns those who feel the need to stare, snicker and gossip behind people's backs, and view love as a sin in any of its forms, we need to show them that love prevails in the face of their ignorant hatred and vitriol. Two men, two women, biology is only as important as our personal choices dictate it is. Love is a subjective entity, and love does not turn you away because you brought two sausages or two clams to the romantic, emotional tango.
Be the love that prevails in the face of hatred and not the ongoing proof that God as a deity is a fictitious concept born of hatred and spite.
Kyler J Falk (author) from California on July 07, 2020:
Thank you, Devika, it is a topic I felt was worthy of exploring. I'm thinking about doing similar articles because my dating pool was always quite diverse.
Thanks for reading!
Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on July 07, 2020:
This is interesting and informative about a different way of dating.all different gender dating is unique and you have come up with a great title.