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What Is It I'm Actually Looking For?


Ms. Macon is an advice columnist and content writer for radio and television commercials. Catch her on Ask A Bitchface, truly funny truth.


I Will Never Claim To Have All Of The Answers...

But, the things that I know, I really do know.

Bad relationships? Please. That's my forte, my bread and butter, my knowledge base that makes me the Oracle of what absolutely will not work.

If you want to know what is guaranteed to fail, I can give you the short list, or the longer unabridged version if you so desire. So what will work, I'm often asked? Let's talk about the qualities that I absolutely believe make a great partner.

If He's Hiding His Phone As He's Using It, I Promise You I Want Nothing Else To Do With Him...

I Need To Feel I Can Trust Him...

Granted, there are people with trust issues that will never feel as though someone they're with is on the up and up. This isn't inclusive of those people, because they're clearly not ready to enter a healthy relationship.

That said, if I feel like every time the guy picks his phone up, he's suddenly the sneakiest snake to slither in my direction, you can bet I'm not calling him again. Let him have conversations with whatever person he is hiding his messages with his hand to have. I can't have that level of shady in my life.

We all have things that we don't want to reveal about ourselves. We all have secrets. But if there is something going on in your life at this moment that you're working that hard to keep from me, we're on different levels in the search for a relationship. You can count me out.

I Don't Need To Hear The Circumstances, If You're Not Adulting, Count Me Out.

I Know We All Face Setbacks, But That Says A Lot...

If you're living back at home with your parents because of a divorce, or a job loss, or any other issue you're having, it's not something I want to pursue.

You may think that makes me sound like a horrible person, but I honestly don't care.

The truth is, some people actively date others because of what they have. I don't ever want to be left wondering if he is dating me, or dating my residence, vehicle, or paycheck. It's not a good feeling, I've been there before, and I don't plan to go back.

The fact of the matter is that if he doesn't have it together enough to have housing, employment, and a little pocket change on Friday to go out for dinner, he doesn't have any business taking up dating at this point. There are clearly some other things in his life that he needs to address prior to looking for a partner, because he's not going to qualify as an equal partner right now.

He's just not adulting well at this point. For me, that's on the no fly list. I need to date an adult. Someone with his finances in order, and his career plan in full effect. I know that things happen, I just don't want to dig another man out of a hole so that he can walk out when his bank account is out of the red.


I'm Not A Complicated Chic...

I don't do complicated chic things. I'm not going to ask you to jump through hoops, rings of fire, or any other incendiary device for that matter. I just ask that you be honest, upfront, semi-put together, and truthful about what you want out of our relationship. I don't feel that's too much to ask, and it seems to be the standard response out of most of the ladies I speak with.

We all have dealbreakers. Mine is animals. Have you been cruel to animals? Pass. Do you think animals belong outside? Pass. Do you have a problem with my dogs sleeping all over the bed? Hard pass.

Essentially, the only other real dealbreaker I have is crimes of sexual deviancy. If you're a peeping tom, a kiddie diddler, a foot fetishizer, you know the drill. Keep it moving pimpin. I don't care about the back story or the number of years or amount of counseling. It's a hard no. I am not a judge and jury, I simply don't want it in my life.

Lots of women have a certain yearly income, or number of children, or type of fiction they read as their relationship guidelines. To me, these are case by case scenarios. That's because certain guys are worth the trouble, and others just aren't. But in the area of dealbreakers, I will never waver. I won't reconsider. It's just a part of my fabric as a woman.

Dealbreakers In Dating


Anya Ali from Rabwah, Pakistan on September 03, 2020:


dashingscorpio from Chicago on September 02, 2020:

I believe every healthy person has boundaries and "deal breakers". Those who don't end up in toxic relationships.

Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

Each of us has our mate selection process/must haves list.

Nothing happens until (you) say "yes". Choose wisely!

Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.

Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.

The goal is to find someone who (already is) what you want.