Andrea writes on various topics from dating, couples, astrology, weddings, interior design, and gardens. She studied film and writing.
When Your Heart Pounds
I have heard a million and one crappy things on what does it mean to be in love.
Writers try to quantify these experience all the time.
I think all we can do is nothing but fall short. To like someone is part choice, feeling, attraction, and sometimes addiction. We are all drawn to certain people based on our own preferences, regardless of whether those reasons are shallow or deep. We've all liked people for pointless reasons, like the hottie with great hair or the queen of small ankles.
You may like a person simply because they are easy to get along with, the conversations run well, or you like the way they look and present themselves.
You might not really care to go much deeper with this person, but you definitely have an appreciation of them. We know we don't like someone at all when we are constantly irritated by them, avoid spending time with them, or honestly have no awareness of them whatsoever. The opposite of love is not hate, but apathy.
How can you tell someone likes you? First, think of what it's like when you like someone.
When you honestly start to like someone, you should develop noticeable feelings. The thought of your cutie being with someone else, should bother you to some extent.
People who are in love tend to have similar brain patterns to those who have been on drugs; there's a certain amount of addiction and reward that takes place in how much you want to interact with these people.
In some ways, liking and developing into "loving someone" can feel like a curse. It may start to add too much expectation to your relationships, it may cause you to be overprotective, jealous, irrational -- it might actually start to cause you to have unlikable qualities.
Loving someone is a balancing act, and to do it appropriately you have to consciously make the choice to give... positive interactions. Does the person you like seem to always have a positive spin on things? That could be a sign right there.
The loving part is easy; we develop feelings and attachments quite quickly. It's deciding how you are going to take those feelings that are not so easy, especially when these can be the strongest feelings to feel of all.
There is a lot of mystery as to why so many marriages struggle, how two seemingly happy people fell into the trap of abuse, but if you understand that it's not so much about loving, but more about how you love then it will make more sense. You can feel quite strongly about someone and take it out negatively, and you can feel quite strongly about someone and express yourself positively. So, how do you create positive interactions?
There's a few key steps. First, you need to be understanding, soft hearted, and slow to speak.
People are going to make mistakes.
People are going to say things that unintentionally triggers you in the wrong way. Stay calm, and try to express what hurts, what bothers you, in a respectful manner. The best offense is a strong defense meaning, if someone is angry and being hurtful to you, don't sink to their level.
Stop, slow down, and change the emotional tone by being calm in how you speak to them. Try your best to avoid making a snarky remark, the benefit of that remark is only going to be short term. Being calm in your interactions will have a more lasting, and reliable connection.
Do You Like the Person
So, let's go back to the title's main question, "What Does it Mean to Like Someone?" I can give you a few hints that you might be "liking" someone if that happens to be a question of concern for you.
1. You'll be excited when they appear. You may even be less interested in what is happening in your world when the person leaves.
2. You might start collecting random things from the other person that were given to you or are mementos of the occasion you spent together, be that a small note, a souvenir, or simply text messages.
3. You may find that during a group event, you gravitate toward this person. The two of you like being in the same group, being partners, making jokes, etc.
4. You may be more conscious, more intentional in the way you interact to keep things positive.
5. Men may more likely tease playfully from making odd comments, playfully fighting, or stealing things. Nothing that would actually be considered a threat or hurtful. Men like to initiate play.
6. You may find yourself taking care of the other person on impulse, like removing a stray eyelash, giving them your coat, etc.
7. Being suddenly protective.
8. Having a sudden desire to meet someone's family.
Liking someone is normal. We start doing that when we are young as can be. We have the chance to decide where we fall on liking someone. You can express it positively, negatively, or not at all. If you don't want to like someone, for whatever reason, all you have to do is -- shut them out, forget them, and never look back. Certain interactions will cause us to develop having feelings from spending time together, laughing, crying, sex, road trips, dances, deep conversations -- but the consistency of these interactions blossoms our "liking" of someone. Sure, we can develop all this in our heads with our imaginations, and often do. There is truth to absence makes the heart grow fonder. When we have the chance to miss someone, we realize how much we enjoy the interaction.
So, do you like someone? You'll need to explore that yourself. Of course, Shakespeare would be right in saying, "The lady doth protest too much." Sometimes our protests are nothing but denials of the truth.
How to Get Over Someone
You may have been looking for this information on whether you like someone or not, because in truth you don't want to like them. It may be because you are already in a relationship with someone else, or have some other reason. Getting over someone is best with time. You can get over most people by not spending time with them anymore, ignoring their advances, calls, emails, the whole nine yards. Get rid of everything they've ever given you. Once you stop having all the items, the memories, and them showing up -- you'll be able to get over them, and your brain will not need them for its addictions. We are prone to be addicted in this world.
How to Approach Someone When You Like Them:
If this is before you are in a relationship with someone, try to see if there are signals that they might like you back. See if they'll spend time with you, if they seem to send similar positive affirmations. Eventually, someone will have to break the ice to confess that they like someone or to slyly ask someone if they like them. Try to have these conversations in as normal and inviting of ways as possible. You don't want to make a big deal out of it if someone does not feel the same. You also don't want to make a big deal out of something too soon. There's a right amount of positivity where you don't blow it out of proportion, and also celebrate in knowing that you like someone. The whole falling in love situation is a tough one to balance.
Love is a difficult subject to communicate and a difficult dance to say the least. There is a reason that when people get married older that they are less likely to divorce -- they are wiser than their younger counterparts. Take your time with love, sure we all have to deal with the realization that we're all going to die someday so we get impatient, but it will do you wonders to wait, to create your own voice on love, and to have gained some chest hair from age. Don't be so afraid of age or death. They are just processes, and with them come different forms of beauty, sophistication, and intelligence. Love and your understanding of it will come with age.