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How to Tell Someone Likes You: A Guide on Flirting

Andrea writes on various topics from dating, couples, astrology, weddings, interior design, and gardens. She studied film and writing.


When You Start Liking Someone

To like someone is part choice, feeling, attraction, and sometimes addiction. We are all drawn to certain people based on our own preferences, regardless of whether those reasons are shallow or deep. We’ve all liked people for pointless reasons, like the hottie with great hair or the queen of small ankles.

You may like a person simply because they are easy to get along with, the conversations run well, or you like the way they look and present themselves.

You might not really care to go much deeper with this person, but you definitely have an appreciation for them.

We know we don’t like someone at all when we are constantly irritated by them, avoid spending time with them, or honestly have no awareness of them whatsoever. The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s apathy.

How can you tell someone likes you? First, think of what it’s like when you like someone.

When you honestly start to like someone, you should develop noticeable feelings. The thought of your crush being with someone else should bother you somewhat.

People who are in love tend to have similar brain patterns to those who have been on drugs; there’s a certain amount of addiction and reward that takes place in your head based on who you’re interacting with.

In some ways, liking and developing a crush can feel like a curse. It may start to add too much expectation to things. It may cause you to be overprotective, jealous, or irrational — it might actually start to cause you to have unlikeable qualities.

Unrequited love is a balancing act, and to do it appropriately you have to consciously make the choice to give positive interactions. Does the person you like seem to always be positive around you? That could be a sign right there.

20 Signs Someone Is Flirting With You

Here are a few telltale signs that someone is flirting with you:

1. They seem excited when you appear and do something to express that: they blow you a kiss, give you a big smile, flash you a wink, or turn bright red. You might be less interested in what is happening in your world when the person leaves.

2. They tell you they save mementos from your get-togethers. They save text messages, they keep receipts from places you went together, and they have a box for pictures and letters.

3. They laugh at your jokes and reach over and put a hand on your shoulder, knee, or arm. They encourage you to keep being silly. They seek you out for your sense of humor.

4. When you meet up, they do a quick grooming gesture like putting on red lipstick, combing their hair, tightening or loosening their tie, and spraying perfume.

5. They get more playful when they’re around you. Some people when they flirt fall back on strategies from their recess days: yanking ponytails, playing keep away, sharing notes, and joking around.

6. Look at their facial expressions and body language. People who are interested will have more open body language: they’ll face you, their eyes look big, they smile, and they play with their hair. Closed body language includes crossing your arms over your chest or crossing your legs, covering your face with your hands, shielding your face with your hair, and rolling your eyes.

7. They offer you things to make your day better like their jacket, umbrella, mints, gum, or chocolate.

8. You’re at a bar chatting for a while. They eventually ask for your phone number. They’re more likely wanting to go forward with something beyond friendship.

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9. They stop by your house and offer you a handmade gift, like baked goods, furniture, or anything that takes time and effort. People only make things for people that they like, want to bond with or have a romantic interest in. People don’t give gifts to those they’re apathetic about.

10. They regularly send you “good morning” and “good night” texts. They want to make sure they’re the first thing on your mind in the morning and the last thing at night.

11. They dress up for you. When you meet up with them one on one, they’ve put extra effort into their looks. They’re wearing a nice dress or a nice suit, they’re wearing cologne, and their hair looks refined.

12. They make excuses to touch you in a playful and charming way. They might kiss your wrist, dance around you, wipe a stray eyelash off your face, braid your hair, or link arms with you.

13. They do little acts of service for you like scraping the ice off your car or walking your dog. They look for excuses to be helpful and to come off sweet.

14. They bounce around a lot. Would you say they seem to dance or sway when they’re around you?

15. They take opportunities to whisper in your ear.

16. They keep staring at you from afar. They have a gaze that says they want to get to know you.

17. They move their cup closer to yours. You’re at a bar, and someone nudges their cup down the bar to be closer to you.

18. They compliment your looks or personality, and they do this frequently.

19. They ask you a lot of questions to figure out your interests. They’re trying to figure out if their interests align with yours and good date ideas.

20. They compare you to a famous celebrity who is known for their good looks and charisma.

Developing Feelings

Liking someone is normal. We start developing crushes on others when we are young. We have the choice of whether we want to develop those feelings or shut them down.

If you don’t want to like someone, for whatever reason, all you have to do is — ignore that person, forget about them, and change your schedule so you don’t see them anymore.

Certain interactions will cause us to develop feelings: laughing, crying, sex, road trips, dances, deep conversations — it’s the consistency of these interactions that blossoms our “liking” of someone. Sure, we can develop all this in our heads with our imaginations, and often we do.

There is some truth to absence making the heart grow fonder — when you miss someone, you realize how important that person is to you. When we have the chance to miss someone, we realize how much we enjoy our interactions with them.

Trying to Avoid Someone Who Is Interested in You

You may have been looking for information on whether someone likes you or not because you’re not interested in them. It may be because you are already in a relationship with someone else, or something simpler… like you just aren’t attracted to them.

You may have to be direct with this person and tell them you don’t feel the same, or use tactics to put space on them. Eventually, people give up and focus on someone else.

How to Get Over Someone

Getting over someone is best with time. You can get over most people by not spending time with them anymore, ignoring their advances, calls, emails, the whole nine yards.

Get rid of everything they’ve ever given you. Once you stop having all the items, the memories, and them showing up — you’ll be able to get over them, and your brain will not need them for its addictions.

How to Approach Someone When You Like Them

See if they’ll spend time with you. If they seem to send similar positive vibes, that’s a good sign. People tend to reciprocate by mimicking their crush. Eventually, someone will eventually have to break the ice.

Broach the topic of whether they like you or not. Try to have these conversations in as normal and inviting of ways as possible. You don’t want to make a big deal out of it. You also don’t want to make a big deal out of something too soon. Stay positive and don’t blow things out of proportion.

© 2014 Andrea Lawrence

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