Brian is invested in the study of human behavior and seek to identify traits and characteristics that contribute to healthy relationships.
Finding ‘The One’
How do you determine if the person you are dating is ‘The One’ that you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Does your partner possess the qualities that make them the best candidate as a lifetime companion? What are those traits that you should be on the lookout before you decide to say ‘I do’ at the altar and seal both of your fate forever?
Happily Ever After?
Who is this person I’m going to marry?
Love is a complex emotion and quite tricky to interpret at times as it revolves around matters of the heart. However, there are actually other ‘visible indicators’ we can rely on to guide us in making informed decisions about whom we allow in our life.
As a Christian myself, I would like to share the views from the perspective of the Bible pertaining to this matter. God himself promised us a spouse as we take on the role as the bride of Jesus Christ. However, in terms of a mortal spouse, God does not dictate or make it compulsory that you have to end up married to someone. Nevertheless, He allows you the freedom to enjoy the process of meeting someone and finding out for yourself if that person is the one that you want to have as a life partner.
Although God allows us ‘free will’ to choose our partner, it has to be in accordance to the parameters that He has set.
It is almost similar to a competition, where you participate and abide by the rules in order to be in the running to win the prize.
So, what does it entail when you find someone whom you have an interest in and look forward to build a life together with them? The first thing to do is to ‘qualify’ the person against the criteria that God has decreed. Once you believe that she meets the benchmark that He has set, quiet your heart and ask God to reveal to you if the person is the right one for you.
What to Lookout for?
In this article, we shall cover the part on how to identify the qualities of a Godly woman that makes her a good potential spouse. According to the Bible, a man will prosper and flourish if he is able to find himself a virtuous woman. So, what is the make-up of a virtuous woman?
1. Trustworthy and Reliable
Even in finding friends, you would definitely want someone who you can trust with your secrets, insecurities, and be there for you when you need them. Thus, this quality is of utmost importance especially when it comes to choosing a life partner. You definitely need someone who you can be sure to have your back when the need arise because of how unpredictable life can be.
It is crucial to be with a person whom is able to offer a sense of security and assurance that they can be trusted, be it through their words and actions. They will follow through with their promises and will not leave you wondering or doubting their ability to honor what they said they will do. More often than not, you are permitted to feel vulnerable in their presence but still have unwavering confidence that they will not let you down. Proverbs 31:11 summarizes this very well by saying that "The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain".
2. Positive Influence
Would you rather spend time with someone who brings out the best in you or someone that often complains and is just plain negative? I guess any normal person would go with the former. So, this is fairly important when it comes to choosing a wife. As clearly prescribed in Proverbs 31:12, find yourself a woman that will do you good and not harm all the days of her life.
A good woman knows that life is not easy and there will be good and bad times. She does not let life’s problems define her but strive to make good of anything that happens to her. Even when she is battling her own problems, she will always have a kind word to say to you at the end of a rough day. She will always be your number one supporter and stick with you through thick and thin. You find life much more bearable knowing that you can rely on her to be the light in times of darkness when problems weigh down heavy on you. She knows that as long she is by your side, both of you will be able to weather the storm together. In spending time together, you will notice that you feel at peace and no problem is ever too big to overcome. This is because she has a firm grasp of reality but with a dose of hope for better things to come. She is always so full of life and constantly giving you words of encouragement to be at your best.
Most women are opinionated and some of us might have come across a few with a sharp tongue. A woman that is wise is characterized by her demeanor; she is intelligent without being overbearing and seems to know what to say, how to say it, and to when to say it. She is able to differentiate right from wrong and will not be afraid to tell you how she feels about the matters of principalities. However, she does them in a gentle way that does not undermine your opinion and demonstrate respect for her own.
She has her own views and belief system, but will not allow it to be the cause of an argument between you two. Even when an argument does break out, she handles it gracefully through carefully worded speech and does not use her words to hurt or harm. In fact, a woman that is wise enough to know you matter more than winning an argument is definitely a keeper. Just as Proverbs 31:26 says "She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness"
4. Faithful to God
Out of all the qualities in a potential wife, one very essential characteristic of a good woman is that she is faithful to God. God is her first love and she dedicates her life in pursuing His favor. She serves the Lord with all her heart, mind, and soul and she seeks to bless you through her devotion to God. Her belief system, values, and principal in life revolves around His word and she tries to exhibit these values in her everyday dealings with others.
Her personality and characters speaks volume about her faith and trust in God. She does not crave for worldly attention and recognition because she knows that all of it is temporary, compared to the eternal reward that comes from obeying Him. Just as indicated in Proverbs 31:30, "Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised"
In this current day and time, most households will need more than one source of income to survive. Apart from depending on her husband to put food on the table, a good wife knows that she has a role to play towards the well-being of the family. Apart from domestic know-how, she is resourceful, proactive, and never afraid of having to roll up her sleeves up and get to work. Any work that is productive and brings good to the family is the one that she will commit herself to doing. She sees to it that your needs are well taken care of and ensure that you do not have to worry about her as she has got things under control. The Lord says that a virtuous woman will make you proud of her not by words but by her contributions – “Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates" just as stated in Proverbs 31:31.
To Marry or Not?
Although there is no possible way to know for certain if the woman you love will end up being your wife, at least you are aware of what to look out for before committing. Often times, people prioritize their feelings at the particular moment and miss out on the key purpose of finding a companion to go through the thick and thin together. Being together for the long haul will require much more than romantic chemistry to sustain the relationship. A person’s character and personality plays a critical role in ensuring the sustainability of a relationship because it can either make or break the relationship. Of course compatibility is equally important as well in order to be a unit and to function together.
© 2021 Brian
Pawan Kumar from India on July 29, 2021:
Amazing article. Thanks for sharing :)
Brian (author) from Kuala Lumpur Malaysia on July 23, 2021:
That is quite a valid and sound deduction on your part, dashingscorpio. I have to say I am in agreement with a few of the points you have highlighted over here.
When it comes to marriage, it is definitely no one size fits all and it is not everybody we can get along or be compatible with. It is also true that everyone has a specific requirement or ‘type’ they prefer over the others, which makes dating the perfect platform to establish if the person we are seeing possess those traits we look for and value.
Some people are quite lucky to know what they want and find it in the first person they meet. Unfortunately, as you said, some people may not even know what they are looking for until they reach a certain stage in their life. Their preferences could have been so different compared to the first time when they started their romantic escapades. This may result in several ‘trial rounds’ to find out what they actually value for in a life partner. There is no right or wrong way to approach the quest of finding ‘The One’ because who are we to kid ourselves; there is just too many choices out there. It could be the case of one man’s meat is another man’s poison, but it all boils down to how you perceive certain qualities to be important in order to survive and thrive in the relationship.
Having said that, would it not be ideal if there is a standard parameter to refer and make the selection process easier? Well, some would say feelings or ‘chemistry’ is the key criteria, but if you are looking at a sustainable marriage it would require more than that. Of course, you have to make sure you are compatible with one another. The essence here, however, is to find someone who can be the reason you say you will do this all over again even when the marriage gets rocky or challenges arise because you believe your partner possess the qualities that can help you weather the storm together. There will be days when you just cannot stand her, but deep down you know she makes you a better person and vice versa.
By the way, I like how you end your comment with a quote by the late Muhammad Ali. It is true that looking at things with the same perspective as we did before is not only counterproductive and foolish, but sometimes we need someone to point the way and having a guide or reference sure helps.
Brian (author) from Kuala Lumpur Malaysia on July 23, 2021:
Amen to that, Chrish! Well, you can never go wrong when God is in control. Trust in Him to help you make wise and prudent decisions. We sometimes say people become wiser from experience and mistakes. However, we should not discount the fact that we have a God that can help us avoid these unnecessary potholes if we ask Him instead of relying on our own understanding.
Brian (author) from Kuala Lumpur Malaysia on July 23, 2021:
Hi there, Ms Dora!
Well, I personally agree with you in allowing our Father in Heaven guide the way to the hearts of our better half. In order to do that, we must first relish the connection with Him. Nurture the divine bond that helps train us to be sensitive to catch on when He speaks to us about our decisions. However, being human of a fallen nature, we tend to focus on the desires of the flesh which influences our ability to make ‘wise’ decisions.
God encourages us to establish relationships with others, focusing on the ones that will enrich our temporary life here on earth. He wants the best but allows us the freewill to make a choice. In doing so, He hope that we will look to Him for advice and guidance. So, it really means we have the choice to heed His counsel or turn our backs and go against the guidelines He has set.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on July 22, 2021:
Each of us has our own mate selection screening process and "must haves list" for choosing a mate. There is no one size fits all.
What makes a woman a potential wife varies in the eye of each specific man. If this weren't the case every woman who is a wife would be the same. Every man isn't looking for the same type of wife.
Secondly there are two reasons why men won't commit.
1. Timing (Marriage isn't a top priority in his life at this time.)
2. You are not "the one".
When it comes to love and relationships most of us (fail our way) to success. Very few people hit a homerun their 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time up at bat. If this were not the case we would all be married to our high school sweethearts!
With each failed relationship, heartache, or betrayal we are presented with an opportunity to either craft or refine our mate selection screening process and "must haves list" for choosing our next mate. Rarely is a "first love" one's (lasting love).
What made for an "ideal mate" at ages 18, 21, and 25 will probably not cut it for you at age 30 and beyond.
Our early relationships essentially end up being "practice relationships" because we have yet to figure out who (we) are, let alone know what traits we want and need in a mate in for life!
"A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life." - Muhammad Ali
Chrish Canosa from Manila Philippines on July 22, 2021:
Indeed helpful! But of course, I give it all to God for I am often doubtful of my own decisions in life.
Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on July 22, 2021:
And yet some say they know for sure, "This is the one." Couldn't someone who has intimate fellowship with the Spirit trust Him to guide? Anyway, you covered your principles thoroughly. Very helpful.