Deborah is a writer, healer, and teacher. She enjoys helping people work towards healthier lives.
What do women really want?
There's an old joke that goes something like this:
A man finds a bottle on the beach and rubs it clean. As he is rubbing it, a genie appears, and offers to grant the man one wish. The man wishes for a bridge connecting California to Hawaii. The genie laughs and tells the man that it would be impossible to build a bridge to Hawaii, given the depth of the ocean, the distance, and the current.
The genie suggests he make a different wish. "Fine. I want to know what women want."
"So," replies the genie, "what would you like that bridge made out of?"
The point is, women have gotten a bum rap as being difficult to figure out. It's quite simple really, and when you've finished this article, you'll know exactly what women want from their men.
First and foremost, women want to be loved. They want to feel connected to the man they care about. Your women wants you to touch her heart, and when you do, she will be putty in your hands.
Men say they want more sex. They want more intimacy. They want more respect. The key to getting all of these things from a woman is to show her love. Connect to her in a loving manner, and she will naturally align herself with you.
Even if you are tired at the end of a long day, and your wife is equally tired, she wants to reconnect to you. While you may prefer to zone out working on the computer or watching television, what she really wants is to reconnect after a long day apart.
Of course, it's unrealistic to expect that you could meet all the emotional needs of your woman. That's what she has girlfriends for. But your role is to help her feel close to you, the man she loves.
There are simple things you can do, such as holding her hand, hugging her, spending time together, and holding her after a sexual interlude. These actions will increase the love, and help her feel closer to you.
You think you know what women want?
She wants you to open up. Your woman cares about your thoughts, you hopes and dreams. She wants to share with you and she wants you to share with her.
She wants to hear about your work day, but your woman wants more than just a rehashing of office events. What do you think? How do you feel? What are you looking forward to? What are you afraid of?
When you open up and share yourself, then your woman feels close and cared about. It's difficult, to be honest and open, but your wife wants to know when something isn't working, whether it's in your relationship, at work, or in some other part of your life.
She's not snooping or prying to try to catch you. She wants to be an important part of your life. Women grow closer through communication. Your woman isn't trying to control you. She wants to feel important to you.
While you may feel inclined to fix every problem your woman brings up, sometimes she just wants you to listen. Women are difficult to understand. It's true. But the best thing you can do is just listen.
When your woman comes to you with a problem, a dilemma or a complaint, find out if she's looking for a solution or an ear. After you listen, nodding your head and smiling, your woman will feel cared about and heard, without you having to lift a finger.
Other ways to "understand" your woman include expressing appreciation when she does something for you, listening as she shares her feelings (even if you don't know what she's talking about), and ask her how she's doing.
Of course, men like to help women fix things. But sometimes all she needs is empathy. Not a solution. She just wants to feel heard.
She just wants you to listen.... But this is funny
Now don't get your knickers in a twist. Most women resolve conflict differently than most men. You may have noticed your woman bringing up the past, every single time you argue. She wants to talk and discuss and go around and around.
Men are simple creatures. Typically they don't want a lot of discussion, sharing feelings and apologies. Men like to just drop it. Women, on the other hand, do not. They want to talk it out.
Neither one is wrong or bad. Just different. The important thing to realize, when you deal with a woman, is that she can't "just drop it." If you stop talking, then she figures you're still mad at her.
She see's an apology as an expression of love. It is not a sign of weakness, as many men fear. For women, it is an act of reconciliation. These words are very powerful for your woman. Even if you know that she is to blame, or that you are only partly to blame, an apology is an amazing tool of peacemaking and forgiveness. And if the point is to increase the love between you, rather than keep a score card of wrongs, then an apology will go a long way to repair past hurts.
Are you listening to me?
Your woman wants to know that you love her, through thick and thin, good and bad, hard times and abundance. She is energized and empowered by your declarations of love and devotion.
Woman can be insecure. In fact, even the most beautiful, talented, smart, accomplished women in the world still feel, at some level, like they aren't quite enough. The world is full of beautiful, young women, and your woman knows she can't compete. Even if she can, the truth is, there will always be a younger, thinner, more beautiful woman around the next corner.
What she really wants is reassurance of your loyalty to her. She wants to know that even if you look at another woman, you're still coming home to her. She wants to know that you will be there, by her side and that she is a priority in your life. Let her know how important she is to you, and tell her how proud you are of her accomplishments, whatever they are.
We see things differently
She wants to be cherished. Loved. Respected. Held above all others. This is what your woman wants. She wants you to treasure her, honor her and be devoted.
Yes. This seems like a lot. Especially when you're busy with a demanding job, working out, and trying to find time for your own hobbies. Who could possibly have time to do all of these things for a needy, demanding woman?
But take a step back. Is your woman really that needy and demanding, or have you neglected your part of the relationship? What she really wants is your love. She wants to come first. Before your job. Before your workouts. Before your hobbies. Before your friends. Your woman wants to be the most important thing in your life.
This doesn't mean you neglect everything else, and devote yourself completely to her. What it means is that you treat her like she is important to you. You listen to her. You honor her. You show her that she means something to you, other than a roll in the sheets.
You don't have to spend a lot of money to cherish your woman. It is important to spend time. Buy her a card. Send her flowers. Take a walk together. You don't have to buy expensive gifts. You do have to be thoughtful. Think about who she is, what she values and what she wants. This is how you cherish a woman.
Above all, thank her. Let her know that you appreciate who she is and what she does in your life. Make her feel valuable. And let her know that not only do you love her, but she makes you happy.
Don't leave her feeling unappreciated
What do you think?
Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on October 31, 2016:
@Theresa Johathan, I agree, it can be difficult to communicate with men, because we see things pretty differently. The key is patience. Remember to try to talk to them in their language, to get them to give us what we need.
@FlourishAnyway, It sounds like you and your husband have a good relationship. It just takes time and effort from both parties.
Thanks for reading and for commenting.
FlourishAnyway from USA on October 31, 2016:
My husband is a good guy who has come to understand what you're saying here although it took lots of discussion over the years.
Theresa Jonathan from Maseru, Lesotho on October 30, 2016:
A good Hub! It is amazing how most men are so closed up and yet expect a woman to unreservedly give herself in passionate physical love. We are emotional beings and this the step one where a couple must bond and be able to then give themselves mutually. I have talked to several women who felt violated because they felt closed out ; completely alone and earning to know what the beloved is thinking about concerning their relationship and of course the future. It seems going into a relationship is a multi-faceted project with no logical framework nor workplan.