Kenneth is a rural citizen of Hamilton, Ala., and has begun to observe life and certain things and people helping him to write about them.
Single guys, may I ask you a serious question? (and do not act like you have never heard this) "But Tommy, we can "just" be friends," and with that one fatal swoop, the pretty cheerleader-type whom you had dated for six months and had one great time, has left you abandoned. Alone. By yourself in the Gobi Desert with the dangerous rattlesnakes and gila monsters, and still, the impact of your now-ex-girlfriend's statement has not really sunk in. Oh, guys. I feel for you. Not that you are alone. No. Even while this is being written, somewhere in the U.S.A., or in the European sectors, there is a girl saying the same thing to another hurt, stunned guy whose heart is now broken into smithereens.
Let me say that I am 67, old to some degree, but that "we can still be friends," jazz was said to me a few times in my single teen life, and even today, it still hurts. And I do not know why such a nice, pretty girl whom I had been treating like a queen should say this statement that sucked the life out of my body in my younger years. Not even Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson along with Charlie Chan and his number one son, could solve this dilemma.
I've even sat down and written the "be friends" line and dissected it, diagramed it until I was mentally-exhausted, and still, no progress. I even thought of consulting my pastor and confide in him and lay this dangerous question on him and let the Higher Power answer him and he can share the answer and sending me back what life the girl with the "be friends" had taken from me.
Don't misunderstand. Even now I harbor no ill will or hatred toward this or any of the girls who used "that" line to get out of a good relationship, but the fact is, I still do not understand it.
Maybe if I list the things that I "did do" during my good relationship?
⦁ I'm not boasting, but I was only late once to pick-up this girl for a Saturday night date.
⦁ I never talked ugly to her or about her.
⦁ I was nice and respectful to her parents and "Jojom" their pet Boston Terrier.
⦁ She was not resposible for shows, restaurant meals, or even the extra-large bucket of popcorn that she wanted when she asked to watch a certain film.
Even with this list of positive things, I still cannot grasp it.
Here are the things that I "might" have done during my good relationship:
⦁ Laugh too much when she told a clean joke.
⦁ Give her mom and dad more attention than I did her when I waited to pick her up for our our dates. Even her bully-of-a-brother who was retired from the Marines.
⦁ When we were eating (at her restaurant) and another girl spoke to me while she walked by the table and I just acted like I didn't see hero
⦁ Stare into her hazel eyes that always sparkled.
It had to be something. Because think of the timing. During the weeks when we dated, she looked as if she was having a great time. Then again, she could have been taking courses in the local theatre and seeing just how convincing she could be. I don't know. But when you are left t grasp for answers, frustration is on your side.
And I can give you girls who are just about to tell your then-boyfriend, "we can just be friends," well, when you tell him this cold statement, do not act like you are feeling good about the outcome of something he done to you, but was too much of a lady to say so.
Please do not try to convince the broken-hearted guy who has just been leveled by the "we can just be friends" jazz that he is always going to be in your life. Okay. With that being said, if within three months, you do not see him, but up and calls you and you give him a cold shoulder and all but curse him out, I thought that you and this guy were still friends, and from all I know, friends, real friends, do not treat other friends like you did when your "ex" called you.
I have a perfect idea. Instead of the girl delivering the death blow to the humble guy, why not let him down respectfully and that might work. And in a few months, you, the winning girl, call him t see how "your friend" is making it without you.
This will work.
It sure beats breaking someone's heart when it's not necessary.
These URL's Appear on This Hub:
© 2021 Kenneth Avery
dashingscorpio from Chicago on August 03, 2021:
Very few people meet their "soulmate" at age 17 and spend the next 60-70 years living happily ever after. Most people in their teens and 20s have yet to figure out who (they are) let alone know what traits they want and need in a mate for life.
When it comes to love and relationships most of us (fail our way) to success. Not many people hit a homerun their 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time up at bat.
If this were not the case we would all be married to our high school sweethearts!
Our teenage and early 20s relationships are "practice relationships". We were just to naïve and immature to know it.
With each failed relationship, heartache, or betrayal we are presented with an opportunity to either craft or refine our mate selection screening process and "must haves list" for choosing our next mate.
Never offer or accept "friendship" as a "consolation prize".
The person who offers friendship after a breakup does so in order to not feel like the "bad guy" and they hope it keeps their ex from wigging out.
For some people the olive branch of "friendship" gives them (false hope) that maybe in the future they'll get back together.
In order to "move on" you have to (want to) let go.
It's unrealistic to expect to go from being "red hot lovers" to "instant platonic friends" resembling siblings.
Your (ex) is the last person who can help you get over them! (And vice versa).
It's frequently recommended that you enact "the no contact rule" which means blocking phone numbers, email addresses, unfriending them in your social media, and avoid places you know they frequent.
The best friendships between exes usually occurs after a large gap in time whereby (both people) have found love and happiness with others.
"Some people come in our life as blessings. Some come in your life as lessons." - Mother Teresa
"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is." - Henry Cloud
One man's opinion! :)