Luke Dunkerley is a content writer from Manchester in the UK.
Have you recently broken up with a partner? Are you wondering if things would have turned out ok if only you'd said or done something differently?
One thing you know is: Break-ups hurt.
Over the past weeks, months, or years, you spent time getting to know the person. When you thought everything was going perfect, the relationship broke. And now you're feeling empty.
But, just because the relationship failed, it doesn't mean everything you did was wasted, and below are some tips to help you recover.
It's important to remember that the experiences you went through with your partner during the relationship were invaluable. Even if you think there was nothing positive, there's a good chance you learned something new, either about the person you were with, or yourself.
A simple activity to help you to see this is to take a piece of paper and fold the paper in half. On each side, write down the before and after of how you were. Think about how you thought. Maybe you weren't as confident about being a good partner or didn't think you could be comfortable around someone else.
During the relationship, maybe the fears and anxieties you once had disappeared like magic, and you experienced being truly happy. Or did you make your ex smile, and they told you they loved you?
Do you have more positives on the after side? The chances are the relationships made you a better person. Even if it's something small like buying a present because you wanted to, the relationship changed you for a good reason.
Now you can take the passion and any discoveries you made into your next relationship where you can experience them even stronger. Treat the end of a relationship like a new beginning. You know what it takes to make a difference to someone else's life, so go out there and show off the new skills you have.
Straight after a break-up signing up to every dating app might seem like a great idea. You crave attention and feel like your bound to match with someone who you'll feel the same connection with. The reality is... it most likely won't happen.
Moving on and connecting with new people can take your mind off your ex, but dating apps can lead to more heartache. Dating apps are notoriously competitive. Even if you had lots of success last time around or you have the best looks on the app, the sheer number of singles makes getting lots of likes or matches difficult. Why put yourself through even more hurt?
Instead, enjoy the process of recovering by reflecting on the positives of your last relationship and focus on dating apps later on.
Friends and Family
Take the time to repair or strengthen any old friendships after a break-up. Was there a friendship you neglected during your time with the ex? Invite them for a coffee or do something outdoors with them. Or you could even work on any weaknesses you have in an activity together. An apology to an old friend could do wonders if the friendship was damaged during your time with the ex. Remember to keep your friendships healthy even when you meet your next partner.
It Was Your Ex
Did the relationship end without any warning? Maybe your ex sent a text message explaining it was over instead of talking to you face to face. Any relationship which had passion and strength can cope with the small arguments. If there was a lack of communication from your partner, they weren't worth your time. Tell yourself you can do much better and your next relationship will be happier.
Not all relationships have the outcome we want them to have. What is important is that you continue to grow as a person after the break-up. So, the next time you're struggling to cope, remember the new things you learned, avoid rushing into dating immediately after the break-up, rebuild old ties with friends or family, and remember it wasn't your fault.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on October 03, 2019:
"Not all relationships have the outcome we want them to have. "
Truth be told when it comes to love and relationships most people (fail their way) to success. Very few people hit a homerun their first, second, third, or fourth time up at bat. If this were not the case we would all be married to our high school sweethearts!
"So, the next time you're struggling to cope, remember the new things you learned, avoid rushing into dating immediately after the break-up, rebuild old ties with friends or family, and remember it wasn't your fault." Avoid playing the "blame game".
In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: Next!
Every ending is a new beginning!
Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
If you go to the grocery store to purchase an apple but buy an onion instead whose fault is that? Do you curse the onion for not being an apple? No! You learn to become a "better shopper".
Each of us has our mate selection process or must haves list.
Breakups, betrayals, and heartaches act as a catalyst for us to draft and refine our mate selection process. In addition as we get older our "must haves list" evolves over time. Whatever made for an "ideal mate" at ages 17, 19, or 21 most likely will not cut it for us at age 25, 30, or beyond. It's an exploratory process.
Each of has our own boundaries and "deal breakers".
Anyone with an ounce of self-esteem will not tolerate being mistreated in a relationship. Suffering is optional.
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
- Oscar Wilde