Today, when LOVE has become a buzzword, we need to understand the meaning of unconditional love which carries the true essence of the word.
Every person on this planet wants to be loved. Why? The answer can be it gives one a sense of belongingness, worthiness, and emotional security.
And why do we love people? Because we also want to be loved that is to say we too want the sense of belongingness, worthiness, and emotional security. This means the giver and taker both have some conditions attached to the exchange of love. This is conditional or condition-based love. From this explanation, you must have understood what unconditional love means. Yes! the one free from these conditions. Unconditional love is only given without expecting anything in return, the love with no terms and conditions applied.
How unconditional love is superior to condition-based love?
The answer is: unconditional love has no expectations, it never hurts while condition-based love produces hurt and pain on violations of any conditions. Why divorces, family disputes are becoming so commonplace in modern society? The primary reason behind it is emotional unfulfillment which arises when people feel unloved and don’t get validation from one another. This is mere co-dependency that is growing in the relationship that is causing all this. And the solution to this is unconditional love which takes you beyond these limitations.
Is it easy or possible for anyone to love unconditionally?
Easy? Not at all. It is not a five-minute recipe to make such an alteration altogether in such deep an emotion or transform one’s emotional response so we need to be a little patient with ourselves for bringing about the change. Although it needs time and effort, the rewards that we receive are worth it. These rewards include inner peace, contentment, joy, fulfillment, and love, yes plenty of love for what you give, comes back to you. All of these are the keys to a happy and fulfilling life.
To reap these rewards and to cultivate unconditional love first there is a need to become aware of certain delusions around love, develop some understanding, and then making some alterations in your habits and thought patterns.
How to love someone unconditionally?
The person who loves unconditionally doesn’t need to be loved back. What about their own emotional needs? Every person has their emotional needs.
The answer is an unconditional lover first acquires emotional stability and satisfaction from within before offering the love free of conditions to anyone else. How? Let’s discuss in detail how can we develop emotional security and satisfaction on our own.
As we just discussed above there are a few delusions to be busted, some deep understanding to be developed, variations in our habits, and thought patterns to be made.
Delusions to be busted about love
We need to be clear about the fact that love which is based on conditions is not love but only a business contract. A contract of giving and receiving, where if due to some reasons there is no equal give and take the relationships start to weaken and torment. Understand that when we say we truly love someone, it is not because we want something back but because we care for and respect them, and want to see them happy. They are independent to have their choice to give that love and care back or not. Not everyone is necessarily on the same page in terms of emotions.
Here keep one more thing in mind. There is a difference between unconditional love and people-pleasing. When someone is hurting you, again and again, you need to set your boundaries. Don't go too far beyond your limits to please others. Remember that you also have a responsibility for yourself and your own happiness. If you are giving and giving and the other person is taking you for granted and disrespecting you, that means you need to consider stepping back for your own self-respect and self-worth.
The understanding needed
We need to understand that the person who is not reciprocating the love we give to them, is not able to love you back because they themselves are emotionally discontent and how can they give something to someone when they themselves have a lack of it. That is why they are not able to love, underscore the words they are not able to love. They may be going through their own emotional turmoil. Have sympathy and compassion for them, not resentment or anger. If you radiate the energy of resentment out of expectations and personal dissatisfaction for such a person it further depletes their ability to love. So think of it, you need to give that person not expect from them. Forgive them and send them the positive vibes of love and well wishes, not necessarily verbally, only mentally will do. That means you need not tell this loudly to them but only in your mind. This is about sending positive healing energy of prayers to someone you love and want to see happy.
Habit changes to cultivate unconditional love
The very first habit you need to cultivate to develop unconditional love is self-love which improves your self-satisfaction, self-worth, and emotional well-being. Self-love means giving yourself compliments, taking care of yourself and your needs, doing what you love, pursuing your hobbies. The most magical part is when you love yourself and as a result radiate unconditional love towards others you start attracting love from others. People are magnetized towards people who are self-validated and can stay happy on their own.
For further clarity about self-love, you can read my article:
Making changes in thinking patterns
Cultivating unconditional love needs to change some thought patterns too. Our general response to people and situations is deep-rooted in our subconscious mind so for effective, permanent, and faster results we need to work on changing our thought patterns too as they make who we are, how we behave or react to situations.
Some examples of these alterations are demonstrated in the following table.
|The thought to be replaced||The thought to be cultivated|
I am worthy only if someone loves me
I am enough, and worthy as I am and my self-worth comes only from me
I need to be loved
I am a loving person, I love myself and others unconditionally. And by being so I am attracting a lot of love for myself
No one looks after my needs
I am capable of taking care of myself fully
People take advantage of my kindness.
I know where to set my boundaries without hurting myself and others
Further, videos on self-image affirmations and self-love affirmations from social media such as YouTube will come in handy too. These affirmations can be a great aid to develop self love.
Summing it up
On the whole, being able to love unconditionally empowers you and gives you control over your life and emotional health. And this love is cultivated freely in unlimited amount in you so no pain of begging for it and all joy of splurging it on yourself and others. Be like a flower that spreads its fragrance without needing it back. This is what we call unconditional love. Nobody is at loss with this way if giving and receiving love.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2022 Jas Kailey