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Living in Fear: Stalked By My Ex

Author:

Bachelors Degree in Organizational Behavioral Psychology with a background in Autism, Mental Health, Business Psychology

Discusses Colorado Domestic Violence Laws

Discusses Colorado Domestic Violence Laws

Domestic Abuse: It CAN Happen To You

No one believes it can happen to them. Everyone is adamant if they were in an abusive relationship, they would just leave. Most people aren’t aware of all the different types of abuse there actually is. Or how each type of abuse can manifest itself differently. Some are too ashamed to reach out for help. Many don’t know there are many agencies that can help you escape abuse.

I am not one of those people. I know all about abuse. I have lived many types of abuse; known all kinds of abusers; survived abuse; spoke out about abuse.

So how did I fall victim again?

I still can not answer that question. I can just go back and tell my story. Maybe you, as a reader, can enlighten me. Even after identifying the abuse, leaving the abuser. I fell prey to a stalker. Nothing I did would rid myself of him. Nothing I said would make him stop. I want to share my story, because I hope it helps at least one person to not fall victim like I did.

I suppose I should start at the beginning...


Power,control, and why victims of domestic violence can’t always “just leave.”

Power,control, and why victims of domestic violence can’t always “just leave.”

Woman drugged and raped called a slut by her roommates girlfriend

Woman drugged and raped called a slut by her roommates girlfriend

I had moved back to Southern California to restart my life and regain my independence. I had a heartbreaking failed relationship in a small town in the Midwest; and needed to find myself again. I had been staying with a life long friend when I moved back and was able to finish my Bachelors Degree. I was looking for a place in another County because of an amazing job offer in Sales in Orange County. My son and daughter were going to come with me; but rent was just too high for my income alone.

A guy I had known since 7th grade, D.D, and I had reunited through Facebook five years previous. He had grown to be my best guy friend and confidant and we became very close; best friends. After a breakup around the time I was accepting the new job; he offered for me and the kids to move in. Roommates. I had no qualms about doing so, and thought it was ideal. After all, we had grown up together.

In the 18 months I lived there, things weren’t exactly platonic; but, we weren’t dating. I think it was just convienant. My kids really didn’t like him so my boys lived with their father and my daughter stayed with me. At some point, he labeled us in a relationship on Facebook and I just thought “why not?”

That should have been a red flag. Same with my kids strongly disliking him.

It lasted three months.

I started noticing a new friend coming around and he was always high as a kite. I never worried D.D was using because he was adamant about hating all drugs. He hated that I occasionally smoked pot. They would barricade themselves in the garage for all hours and talk about bizarre things.

D.D. started staying up all night, doing weird odd projects. He would disappear and not explain where he was going. At first, I was relieved. Get away from me. Being broken up living together is awkward.

Then he was talking about sound frequencies, hearing and seeing things not there, building random metal contraptions. He started creeping out my daughter.

When he started talking about the dark web and things he had found on there I made plans to leave. I sent my daughter to her dads after he claimed pedophile voices were telling him to harm my daughter. After she left I found a hold drilled from our closet to the bathroom. You could see everything.

I then got drugged by him.

The Effects Of Meth

My Boyfriend Drugged Me

I had been at work when I got a panicked call. D.D. was barricaded in our garage because a “known gang member” who lived behind us; was shooting at him. I knew the neighbor wasn’t a gang member; but DD was convinced he was being gang stalked.

I rushed home because he says the police had arrived but he was afraid to leave the garage. That he heard gunfire. I honestly didn’t think his delusions had reached a level of insanity. I also still was naive. I had no idea he was using. He was a veteran of the United States Navy and been seeing the VA for medical and psychological reasons; I fully believed he had a serious mental illness he hadn’t divulged too me and suffered PTSD.

He had been in communications in the military and recently been enrolled in a tech school where he was taking classes on hacking etc. I thought it triggered his paranoia. I mentioned he was obsessed with sound frequencies and also antennas. He would tell me that ”they” were using certain sound frequencies to intentionally make him crazy. To me it made sense he had been triggered.

When I rushed home I called his cousin and finally asked if he had any serious mental illness. She adamantly said he was only diagnosed with ADHD. He had a hard time growing up because of it and got in a lot of trouble. Other than that, she wasn’t aware of anything else.

After I got home, there was no police. There was no one, at all, anywhere around the alley and garage. He quickly let me in the garage and was still freaking out. Said the police wouldn’t listen to him. I tried to tell him there wasn’t anyone there but he insisted they hid. DD claimed he audio recorded it all on his ipad and pulled it up. There was nothing there except his voice. He was more agitated saying they infiltrated his iPad.

Thats when I saw the clear glass pipe.

I have never smoked anything but I definitely knew what it was. I was furious. I confronted him and he claimed he only tried it because he was curious what meth felt like. I was so angry I wanted to scream and punch him in the face; but I didn’t.

No reasoning with him all this was because he was using. I smashed his pipe in a million pieces. I then went back to work.

When I got home that night, I refused to talk to him. I had been trying to figure out how to get a transfer of my store locations within a commutable distance from my lifelong friend I lived with before him. There was no feasible way to work where I was and live with her; but I wanted out.

I couldn’t sleep and DD had been out for hours so I got up and was drinking. When he came home he said that he was sorry and wouldn’t do it anymore and said he went and got me a joint. That he knew I had massive anxiety problems and had refused to take benzos like Xanax. I’d only smoke weed if I needed to curb an attack.

I never questioned it wasn’t just pot.

I also never questioned him pouring me another drink.

Quickly I realized my mistake. The world around me was shimmery and my vision was skewed. I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t feel myself moving. Everything blurred together. I remember trying to get upstairs to bed. That’s all.

The next morning he laughed and told me it all was laced and that he had video recorded me doing some things I’d rather not disclose but I’m sure you can use your imagination. That he had gotten me to smoke crack and that was on video too. I adamantly told him he was lying. I would never consent to all that. I have no memory of any of it.

That moment I realized he had drugged me for fun; I couldn’t get away fast enough.

My Husband Drugged Me

Leaving: Easier Said Than Done

I was too ashamed of the possibility what DD said he recorded, was true. Never in my life had I trusted someone and they intentionally would harm me in that fashion. I also couldn’t comprehend how one minute he was the person I grew up with; than a few weeks later he was someone I didn’t recognize. Why just start using? Why risk friends and your education? I was dumb founded.

I worked as much as I could so I wouldn’t have to go home. I had no choice but to confide in my District Manager the serious nature of my predicament and the necessity of a transfer as soon as possible. I had spent 15 months in this district, been highly successful, loved my boss and peers. A transfer meant out of his district with a more intense DM. It meant changing all I knew and was used to. He got me the transfer but it would be at least 6 weeks.

DD was either delusional doing his own thing or running around doing god knows what; so normally if I didn’t engage him I was fine. However, it got harder and harder to do. He caused problems with the electric company. Called accusing 5 employees of singing and taunting him for hour than hiding the utility truck to stalk him.

Than he had called the cable company to come check the antennas. He was stating they were wired to some neighbor who was using some antennas on another building to harass him. The cable guy was so nice in trying to console this tweaked out weirdo. I was mortified myself.

Than he started making me look at all these pictures and videos of cars and license plates from OC all the way to some desert he had been too. Seeing this non-existing pattern of the same cars stalking him.

When he started talking of the dark web I finally lost it. I actually love conspiracy theories and finding links to connect them. Even this was too insane for me; I found another pipe and smashed that one. We were screaming at each other and I couldn’t take his crazy anymore so told him to leave. I called a friend of mine, ”bartender”, and was asking if I could crash there. DD pushed me into the sliding door than yanked my cell phone. He threw it behind the fridge. The refrigerator was surrounded by walls on both sides and tightly wedged.

I couldn’t even call the police now. I jumped on the top so I could reach down the back and retrieved my phone. “Bartender” has texted me the address. As I had grabbed my phone DD grabs and throws me across the kitchen and halfway across the living room. He then pins me to the ground. I got out of his grip and defensively attacked him so I had time to run.

No neighbors helped. No one called police.

I ran two blocks to where I was parked and called my friend back. DD was chasing me. I was able to get to the car and two hours away to safety that night.

Finally Free: Or So I Hoped

I had to go home, I had to work. At this point I was looking for someone close to my job to take me in. When I got home after fleeing to safety, he accused me of being a whore. Said “God” was speaking to him and he knew all of my sins. He pinned me to the bed, stripped off my pants to dig in my vagina for semen.

I was so exhausted from the insanity I didn’t even fight him. I laughed uncontrollably. Who does THAT?! Than he forced me to have sex with him. I needed to leave. At this point I was willing to quit my job.

Transfer was approved though shortly after. I got home one day and DD had gone to my kids school. She had already been moved to dads when things got weird. He had ran around her school screaming “I am a pedophile and I raped your daughter.” She was locked in a classroom with a teacher. Rocking back and forth. Crying hysterically with her hands over her ears.

I rushed to the school. Police had already arrived and had him in the cop car. He was screaming that over and over for several hours. I heard the polices version of what happened and I launched towards the open window at the POS. Police held me back and I demanded they move the vehicle because if I heard his voice again I will kill him.

They moved the car. He tested positive for meth. They locked him up.

I went home to pack my stuff and leave and I found a loaded gun on my bed. A knife soldiers use in war under his pillow. Child pornography on his iPad.
Detectives investigated and ruled (thank god) he had never touched my daughter. But I wasn’t sticking around to find out if he would. I thought he’d be locked up long enough for me to pack and move and transfer job.

He came home the next morning.

He begged me to stay, swore he’d be clean, a bunch of nonsense I cared not to hear.

I told him he royally F’d up because he endangered and traumatized my daughter. He’s lucky the cops were there because I would have killed him.

He swears he never did that and he was not high, he was dehydrated.

I told him I was leaving and I had called his mom, his dad and stepmother, his cousin, and his sister. Told them the truth. Told them he needed help. They told me to leave immediately.

My lifelong friend was already almost to my place to help me pack the rest of my stuff. I was afraid for my life to be honest.

He let me leave with no drama. Basically said I was a conniving bitch for telling his family lies and ditching out on the rent. I told him I had paid for everything because he used his money on drugs, to leave it be or i would send him the bill.

When I left I felt so relieved. I had acted as quick and responsibly as I could. I was free.

Or so I briefly thought...

disability or even death

Drug abuse has devastating effects on the mind, behavior, and relationships. But the permanent damage of drugs can destroy vital system functions that can lead to disability and death.

Drug abuse has devastating effects on the mind, behavior, and relationships. But the permanent damage of drugs can destroy vital system functions that can lead to disability and death.

Breakup: Just Get Over It Already

I had transferred to a new location and safely Living with my lifelong friend. I had a plan to be in my own place anywhere near my kids father and job as I could afford. I had felt very confident in moving forward. I did feel guilty that DDs life was going downhill, and that he was going to lose the apartment (I found out he got evicted because of his bizarre behavior). His family wanted nothing to do with him.

He kept blowing up my phone. I did my best to ignore it, but I’d end up responding. He was crying about how in love with me he is, how he quit using, how we were destined to be together, that he had job interviews, that he’d never hurt my kids. Basically I just chalked it up to a bad break up where one person has a harder time getting over it.

But it wouldn’t stop! At first right after I left, he did start to sound sober. So I agreed to meet up with him in a random city and I’d get a room. I wanted to try to be at least a friend. I was clear I wanted to stay single. After doing this a couple times, he slipped up talking about something weird and I mentioned it. He said that meth actually helps him think beyond the confines of a government issued mind; that’s why it’s illegal. They don’t want you to access that level of intelligence.

I told him to never contact me again.

He found out from social media my store was in P Town. He would sit in my parking lot at work just watching the store. Police wouldn’t do anything because he wasn’t on the property. Technically he was allowed to sit next to my vehicle and stalk me.

I had tried to confront him and he’d say that God was telling him to do this to prove his love and devotion. Every time I saw his truck I still called the police. My employees walked me to my car at night.

Around Xmas he brought a truck bed full of TVs and an Xbox and other electronics. I went outside and told him thanks but my kids got all they need. Told him send them to his own kids who now are afraid of him. He got so angry he did leave. But he didn’t go home.

He showed up at my kids dads house. 3 of my kids were there; one is Autistic so I hadn’t told him anything. He gave all my kids the gifts than sat in my ex’s living room crying. Told my kids he was sorry and he loved their mom, that he wants them to forgive him for doing drugs and that they support him going back to me.

Two of my kids just sat there not saying a word. They knew he was crazy.

My Autistic son doesn’t understand. He called me crying and saying that I need to forgive DD because God forgives those who ask for forgiveness. There was no explaining this to him. So my son stopped talking to me for a few months.

I was furious they let him in the house but my kids dad was afraid of what he’d do if they refused him. I called his kids mom and told her he’s endangering my kids again and she needed to not let him see his kids with no supervision.

His texts would go back and forth of loving and desperate to mean and vicious. At this point I was more annoyed than anything.

Two months after leaving him I moved right near my kids in the city over. My oldest, almost 18, moved in with me. We found a gated complex with security guards and security cameras. I also didn’t tell many people where I moved too. I kept those details off social media. I had blocked DD at first but if he couldn’t access my FB or text me he’d find me in person.

At this point, I just wanted him too stay in his county.

I figured he’d move on soon.

He Found Me

I had been granted access to half the belongings he had in storage from the shared apartment. He had wrote a statement granting me access and permission on what to take. That his sister would get us access. So, we did.

When he realized we had taken half the belongings like agreed on, he started threatening to call police and file theft charges. He showed up at my job again, I saw him coming so I ran to the office. He rushed my employees and jumped on my sales rep to keep the door from closing. They closed the door, one you need a security code to open back up, and called the police on DD. By the time they got there he had fled.

I got a well timed promotion and transfer to a store 30 miles away. Opposite direction from his county, and in a larger city they had 4 other stores with the same branded name. He was technically homeless, staying mostly with a guy he got drugs from. I had a vague idea of his whereabouts but he now would have no access to me.

When he realized I had gone off his physical radar he got scary. He sent me photos of him smoking crack and talking about how I was the reason he had to give oral sex to his male roommate. That because I left him with no place to live he had to consent to being raped by this guy so he had a room to live in.

He threatened to release that video from when I was drugged by him. I told him I didn't believe he had a video, so nice try scaring me. He sent me a copy. It was awful and made me sick to my stomach. He had found my corporate headquarters information and threatened to send it to my boss.

Then he went to every location in every city until he found me at my new location. He followed me home from there and found out where I lived too. I came home and he was in my apartment bringing up more things from his storage I never asked for. He had a key.

He wouldn’t leave for two days. I was held hostage. When he left I called the police and they took a report. But they said they can’t do anything unless I filed a restraining order. I went to the manager of the complex and they never gave him a key. He had gone to my neighbors asking for tools and stuff; had them thinking he lived with me.

The more I ignored him, the more he’d come after me. I requested time off work so I could file a restraining order. I couldn’t get time off for a month or so, I thought I’d be okay. Than when I stopped responding too him; he started harassing my 18 year old son.

My son threatened him and DD threatened to get my son arrested. That he had proof my son was sleeping with underage girls (none true but he was willing to do anything to get my son in trouble). At one point he threatened to physically attack my son.

He berated me for raising a kid so disrespectful. That I couldn’t allow my son to dictate who I dated. No matter how many times I told him I didn’t love him, I didn’t want to be with him; he’d blame my son. DD would tell me that my son needed a father, that he’d teach him how to be a man. I told him I never wanted him anywhere near my kids and that he was exactly what I taught my kids not to be.


He showed up again; with a huge fridge in the bed of his truck. He kept calling me and I didn’t answer. He banged on my door and I didn’t answer. He screamed my name from the parking lot. I was terrified. I was alone. I thought if I acted like I wasn’t home, he’d leave. But he wouldn’t go away.

I was terrified my son would come home and find DD causing a scene in the parking lot. I called the police.

The cop came to the door stating DD said he was just bringing a fridge by since we needed one. I filled the officer in (who had come on previous calls). He asked if I wanted him to leave the property. They couldn’t arrest him. They did make him leave the property.

He stayed at the gas station across the street that night. My best friend EV worked there and called me about it. Said he was digging through trash cans and asking people for money.

The next day I went and got a temporary restraining order.

Facts surrounding Stalking

Facts surrounding Stalking

two-years-stolen-by-my-stalker

It’s Just A Piece Of Paper

The temporary restraining order really didn’t do anything. Now he was stalking me; but not making himself visible. He beheaded a huge white Lily and put it in a box; like a body laying with no head in a coffin. Left it on my stairs.

Another time he dropped off a half eaten pizza, a flower duct taped to the box, sharpie writing all over the box on how he can make us famous. I kept thinking only way he’d make us famous is if we ended up on an episode of Investigation Discovery.

There was these huge copper strips that were molded into a crazy heart shape with weird designs on it. It was displayed at my job he stalked to find me at. When I looked up he was walking In my store.

After all this I pushed him into the parking lot as my team called the police. Customers witnessing the interaction. He was threatening me and my job. Threatening my reputation. Than gets down on one knee and proposes. I threw the ring in his face and told him i have a temporary protective order now.

He took off after throwing my key at me. Yelled I would regret it.

He texted me that week threatening my life. He stated he’d run me off the road. He insinuated murdering me. That I’d disappear. I kept documenting it for the court date. I was terrified. One night I slept by the front door with a baseball bat because he was seen stalking the gate of the complex. He knew what I was wearing. I couldn’t find him. Cops still just looking for him or not able to do anything.

Than he starts sending me sexually explicit videos of him getting pleasured by other females; also know meth addicts. He was posting really detailed and untrue rantings on Facebook about me. He was using calling apps so it was a different number every time.

I didn’t leave my place unless it was to work for four months after I moved in. I was terrified.

Then we finally had the hearing for the permanent order. He showed up, cocky, and giving me smirks and winks. He planned on making me the crazy one and wanted to get me charged with theft and slander.

His adult son and ex wife and my cousin showed up for support. When he saw they were there his face turned evil. I had an inch thick folder full of all his texts, photos, emails, posts, call records.

We sat and watched 7 different cases ahead of us. All for protective orders. All of them denied. This judge didn’t grant protective orders easily. I panicked. I didn’t know what else to do if I was denied it. He sat smugly and snickering as each case was denied. I don’t think I have prayed that hard in a decade, up to that moment.

The judge started with me. I guess I had the burden of proof. I had to prove beyond a shadow of doubt the protective order was justified. I went through the main Facts first. She asked a lot of clarifying questions.

”Have you requested he no longer contact you?”

”Has he threatened your life?”

”Is the contact excessive to be obviously perceived as Harassment?”

“Do you feel anyone else should be protected in the order? Why?”

I had so much documentation the judge quickly saw all the proof. When she asked Him had he ever threatened my life, of course he denied it stating I lie and embellish to get people on my side. So she read him a text he sent stating “that is, if you make it home alive.” Isn’t that a threat she asks him? He of course said it’s taken out of context. She proceeds to educate him on perceived threats of violence.

When she asked if he’d been asked not to contact me, he said I harassed HIM! She held up a sheet of paper reading off my texts..”please stop texting me” “please refrain from further contact” “leave me the fuck alone”...She asked if he knew what go away meant. That he just didn’t get it, I wanted nothing to do with him.

He tried to rebuttal and say I was slandering him and he had a case for defamation of character. She held up the texted photo of him smoking crack...admitting he did because meth opened up his brain...and said it’s not slander if it’s true sir. He even tried to say that was a Halloween costume!

When she was ruling he interrupted her that I had been conspiring with his ex-wife and she had brought his oldest son today to court. That I was in contempt of the temporary order. The judge stated I could talk to who I want, about what I want, anytime I want...but he was not to even say my name to anyone or he’d be in violation.

Than he tried to say I stole his belongings after I broke into his storage. She asked me if I did. I said no and I had proof he gave permission. DD still couldn’t shut up and said I had his family heirlooms. So she told him it’s a civil matter but what were the items?

A turkey Baster, a cast iron pan, and a blanket

I said I didn’t have those items, she told him he could replace them at Target. Request denied.

She gave me a five year protective order. She included two of my children. She stated he couldn’t even talk to me through a third party. He wasn’t allowed to even suggest in an online post anything regarding me. He couldn’t be within 100 feet. She told me that after five years, come request an extension and she will grant it. She said to me As she stared at him; he’d never stop. I will think he did, so when it expired I didn’t feel I needed to extend it. That is when he would show up and probably to harm me.

She had him leave and I was escorted to my car By the bailiff.

After he left, she told me “It’s just a piece of paper.” She told me to protect myself.

I honestly thought now that a judge told him to stop, he’d stop.

When did I become so naive?



What are the signs of a stalker?

What are the signs of a stalker?

False Sense of Safety

I left the courthouse feeling a sense of relief.

Partly because a female judge had denied 7 restraining orders. This was not a women who ruled without proof and did not fall for a women’s “poor me” tactics. She did not take “just your word” to rule. She didn’t rule unfairly. In fact, she ruled too rigid in my opinion. But she ruled in my favor.

It made me confident I was not making it worse than it really was. I wasn’t doing it out of revenge. It solidified that I had made the right steps to extract myself from his life. She commended me on keeping such detailed proof. I knew in my heart it wasn’t my fault he wouldn’t leave me alone.

When people would tell me (mainly my mom and sister) to just ignore his texts and calls, they didn’t understand that made it worse. They told me I relished in the drama; that I fueled it by not ignoring him. Until you have someone literally blowing up your phone all day, every day, all night...you can’t understand how it affects your sanity.

Until you have tried to just block their number and access to your social media; only to have unknown calls and numbers you don’t recognize now constantly harassing you, you can’t fully understand blocking just doesn’t work. Or how they will just create new profiles to message you online or stalk social media.

I even changed my phone number. Only for him to have it the next day. When someone has lived with you, someone capable of the extreme, they remember every detail of your life. He knew my birthday, he knew my kids names, my favorite sports team, my high school best friend, all that information that are security questions to validate identity. He was able to get my new number by figuring out how to access my phone carrier online.

”Just ignoring” someone like that’s impossible. The less contact he had via text or Facebook? He’d show up at my job. He’d call my store 100 times a day. He’d harass my employees to try and gain information. He’d show up at the kids dads. He’d text my kids father until he told me about it, to contact him. He’d stalk my friends online. He’d try getting information from the 70 mutual friends we had.

It got so bad I had to contact each mutual friend directly. Someone we both grew up with. I’d have to tell them I had a restraining order on this person and hes stalking me and due to my and my kids safety; if they stayed a mutual friend I’d have to delete them. I’d profusely apologize and state I didn’t want anyone choosing sides but our safety was in jeopardy. I was very lucky not one asked questions and every single one deleted him right away. However, I shouldn't have had to do that.

To have your own family not understand that you couldn’t just ignore them away is frustrating. You lose people you can talk to. You are judged.

I felt like I was a walking Lifetime movie.

I honestly thought that “the piece of paper” would be my savior. That now I can call the police and he’s arrested.

I should have watched more lifetime Stalker movies.


Will your divorce be safe without a protective order?

Will your divorce be safe without a protective order?

Just Out Of Reach

He didn’t leave me alone. He just got more creative.

He knew my youngest son wasn’t on the restraining order. That’s due to the fact my son lived with his father the entire time this had been happening. He wasn’t directly affected by DDs actions. When I finally got the restraining order I agreed to take my son back. His father was going through a break up and he had no where to go; so he wanted me to take him right away.

I felt safe to do so. The other two kids were protected and I thought DD would be afraid to do anything now because I had legal recourse. After the hearing I did hear from DD. He called on an unidentified number and he screamed at me that I ruined his life. That now it will show up in background checks and he can’t get security clearance jobs and I’m the reason he will lose his kids.

I always hung up on him. Would screen shot the call log and email to the detective. It did get quiet for a little while, I felt safe and my son moved In again and I started going out. I was meeting friends and dating again.

Than one day, DD is waiting at the main entrance of the complex, out of range of violation of the order, with an ice cream cone. My 9 year old is walking home from school and he corners him. Gives him the ice cream. Tells him how much he loves his mom and he needs to come home to live with us. That his mom made him homeless.

I was at work in another county when I got the call from my daughter. I called the police. I was routed to Los Angeles County Sheriff. Due to me being physically in that county, they take the report. However, nothing they can do. So as I’m rushing home, I call the local police in the city it happened in. Nothing they can do because he wasn’t in violation. Doesn’t matter it’s obvious he’s now stalking my minor child; he can’t be arrested. The police did put out an alert, To keep patrols heavy in my neighborhood and watching for him; but that’s all they could do.

I grabbed my best friend EV, who saw the direction he was headed, and we drove until we found him. He was begging for money at a gas station on the Main Street only a few miles from my residence. I leaned out the window when we stopped and I yelled at him to never have contact with my son again or I’d personally kill him. I took a picture of him there so I had proof. He started screaming I needed to talk to him; that he had proof I need to see. I didn’t give any Fucks anymore. Stay away from my son.

He would show up randomly. He’d stalk me just far enough out of reach. He’d text and call and post on Facebook. I’d keep sending it to the detective (that I still haven’t heard from) and kept calling the police.

He lived in Orange County, I worked in LA County, I lived in San Bernardino County. So if I got a text at work I reported it to LA sheriff. But he’s in Orange County. They wouldn’t do anything. I could never have him in one county, harassing me, so he could go to jail.

I had gone months with no word from him finally. I had moved to another state 3,000 miles away. He made a fake profile to stalk me, saw I moved to that state, and he found a phone to borrow and called me. He screamed about me leaving, accused me of being a whore and slut, than proceeded to try to prove to me he’s the son of God.

Its been almost three years now...

Tips To Stay Safe When Ex Becomes A Stalker

Tips To Stay Safe When Ex Becomes A Stalker

Stalked and Murdered By Ex

Do I Have To End Up Dead?

What bothers me the most is nothing could be done to help us. The story I shared is a G rated version. If I wasn’t as good a person as I am; I’d find and share all that horror I have saved just in case I need it again.

The only way for him to be held accountable is if he violates the order under ideal circumstances and happens to get caught.

Do I need to become a statistic? Do I need to be a victim of a violent horrendous crime?

Hes never going to leave me alone. If he had a vehicle and money? He’d find me out here.

You can’t just ignore him so he gives up and goes away.

Its just a piece of paper...protect your own damn self.


Comments

Abby K (author) from Southern California on September 24, 2020:

You are very right in everything you said. I have not ignored red flags since and I lived on my own for the four years afterwards. I’m married now but don’t let things go past me as I used to.

I made bad choices that put me in that situation. It’s not my fault for the things he did; but holding myself accountable for those choices that made me vulnerable is my responsibility.

dashingscorpio from Chicago on February 13, 2020:

Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

Each of us has our mate selection process/must haves list.

Each of us has our own boundaries and "deal breakers".

A relationship based around circumstances rather than love is likely to fail. It's not "surprise" that a guy living with a woman will likely end up having sex. However women insist upon believing straight guys who find them attractive will view their relationship as if they're siblings!

Secondly you moved in together to save money. Generally speaking it's best to have a same sex roommate if the goal is just to save money.

When he announced to the world on Facebook you were a "couple" without you having had any discussions and your response was.."why not" you became a passenger in your own life!

Whenever someone is ambivalent they tend to go along to get along which allows boundary after boundary to be crossed.

He is an abuser and is responsible for his actions.

However the reality is we can only control ourselves.

Therefore it's up to the individual not to allow themselves to "sleep walk" or go on "auto pilot" when choosing a mate or dating someone.

Looking out for #1 is each of our own responsibility.

"Red flags" are ignored if we're asleep at the wheel.

Ultimately playing the 'blame game" disempowers us.

If we insist upon only viewing things as "what happened to us" then we are {powerless} to keep it from "happening to us" again.

On the other hand if we look back on all the times we said "yes" or went along with things we disagreed with then we acknowledge the choices and decisions we made played a huge factor.

The great thing about taking some responsibility is we can learn from OUR mistakes! On the other hand if it's all about THEM we're powerless to stop it from happening over and over again.

Everyone has heard "nice guys finish last. but has anyone ever heard of the lonely player, Alpha male, jerks, a-holes, thugs, bad-boy? No! Is that a coincidence? No!

Truth be told some people are attracted to narcissists, controlling and manipulative people or those who need "fixing" and have "drama". For such a person attracted to this type it's about feeling "needed".

Another mistake people make is they set the bar too high when it comes to defining what is an abusive or toxic relationship.

Waiting until it's a "5 alarm fire" before seeking help is dangerous.

The simple truth is if you're "unhappy" in a relationship then it's toxic for YOU! Anyone who is unhappy in a relationship and chooses to stay is choosing to be unhappy. No one is "stuck" with anyone.

Suffering is optional. Never forget there are resources.

"If you want something bad enough you will find a way and if you don't you will find an excuse." - Jim Rohn

Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.

The goal is to find someone who (already is) what you want.

Your objective should be to have a "soulmate" not a cellmate.

"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary.'

- Oscar Wilde