Deborah is a writer, healer, and teacher. Her goal is to help people live their best lives every day by sharing her joy and love of life.
Who is your crush?
It's hard to say who you will fall for. One day, it's business as usual, and the next day, BAM! You see someone who makes your heart pound. Your knees are weak. You can't believe you've never seen them before.
So how do you go from staring longingly across the cafeteria, to actually striking up a conversation and getting a date with your crush? Following are ten tips to help you move from unknown stranger to potential Friday date-night.
Eye Contact and Conversation
10. Make eye contact. Whether you are across a room, sitting near one another on a bus, or even on the other side of the office, the first thing you need to do is have your crush notice you. Move closer. You don't need to get all up in their business, but find some reason to move closer. Find a reason to go into his office. Change seats on the Metro. Work out in the area of the gym where she usually hangs out. Once you have closed the distance to a reasonable amount, make eye contact.
This doesn't mean stare at her breasts, or gaze at his crotch. Instead, make eye contact. If your crush is focused on something and is not looking around, you could clear your throat, hum a song, or begin talking to someone else in the area. Do something to catch their attention, without acting like a clown. Then, once your crush looks up, catch his or her eyes.
Hold the gaze for a few seconds, smile and look away. You don't want to have a stare-down with your crush, and you do want to hold the gaze long enough to let them know you like them. Adding a smile and a nod or a quick wink is even more forward. You might find yourself blushing, which is sure to intrigue your crush even more.
Once you have made eye contact, you can do something else. Don't continue staring at them, hoping they look up again. Instead busy yourself with other tasks or another conversation with someone else. You don't want to come off as a stalker.
9. Start a conversation. This step will be easier if you already know your crush. If you know your crush, then you can casually walk up and say hello. Ask about their weekend, or their dog, or some other safe topic. The weather is always good, because there is always weather.
A couple of things to remember when you strike up a conversation with your crush: Don't complain. If you are asking about their weekend, don't start griping about how lousy your football team played. If you ask about the weather, keep the conversation light and easy, don't launch into a tirade about how much you hate winter, or how you despise the heat. Go light. Make it an easy conversation.
Also, don't dominate the conversation. Your goal is to carry on a pleasant, short conversation. Ask a question (don't ask a question that can be answered with a simple yes or no, or your conversation will be a lot shorter than you might like), let your crush respond, make a couple of comments, and allow the conversation to flow. If it doesn't flow, you don't have to step in and dominate. You can just tell them to have a wonderful day, and continue moving.
Don't use vulgarity. It doesn't matter if you and your friends like to drop a lot of F-bombs in conversation. When you are striking up a conversation that will hopefully lead to a date, a kiss, or even a relationship, then you need to keep the profanity under wraps. Yes, it's a part of who you are. Yes, you are free to speak however you like. The truth is, not everybody appreciates foul language. Until you know your crush well, keep the potty-mouth on the down low.
If you don't know your crush, it can be a little harder to strike up a conversation. Look for something you share in common. Do you both go to the gym at the same time? Take the same train every morning? Work in the same building? Find some piece of common ground, no matter how small or trivial, and comment on that.
Once again, the weather is always a safe topic. If your first conversation goes well, you can offer your name. Depending on the circumstances, it doesn't necessarily have to be a formal introduction. You can just say, "My name is Deborah. It's nice to meet you." Your crush may or may not offer their name. It doesn't matter. Just continue being nice and saying hello when you happen to bump into them.
How do I do this?
How do I flirt with him?
Questions and Touch
8. Ask questions. Once you've made conversational contact with your crush, it's time to begin moving closer. Not physically closer, but mentally. You want your crush to think about you when you aren't around.
Begin asking them questions. At first, you can ask trivial questions about his family, her pets, hobbies and other things. Making small talk is a great way to get to know someone, and find out if you even have anything in common.
You might discover that your crush is a vapid, shallow twit who isn't worth your time. Or you might find that you share an interest in French Renaissance with your crush and discover that you enjoy unknown foreign films.
The key to making conversation is to ask them questions, and allow them time to answer. Don't have any expectations about what they will say, and don't interrupt them. Just let your crush answer your question. You can follow it up with something about yourself, that is related to the topic, but once again, don't go off on a tangent about yourself.
People don't appreciate talking to someone who only wants to talk about themselves. However, people love to talk about themselves and their experiences. So go ahead, ask your hottie some questions, and then let them talk.
While your crush is talking, maintain eye contact, look interested and ask follow-up questions that are pertinent to the conversation. Once they have finished talking, get back to work, or go back to whatever you were doing. Don't stand there expectantly, as if you want something. Just say, "Okay, it was nice talking to you. See you around," and move on. Leave them intrigued and wanting more.
7. Touch them during a conversation or in passing. A great way to make contact with your crush and ensure that they notice you, is by touching them. Don't get weird and creepy. Your touch needs to be deliberately placed, light and non-offensive.
Learning the art of touch can be difficult. Be careful to touch only in non-sexual ways. During a conversation, reach out a lightly touch him on the arm. As you are walking past her desk, pat her shoulder or touch her back. If you are at the gym, you could ask him for help with a machine or the weights, or whatever other excuse you need, and as you are thanking him, you could touch his hand.
Touching your crush brings you closer, and adds a jolt of electricity to the conversation. Be sure to watch their body language. If your crush pulls back or moves away from you, then you have gone too far. Don't make a big deal of it. Just make a mental note not to do that again for a while, and get on with your conversation.
Also, if your crush doesn't respond favorably to your touch, don't take it personally. Perhaps they aren't ready for physical contact. Perhaps they don't like being touched on the hand. Maybe they just aren't ready. In any case, you can save face by not making a big deal about it, and moving on.
Another thing you can do is just be near them. If you don't feel comfortable touching your crush on the arm, then stand near her while you ask about her day. Turn your body to face your crush, rather than turning away. Try to be aware of your own body language and keep it open and positive, but not weird and creepy.
Compliments and Jokes
6. Offer your crush a compliment. Once again, you don't have to get all weird and creepy, but everyone likes a genuine compliment. Find something nice to compliment your crush on, whether it's his new haircut, her shoes, or his lifting technique.
When you have a conversation with your crush, pay attention. Listen to what they say, and pick up cues about what they like and who they are. That way, when you offer a compliment, it will be genuine, honest and believable.
Let your crush know that you listen, and that you pay attention and compliment them on something they have accomplished or done that they are proud of.
The most important part of complimenting your crush is to be sincere. No one likes a shallow compliment. And if you ask someone if they've lost weight, they might take it the wrong way. Look for real ways to offer compliments to something other than their looks.
5. Be funny. We are not all comedians, but surely you can make a person laugh. If you aren't good with spur of the moment humorous remarks, then don't leave your jokes up to chance. There are lots of funny anecdotes and jokes online that are clean and in good taste.
Another thing you can do is watch video clips of late-night television and pick up on some of their style. Regardless of your own taste, people like to laugh. If you can't think of something funny, then get help online.
Keep in mind that you still need to watch your profanity. If you haven't yet gone on a first date with your crush, and you still don't know them well socially, it's best to play it safe with your language and your jokes. Profanity and sexually explicit jokes might seem funny among your friends and buddies, but this is your crush. You want him or her to respect you. You want them to like you. You don't want them to turn away in disgust because you misjudged their sense of humor.
Instead, play it safe. Keep your jokes and comments clean. You can add a little sexual innuendo, if you are very careful, but too much will turn your flirting into a creepy conversation that likely will end your chances of a date.
Who is your crush
Don't Be Afraid to Ask Her For Help
Unexpected Encounters and Help
4. Run into your crush in an unexpected place. If you have had more than one conversation with your crush, you can begin to learn their interests, hobbies and other responsibilities. Maybe your crush takes a night class at the community college, or volunteers at a youth center or senior citizen's center. Listen to what they say, and make a mental note.
When you are ready to expand your horizons, you can bump into your crush somewhere unexpected. Get off the train at a different stop than your usual one, and find out where he goes. Spend some time volunteering in town, at the same place your crush volunteers.
When you pay attention to what people say, you can learn what they enjoy, and you can bump into them in different places. When this happens, you become more interesting to your crush, and demonstrate that you have more in common than just work or school.
3. Ask your crush for help with a problem or ask them their opinion. It doesn't need to be life changing or career changing, but when you ask your crush for their opinion or for help, then you demonstrate that you value their opinion and their time.
Be sure to keep it simple and easy, listen attentively, and make eye contact. Once they have offered their opinion or suggestion, don't immediately shoot it down, or explain why their idea couldn't possibly work. Even if they give you the worst advice in the world, you don't have to take it. The idea is to engage them on a different level, and encourage them to share their ideas.
Once they have shared, thank them for their time. If you actually try the suggestion, you can report back at a later time, and tell them how their idea worked out.
You can make this as simple as asking them for a movie suggestion for the weekend, a restaurant suggestion for dinner, or a question about something at work or school. Don't make it too complicated and be sure to thank them for their idea.
Spend Time and Be Dignified
2. Suggest spending time together in a neutral place. After you've had a few conversations with your crush, you've made them laugh, and you feel a connection, now is the time to move forward.
Tell your crush about upcoming plans for a hike, a visit to a museum, or some other neutral place. Ask your crush if he or she would like to join you sometime. You don't have to be specific yet. Just make a suggestion that the two of you spend some time together.
If your crush seems interested, this is a green light. Time to move forward. You can get more specific about a time and a place. Keep it very public and don't have any expectations for your crush. Let it be an easy, fun time.
If your crush doesn't respond or doesn't seem interested, do not dismay. It might be that they don't like the particular thing you've suggested. Or, it might be that they don't want to move the relationship forward. Back off a little, and continue with pleasant conversations.
Not every crush will like you back, and that is okay. Be honest, be genuine and be nice. Regardless of whether your crush likes you back or not, the best way to maintain a good relationship is to be nice. You might be friends, and it might warm up later. Or, your crush might not like you that way. Either way, be nice and keep things easy and light.
1. Maintain your dignity. Whether you end up dating your crush or not, the most important thing for you to do is to walk with dignity.
If your crush says yes, and you go on a first date, don't be pushy, don't have expectations and don't try to go too far. Just enjoy the date, enjoy the conversation, treat your crush and yourself with respect, and walk away with your dignity in tact. If the date goes well and your crush is intrigued, then chances are, there will be a second date.
If you have a first date, but your crush resists seeing you again, don't fall into the trap of texting and calling all the time and checking to see what's wrong. Let them be. Give your crush some space. There is nothing worse than acting like a stalker, hoping to get your crush to go out with you again. If he or she doesn't seem to want to go out again, or if they avoid you, that is okay. Maintain your dignity. Not every date will end in love. Back off. Give them space and continue to be nice.
If your crush rejects your dating advances, don't get all crazy. Maintain your dignity. Perhaps your crush doesn't want to date, or they don't see your relationship as anything more than a friend. That is okay too. Suck it up, be strong, and don't whine. There is no bigger turn-off than a whiny, annoying creeper who follows you around, hoping you will notice them.
Be confident. Be dignified. Be respectful. No matter how things end up with your crush, you still have to live with yourself. Make sure you behave in a manner that you can respect. When you respect yourself, then others can respect you too.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2015 Deborah Demander
Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on January 11, 2015:
Thanks Road Warrior. I appreciate your comments and the fact that you read the article.
Nick DeGeorge from Shenzhen, China on January 11, 2015:
In that case yes as tips to overcome shyness or public awkwardness or what we call social retardation I am good with that .
Deborah Demander (author) from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on January 11, 2015:
Road Warrior, thanks for your comment.
You are correct, workplace romance is tricky at best, and could be hazardous.
These are meant to be fun tips to help a person overcome shyness and talk to their crush.
Who knows where it will lead?
Nick DeGeorge from Shenzhen, China on January 11, 2015:
I am sorry each person is an individual there is no universal script to land a date but you fail to describe what the date represents are you referring to a romantic date or an act of customer service or colleagues bonding.
I will tell you that trying your ten tips in the workplace is more likely to land you in the HR office than on a date.