Yves's mission is to help women attract positive relationships by establishing personal parameters and greater self-worth.
You’ve met a new guy. He is charming and nice looking. Sparks are flying. Cupid is zinging arrows at your heart and you wonder if maybe, you've finally met your soulmate. But soon into your first conversation, this guy who is apparently making your heart flutter, says at least one of the three dreaded sentences no sane man should ever say to any self-respecting woman. Keep reading to find out what these phrases are and why these particular words nearly always spell trouble, with a capital "T."
Statement #1...."Relationships Should Be 50/50"
Since when and in what universe is 50/50 even possible? Nevertheless, on the surface, the 50/50 statement sounds positive enough. After all, fairness is a good thing---Right? Well...sure, but in most cases, the man who uses these words is not really all that interested in what is fair for you as much as what is fair for him. In short, the phrase is misleading.
In reality, 50/50 guy is indicating that if you scratch his back, he’ll scratch yours. In other words, he wants the relationship to be sort of like a business arrangement. The most significant clause within the arrangement is that he is in no way required to treat you with the loving kindness, nor the respect he expects from you, unless or maybe if you first do this or do that for him---and that's a very big maybe.
Let's pause for a minute. Does this "agreement" sound like manipulation to you? It should. For example, let's say 50/50 guy called to speak with you, but you happened to be in the middle of a meeting with your boss at work. Consequently, you allowed the call to go through to your voicemail. 50/50 man is going to count that as a strike against you. Never mind that you don't like taking personal calls at work or that picking up the telephone when you are in a meeting is out of the question, in the first place. None of that matters to percentage guy. You didn't answer his call. According to him, you were being unfair and you will be required to make it up to him. In short, he uses emotional blackmail to make you pay for the discomfort he experienced due to your negligence.
Yes indeed, you can always count on 50/50 guy to keep a tally of how often you have done things to please him. This scrutiny is exhausting for any woman who just wants to date a normal person. Mostly, 50/50 guys' obsession has to do with maintaining control. He doesn't want to get "screwed over" again like he did with the last allegedly "unfair" woman.
As you may have guessed by now, physical comfort is also high on 50/50's list of needs. You are required to have the same level of enthusiasm about sexual matters as he does----and at the same time. Never mind that the woman has valid feelings about how a man should treat her so that she might have sexual feelings toward him in the first place. No, I'm afraid that "selfish" attitude of hers won't do for 50/50 guy.
Most everyone has had to contend with control freaks. These are people who insist on having their way....they have a driving need to run the show and call the shots. Lurking within the conversation is the clear threat that if you do not accede to their needs and demands, they will be unhappy.
— Thomas J. Schumacher
You get the picture. Somewhere in his past, percentage guy came to believe he was "used" by a woman and he never wants that to happen again. So from now on, everything has to be 50/50. Otherwise, he believes she isn't playing fair. In truth, percentage man has a lot of emotional baggage. It's a heavy burden, to be sure---all that counting and weighing. But what is a wronged man to do, besides tally up the score sheet?
Actually, 50/50 guy hasn't dealt with his insecurity or rejection issues; consequently, your feelings are secondary to his. He is problematic precisely because he is very difficult, if not impossible to please. Nobody will ever meet his unrealistic demand for "fairness."
Real life couples who are successful in their relationships understand that sometimes one of them may needs the other to step-up and take care of things around the house or elsewhere. Maybe she twisted her ankle and he has to give the kids a bath, even though it's not his turn. Maybe he was deeply humiliated by a colleague in the workplace and he really needs to go into his man-cave to brood for an hour or two. In other words, real life can get a rather lopsided at times. That's okay. That's where the other person lifts up the one who is down, and/or takes care of matters the other one usually attends to.