Why does it have to be one-sided love?
I have known people who simply loves another even if the glaring fact is-the other person does not. One-sided love is what it is called. When I was younger, I often wondered why those people would chose to engage in such an emotional bind and go to such trouble as to love another who does not reciprocate the feeling. Back then, I thought, it would be downright stupid as such feeling would only mean one thing-heartbreak. And then, something happened. Cupid played his dirty trick on me-I found myself in the same predicament as those people. I was in a one-sided relationship with me doing all the loving,the giving, while the other person did no caring at all, simply receiving. I was happy while it lasted. Time flies, soon I moved on. But I never forgot the lesson. I know now why some people, myself included, enter into a one-sided love.
1. It's not expensive. Unlike in an official relationship between two persons, in a one-sided love there is no need to spend for the other person. It is not expected that you will buy chocolates, gifts, flowers for occasions like anniversaries, trips during holidays and the like. Besides, even if you spend a million, it is not a guarantee that the other person will like you, much more love you, anyway.
2. There is freedom. Unlike in a relationship where both people seem to have the right to nag and compel the person to have an undertime at work just so he can accompany you in your shopping, in a one-sided love, your time is yours to keep. You can spend it in whatever way you want. No need to ask permission on what dress to wear, what stuff to buy, who you want to be with, what show to watch on TV, and where you want to go.
3. No need to take care of the relationship.In a real relationship, commitment is a must. Loyalty is a must. Good memory is a must. In a one-sided love, you can look and admire someone else without being afraid of getting caught. You can forget her birthday and anniversary without feeling guilty.
4. No expectations. When it happened to me, I knew deep inside that he does not feel the same. I hoped but I did not expect him to love me back. After all, I cannot force him to do that, right? It was enough that I got to see him and get to talk to him at times. Besides, when you love, you must not expect anything in return. Otherwise, it would not be loving but investing.
5. Can be ended anytime. So true. In a real relationship, before one has to end the connection, some things are to be considered. Letting go of someone you really love is the hardest part in life but in a one-sided relation, you set your own pace. You can love him for as long as you want, but you can also end it anytime without the guilt that you might hurt him if you do.
6. The best part of a one-sided love is even if the other person did not love you back, you know that you love the person more than you thought you could.
In a one-sided love, it does not necessarily mean that the other person does not love you. It might be that he does not love you enough to make you happy. Or it might be that the other person loves you but is not yet ready to commit. Or it maybe that it is not one-sided after all but only that he is too proud or does not have the courage to admit to what he really feels.
Everything happens for the best. If the person you love doesn't love you back, it does not mean that no person would. Someday, someone would. Be patient. He will come when you least expect it.
Query on September 09, 2014:
I have been in one side love for 13 years marriage. I give her all she needs. I didn't leave her at the third year of marriage when she had chronic neurological disease. She was the love of my life. I supported her to gain graduate degrees. I over give her more than needed.
I was expecting after all of that, she will love me. Instead, she surprised me in one day, that she does not love me but she cares about me. Surprisingly, i am 90% suspicious that she had affairs with one of my friend.
Life become miserable and i had broken heart from such stupidity and lying.
My problem is that i am feeling like i willn't find a girl like her.
Overall, i took it as a lesson of my life and i might start processing the divorce documents. Because i need mutual love.
nemalki on January 24, 2014:
I think I'm in a one-sided relationship. At least, I'm starting to feel like I am. I have a girlfriend. We've been "together" for almost three years, even though we're in separate states. I was the first to say the "L" word, and she tells me the same. However, lately, I think it's becoming more one-sided on my end. I'd give her gifts, tell her I love her, stuff like that, but lately, she's kind of distant. She'll send an auto response instead of something fresh. I don't know if I'm even right about that because she has told me about her keeping a distance from folks. When I went to visit her, the first night, she didn't want me near her, and we barely spent time together. She's not into intimacy much. All I wanted to do was sit close to me. I respected that. She tells me there's nothing wrong with me, but sometimes, I feel otherwise. I tell her I love her, but I feel a bit of hesitation from her part. I don't want to lose her, and I'm afraid I am. It hurts.
skbiradar on September 27, 2013:
According to me, Love always one sided even after the relationship develops and practically seems to bothsided as felt by both and witnessed by their friends. always one person really in love and other just reciprocates it or acknowledges but not actually in deep love.
please all think ...... what actually is. So true love is one sided.
Vignesh on September 22, 2013:
I developed a very good friendship with a girl. Day by day our intimacy grew up... We started messaging every hour... Started sharing all daily activities like food,happiness, sorrow etc.. Things were going very very good... I was getting all positive signs from her... I was almost fell in love with her and suddenly I came to know she is already committed... I feel very very disappointed and lonely... I feel bad to continue messaging her nowadays... She is very upset / sad with that I am not moving with her as before... I openly informed her that I feel bad to continue messaging as before after knowing things... I requested her that we shall maintain a limit / control so that I will not miss her in future... She should have understood me... She repeatedly started mentioning that I should be her lifetime friend and never wants to miss me... I started feeling depressed and wanted to change myself... I want to come out of this feelings at the earliest... Please advice me the right path... Expecting your response... Please...
eatlovepray on May 04, 2013:
hey theabhirstg..i have a very similar story ..only thing being that she had told me that she doesn't love me(only love me as a friend) and even now she has a bf.It is better to distance urself from that person you adore so much as a one sided lover.Because at the end it is gonna be much worse if you dont leave her to her life.On the other side what i learned is to get more focussed towards your career rather than thinking about this.There might be another love for you somewhere.Always have a hope.I am having hope too.
Theabhirstg on April 29, 2013:
I am very much thankful to you for writing this post.
My story is, Its now 3 years to be complete. I am in love with a girl who understands me as a very good friend. She knows everything about my feelings. She cares about me more than anyone do (other than my family members). She scolds me for my carelessness about myself, whenever i get sick may be because she cares. I always share my problems about anything like education, job etc. with her and she always help me in such matters and i feel like free mind and a smile comes on my face. I am seriously in love with her, i do care for her. And she well understands it. But in 3 years she never told me that she also feels same for me. She says she never had a friend like me in her life. I remember once before 2 years from now, she told me that "May be my husband won't care for me as much as you do for me". Actually she always say that her parents won't allow this. And she also doesn't want her parents to feel insult in front of their relatives. And I am afraid that in next 2-3 years she will get married according to her parents choice. And sometimes i get upset a lot. And i know when this will happen she won't be in contact with me anymore. May be once or twice in month. But Everything will be over at that time. And frankly saying, I have very emotional nature. What should i do so that i can make my heart strong. And can be prepare myself to understand that this is only a single-side love.
Ashraq Hussain on April 09, 2013:
according to my point of view , if any body is in love with some one but if there is no feedback or a willing response from the 2nd person , then his love is not the real one but he only pretends to be in love ,,,if the love is real one then it will b fruitful i.e his/her love will effect on the 2nd person even after a long time .
shareef on March 19, 2013:
when your love terminated by the loved one it is similar to death of a real loved person such as father or mother or sister or daughter or son. it is a real heartbreaking experience a real tragedy
Honza on March 11, 2013:
This is bad hub. And I mean very bad.
Honza on March 04, 2013:
Can be ended anytime, there is a freedom, no expectations? What are you talking about? Those "facts" are ridicilous. Especially the one about freedom and ending your one sided love. When somebody is emotionally attached to another person he has no freedom because his mind does not let him think about anything else. And no you can not end it any time. It seems that you have not been in love at all. Sorry but ask me how painful one sided love is. I know.
loveisit on February 22, 2013:
I am in love with my sons mother, who used to love me. Now she doesn't feel like she used to. I find my self in a one sided love, but this one is hard. And depressing. Good hub!
theseus (author) from philippines on November 13, 2012:
Thank you for reading this hub.
If you feel that the relationship you are on is already suffocating you, then, it's time that you put a breather to it. Tell him the truth. From there, both of you should decide what to do. And I say both because you should talk to him about it. After all there is two of you in the relationship.
I hope that I was able to help clear your doubts,somehow. God bless.
theseus (author) from philippines on November 13, 2012:
Hello. Thank you for reading this hub.
You are on a difficult circumstance because you want to break it off yet you want to preserve the friendship. What to do? Be honest. Tell him what you really feel. If what he feels is real, mature love, then, he would be man enough to let you go. There is no use holding on to a relationship that is already suffocating you, it will only make you bitter and unhappy. We don't want to do that to the person we love, don't we? If anything, we want that person to be happy even if it means we will no longer be a part of it.You don't have to relocate to another part of the globe just so you can distance yourself from him.
I wish you well. God bless.
lili radi on October 29, 2012:
me too am involved am soffocated
jeanemo123 on October 17, 2012:
I am writing and knowing that I am on a one-sided realtionship him being the one-side person, I want to break it off, still wanting to be friends, the hard part is that he is my neighbor across the street of 13 yrs not being intmate or even talking to each other until Nov. of last year. My children and his played together, they are all grown and gone, so we are both single people, looking for love. He has been through two marraiges, I have never been married, but have had long time committed realtionship. We both parted from our partners, or realationship for two years, before we got together...His recliner at his house face my front door everyday...we live at a dead end street so we have to always see each other coming or going. How am I ever going to have my own personal life with him watching me day to day. I will not relocate from my home because of his own selfishness...Please respond
Honza on October 11, 2012:
Sorry but you see too easy. I was in one sided love four times and I was never able to let it go just like that. Where did you find that you can end it anytime you want. That is nonsense because tha is not love at all
PsK on September 04, 2012:
The lines you wrote are so true! Hatzz off! The lines wrritern above somewhere represents my current situation! *Respect*
theseus (author) from philippines on May 14, 2012:
As awkward as I felt reading your comment,I guess, thank you will suffice to show I appreciate your taking the time to read 2 of my hubs. God bless you.
king predator on May 14, 2012:
darling, i love you........
theseus (author) from philippines on March 04, 2011:
You just made an otherwise ordinary day special with such sweet words, thank you. Really.I feel that I have made friends with a lot of special and admirable people since I joined HP.
Yes, it's something complicated. But I was on that predicament some years ago so I can totally relate. hehe.:D
Again, thank you.God bless.
Audrey Hunt from Idyllwild Ca. on March 04, 2011:
This is a simply wonderful hub,theseus. Not an easy topic to write about, however you have made it look easy. I appreciate your talent and I appreciate you. A special day for me was when you "Hubbed" into my life.
A big rating up!
theseus (author) from philippines on February 10, 2011:
Hi..Thank you for passing by and taking the time to comment on my hub.
It's okay if you love that way. Take comfort in the thought that at least you have the courage to love than never to have at all..haha.
God bless you, too.
Micky Dee on February 10, 2011:
Oh dear. I guess I love from a distance. God bless!
theseus (author) from philippines on February 08, 2011:
Thank you for the nice words. It's always a pleasure hearing from you and knowing what your insight is on the subject. God bless you.
Katie McMurray from Westerville on February 08, 2011:
WOW what a geat explanation of one sided love, its a bothersome issue for many and yet this is a great resource to help people move on! Well Done! :) Katie
theseus (author) from philippines on January 25, 2011:
Hi. Thank you for reading my hub and for posting a comment.I respect your opinion. God bless you.
ImChemist on January 24, 2011:
i don't think one side love is real love because love sharing feeling between 2 person and that from one side!!
theseus (author) from philippines on January 23, 2011:
Dear Twilight Lawns,
Once again I extend my gratitude for your unwavering support and appreciation to my hubs. Thank you so much, dear. God bless you.
Hi b. Malin,
Nice to hear from you. Yes, knowing when to leave is important. The sad part is, it usually is easier said than done.Often, we try to make excuses on why we cling to that love.But that is not to say that we don't move on..we do. It just takes time,much effort and endless prayer.
Thank you. God bless you.
b. Malin on January 22, 2011:
I'm sure at one time or another, we've all experienced it...But knowing when to leave, is very important...the sooner, the better. Well written Hub on this subject.
Twilight Lawns from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on January 22, 2011:
I love your second paragraph. Every word is so true.
This is priceless: " After all we don't lose by giving, we lose by holding back"
God bless you, too.
theseus (author) from philippines on January 21, 2011:
Dear Twilight Lawns,
Thank you again for your insights, I so look forward to it every time I post a new hub.
You are right, we do try in the hope that it will turn out for the better. Oftentimes, it doesn't. But I guess that's what love is all about. The other person may not return the feeling but we find satisfaction in the knowledge that we gave it our best shot. After all we don't lose by giving, we lose by holding back, right?
Thank you again. God bless.
Twilight Lawns from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on January 21, 2011:
Unfortunately, most of us have been in one sided relationships, and we keep on trying, frequently thinking that it will "Get better" and all too may times, it doesn't. The other person gets more and more selfish. knowing that you are going to try to keep the circus rolling.