Kenneth, born and raised in the South, resides in Hamilton, Alabama. He enjoys sharing his unique perspectives on life through his writing.
This piece is not scandalous. Sure, the headline might be misleading, but it's not. My materials do push the envelope, but it's for us poor mortal guys who have always had a tough time figuring-out a woman's body language. Guys, get ahold of this hub. My advice, although unlicensed, might tend to be confusing, but that's normal. Relax.
The idea of my presentation stems from a piece from the old SNL Not Ready For Prime Time Players. I won't mention these stars because it's a waste of time for me and you, because you know all of them. Sure would like to be famous just one day. No. A week.
Actually, I'm tired of giving you a lenghty-presentation because this hub is so easy to understand, it practically writes itself. After it's finished, you might be quick to agree with me. In my life, one never knows of what happens from one day to the next, so this hub is the one that I chose to write for the benefit of us uneducated-but-lovable-guys. I do not mean any disrespect in any way toward any of you hard-working, steel-willed females who are the backbone of society. Yes, I said it. I am very proud to go on record to let people know just where I stand.
Now humor me here to share these facts about the lovely females of this world. Sure, females are much smarter than guys, and I have proof. But thanks to limited space, I shall refrain. Girls do like to talk, but they talk in truth, not foolish rumors that men talk up in their sweat-smelling locker rooms. Girls are not like a time bomb. Although some guys look upon pretty girls as if they (the girls) were sticks of TNT with fuses lit.
Girls are very sensitive. More caring and understanding than we, the males, of society. Truth be told, girls' tenderness does not go with little warm puppies and new dresses. I dare say that girls can look at a problem and within minutes they first have a theory and then the answer to the problem. I confess that in my case, I might spend days and nights to find that same solution to the same problem.
Thing is, women are very blessed. Men are too, but women look far better and it's not their fault. God made Eve, interpreted as "mother of all living." Women introduced themselves to us men and not on some quirky blind date. Our blessed mother's, such sainted ladies, took the nine months of morning sickness, took damage ot their hourglass figures and still, their time to give us birth was equal to death. But soon as we fellas drew our first breath, our mothers let out a big laugh and then held us, the child, securely in their arms.
Now for the deep water. Did you robust men know that females have a language of their own? You didn't know this fact? You've been watching ESPN too much. Women can talk wth their mouths and pretty red lips. And they can carry-on a conversation wth their bodies and limbs. Personally, I've never had the pleasure of getting their Body Language Book, but I have been studying how girls use their body language to get their points across.
Let's stop with this common blabbering, and take a good look at . . .
⦁ When a pretty girl sends you a wink, this can mean that she is letting you down easy and bored with you. Or . . .she's working to do make fun of you for the joke that you told and did not get a laugh.
⦁ Or if a pretty girl winks at you, she is definitely bored and wants to be taken home.
⦁ If a pretty girl cracks her knuckles, this is a sure-fire way to show you her tough side and you shouldn't make improper moves toward you or else she will crack your knuckles as well as your head.
⦁ Warning guys: if the pretty girl is out with you on a date and afterwards you ask her to let you take a walk with you and she agrees, so when you fall behind her and her tiny but is swaying right and left, DO NOT walk up to her and say, "Uhhhh, didn't know that you had a hip replacement." This one senseless statement will wreck any chance of you getting another date with her . . .or any other girl, because as you (hopefully) know, that girls love to talk and compare dates.
⦁ If her eyes never looks up to you during dinner, she is definitely one of two things: A. she is very hungry and hasn't had pork chops in a long time or B. She does not think that you do anything for her. So . . .after the date, be polite and shake hands with her. If she allows it.
⦁ If you and your date are in the waitng area of this super-popular eatery and you and her will do some talking, but before you sit down, a man of poor manners, sits in your place, but across the area, you notice that your pretty girl has slightly spread her legs, do not be amazed. She caught a cold breeze from the restaurant door. A male can be easily-fool, so take it easy.
⦁ You watch her as she crosses her pretty legs time and again, don't be flattered. She will probably tell you that she has a medical condition that causes her legs to go asleep, which simply put is the blood circulation is very slim. Again, could be she might just be flirting with another guy across the room, but YOU play it cool and don't make an ugly scene and ask her "just who are you flirting with?" Or she will quickly answer you.
⦁ BE CAREFUL with this one: your gorgeous girl date seems to yawn ever so often while you are having dinner. Do not be offended. She works in an office and her job has her to put in numerous overtime hours and her sleeping is limited. So get to the area of asking about her job. Your suspicions could be in vain.
⦁ If you are out with a gorgeous girl and you begin a conversation only to have her interrupt your storm several times. Guys, this means that it's the story that she dislikes, not you. Not yet. Quickly change topics to a "girl-related" topic such as is there a conspiracy about women changing their hairstyles too often?
⦁ And this is the FINAL TIP: if you are on a first date with this pretty brunette and she kicks you very hard underneath the table. And she doesn't ask for you to pardon her. She continues kicking as the date rolls along. By now your legs are skinned, bruised, and probably carrying huge purple bruises. But you are a total gentleman and do not say anything. But you cannot help it. As the time comes to walk to the cashier and pay the tab, she lays-out a spinning kick that even the late Bruce Lee would be proud of. As you are getting up, you say in shock, what's your problem? She winks, puts her hands on her hips and replies, I JUST DIDN'T LIKE YOU, AND YOU DID NOT KNOW HOW TO GET MY SIGNS.
Guys, Listen and Learn
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© 2022 Kenneth Avery