Serena is a digital nomad who writes about work, emotions, and self-improvement.
What are the signs that someone is incompatible with you, or even worse, may end up being a toxic partner to you? Here are some red flags to look out for while you begin to talk to or date someone that may end in trouble.
1. They have different values than you.
One of the basic red flags to look out for before entering a new relationship is if this person's basic values are very different from yours.
Some basic values to understand before becoming official with someone are political and religious beliefs. There are other basic ones as well, such as the following: Do they drink or smoke? Do they want children or not? Are they interested in always going out or do they prefer to stay in?
If you have any strong beliefs, ask them what they think about them and whether they agree or disagree. Know what is a hard no for you, what is most important to you, and what is in the grey zone.
Of course, understanding and being okay with someone having different beliefs can be perfectly healthy and is personal to how comfortable you are with those differences. Although, if you find that someone's beliefs are the polar opposite to yours, this may be a red flag.
2. Their relationships have been/are toxic.
You can learn a lot about someone simply by looking at the people that are in their life, so, an imperative piece of information to know about someone before committing to them is what their past and present relationships look like.
How many relationships have they been in and how did their last relationship end? If they readily admit to cheating on one or multiple partners or lying in their past relationships, this may very well be a red flag.
Who are their friends and how do they act? If you don't like a single friend of theirs this could be a red flag. Do you get along with the people in this person's life, or do they just rub you the wrong way? If their friends and/or family is toxic to you, they very well may have some of the same behaviors and actions as them, although you may not see it yet.
What is their relationship like with their parents and/or siblings? Do they make an effort to be kind to people, or not? Overall, look at whether or not these relationships seem positive, and note if they're toxic or volatile. If they have or still have toxic relationships with others in general, watch out.
3. They can't take care of themselves properly.
When looking for a partner, it is good to find someone who takes care of themselves mentally and physically. If you are talking to a person who already can't handle taking care of themselves, taking care of another person will be close to impossible to do effectively. The same goes for yourself.
When going into a new relationship, ideally both people should be mentally stable and physically healthy.
Additionally, if the person you are considering for a relationship has mental and/or physical health habits that you wish to not pick up, make note of that. Often partners will be influenced by the other's habits, whether intentional or not, positive or negative.
4. They act violently/ explosively under pressure.
A great way to deeply understand someone is to see how they act under pressure or stress. There is a diverse range of reactions that can occur when something goes wrong, from sadness, anger, contemplation, to even violence.
If you are contemplating being in a relationship with someone, you are bound to see them at their best and at their worst. What does their worst look like?
Do they react to disagreements or confrontations with anger and defensiveness? Or, are they the kind of person who tends to talk things through? If they easily snap, yell, or become violent this is a huge red flag signaling trouble down the road.
5. They see a different future than you.
Part of finding a good match is how well you get along in the present sense, but also how you plan to grow together in the future. Before committing, ask where they want to be in the future and what kind of goals they want to accomplish.
If you both plan to live different lives from each other, that may be a red flag. The bigger the differences in future planning the more concerning this may be.
For example, if one person wants to work part time and move to another country and one has ambitious career goals and never wants to leave their home town, this can potentially be a red flag. Both present and future activities as well as growing as a team should generally be a complimentary and supportive effort.
6. You constantly get into arguments.
It is normal for people to disagree on things now and again, but there is a difference between disagreements and arguments. And if you are getting into arguments or fights often, this is a red flag.
Some people may also be simply argumentative in nature, easily snap or make rude remarks about you or others, or are not good at handling disagreements.
It is a red flag if you are constantly getting into arguments and fights, as often this will not just suddenly change once you are committed to each other.
7. They tell you there is something wrong.
Sometimes you don't have to search all that long to see that something is a red flag. If you get lucky, you may find that someone will straight up tell you there is something wrong with them, your compatibility with them, or pursuing a relationship with them in general. Don't ignore expressed concerns, address them, especially if they are brought to your attention and pose a threat to a potential future relationship.
Take all of these potential red flags into consideration BEFORE you get into a relationship with someone. Finally, don't rush. Get to know someone before you put a title on it. Spend time with them, experience things together, and ask them some of the questions outlined here before you. Good luck and take care.
This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.
© 2022 Serenity