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A Look at Why People Are Two Faced: The Real Person Behind the Smile.

Author:

Nell is a psychologist and writer. She is interested in many aspects of Psychology and how we treat each other. plus DNA and Genealogy.

Gossip

gossip girls why so bitchy?

gossip girls why so bitchy?

Friends or Foes?

Why are people two-faced? What makes someone suddenly turn from being a friend into an enemy? Is it because they have always been sly, or do they really believe you have slighted them in some way?

People are strange creatures, we learn to behave early on in life, and manners are one of the main things that our parents teach us.

Throughout our lives, we meet lots of different personalities. Some we automatically get on with, and others we take an aversion to straight away.

But what of the people we believe are our friends? What makes them suddenly turn against you even if you believe there is nothing wrong. And especially if you haven't argued, or seen them for a few days?

What on earth do we do? Well, don't panic. Here are a few tips on how to resolve the problem of a two-faced friend.

Two Faced

Two Faced Liar

Two Faced Liar

The Psychology Of Bitchiness

Why do we never see a two-faced bitchy person coming? We may have been friends or colleagues for months or even years, but there has never been any indication that this person is going to turn and turn badly on us.

The trouble seems to be when a third person gets involved. I believe that the relationship between the two people will work as it has to balance even in a slightly crooked way. But add to the ingredients, a third person, then the whole ambience goes out of the window.

Maybe the third person has a couple of facets of personality more similar to your friend. For example, you trust people, they are less likely to trust someone. Add the third scenario and the first person may feel that they have someone else to back them up.

But why turn on the first friend even though they may have done nothing wrong?

Hiding Behind The Mask

Wearing a mask

Wearing a mask

How To Deal With Bitches

wiki commons photo

wiki commons photo

Bullying and Back Stabbing Why Do They Do It?

It seems to me that for this scenario to work, the first friend has to have been keeping her nasty side covered up.

This is a clever tactic to make sure that all their options are open. In other words, they may not like you or your 'too nice' approach, but they have nobody else.

The second another person appears more suited to their personality then you are expendable. Simple as that.

But What if your friend turns on you because they believe gossip from a third person?

This one is pretty difficult to understand. You have known this person for a long time. Another person comes along, gossips poison in their ear and they believe it?! What?

How did that happen? And why would your friend feel the need to believe it?

And that's the question, isn't it?


Betrayal

I think the answer to the question above, is that if your friend hears something nasty about you, whether it's true or not, it probably hurts them so much to think that they have been taken in by you all these years, then they can't see the wood for the trees. If you see my point.

Take this scenario. You have been together a long time, another person enters the equation and says they saw you do something horrible. Steal, fight, take your boyfriend and so on. They are so hurt that they never even think that the third person is lying.

So why don't they ask you? Now that's a good question!

Embarrassment? Maybe. Hurt? Probably. And so on.

But What about you? Why on earth are you not approaching your friend and asking them;

Why is this happening?

The Shifting Of The Wheel.

Now, this is going to sound rather strange, but if you think about it we all have our place in the friendship wheel. I call it that because it's a case of positioning. Your friend is to the right. You are in the middle and family and other friends are to your left and right. Metaphorically speaking.

In other words, mentally you know who sits where and you are comfortable there.

So what happens if the situation changes?

The seating shifts. Your friend is no longer where she was before. Her attitude has made the wheel turn slightly. All the other players in the bitchfest have moved up a notch.

Apart from you. It's a bit like feeling as though you are slightly uncomfortable in your chair. They have moved, and the atmosphere is slightly darker, but you didn't see the move coming.

Mentally you have to shift pretty quickly to keep up or else you are lost, embarrassed, upset and don't know what to do.

So, here's the thing. You have to tackle the situation full on or otherwise that wheel will be shifting some more and you will be left behind.

So, what are you going to say or do? Confront them? Ignore them?

Here are a few ideas that may help.

Free photos

Free photos

How To Handle Two Faced or Gossip Friends.

  • Don't let the situation go on for more than a few days. Do it, and do it now.
  • Confront your friend. Get him or her on their own and ask what the heck has gone wrong.
  • Find out if you have offended them.
  • If you are the recipient of gossip, go through the exact words that were said and say in a calm way, no sorry that's not true. Then go on to explain reality.
  • If they look as though they don't believe you, turn on the hurt look. And then say: How can you believe that new person when you have known me for years? Can't you see the fact that you have been manipulated? This will cause them to doubt the other person, and you will be able to sort out your problems.
  • If your friend doesn't believe you, be brave, and face both of them. The new outsider will show her true colors when confronted, trust me!
  • And last but not least, if all else fails, drop the so-called friend like a can of worms. There are always better and nicer people out there!

Gossip

Old lady gossipy and bitchy

Old lady gossipy and bitchy

My Experience.

Sometimes bitchy gossips come in 'Little old lady' packages! Long story short, one neighbor started an argument, my ex yelled back, and of course, my ex got the blame. I wasn't even there, but got the cold shoulder from another neighbor too! Of course, my nice neighbor believed the 'Little old lady' Because she was, well, a little old lady!

The truth of the matter is that this sweet lady, when the other neighbor moved in a couple of years ago stated that, and I quote:

'I can't believe that horrible man is moving upstairs, he is a nasty person, if he moves in I will move'.

I was gobsmacked, to say the least! I told her he was a great guy and so was his daughter, but she turned up her nose and said, 'I hate him, he has been married so many times he is disgusting'!

My point?

Gossips don't always come in the package you think they do. And don't always trust the ones that look so sweet and innocent. They do have claws too!

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This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2013 Nell Rose

Comments

Jennifer Panaro from Eastchester on April 07, 2020:

Great article and I love your advice!

Nell Rose (author) from England on October 09, 2019:

Thanks Lora, it can be so hard. I remember when I was at school, it was a nightmare!

Lora Hollings on October 08, 2019:

I certainly have had my experiences with friends and even family, sadly, that are two faced! Coming from a large family and with the kind of dynamics that we had to cope with as children, I guess that it isn't really surprising but still it can really hurt and be hard to deal with. Sibling rivalry can cause much dissension between family members especially with parents who aren't adept at handling it. Your article, Nell, gives us some great insight and good advice on how to deal with the rocky road in relationships. Thanks for sharing!

Nell Rose (author) from England on October 08, 2019:

Thanks Patricia, I do know how you feel. I had ten years of bullying at school. Nightmare!

Patricia Scott from North Central Florida on October 08, 2019:

Nell thanks for the info. I have been thrown under the bus a few times. And I wonder if the person who did it was doing it in a mean spirited way. I may be truly blind but think it was less about me and more about shining in the eyes of someone else. It is a long story but I survived. And that is a good thing. Angels are headed your way this morning ps

Nell Rose (author) from England on October 08, 2019:

Thanks, Haleema, I am so glad it is helpful.

Rêveuse Consciente from Pakistan on October 08, 2019:

This article will help me alot in my life, thanks for guiding.

Nell Rose (author) from England on November 03, 2017:

Exactly Mary! drives me totally insane! lol! thanks for reading.

Mary Wickison from Brazil on November 03, 2017:

I live in a small village and gossip spreads like wildfire. No one stops to ask if it is true or to find out more info. We choose to distance ourselves quickly, who needs that agro?

Nell Rose (author) from England on August 05, 2017:

Hiya Paula, my stupid spam folder grabbed your comment and ate it up! luckily I check it sometimes! lol! and yes I am the clumsiest woman in hubville! LOL! and good to know that I am not the only one! thanks and I will be over there soon, as long as I don't trip over my words! LOL!

Suzie from Carson City on July 12, 2017:

What??! You FELL and bruised yourself? Oh dear. Hope you're OK, Nell! I had no idea you are competing with me for "Clumsiest Woman of Hubville!!"

If it makes you feel any better, I fall, trip, stumble, walk into doors, stub my toes & spend more time on my a$$, than any woman I know! I'm an accident waiting to happen.

My Dad used to call me, "Grace."......Be careful!!

Nell Rose (author) from England on July 12, 2017:

Hiya Paula, good to see you! sorry it took me a while to get back to you. falling flat on my face and bruising the whole of my body tends to make you take it easy for a while! lol! ouch! yes I never suffer fools as my mum used to say. If they do it to someone else then they will do it to you! x

Suzie from Carson City on July 11, 2017:

Hello Nell, my lovely English friend. The first time I commented to this article, I wrote a little poem. I saw it today in the main thread so I thought I'd visit again.

The title jumped out at me today for some reason.....I guess I'd be able to tolerate it somewhat if people were only TWO-faced but the reality is, there are those clever individuals who wear 4, 5 & 6 faces, depending upon what "game" they're playing on a particular day!! Annoying, maddening and quite disappointing but often we have to deal with these creeps.

Being real, authentic and honest seems to be on the HP menu today. I just commented to an article by Patrick Patrick that is geared toward being WHO WE TRULY ARE AT ALL TIMES, no matter what. It took me a very long time to come to terms with the fact that just because I am strictly who I am and play no games or get into damned drama & lies.....that everyone is NOT quite the same.

I actually read some of the comments here again and Bill's is great. I've often made this statement and get a lot of grief over it from people who think, that's so harsh or unfair. Well, so be it. I'm aware of all the "forgiveness" thing...but I'm terribly selective about who I will consider forgiving & WHY. My rationale is that certain people will survive just fine without my forgiveness. Most of all, I will NOT forgive if it doesn't come straight from my heart. I do not do the lip service crap! Plain and simple. I say what I mean and mean what I say... If I don't mean it, I will not waste my time nor that of someone else That's just the way it is with me.

Yes, I have walked away and cut someone out after a first offense, certainly if it was egregious enough and/or caused unwarranted strife. No, I do not give certain types of people a 2nd chance to stab or use me. Period, the end....

So, I guess those who wear two faces (or more) need to just go on their way or I'll gladly direct them to the exit! Haven't the time for such pathetic persons!......Good to see you Nell! Paula

Nell Rose (author) from England on April 07, 2017:

Hi Sixtu, yes I know many people like that, its awful isn't it? thanks for reading.

Nell Rose (author) from England on March 30, 2017:

Thanks Ella, yes I remember it well too! looking back I realise just how horrible people could be. Thanks for reading.

Ella White on March 29, 2017:

I remember my old school friends used to talk behind my back. I really think that we should just avoid them.

Nell Rose (author) from England on June 22, 2016:

Hi LaBuck, I am so sorry to hear that, a similar thing happened to me. I hope you feel a bit better now that you have written it all down. the best thing to do? is take a deep breath, imagine wiping her away with your hand against your head, and then throwing it away. she is no more. forget her, and get on making new proper friends. Good luck, and good thoughts go with you, nell

LaBuck on June 22, 2016:

Oh my, I had a 2-faced "Christian" friend that I adored and enjoyed so much talking to about the Lord, and bore my deepest secrets to. I loved that friend. However, she wasn't everything she claimed to be to me behind the scene. She lived her life like a backslid sinner and would speak in the Heavenly language to give the appearance of a sanctified christian. I never questioned her because, what I didn't see about her, never happened. Later on, she was the abandoned wife and single parent without any means of support. She was always needing help financially and if I had it, I would give what I could. It finally, got to be expected out of me. I finally had to put limits on what I could do and when that occurred, our friendship was getting to where, I hated to see her come and knock on my door. I knew there was a reason for their unexpected visit and it had nothing to do with returning the favor. It was i need, I need, I need all the time. Some how my friend plotted a one night stand with my brother against my request that she not get involved with my family in such a way. She did it anyway being 10 yrs older than my brother, she knew he was having marriage problems and took it upon herself to have a little fun with him and I think this was the straw that broke the camel's back with me and her. She also was one that wanted to get her own sister in trouble about inappropriate activity being an employee at a prison and her sister being involved with inmates. My friend told me all this trash about her own sister knowing that I would report it to the staff and have it invested. She knew that wouldn't tolerate knowing someone putting other employees at risk at what her sister was guilty of and I would do what needed to be done. So basically my so called christian friend that I loved plotted and baited me to do her dirty work against her own sister to get her fired.and all the whole time my friend was destroying my brothers family and betraying my friendship from the inside out. When her sister was fired, she knew her sister my friend was the one that let the cat out of the bag. Then called my house and screamed and cussed me for stabbing her in the back... I was hurt but was more pissed than anything. I just basically told her that I had already figured her out and the poor pitiful victim game she played on me. I told her she will never get that opportunity to mess me over ever in this lifetime or any other. several years went by, she tried to reconnect with me, but I wasn't interested in her drama. I never answered my door whe she came by several times knocking. I don't want no part of her in my life again and I blocked all contact with her. She was a big user and the biggest 2faced comedian friend I have ever came across.

Nell Rose (author) from England on February 14, 2015:

Hi Naomi, no, never ever go back under your rock! you have done nothing wrong! This is typical of when a third person enters a two girl friendship. For some reason the third new girl always wants to push their way in and push one out, you in this case! if your first friend was a real friend they would tell this other girl where to go. as she hasn't neither of them are worth your while. funnily enough, we always think that we need to be hard to stick up for ourselves. This isn't true, just a little push, a 'can't care less' attitude and 'up yours' to them will totally astonish them, and make your friend realise what she has lost. The good thing about it is this, and it happens every single time. The new girl will mess up somehow and your friend will be left on her own. it happens in friendships and relationships, then you can stand back and laugh your head off! Good luck, and never ever let them put you down, you are worth more than that, believe me, okay? take care, and come back to let me know how you got on if you want to, nell

Naomi on February 13, 2015:

This exact thing has happened to me at my workplace just recently! I became really close friends with a coworker because we had so many things in common like sense of humor and Asian foods we both like and eat all the time. I guess another problem is that both our moms worked there with us too. BUT shit didn't start happening until a third person came along and we became a trio! I was good friends with her for 7 months and we were only friends with that 3rd person for about 2 months. Now we're not friends anymore because the 7-month accused me of shit I didn't do on the grounds of what 2-month told her like insult her mother! I admit, I did tell 2-month some things that I didn't think 7-month would like to hear but it was only for a sign of approval because I felt guilty about accidentally revealing something about her to my own mom. But that isn't something so terrible as to completely write me off as someone who runs her mouth all the time and completely ostracize me for! She has already seen my true colors. Who she saw in those 7-months is all I was: a scaredy-cat who pretty much has zero social skills. Why would I even hate on her mom? I barely get to see her because she doesn't work until the next shift! I knew it was too good to be true that I made 2 good friends in the span of just half a year! Sorry for my long rant; back under my rock now.

Nell Rose (author) from England on December 08, 2014:

Hi Nate, first of all I am sorry to hear you have been treated this way. But i believe that the best way to handle this is to see that she obviously wants a complete break from you, as you said, she is your ex. Whether its a guy or a girl, our ex partners can be really hurtful, most times for no reason. But you have to stop and think. what good would it do if you did come face to face with her? you would argue, she would hate you, and all you would end up doing is being really hurt and upset all again.

Her friends really don't have anything to do with it. She went to them after breaking up with you, even if she was friends with them when you were together nobody can make someone break up unless she wants too.

You are only hurt because you are allowing her to hurt you. go to a room where no one can hear you, yell at the bed, the tv, or the chair, and imagine she is in there listening, if you want to lash out hit the crap out of a pillow or cushion, then when you are exhausted stand there and say out loud, no I am done with you. I will no longer let you upset me, you are not worth it. I am going to get on with my life.

and just remember, she wasn't the one for you. The next girl you meet and date could be the one. you are missing out on meeting her because of your anger.

The only person who is hurting you is yourself. Good luck, and maybe come back to let me know how you are getting on? nell

Nate on December 07, 2014:

What am I to do when the person lives miles away, i.e across the sea?

An ex of mine, someone who practically begged me to stay friends, ended up blocking me completely and I have no way to communicate. Even so it would just look desperate. It infuriates me though how I've known them for 3-4 years and they turn their back on me for a group of people she'd known for a WEEK.

To be quite honest I want to do more than "talk" but I obviously could not bring myself to harm her. :/ Maybe I can beat her pals up, they're guys after all.

That sounds pretty shallow doesn't it? I'm not so good when it comes to very personal issues. It makes me lose control of my temper.

Nell Rose (author) from England on March 15, 2014:

Hi Eddy aw thank you! lol! I hope you are having a wonderful weekend too, and thanks! nell

Eiddwen from Wales on March 15, 2014:

I know I have read this one before but cannot seea comment so here it is now. A wonderful read as always Nell and so so interesting. What a great writer you are with a never ending source of wonderful topics. Voted up and wishing you a great weekend ( for the second time today)

Eddy.

Nell Rose (author) from England on March 11, 2014:

Hi Pan, that is so true, sadly I knew someone at work who actually had to be like a school child, even being nasty when she was pregnant for goodness sake! thanks so much for reading, nell

April Seldon from New Orleans on March 10, 2014:

This hub was very informative, I think some people act two faced toward nice people because they think the nice person has some ulterior motive for choosing to be good, some people are raised different and think that you think your better than them if you choose good. People that choose the opposite do it because they think it is the way of the world and so they follow what the majority does. Some people never grow up out of the childishness they had in high school and if they come into an environment where they perceive others acting that way than they will bring that personality out to conform to what everyone else is doing like a robot. Majority of people do not use their own mind, they just follow the leader.

Nell Rose (author) from England on January 19, 2014:

Thanks jainismus, glad you liked it, nell

Nell Rose (author) from England on January 19, 2014:

Hi rebecca, thanks so much for reading, and yes you are right, a third person totally changes it all, nell

Nell Rose (author) from England on January 19, 2014:

Hi Doc, thanks so much, yes I tend to know someone within a second! but have to hold off until I really know, lol!

Mahaveer Sanglikar from Pune, India on January 19, 2014:

Great analysis of two faced people. This hub is very useful for everybody.

Rebecca Mealey from Northeastern Georgia, USA on January 19, 2014:

Great Hub! You have put so much thought into what makes people tick. I like your list of suggestions on how to deal with two-faced friends. I agree, I think most of the time it is the stirrings of a third party.

lovedoctor926 on January 18, 2014:

Nell, I can read through a person's eyes and through that smile as well within a matter of seconds. I have developed this skill since I have worked with these types of people and in your daily interactions with others. I like to apply the 90 day rule when you meet someone just like you do with men. Usually after 3 months, you start seeing a person's true colors. Body language speaks louder than words. A very good hub.. I've read this one before. voted up & sharing

Nell Rose (author) from England on January 18, 2014:

Hi LadyFiddler, thanks so much for reading, yes sometimes we have to look behind the smile to see the darn frown! lol!

Joanna Chandler from On Planet Earth on January 18, 2014:

Hi Nell Good Night your sure right about that it comes in all kinds of deceptive packages beautifully wrapped. That's why regardless of who it is we must never believe everything we hear even if it's coming from a best friend. I don't think we can avoid these people in life, we must cross paths with these people.

Sometimes we to find ourselves listening to gossip or throwing in notches so we are all guilty at some time or the other.

Thanks for sharing and i do share your sentiments.

Nell Rose (author) from England on December 15, 2013:

Thanks torrilynn, glad you liked it, nell

torrilynn on December 14, 2013:

Great advice all of the points were touched. Voted up.

Nell Rose (author) from England on October 10, 2013:

Thanks for reading crafty, glad you liked it, nell

CraftytotheCore on October 09, 2013:

Hi Nell! Wow, what a story. I can totally relate, but it would take several chapters of a book before I could get it all written out. Nice advice.

Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on September 05, 2013:

Two-faced people are all over the place I had some encounters and mingle with those kind anymore a great hub in such kind of people.

Nell Rose (author) from England on September 03, 2013:

Hi lovedoc! lol! I totally agree, and oh tell me about it! the friend of the new boyfriend! its happened to me twice! its pure jealousy of course because the girl is not just his friend! well, as far as he is concerned she is, but she is just lying to him because really she wants to go out with him herself! and the stupid guy just can't see that, so goes on to believe her! thanks as always, nell

lovedoctor926 on September 02, 2013:

Nell, I always come back to re-read this hub because it's the bomb! lol.

I totally agree with you in regards to that third person. It doesn't even matter if the person knows you or not. If they don't like the way you look or the way you carry yourself or even the fact that people have nothing to say but good things about you, that is enough to brainwash someone to not like you. And this has happened to me several times. Another thing you have to watch out for is when a guy you like has a close female friend. You just don't know what he is going to share with her about your relationship and it could definitely backfire of course if he is dumb enough to let that friendship come in between the relationship but this happened to me with someone that I have known for 9 years. Can you believe this? the guy just turned his back on me from one day to the other. that is how fake people are these days.

Nell Rose (author) from England on September 02, 2013:

Thanks helen, yes its horrible when someone does that to you. It makes it feel as though they have just used you, thanks so much for reading, nell

just helen from Dartmoor UK on September 02, 2013:

sorry a few typos in that last comment of mine!

just helen from Dartmoor UK on September 02, 2013:

I had a sad thing happen erecently. When I moved to Devon I knew no-one. Within a few months I made friends with someone and I felt we gelled and had loads in common. I trusted her. I loved her and her children. Then she told me she was moving - only 15 miles away so not so bad. She sad I must have a coffee with her just before she was due to move. I heard nothing. Then I texted her and jokingly asked if she'd moved yet. I was stunned when she said 'yes'. I said I was sad not to have said goodbye and she made some pathetic excuse. I'm afraid I deleted her number. I don't need someone like that. But it was 5 months ago and I still feel tearful sometimes. It's worse when I see her old car being driven around by someone else. It really rubs salt into the wound.

Nell Rose (author) from England on August 25, 2013:

Hi Sue, yes that would do it! lol! it makes me so mad, they give you a piece of personal stuff that you never asked for, then it comes flying back in your face! oh I know this so well too, people drive me mad sometimes! thanks for reading, nell

Sueswan on August 25, 2013:

Hi Nell,

I worked with a girl who is what I call a work friend. She told me something personal. I promised not to tell anyone and I didn't. Well she ended up coming back and accusing me of betraying her trust. I told her I didn't tell anyone and asked her who did she share her secret with besides me. That shut her up.

Voted up +++

Have a good week. :) Sue

Nell Rose (author) from England on August 21, 2013:

Hi Glimmer, I totally agree with you, I used to work with people who didn't care how many people they trod on to get higher up the ladder so to speak, and yes it works! the down side is that they don't care about anybody or anything! seems we nice people are not pushy enough! lol! thanks for reading, nell

Claudia Mitchell on August 21, 2013:

Interesting. I think some people just want approval from everyone and will stop at nothing, even hurting their own friends, to get it. I have had people like that in my life and as soon as it was discovered, all contact was broken. I don't have time for drama like that.

Nell Rose (author) from England on August 20, 2013:

LOL!

Alastar Packer from North Carolina on August 20, 2013:

Effer, I think you have hit on something that has bedeviled women for untold generations. Hey, who knows? with the advancements technology is making it just may be possible one day lol!

Nell Rose (author) from England on August 18, 2013:

Probably Alastar lol! thanks for coming back.

Nell Rose (author) from England on August 18, 2013:

LOL! what a great idea Paula! mind you I would get a stiff neck trying to keep spinning it around to use both! haha!

Suzie from Carson City on August 18, 2013:

Nell.....I was just thinking...(that's a scary thought, I know) and it really would be handy to have two faces! One that's always impeccably made up like a Hollywood Starlet....and the other, just our normal plain Jane self. Think of the flippin money and time we could save!

Alastar Packer from North Carolina on August 18, 2013:

Ha Good one Nell! Wonder if the two-faced god Janus had such hats lol!

Nell Rose (author) from England on August 18, 2013:

Hi Alastar, great to see you. lol! thanks, so many two faced things its a wonder they don't make hats to fit both heads! thanks as always, nell

Alastar Packer from North Carolina on August 18, 2013:

Hi Nell. You've heard of the great Two-Faced teaching schools covering our countries and others? Yes, they go by a simple name: "Retail." They actually pay you to attend as an employee. Loved the article, nobody brakes em' down in an inimitable and humorous way like you do!

Nell Rose (author) from England on August 11, 2013:

Thanks Linda, me too! so many two faced people I think they do come from Mars! lol! great to see ya!

Linda Bilyeu from Orlando, FL on August 11, 2013:

I prefer that people with two faces don't reside on my planet. I favor people with only one face! :)

I've encountered quite a few two faced people and that's more than enough for me. Be real, there is no other way. Fab article! :)

Nell Rose (author) from England on August 11, 2013:

HI rajan, yes I agree with you, and when they are found out to be false then its best to just get away from them, thanks as always, nell

Nell Rose (author) from England on August 11, 2013:

Hi thumbi, thanks so much for reading, nell

Rajan Singh Jolly from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar, INDIA. on August 10, 2013:

I can't tolerate two faced friends and am better off without them. Of course would give the opportunity for clarification first.

Voted up, useful.

JR Krishna from India on August 10, 2013:

I think these things are likely to happen in every relationship. I was surprised to see recently gaps in mother daughter relationship because of the involvement of third person. I feel not encouraging gossips and dialogues between two parties can cut down these misunderstandings to some extent.

Voted up and shared

Nell Rose (author) from England on August 05, 2013:

Hi Wiccan, thanks so much for reading, yes I totally agree with you, I just walk away now, thanks!

Mackenzie Sage Wright on August 04, 2013:

Reminds me of Billy Joel's song "The Stranger." I have lost patience for dealing with people like that. I mean, no one is perfect but some people's drama is just not worth it, life is too short. What an interesting hub.

Nell Rose (author) from England on August 01, 2013:

Hi pstraubie, so true, I have often wondered about that too, thanks for reading, and Angels back at ya! lol!

Patricia Scott from North Central Florida on August 01, 2013:

Good morning Nell Rose

Fortunately I have had little trouble with this. However what I do see is this: someone I know and love talks all kinds of trash about someone else and when they show up, they are their best friend. Then it kind of makes me wonder if the same thing is happening behind my back. O my...

thanks for sharing this...it is food for thought for sure...Angels are on the way ps

Nell Rose (author) from England on July 31, 2013:

So true about the relatives d.william, I had grandparents on my dads side like that, we never got on with them, which was such a shame, nell

d.william from Somewhere in the south on July 31, 2013:

Great hub dealing with a very real problem. There are three distinct types discussed in one hub.

1. the 2 faced person. Usually this person is a user. They take all they can from someone by being friendly and nice. As soon as there is nothing more to gain from that friendship you are dropped like a hot potato - your usefulness to them is over. This is when you learn you were never really 'friends' in the first place.

2. the hurtful gossip. These people usually do their gossiping behind the backs of those they are bad mouthing. If they seemed to be a friend and you find out they are gossiping about you - then you realized they too were never your "friend" in the first place either.

3. A true "friend" is one who knows all about you, and still likes you anyway, and vice versa. This friend will care enough to discuss any gossip they hear about you to your face, and they will never judge you based on what someone else tells them about you. This is the only friend that is worth keeping.

The others can be discarded without any guilt. True friends are few and far between.

Unfortunately, family members can fit into any of these categories. And just because they are relatives does not mean you have to keep them in your lives if they are not friends as well.

Nell Rose (author) from England on July 30, 2013:

Thanks toknow. yes people can be really cruel sometimes, I just don't understand it, thanks for reading, nell

toknowinfo on July 30, 2013:

Your hub is about a subject that touches so many of us. Betrayal and gossip are toxic in a relationship and can be so hurtful. Thanks for sharing this info.

Nell Rose (author) from England on July 25, 2013:

Hi Deb, so very true, thanks so much for reading, nell

Deb Hirt from Stillwater, OK on July 25, 2013:

Gossip is a bad thing, no doubt about that. It would just be nice if we could all get along.

Nell Rose (author) from England on July 24, 2013:

Hi Vincent, thanks so much, and great to see you! nell

Vincent Moore on July 24, 2013:

I've encountered a few two faced souls, they wear both masks and enjoy it. Humans are ego driven and wealth and power often shift these people to two faces. I am fortunate to have been surrounded mostly by one faced people, never stabbing me in the back or gossiping about me or others. The ones I have come across, I size up very quickly and don't give them a chance to befriend me, I simply avoid them and never give them the time of day. They aren't worth wasting my time on, we all want to be with people who are genuine not FAKES and there are plenty of them out there. Excellent Hub Nell, must enjoyed it, you weave your words so beautifully. Voted up and shared.

Nell Rose (author) from England on July 24, 2013:

Lol! thanks paula, love your poem take on it! great to see you!

Nell Rose (author) from England on July 24, 2013:

Thanks guys, bit behind tonight, read all your comments and totally agree with you, its best to walk away, thanks so much, nell

drbj and sherry from south Florida on July 24, 2013:

Life is too short to be aggravated by old friends who no longer deserve our trust or our friendship. Walk to the nearest exit.

Angela Blair from Central Texas on July 24, 2013:

Unfortunately, we've all experienced this at one time or another. It happened to me ONCE in grade school and thereafter I became very wary when forming friendships. Although I have many new acquaintances I now rely on my old friends whom have proven trustworthy over the years. One can't make new "old friends" and truthfully -- I just don't enjoy the drama involved with confrontations. Excellent and insightful Hub -- Best/Sis

Susan Bailey from South Yorkshire, UK on July 24, 2013:

Great hub Nell. People are funny aren't they? If that happens to me I just move on. Fortunately I like my own company so if someone turns against me as long as they leave me alone I'm fine!

Chitrangada Sharan from New Delhi, India on July 24, 2013:

Hi Nell! How beautifully you have tackled this subject!

I totally agree with your views and this kind of thing has happened to me several times, in my earlier years. And I have to admit, I used to get upset with people who broke my trust, who backstabbed me.

Not any more--I do not care and certainly do not carry that hurt. I concentrate on persons who are my real well wishers--my family. And yes, I do write the hurt on a paper and then, just flush it off.

Life is a beautiful journey and we must learn to Forget and Forgive. This will definitely benefit our own self.

Thanks for sharing such a wonderful hub! Voted up!

Faith Reaper from southern USA on July 23, 2013:

Sorry, Nell, I was attempting to use my new phone up there to comment, and it was not cooperating! LOL

Blessings, Faith Reaper

maggs224 from Sunny Spain on July 23, 2013:

An excellent hub as always Nell, when I was younger, much younger, something like this would have affected me very badly.

After living for years with the consequences of my being offended, and finding nothing positive in that experience at all, I made a decision never to become offended again.

The longer I live, the more difficult it is to offend me, and when someone does something hurtful, these days instead of wondering what I have done to deserve it, I tend to think I wonder what is upsetting them.

So, with the advantage of age and hindsight, I think that life is to short to harbour any hurt or ill feeling towards someone, and no matter what they have done, I am quick to forgive.

In the end if you hold on to the hurt, then it is you that ends up still feeling the pain long after the person that caused it has moved on.

I think that your strategy in this case is a good one, get it off your chest by writing about it, it helps you and of course when you write with clear insight like you, it helps others too.

Voting up and hitting buttons as I go

Suzie from Carson City on July 23, 2013:

Nell....Oh me, oh my.....Your little story is often told. "Friends" can be sneaky, and some can be bold. Keep a wall up, ever so slightly. For, stones can be thrown, daily & nightly. Don't instantly trust & watch what you say.....you can always be kicked in the butt, one day. Be wary of someone who smiles too wide......They can turn and take up with the other side. Trust me, my dear, it isn't your crime, they've done this before, many a time. Choose friends who have warmth and speak from the heart, who know that the horse stands in front of the cart. If nothing I've said, sounds easy to you, there's only one thing that you need to do. Perk up when their tongue speaks ill of another, know that you're next, perhaps also your brother. If their pleasure is gossip, you know WHAT they are.....RUN, do not walk and drive off in your car!!.................UP+++

Tirralan Watkins from Los Angeles, CA on July 23, 2013:

Very interesting hub. This is great food for thought and a discussion that should be had among friends. I love that you give ideas on what to do in certain scenarios, with certain types of people.

Nell Rose (author) from England on July 23, 2013:

Hi Ruby, yes I think you are right sadly, now I am older it just annoys me! lol! just watch out for those sweet little old ladies! haha! thanks Ruby!

Ruby Jean Richert from Southern Illinois on July 23, 2013:

Great topic Nell. I think most people have had a friend with two faces. Gossip is the worst kind of hurt, usually done through jealousy. I tend to not let it bother me now that i am older, but like you said, " Sweet little old ladies are not always sweet" Hee..Cheers..

Nell Rose (author) from England on July 23, 2013:

Hi Faith, seems we all seem to have this problem, what is it with some people? thanks as always, nell

Nell Rose (author) from England on July 23, 2013:

And forgot to say, you are eight hours behind me, so it must be about 4pm there? what State do you live in again?

Nell Rose (author) from England on July 23, 2013:

Lol! Jackie, its now tomorrow here! just gone 12!

Faith Reaper from southern USA on July 23, 2013:

Add Hi Nell, great insightful hub here. It is the very manipulative ones that always get me. Thought one time long ago I could finally trust a so-called friend and the minute I trusted her completely, she betrayed me! I forgave her but never was able to trust her again. Just had to set up boundaries and thankfully she left to work elsewhere.

Nell Rose (author) from England on July 23, 2013:

Hi suzette, thanks for reading, yes friendships can be a really dodgy thing, sometimes its easier to walk away, nell

Jackie on July 23, 2013:

OK I am guessing about 8 hours diff maybe. I just don't know if it is tomorrow here or there. lol

Nell Rose (author) from England on July 23, 2013:

That is so true CrisSp, never trust a gossiper! good luck to your daughter, and you gave her great advice, thanks for reading, nell

CrisSp from Sky Is The Limit Adventure on July 23, 2013:

I've encountered one like as you described in here...very toxic! I simply stayed away from that person and even deleted (and blocked) her on my FB account. End of story. Lol! I'm not that forgiving when trust and betrayal are concerned.

I always tell my daughter to be careful in making friends specially now that she's going to University, you know major transition, eh? My best advice for her: "If you hear people gossiping about other people, beware, they will gossip about you too."

Good topic and one that I am absolutely sharing.

Cheers!

suzettenaples on July 23, 2013:

Super hub, Nell. We all deal with this and you have presented this so well, reasoned, and logical. Your points are well made. I know in my case many times it has been jealousy rearing its head when gossip goes about me. What is do sad is I think I have list a good friend to gossip, but the friend refuses to speak to me now, so I can't confront and explain the truth. It is frustrating but it is my friend's loss. That's the only way I can look at it. I know what you mean about threesomes. They are very difficult friendships sometimes. This is a thought provoking article and I enjoyed reading this.

Nell Rose (author) from England on July 23, 2013:

Hi ldoctor, totally agree with you, lets stick to the men in our lives friends as well as lovers, women just go crazy sometimes! lol!

Nell Rose (author) from England on July 23, 2013:

Hi Denise, thanks so much for reading, seems like we have all had one of those so called friends!

Nell Rose (author) from England on July 23, 2013:

Hi Sand, so true, that's why most of my friends have been men, I have always been wary of women, apart from the lovely people on here! lol! so true though, men either like you or not, simple as that, thanks for reading, nell

Nell Rose (author) from England on July 23, 2013:

Thanks btrbell, yes sadly many people go through the two faced friend stuff, nell

Nell Rose (author) from England on July 23, 2013:

Thanks ishwarya, glad you liked it and thanks!