Factors in a Loving Relationship
There are many factors that help to build a loving relationship. It certainly helps if two people have some things in common, how they like to spend their time. It also helps in understanding the common values surrounding religion or spirituality, politics, environment, abortion, and personal development. It helps what they like to eat and both are clean or both are messed up, both are on time or both are late people then it becomes easier. Physical attraction is also very important. It is very good if they have money and also proper time to spend.
Yet a couple can have it all and but
There is not a good love affair. If one element is missing then without this essential component, all other wonderful qualities will not be enough to make the relationship work.
This essential component is about intentions.
At any given time, each of the two is dedicated to only one of two different intentions: to control or to learn. When our intention is to control, to control love, to avoid pain and to feel safe. And when our intention is to learn, our deepest motivation is to learn to love ourselves and others.
The motivation to find love rather than love can create doom within a relationship.
Let's look at the issue of a specific relationship as to what happens to two different intentions. Rajesh and Saroj are feeling emotionally distant from each other, and they haven't made love in a month. The problem started when Saroj said that she wanted to take a long leave
And Rajesh objected. Saroj gets angry and Rajesh also differs. Have since been away.
Saroj's intention was to get control over what she wanted. He equals a long holiday with love - if Rajesh does it for him, he proves his love for her. Saroj used his anger as a way to gain control of Rajesh.
Rajesh intends to avoid pain. He left himself in control of Saroj but was not angry with her for it. She hopes to show Saroj as a good and loving husband by giving her what she wants.
However, as both Rajesh and Saroj were trying to control rather than love each other, their conversation created an emotional distance.
What would it look like if he had an intention to learn?
If Saroj intended to learn, she would not have been angry. Instead, she understood Rajesh's objections. If Rajesh intended to learn, he would not give up. Instead he tries to understand why this special holiday was so important for Saroj. Both Saroj and Rajesh would have cared for themselves and each other instead of getting love or avoiding pain. In their mutual exploration to reach a one-win resolution, they realized why they did what they were supposed to learn. After winning Saroj rather volatile and losing Rajesh, they could both live together. With some discovery of his financial fears, Rajesh must have decided that the holiday Saroj wished he would recover. With Rajesh's financial concerns in mind, Saroj decided on a less expensive holiday. In any case, both must have felt fine about the result.
No matter how common Rajesh and Saroj have or are attracted to each other, their love will subside when their intention is to control rather than learn. It is amazing how quickly the love disappears when both partners intend to control. It is equally surprising how fast it returns when both partners intend to learn.