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The Importance of Absence in a Relationship - How to be Mysterious

Lesson From "The 48 Laws of Power" By Robert Greene

At the start of a relationship, what we want to give our partners is our utmost attention. We heighten our presence by being too available and accessible for them. From the early start of an affair to after a couple of months or years as lovers, we flood them with our presence. Believing that giving them our utmost attention and being with them most of the time augments those strong emotions they felt at the early stage of the relationship. And what we forget is that too much presence sometimes creates the opposite effect: it diminishes the excitement, the mystery and the strong feelings lovers have for each other.

Create A Pattern Of Absence And Presence

All relationships require a kind of distance between people. It is not just your presence that contributes to enriching your relationship, but also your absence. Your presence makes your loved one feels secured, but too much of it, you become common. The more you are seen, the more the excitement fades. Absence on the other hand, inflames and excites by stimulating your loved one’s imagination if use at the right moment. Withdrawing for awhile makes your loved one feel uncomfortable. But even lovers need to feel uncomfortable sometimes in order to grow. Never allow yourself to be treated like anyone else. You must remain special. You must maintain the excitement. To do this, you must learn to create a pattern of absence and presence.

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

The law of presence and absence works the same way as the law of supply and demand. Too much circulation makes the price go down. Presence, if too much, makes your value degrade. You must learn to withdraw at the right moment and starve them of your presence. Remember: what becomes scarce gains respect and what stays too long makes us disdain it. Learn to use absence and make them demand your return. In this way, you increase the value of your presence. Keep in mind the effect of the law of scarcity. Distance and absence make the heart grows fonder.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.


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rish on October 21, 2012:

I totally agree with your comment on this :)

Cos it's true not only with relationship there are some more :)

Brian Burton on November 18, 2011:

Voting up, useful, etc.. but don't necessarily agree. Very interesting though. Think I just want to believe that distance isn't necessary, but it sure is food for thought.

Marlena Oechsner from Wisconsin on November 18, 2011:

Very nice hub. I completely agree that you do need absence in a relationship, but it is incredibly hard to find a happy medium between absence and presence. For example, if you know your partner and his ex split because he cheated on her, it might be hard for you to leave him in absence a lot. But if you are present too often, they might get sick of you always being around. You have to have a strong bond and trust each other in order to have the right balance of absence and presence.

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