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The Female Abuser Is Protected by Society

Marc Hubs, author of "Reflections Of NPD" is a writer/researcher on the mind, science, psychology/psychiatry, metaphysics and consciousness.

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Female Abuse

There is currently a major bias within society and within the justice systems that leans towards the belief that most abusers are male and that most victims of abuse are female. However, recent research actually indicates that the opposite may be the case and it seems that women are increasingly taking on the role of being the abuser.

The first official source that I've noticed who have now actually started acknowledging this fact is the NSPCC (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children) in their latest television advert which shows an image of a bruised child along with the caption How can Jack take another beating from his mum? In addition, more and more cases are being brought to the forefront of the mainstream media and rightly so.

I personally remember a few years ago explaining to my own mother some of the incidents that I had witnessed and been subject to in my own life. She didn't believe a word of it, a mother would never be capable of such abuse towards their own children in my mother's opinion. I had to sit down and explain to her in great detail that with many of these cases the motherly bond is just not there, it's not present.

Many charities and organizations claim to help male victims of domestic violence. However, upon actually attempting to seek this help there appears to be very little help available. These types of organizations are usually mainly focused at women whilst men in abusive relationships are seen as weak and are commonly turned away.

There is a twisted logic and bias to society which presumes that men should be able to deal with abuse. The fact is that nobody deserves to be abused or turned away when seeking help and long-term abuse of any kind can cause severe psychological trauma leading to mental illness, anxiety, poor health and even strokes and heart attacks. Being made to face up to the abuse is not help.

Despite the also very common belief that most narcissists are men, these women seem to be spread far and wide and are crafty, deceitful and manipulative and seriously lack empathy for their own offspring. The common act of paternity fraud shows this accurately indicating that up to 30% of fathers who get a paternity test for their child turn out to not actually be the biological father of the child.

Given the twisted logic and reverse psychology mechanism of narcissistic abuse doesn't it seem inevitable that the most narcissistic gender in society would manipulate the situation to make the opposite gender look like the bad guys? (this is speculation on my part, not fact).

A study of 11,000 men and women was conducted by the Harvard Medical School and US Center for Disease Control. The study indicated that 24% of heterosexual relationships had involved some kind of abuse.

Half of these relationships were shown to have involved reciprocal violence (abuse from both sides) whilst the other half showed that the non-reciprocal violence (attacking first) was initiated by the female members of the relationships. The fact is that male victims of domestic abuse wrongly suffer from gender bias despite the appropriate research indicating the complete opposite.

Another study which was part of the National Family Violence Legislative Resource Center indicates that there is more abuse/violence in lesbian relationships than there is in heterosexual relationships also portraying that most abusers are female.

The studies clearly show that women are more abusive than men and that 70% of non-reciprocal abuse is actually initiated by women. Further research conducted by the University of Florida shows that women are 70% more likely to physically/sexually abuse their own children than men.

It is well known that whereas a man has the physique and necessary strength to protect and provide for his family, a woman is naturally more psychologically and emotionally defensive and is therefore more likely to employ deceit and manipulation in order to protect themselves (narcissism) whereas a man may resort to physical violence. This explains why most physical abusers tend to be male and most emotional/mental abusers tend to be female.

There is one main and very significant difference between these two types of abuse. Physical damage results in physical scars whereas emotional and mental scars remain invisible except to the victim who often ends up remaining silent because they know from the start that they probably won't be believed.

Mental/emotional abusers get away with their acts much more commonly than physical abusers do.

© 2012 Marc Hubs


Mark on September 15, 2018:

"The studies clearly show that women are more abusive than men and that 70% of non-reciprocal abuse is actually initiated by women. Further research conducted by the University of Florida shows that women are 70% more likely to physically/sexually abuse their own children than men.

It is well known that whereas a man has the physique and necessary strength to protect and provide for his family, a woman is naturally more psychologically and emotionally defensive and is therefore more likely to employ deceit and manipulation in order to protect themselves (narcissism) whereas a man may resort to physical violence. This explains why most physical abusers tend to be male and most emotional/mental abusers tend to be female."

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Isn't this a direct contradiction, the way it's written? It clearly explains women are more likely to be abusers period, then tries to claim most physical abusers are male.

If 70% of non-reciprocal violence comes from women, then most physical abusers are not male, they're female. You may be mistaking the reality that men are more likely to be punished by the court system and therefore most of those sentenced for it are male, or potentially you may be trying to state that male abusers are more likely to be physical than emotional, but your own facts disprove the notion that most physical abusers are male.

Marc Hubs (author) from United Kingdom on November 22, 2016:

Who said anything about abuse only being physical?? You seem to be over-reacting, did this article hit a nerve with you? Projective identification to defend your own actions perhaps?

If you knew anything about me, my work and my readers you would know that psychological and mental abuse, including mind control, are my areas of expertise and that I myself have been a victim of such and work with other victims.

I already have several articles and one book published about everything you just mentioned. Seem like you're trying to cover something up or at least make yourself feel better about it by unloading here.

Lynn Daniel on November 22, 2016:

The brain circuitry for emotional and psychological abuse is ONE AND THE SAME as the brain circuitry for physical pain. Please stop assuming that all abuse is physical. The worst form of abuse in my opinion is long term, systematic EMOTIONAL ABUSE (gaslighting, belittling, shaming, smearing, betraying, etc. with cruel, intermittent spurts of "kindness' to keep the victim confused and induce Stockholm Syndrome). This is what the majority of FEMALE MALIGNANT NARCISSISTS use in their arsenal of witchcraft. I know this only too well being born the oldest daughter and SCAPEGOAT of one of these evil, covert WITCHES and watching her slowly MURDER my dad over the years. THIS is the kind of "Abuse" that TRULY needs to be RECOGNIZED BY A SOCIETY that covers up for these MONSTERS!

Gurst on January 11, 2016:


Elevating Mary (mother of your favourite New Testament character) to sainthood sort of puts all mothers on the proverbial pedestal.

They are natural brainwashers. Individuals that have been brainwashed very young are easy to manipulate later in life (voting age?)

So we can see how gov'ts have an interest in suppressing this information.

Hector Barrientos-Bullock on July 03, 2013:

I spent a decade with a FEMALE abuser, who was both physically and mentally abusive, and has done precisely as you mention here, utilizing deceit, stating I was the abuser, while I am missing teeth from her physical abuse, and have PTSD from her continued mental abuse.

I link your page to my blog exposing all of this, as she has now used buddhism and yoga as vehicles to show herself as angelic and good as gold, while committing adultery in nyc, WITH PEOPLE I MET TWO YEARS BEFORE HER, while she was OUT OF THE COUNTRY.

This will eventually work in my favor, however if you wish, you can see how they have done so at my blog,

I really do thank you for bringing this well researched topic to public attention.

Madurese on November 18, 2012:

Amen. It's nice to have a voice.

graceomalley on October 12, 2012:

The bullying my son and daughter have faced at school illustrates the difference between male & female violence: at my son's school the boys push, knock down, get on top of, bite and hit each other; the girls use words and looks. Beleive me, the words and looks are potent, and cause suffering. No. I don't live in a bad neighborhood, the median home price in my little town is around the half a million mark. That can be part of the issue - competative achiever parents sometimes raise bullys of both the male and female type. -It isn't so much that they are trying to make bullys, but their whole approach to life is to dominate.

I personally see plenty of mothers who are not nuturing, and granmas too. Sometimes I think women who have felt under it with male figures all their lives are triggered when they have a small vulnerable male under their care, and a boy ends up the target of his mom or grandmoms anger. (I saw this with my own grandmother. She had an active dislike for her grandsons, was convinced they would molest her grandaughters if not kept in check, ect. As an adult, I've become convinced she must have been abused at some point. Or possibly she was just a bully?)

My son, who is a varsity lacrosse player, over 6 feet tall, and lifts weights regularly - has confided worry about female abuse. I am wondering if this is a new trend. It is a disturbing one. He isn't worried about other boys, he can hold his own. But he knows he can't retaliate against a girl - and he has also told me no one will take him seriously if a girl hits him. When I was growing up I don't think boys thought like this. This trend doesn't bode well for stable relationships for the next generation.

perfectperception from USA on April 12, 2012:

Wow. interesting opinion

Reluctant Shaman on April 12, 2012:

To sparkster

I am so pleased you brought the subject of narcissistic women. It is something that I come across in my practice working with victims of narcissistic abuse. Some women are offended when this is mentioned, they somehow think it will reflect on all women. This of course is not true, but I have sympathy for those women who worry. One of the reasons for men suffering in silence is that there is so much shame attached to men being hurt by women, this needs to change. Being in denial of this situation makes it easier for women to get away with such violence in their homes,their relationships with friends and work colleagues.

There are reasons why people find it hard to accept that women can equally be violent, however because their behaviour is quite different, people do not recognize it so easily.

See Article: Can Narcissism Effect Women?

Lone Ranger on January 31, 2012:

Great Hub, Sparkster, thank you!

I would like to clarify that women are more than capable of inflicting serious physical trauma upon their men and families alike, not just emotionally or mentally.

Please consider that many more men than women, end up in the emergency rooms every year as a result of physical trauma delivered by their "significant other". And, let us not forget that women are much more apt to use weapons such as guns, knives and poisons when inflicting abuse.

Moreover, most violence directed at the elderly and infirmed are overwhelmingly rendered by women. In fact, in the United States, mothers are responsible for 58% of all abuse rendered to their children, with the mother's new boyfriend coming in second place.

Unfortunately, it seems Child Protective Services, which is an organization dominated by women, do not like to police "their own" or pass harsh judgments against other women, so they usually go after fathers who are suspected of abusing their daughters.

In the United States, at least 33% of women admitted to using physical violence toward their boyfriend, fiancé or husband.

The three most common reasons were: "He just wasn't being sensitive to my needs; he wasn't listening to me; and he's been trained not to hit girls so I knew I would get away with it.

Sweet as spice and everything nice...not on your life!!! Now, look at all the violence they render to the unborn and you will see 50,000,000 acts of extreme violence and murder inflicted on America's most vulnerable during the past 40 years.

Is there a serious sexual bias?...YOU BET THERE IS!!! In fact, a man who kills his wife in the USA gets twice the prison sentence than if a woman kills her husband...if she's prosecuted at all. Women also get 1/2 the speeding tickets that men get, though they are just as guilty.

It's kind of said as a joke, here in America, but it's true nonetheless: "Men get sent to prison, whereas women get sent to counseling." Sad, but true.

The federal government and state governments in America also give something to the tune of $8 billion dollars every year for women's domestic shelters and abuse programs, but not one penny is spent to help men.

For many men, there is no place to run to and no place to hide. Men are supposed to be "Mr. Fix-It" and are supposed to take things "like a man". Men also feel like they are betraying their women if they were to report their abusive tendencies and they also feel like they are less manly should they report abuse. Women, on the other hand, are not hampered by either stigma!

Part of the problem is that society does not want to prosecute women any more than men want to turn them in. So, what we have is a situation where female violence is not only condoned, but it is encouraged through silence.

Best wishes and be well - L.R.

perfectperception from USA on January 30, 2012:

Nice hub.

Marc Hubs (author) from United Kingdom on January 30, 2012:

Many thanks Maddambutterfly.

Marie V Stephens from New Mexico on January 30, 2012:

Wonderful hub! Voted up!

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