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The Dumper's State of Mind After a Breakup

Do dumpers ever feel remorseful after breaking up with their partners? Do they wish they had never terminated their relationship? Do they long to get back with their ex? These are some of the questions that revolve around the dumpees minds.

The answers to the questions pertaining to a dumper's state of mind after a breakup are not always forthright. Some factors contribute to a disparity of emotional reactions among dumpers e.g. the personality trait of the dumper, the length of the relationship before they terminated the relationship, and the reason for ending the relationship.

Waiting for a Lover

Waiting for a Lover

Even so, there is a common underlying emotional signature among the majority of the dumpers. Most of the dumpers go through a 'heartbreak' season as opposed to many dumpees perceived belief that dumpers don't feel a pinch of pain after breaking up with them. In fact, many dumpers begin experiencing emotional pain several months, weeks to days before they end their relationship.

They are normally involved in a tug of war with their own selves - to terminate the relationship or not. The hesitancy to call the shot makes them more vulnerable to hurt from their partners. They hope the reason that has propelled them to break up with their partners will change for the better - maybe their partners will stop their backward and/or negative attitudes.

The desire not to break up with their ex against the need to go ahead with the decision to end the relationship tears their hearts apart. The emotional pain starts settling in, and to some of the dumpers, it's followed by depression and development of low self-esteem before they breakup with their partners.

Black Rose

Black Rose

Consequently, it will be noted that in contrast to dumpees, the dumpers feel the full impact of the breakup than they had anticipated. The initial psychological pain they felt during the period of contemplating, and finding effective ways of effecting the breakup fades in comparison to the post-breakup. They are doubly hurt which explains why majority of dumpers take a lengthy time to recover from a breakup.

Some dumpers perpend returning back to their exes, whilst others, as much as they desire so, fight against such thoughts. Their reluctance or the desire not to reunite with their exes is based on their reason for breaking up with them. For instance, if a man is abusive, no matter how much his woman loves him, she won't try to get back with him because she knows her ex hasn't changed, and what led to her terminating the relationship will repeat itself. Maybe at a greater intensity.

Only a minority of dumpers ever feel remorseful for having broken up with their exes. These kind of dumpers had selfish ambitions for engaging in the relationship with their ex which explains their 'I-don't-care-what-they-feel' attitude. It might be they engaged in the relationship to satisfy their sexual appetite, to enjoy their ex's richness or wealthiness (financial benefits) or to rid themselves from loneliness for a shorter period of time, to name but a few. This kind of dumpers don't feel any tinge of emotional breakdown before and after a breakup. Ending a relationship, to them, is as easy as pressing an on/off light switch. They are able to engage in another relationship with easiness because they weren't affected by the breakup.

Another fact worth noting is that some dumpers, if not all, are concerned with how their exes are fairing on with the breakup. It would break such a dumper's heart, a million times, to realize their ex are struggling to recover from the breakup. While it might be difficult for them to comfort their ex, they keep themselves informed with how their ex are dealing with the breakup. In the long run, they might reach out to their ex with the intention of trying to help them in recovering from the breakup.

With the non-remorseful dumpers, it doesn't cross their minds whether their ex are dealing positively with the breakup, or not. They don't care. They might feel sorry for their ex, but for a short time.

Lastly, many dumpers don't want to transmit the message to anyone known to them including their ex that they're finding it difficult to deal with the breakup. They pretend the breakup hasn't affected them or they've already recovered, and are moving on; never mind the break up occurred five days ago. Remember, behind a 'genuine' dumper's smiling face is a hurting soul. Their inner world has been shattered. They don't know if they'll ever recover from the breakup. In their closets, they let their hearts out. However, in public, they put on a brave face. They pretend they've gone past the breakup - it hasn't affected them greatly. This is not usually the case. While they might have braved themselves in terminating their relationship, and are working towards recovering from the breakup, it is without a doubt they are psychologically in pain as would be expected of dumpees.

It's no secret even partners who dumped their other significant for another man or woman long to know whether their ex have moved on from the breakup. They'll ask their mutual friends whether their ex has hooked up with another person. It hurts them to learn their ex is moving on with their life despite the fact they terminated the relationship for an insignificant reason e.g. financial challenges.

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