Skip to main content

The Dumper's State of Mind After a Breakup

Do dumpers ever feel remorseful after breaking up with their partner? Do they wish they had never terminated their relationship? Do they long to get back with their ex? These are some of the questions recipients of a break up contemplate following the termination of their relationship.

However, the answers to the above questions are not always forthright. Some dumpers long to reunite with their ex, others feel the urge to but resist it, and others are not affected. How a dumper feels following the end of their relationship depends on a number of factors e.g.

  • Their intention for engaging in the relationship;
  • Their personality;
  • The length of the relationship;
  • How much they invested in the relationship;
  • The reason for engaging in the relationship;
  • Whether the terminated relationship was healthy or unhealthy,
  • If the break up occurred peacefully or it was dramatic;
  • The emotional support they're receiving from their friends, loved ones, and/or mental health professional services;
  • Whether they're cheating on their partner - seeing someone else whilst in the relationship; and/or
  • Their motive (reason) for engaging in the relationship.
Waiting for a Lover

Waiting for a Lover

A common underlying emotional signature among the majority of the dumpers is going through a 'heartbreak' season as opposed to many dumpees perceived belief dumpers don't feel a pinch of pain after breaking up with them. In fact, many dumpers begin experiencing emotional pain several weeks to days before they end their relationship.

Firstly, they are pained at the thought of ending their relationship (if they had healthy reasons for engaging in the relationship), and secondly, before executing their decision to break up with their partners, they are involved in a tug-of-war with their own selves - to terminate the relationship, or not. The hesitancy to call the shot intensifies the emotional pain they're feeling.

The desire not to break up with their ex against the need to go ahead with the decision to end the relationship tears their heart apart. Ending a relationship isn't an easy undertaking which explains why some individuals ghost their partners or end a relationship through text.

Black Rose

Black Rose

Scroll to Continue

Unlike dumpees, dumpers are affected enormously after they terminate their relationship. The initial pain they felt during the period of contemplating, and finding effective ways of effecting the breakup, fades in comparison to the post-breakup. They are doubly hurt which explains why majority of dumpers take a lengthy time than dumpees to recover from their breakup.

Some dumpers perpend returning back to their exes, whilst others, as much as they desire so, fight against such thoughts. Their reluctance or the desire not to reunite with their exes is based on their reason for breaking up with their partner. For instance, if a man is abusive, no matter how much his woman loves him, she won't try to get back with him because she knows her ex hasn't changed, and what led to her terminating the relationship will repeat itself if she gets back with her partner.

Only a minority of dumpers never feel remorseful for having broken up with their exes. These kind of dumpers had ulterior motives for engaging in a relationship with their ex which explains their 'I-don't-care-what-they-feel' attitude. This kind of dumpers don't feel any tinge of emotional breakdown before and after the breakup. Ending a relationship, to them, is as easy as pressing an on/off light switch. They are able to engage in another relationship with easiness because they weren't affected by the breakup.

Another thing worth noting is that some dumpers are concerned with how their exes are fairing on with the breakup. It would break such a dumper's heart, a million times, to realize their ex are struggling to recover from the breakup. While it might be difficult for them to comfort their ex, they keep themselves informed with how their ex are dealing with the breakup. Despite the reasons for dumpers ending their relationship, many of them are curious to know whether their ex-partner have gotten over the brek up.

With the non-remorseful dumpers, it doesn't cross their minds whether their ex are dealing positively with the breakup, or not. They don't even contemplate how immensely their ex-partner have been affected by the break up. They don't care. They might feel sorry for their ex, but for a shorter time.

Lastly, many dumpers don't want to transmit the message to anyone known to them, including their ex, that they're finding it difficult to deal with the breakup - get past it. They pretend the breakup hasn't affected them. They have already gotten over the break up. They are moving on. Never mind the break up occurred tma few days ago. Remember, behind a 'genuine' dumper's smiling face is a hurting soul. Their inner world has been shattered. They don't know if they'll ever recover from the breakup. In their closets, they let their hearts out. However, in public, they put on a smiling face. They pretend they've gotten over their breakup - it hasn't affected them greatly. This is not usually the case. While they might have braved themselves in terminating their relationship, and are working towards recovering from the breakup, it is without a doubt they are in pain as would be expected of dumpees.

It's no secret even partners who dumped their other significant one for another man or woman long to know whether their ex have moved on. They'll ask their mutual friends whether their ex have hooked up with another person. It hurts them to learn their ex is moving on with their life despite the fact they terminated the relationship for an insignificant, or unjustifiable, reason.

© 2020 Alianess Benny Njuguna

Related Articles