10 Reasons Not to Call or Text Your Ex

Author:
Road to harmony
Updated:
Jun 22, 2023

Don't cal or text your ex. Don't even consider it.
Photo by Rahul Chakraborty on Unsplash

Should I Call My Ex?

Some years ago, I went through a difficult breakup. When my relationship came to an end, one of the most difficult things for me was deciding whether or not to call him.

I have to come clean and admit I did call him many times (sigh). Unfortunately, these phone calls never went the way I wished. We were an on-again, off-again couple as though it were our job—we went back and forth for months. I knew deep down that the relationship was making me miserable, yet I wanted to “fix” it because no one wants to be miserable and alone, right?

So should you call your ex? Don’t call him/her, babe. Here are ten reasons why you shouldn’t:

You know it will make you feel worse in the long run
You’re not in a good frame of mind
You’re opening a can of worms
You’re trying to resuscitate a dead thing
You might end up in bed
It’s just a moment of weakness
Your relationship wasn’t so great
There’s someone better for you out there
You’re not taking advantage of your time alone
You don’t need him/her

Learn 10 of the most important reasons why you should not contact your ex.
engin akyurt | Unsplash

Why You Shouldn't Call or Text Your Ex

Here’s a list of the most important reasons to consider before picking up your phone and calling or texting your ex.

1. You Know It Will Make You Feel Worse in the Long Run

I’m guessing that if you’re reading an article about why not to call your ex, it’s not because you’re feeling like an energized, gorgeous, popular, and desired person. You feel rejected, and you want that feeling to go away, so you think about calling your ex back and smoothing things over. Instead of helping you feel desired and confident, calling will inevitably make you feel worse.

2. You’re Not in a Good Frame of Mind

Are you feeling angry right now? Are you feeling vulnerable and lonely? It’s not a great idea to take action when you’re emotionally out of control. You might blow up or end up crying and begging your ex to take you back. Either way, it is not a good situation (I am speaking from personal experience here, unfortunately). Do you really want to convince someone to be with you? Argue them into taking you back? Plead yourself back into this relationship? Why should you have to convince anyone to be with you? You’ve forgotten how amazing you are!

3. You’re Opening a Can of Worms

What if he doesn’t answer? He might not be so hot about hearing your voice. But now you’ve opened a whole slew of doubts. Are you going to call back in five minutes? In an hour? Tomorrow? Are you going to leave a message? What if he doesn’t text you back? You’ll be sitting there like I did, doubting yourself.

If you’re anything like me, you’ll be frantically looking at your phone every 10 minutes to see if you have any missed messages. Here’s an idea: Turn the phone off. You can do it. When you turn off your phone, you are taking back control of your life. Free yourself from the phone and decide that for now, you have better things to do than sit waiting for him to respond.

4. You’re Trying to Resuscitate a Dead Thing

What if he answers? All the reasons you broke up will still be there, and they’ll still be unfixable. Even if the conversation goes well, he’s not likely to cry out: “Oh baby, I’m sorry I dumped you, let’s get back together!” and you’ll be hanging up sad, disappointed, or angry.

5. You Might End Up in Bed

If your ex does want to see you after a breakup, they might just want sex. That may feel nice for you as well (because, let’s face it, our exes are our most intimate partners and also the easiest people to sleep with), but it won’t feel nice for long. You might feel connected for a short while, but honey, this person dumped you (cheated on you, didn’t want to get married to you, didn’t listen to you, didn’t spend enough time with you, didn’t make you feel like your best self, deceived you ... ) so why are you still having sex? Although you are a hot tamale, your lover should want a lot more from a relationship than just the physical.

6. It’s Just a Moment of Weakness

If your ex wanted to get you back and was madly in love with you, they would make it happen: They would cross all bridges and climb all mountains to get to you. So let them call you and prove to you that he/she deserves to be with a hotty such as yourself. Be strong. Don’t give in. Think highly of yourself. Don’t sell yourself cheaply. And don’t call them back. Let your ex do what they need to do to get you back if that is what’s in the cards, but don’t give in to the moment and call them.

7. Your Relationship Wasn’t So Great

You’re probably feeling nostalgic, latching on to a few good things and forgetting all the things that didn’t work in your relationship. Was she/he that great anyway? Even though she/he might have been very nice, she/he wasn’t perfect either, right? I mean, they dumped you, so there’s obviously is something wrong with them!

8. There’s Someone Better for You Out There

You know this is true (I hope). Right now, it just feels like you might be alone forever. You might get caught up in the false belief that all good ones are taken, but those thoughts will only make you feel desperate. Well, no. I’m not having it. There are plenty of really good ones (good-looking ones, too!) out there who would be happy to find you.

Imagine what your perfect relationship would feel like. Now multiply that by 10, and that’s what’s out there waiting for you right now. So put down your phone, get out there in the world, and open yourself up to new possibilities. Go out—to the supermarket, to a coffee shop, to the pet store, anywhere—and smile at people. Just smile. Smile at men, smile at women, smile at kids, smile at the elderly. People will smile back at you. Now, how good does that feel? Get out of your sweatpants, go out, smile at people, and start to feel it is true: There is someone better for you out there.

9. You’re Not Taking Advantage of Your Time Alone

When relationships end, we are left with a whole lot of extra free time. Time that used to be spent doing activities together, sharing meals, and talking. But wait! You are still a fun-loving, interesting person! Take advantage of this time to get to know yourself, heal your vulnerable heart, and love yourself.

Do some of the things you like. Call an old friend. Schedule lots of fun things for yourself. If you fill your time, you’re not going to feel so obsessed with calling your ex. This breakup is an opportunity to re-evaluate your life, take care of yourself, and pursue your interests.

10. You Don’t Need Him/Her

You don’t need to wait around for another person to give you what you need. Only you can give yourself what you need. As a friend once told me, bees are naturally attracted to sugar. Sugar doesn’t have to do anything except be its sweet self, and all the bees will want to be around it. So go ahead, honey, make yourself feel well, beautiful, and happy; that’s really all you have to do to attract to you the perfect partner and a wonderful, happy life.

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When You Shouldn't Call Your Ex

Definitely put the phone down if any of the following are true.

If you're drunk. If you're old enough to drink, you're old enough to know better than to drink AND text your ex. It's always a dumb combination and only leads to regret.
If you're upset. Maybe you just heard an outrageous rumor about your ex. Maybe you just had a rough day, and you need a little emotional support. Whatever your reasons are, don't attempt to get your feelings fixed by your ex. It's an old habit, and it's time for you to find other options.
If you're lonely. I know, I know, it's hard to break old habits, but breaking up usually involves a little loneliness at first. Calling your ex because you're lonely is like eating an entire cake because you're sad. It's just the wrong solution.
If you've already phoned or texted. Don't be that pitiful, needy, desperate person. Just. Don't. Do. It.
If it's really late at night. We all know where that path leads ... and it's not forward.
If you don't really have anything to say. Sure, if there's some unfinished business you have to deal with, call them, but if you're just looking for emotional validation, connection, or an ego boost, don't call your ex.

Don't do it, especially if you have nothing to say.
Umanoide via Unsplash

What to Do Instead of Calling Your Ex

Turn off your phone. Back away from the phone. Get out there in the world and open yourself up to new possibilities.
Use this time to improve yourself and your life. Do all the things you used to like to do. Call those old friends you haven't seen in a while. Read books, exercise, and travel if you can. This breakup is your chance to make things better.
Ask yourself some hard questions:

If things did get patched up between the two of you, would you be sitting right back where you started in six months? In a year?

Why did you want to be with a partner like this one, one who left you for reasons you don’t really understand, who doesn’t accept and love everything about you and wants you to change, a partner whom you want to change? Why were you willing to put up with that?

Ask yourself why you are clinging to this old relationship. Is it because you want to have children? Is it because you’re afraid of being alone? Is it just easier to go back than to move forward? Look within to figure it out.

What do you really want and need in a partner ... and how are you going to get it? Make a list, make a plan, and stick to it.

Comments

Luke on August 26, 2020:

My gf has just joined a dating website and also out on the town Saturday night just gone I’m assuming she was on the dating site first, and she was literally dolled up like I have never seen before, for instance red lipstick which I know she hasn’t even actually wore lipstick before now I’m just going so add that I wasn’t even aware that we had broken up, can I ask if it’s just me that thinks she is an absolute horror of a human being??? , It was only three weeks ago that she told me she loved me deeply lol??

lousie on May 01, 2020:

my ex broke up with me nearly a month ago now. he's said he wants to be friends and replies to my texts but i am took scared to call. i don't know if it is too early or not

freddymercury on April 12, 2020:

Hi all. After reading this article and while reading it getting a private call (most likely from my ex), I decided to share my story. I am 26 years old and just ended a 6 year relationship. Yup, we had been together since we were 20. We also knew each other since we were 8 years old. Not really close friends. He always liked me. I mean always. Anyway, I moved in Jan 2019 to Houston with him 6 months after he started a new job. He recently landed a new job in Virginia. We were SO excited. We were all set to move together. While he was finishing up his last week of his job in Houston I decided to visit home and see friends and family. When i returned to Houston I found out he was cheating on me. I did not catch him in the act, but it was very obvious. I won't go into those details. This guy still wanted me to go with him telling me we would work it out. He emotionally abused me and told me I will never find anyone. So many other hateful things, but I won't go into that either. I packed my things and I left. I answered some of his calls, texts, e-mails, but I've had enough.. I had to block him on everything. He continues to call private. He is in a brand new place all alone and were are under quarantine. I just assume he is bored and if we were not going through a pandemic, he would be just fine. Forgive my grammar, run on sentences, and this mess of a story. Thanks for reading.

clin on February 19, 2020:

Thanks for such an amazing blog.

V on November 18, 2019:

She deleted and blocked me everywhere and now I miss her. Just want to know she is ok and alive.

sharon on November 13, 2019:

He says he doesn't want to put a label on us and that he just wants to be friends. I call him about once a day to see how he is doing and just to chat. Sometimes we have coffee together or just hang out. I wish it was more.

MESSIAH HOME on June 10, 2019:

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Letanya Baucom on May 30, 2019:

How can I get my ex-boyfriend back he dumped me from another girlfriend and she gay we've been going together for two years I'm trying to get him back

stacey taggart on April 05, 2019:

I split up with my ex last year in September ive tried being mates it just making me feel crap cause he don't love me anymore when I try to get back with him before said no don't feel that way so think im try go for something that aint there anymore need to move forward

Seeing things new on April 01, 2019:

Hi everyone!

After reading these stories, it’s made me happy to share my experience and hope it helps and inspires people to keep their head up and their hearts open.

I moved to New York on my own after leaving my fathers house in VA because of underlying problems and issues we never worked through.

In New York, I was 20 years old and had a job as a pharmacist technician. I rented out a room in an apartment with an older woman and her daughter. I had a lot of free time on my hands and decided to go out almost every single night. I used to party so much that I don’t remember all of the men I slept with. My heart felt like it wanted to be tough and strong and not fall in love with anyone. My heart wanted to be pleasured and didn’t want to potentially get hurt. I ultimately started meeting guys who seemed like good catches but even those guys betrayed me. After a few months, I started to pick up cigarettes (my first time). I was getting hurt by these men and didn’t want my mind to be alert or aware of the pain so I would drink and smoke. It was such a sad time for me because I would go out and party but come home to a really bad neighborhood and lived in poor conditions. One night I was walking to a train station to where I was supposed to meet up with a guy who I made my *instant boyfriend* I knew he was desperate enough and I wanted the sex and attention. As I was approaching the train station a guy walked passed me and gave me such an off stare. The stare spoke volumes. I hated how this random guy looked at me. His eyes said so many things and none of them good. His eyes showed no interest in who I was, just showed what he wanted. It was pure darkness in his stare.

I thought to myself “that was a very unpleasant stare... ew” and kept walking to the train station. Before I could reach the station, the weird stare guy comes up to me and asked me where I was going. I said I was meeting someone at the skatepark since that’s where I hung out a lot. He insisted I hang out with him and his friends to drink and smoke. His eyes softened by the time he was done convincing me and I went with him. We walked to a park where we smoked and had a long conversation. I don’t remember what we spoke about but I remember something so clear that night, I thought he spoke so much about nothing important. I felt that he was talking just because he was lonely. He was not pleasant to talk to. That, I remember perfectly. After I’ve had enough for the one way conversation, I said I was going to the train station. He convinced me to smoke more at his *grandmas* house because she was away on vacation so he had the place to himself. We smoked at her house and he swayed me into having sex with him. After we had sex, I felt that my heart was heavy and I needed assurance that he was not going to hurt me. I asked him to be my boyfriend that night and he said yes. 2 years passes by and during that time he has physically abused me, emotionally abused, financially abused, and threatened me. He has slapped me, he has stolen money from me, purposely sprained my wrist and has filed a fake police report on me. He has cheated on me and bad mouthed me and created false rumors of me to his friends and family. Even after all of the bad things he has done to me, I stood around a few months after and even flew him out to Miami where I moved to get away from him. In Miami, it was hell on earth. I lived in a nice house with professional roommates and he was a *bum* no job, no money, only physically attractive. Whenever we were around other women he would flirt with them as if I wasn’t there. He has told me that he does not want to marry me and said he didn’t want love to be a factor in our relationship. He told me he didn’t want to get a job or go to school. He is 20 years old and told me that he wants me to pay for everything while he gives me children and stays at home to do whatever he wants while I pay for his expenses. When I flew him out to Miami, he was supposed to live here with me pretty much forever. He lasted 6 days. The first night he arrived, he yelled at the top of his lungs at me for getting to the airport a little late because I was getting our room ready for him. He was yelling and cursing at me like if I wasn’t the one who bought him the flight in the first place. Since living in MIA I’ve had a couple of professional jobs and still have one today. He came to my house smelling like he’s been living in the street and smoking and drinking everyday. I was not used to that lifestyle anymore. I worked hard and earned my way to the top. While he leaned on me for every financial aid. He kept telling me how he needs me to pay for everything because he was not going to work or do anything else besides have fun in life. Everyday for 6 days we’d argue about simple things. If I needed him to wear a shirt when we went out to eat, he’d get angry. If I needed him to take off his shoes while on the bed, he’d get angry. I was always the peace maker. I was always the one so loving and kind. He was always the aggressor. I was always the solutioner and the one who provided unconditional love. The night before he left back to New York we had a moment of peace and reconciliation. It lasted a short while and had sex and even talked about the possibility of me being pregnant. After a few hours he became so aggressive that he kicked me in my stomach. I was so shocked and stunned that I ran into my closet and cried while he called his mom and made it seem that I was being mean to him. The next day he was gone. I cried for a while because I felt that I had failed God and couldn’t help this guy better himself the way I bettered my life. I still answered his calls and messages for a while and even changed my phone number and home address. I felt like he was supposed to receive my unconditional love and that I could not give up on him. Last week Tuesday was the last time I spoke to him. I blocked him that day and decided enough was enough. I couldn’t deal with the manipulation, the lies, the anger, the drug abuse, his alcoholism, or domestic violence. He was so aggressive to me and others and I still don’t know how after all the charges filed against him *including those he got in trouble when a cop saw him abusing me, and others that strangers have filed against him* he is not in jail. To give you another perspective on him, there was a day where I was washing clothes at a laundromat in New York and he was so angry at an old man *maybe 70 or 80 years old* that he carried the old man and slammed him on his back. I felt so much pain for that old man and I hated that my ex boyfriend needed to hide in my apartment so the cops wouldn’t find him. I didn’t want to help him. One day his mom and dad were on the phone and they didn’t know my ex had put them on speaker, his dad called me a B*%*! just because I didn’t want him living with me. His mom said I was ugly and that he had plenty of other girls that would die to be with him. His mom and dad are ruthless and cruel. They are alcoholics and lead a terrible life. I’ve always wanted better for him and found myself growing and learning the more I was away from him. Today I am a better me. I do not drink or smoke. I have been clean for almost a month now. I am going to college in the fall for Architecture, live in a nice home, I have a nice car and have a good job. I know that he still doesn’t have a job, pretty much lives on the street, uses drugs and alcohol, curses and yells at anybody he wants whenever he wants. He is rude and abuses women and it took 2 and half years to make me realize that this guy is the evil twin of the man I fantasized about. I wanted a loving, hard working, caring, kind husband, while my ex was a pain inducing creature.

ugogirl54 on March 12, 2019:

Just came upon this site and wow I could have written any one of these articles. It feels good to know I am NOT the only woman that had to deal with a narcissistic guy. I made the fateful mistake of emailing my boyfriend from school --45 years ago was the last time we saw each other. We went out for 4 years - never argued - planned on getting married. Even went as far as looking at houses. Long story short we broke up over a misunderstanding our first and last argument. I emailed him year and half ago to wish him a happy birthday. He was so happy to hear from me that we wrote each other emails every day and he called me every night for 5 months. He was not happy in his marriage and said he was going to divorce his wife and move out and would I like to move in with him and when his divorce was final we would get married as planned. He lived in Florida so I had to relocate which wasn't a big deal. He rented a beautiful place on the water and we lived together for a few months. After a few weeks, he started to become different. He told me on my second day there that he had not had sex in over 15 years and has lost the desire to have sex but is working on it. After a few months he would just leave in the morning to go to work and just walk out the door sometimes just saying see ya. I would not know if he was coming home for dinner or not. Finally he sat down and said that this arrangement is not working for him and I have to leave! Where? I left my house and uprooted myself for him and now he wants me to leave? I cried for days when he would leave in the morning. He slept on the couch and would never sleep in the bed again. I left to come back home and he said it's only for a few months. It was a very bad time for a few months as he would not call text or email me. I cried for days and days. I was beyond help. Then in October he called me and said he was starting to look at houses and wanted me to come down to look at them. I told him I had to work but I would try to come down soon. In November he called and said he found OUR forever home and he put a deposit on it. He said please come down to see it because I bought it for us and if he wanted a house for himself he would buy a smaller one or just buy a condo. I went to Florida, saw the house and fell in love with it. He said do you like it can you live here? Yes I said. That night we went out to dinner and he said I am not ready for a relationship or a commitment I don't think I will ever be I just want to be in a friendship with you. If I ever want to consider a relationship you would be the only person that I would want to do that with because of how I feel. I love you but as my best friend.

He said all of the things he said earlier in the year he was just caught up in the fantasy of being with me again as he never forgot me and wanted so desperately to have it all back as it was. He said he is going to a therapist and working on alot of issues he has with his family. We get along great. But I want more. I know he does but he is afraid to take the step. He borrowed a large sum of money from me to buy the house and to renovate it with the promise that I would move in the house by April. NOW he says I cannot move in for quite some time because he is going to file for divorce and he feels he should wait until it is finalized because if his wife found out she could stop the divorce. Which I agree with. But the house is 2 hours away from her and his family which is another reason why he bought the house to be far enough away from them. He has slowly been distancing himself from me and I know he doesn't want me to move in and doesn't know what to do or how to say it. We don't really argue, but it is very tense between us as I don't know what to say.

I broke down crying a month ago on the phone and he said he is sorry he is causing me so much pain. I told him I am sorry I sent you the email and he said that was harsh. He is a very controlling and manipulating person. Everything has to be his way. I have come to realize that if I did or do move back to Florida and live with him I will be destroyed in no time. He didn't call me for Christmas. Yet I sent him a card and a beautiful Christmas tree from the florist which he said was unbelievably gorgeous. I send him stuff all the time and he sends me nothing. He waited until 10pm the day of my birthday to call me. We talk for hours on the phone and then he says well there's a few hours I'll never get back. He also said that when we go on vacation he expects me to pay for half of everything as I am not his girlfriend or his wife. He makes 6 figures and can well afford it but he said he doesn't want to give me the wrong idea. I said if I can't afford it I will have to stay home and he said he would ask some other girl to go with him and I shouldn't be angry because we are only friends. His promise to pay me back the money has changed so many times that I am getting used to the idea that he will never pay me back. I know in my heart I should just break it off totally and somehow I can't I block him on my phone and then in a few days I unblock him. Right now I am being punished because I said something about his ex wife. He said he wished she would find a boyfriend and I said maybe she will - who knows maybe she has one now. He got so mad and said that his family is off limits and I should stop bringing the up. I asked him what will happen on holidays especially Christmas. He said Well you will be alone as I will be going to my son's house to see my granddaughter and I can't bring you there so you can either stay home alone or find someone to do something with or go back home to stay with your family He said after all we are just friends. YET he calls me and asks for my opinion on the house, etc. It is so frustrating. I told him if a friend of mine was going through this I would tell her to leave no run away from this guy. I know it is the right thing to do and I am getting the courage to do it with the help of my therapist. He is 65 going on 10. What is so funny is that he is not handsome in fact he is overweight. He never compliments me and I get compliments all the time from other people how pretty I am and how nice I look and he justs sits there in silence.

How does one just move on? Its so hard. He was my first love. I never forgot him and he says he never forgot me. He said don't come here with the idea you are going to change my mind. You will be disappointed. I love talking to him but lately the reality that he doesn't want anything more than a friendship is upsetting as I cannot kiss him or hold his hand. What should I do?

MeeLee on March 05, 2019:

Been with my bestie and first one for 10 years, 3.5 years dating, 6,5 years married. It was a dream marriage. Hardly ever argued.

She was insecure, and didn't like it if I even as much as looked in one direction. At some point her controlling became poisenous.

I had to escape. Bought myself a bike, drove around a bit.

Never cheated on her, loved her with all my heart, but she changed, got unhappy, and decided to separate and divorced me.

Greatest pain I've ever felt, and today, 6 years later, I still feel it. every day I remember her, though not every day it hurts anymore.

But most days it still does.

I loved her deeply, don't know why she left. She never told me.

She was looking for happiness, I guess; happiness in another man's arms.

Despite that, I still love her. It's something I can't change about myself. I wished things will be ok again between us. She doesn't need to treat me so angryful.

I'm not giving her reasons to, but for years I wished to hear one call from her, one message; but nothing..

wisdom on February 06, 2019:

hi here looking good

Nan on January 29, 2019:

I was in a 6-year relationship with a man that I truly loved. I broke up with him two days after Christmas which is a month ago. Unfortunately this is my third break up with him because I found then at my age, 61, it was not so easy to find another man out there. This man brought more things to my life and we had more laughter and more good times than my husband of 26 years. He was patient, kind, would open my door for me, order for me at a restaurant, everybody who met him loved him, but he was also unreliable, inconsiderate and self-absorbed. I can't count the number of times that he was late for an occasion that we needed to be to, causing me extreme anxiety and then it wouldn't turn out well. Even though he had been married before, he just had a problem with commitment, and I'm not speaking marriage. I don't need to be joined at the hip with someone, simply going to bed at night and waking up in the morning, telling someone you love them, and then both of you going about your about your day was enough for me. But he always told me that I needed more time. I was totally smitten with this man and being the nurturer that I am, just wanted to love and take care of him. He was always honest with me and after a disagreement one day, he told me that if he was not making me happy that I should go and find someone who did. He didn't say this with any malice or criticism, he was being honest. That said, I always felt that it was in a way a cop out. Or if we were in a disagreement about something and I would say, you're forcing me to do this or do that, he would say, I'm not forcing you to do anything. Total total lack of commitment on his part, but the good times that we had kept overshadowing more important things that I should have looked at. Instead I didn't and I actually became addicted to this man. I also think part of the problem was it I was not as secure in myself as I should have been. But one would think that if you go out and do things, you think the same way, you have a great time and great chemistry, that you only want more of what you have, but not so with him. It seems like we could do something and have a wonderful time and then that would be enough for him for a week. I ended up living with more of what he said vs. actions, his clothes in my closet but him not being here a lot of the time, and you can't date clothes. There are constant reminders around my home, and even though I have a lovely home, there are days where I just hate being in here by myself. I have unfriended him on Facebook and I called him a few days ago only because I was so ill. I keep telling myself this time I cannot go back, because I find that it is become a toxic relationship for me. With every breakup he has texted it called many times. I just started therapy again a few weeks ago and my therapist actually told me that this is a way for the other person to stay linked to you even though you've broken up with them. It doesn't take much but to you to send a text or for them to see your pictures on Facebook. I found it very hard to believe but apparently it's just a way for them to stay connected, and it's enough. I'm in bed for now almost 12 hours a day and even though I go to the gym, I usually go back to bed. I just got a new job which I start in two weeks and God help me that I don't start having anxiety attacks in the workplace. What I'm so mad at myself is that I would be the first one to point out to one of my friends all the things that weren't working for them in this relationship, yes here I am and I feel like a needy hot mess. I actually had coffee with a man last week who said he wanted to see me again, in a few hours later I was so sick to my stomach I thought I had the flu. Obviously I need to grieve more, but I hate being alone, I absolutely hate it. I have very few friends and I don't want to be calling on them every few minutes. I think grieving someone who is still alive is actually worse than grieving someone who has died.

NE on January 12, 2019:

Thanks dia for the article it's really touching and teaching

LR on October 09, 2018:

This article sound like something I’m going through.

Thad on August 31, 2018:

That was a great article. Thank you for sharing it helped me out a lot.

CT on August 28, 2018:

@MK.

Just a few things to thing about.

1) If someone truly wants to be in your life they will do everything in their power to make it so. ANYTHING. If you're meant to be he should realise sooner rather than later. I would have an honest, no BS conversation with him if he rings you. Put all the cards on the table - what have you got to lose?

2) Spend time to understand your thoughts and how your emotions may be distorting logical thinking. Is this truly the right person for you? Are you being treated in the way you want to be treated?

3) People CAN change - I know I have. But I don't believe someone can in 3 months - the time is too short. If I look back at my mindset and outlook from a year ago, 2 years ago I know I have definitely changed for the better. I'm less jealous, more true to myself and a lot more mindful. 3 months to me is just him looking back at the relationship and going 'I miss how I used to feel' - the mind can play tricks on you in that way.

I hope this helps.

CT on August 28, 2018:

I just want to say thank you for this article. I woke up this morning feeling very upset and had a burning desire to contact my ex. Reading through this made me realise that it is definitely not a good idea to reach out...we've been split up for more than 3 years - she's now married and moved on with her life.

We had an amazing relationship whilst it lasted but I let her go. I had ample opportunities to reconnect, but I never truly committed. However, I cannot live in regret. A life full or regret it not a life worth living.

I've grown so much since we were together and feel as if we'd now make the perfect couple, but it's not meant to be.

From all the articles I've read I know that I will find the one who I am meant to spend the rest of my life with. Holding onto something that's gone is not good for the soul. I love myself and will aim to improve myself every single day.

MK on July 13, 2018:

It's been 3 months since my boyfriend and I broke up for good. We were constantly fighting and breaking up and getting back together basically because we are older and didn't want to have to start over. I had enough and ended it. It was hard and I had a few setbacks but I felt like it was time to contact him to move on and be friends. I texted him and he called me immediately. OUr conversation was great and civil. We updated each other on our lives. I learned that he's not "living the wonderful life of sunshine and unicorns" that we all think our exes are living. He said he's still lonely and doesn't have things to look forward to. I admitted I was lonely and that I never thought I would say that. We both invited the other to call if we ever wanted to hang out . I felt good after the call, but I keep having irrational thoughts that maybe it could actually work this time. I know that people don't change, and that it wouldn't be long before he reverted back to his old ways (and me to mine). Can we ever go back to the way it was in the beginning? I have always been a hopeful person but I know that if I call him and I don't get the response I want, I will be crushed. I "should" just wait to see if he ever calls. Anyone have thoughts?

Hurt on May 20, 2018:

That was very helpful. Continue writing articles like these.

Brent on March 12, 2018:

Hey I’m not going home now call my phone house

Nikki on February 15, 2018:

Thank you, really needed to read something like this, it helped so much x

EMERALD SEMIEN on January 04, 2018:

.thank you for this article

Girl that appreciates this article on December 12, 2017:

Thank you. Really well said.

Sam on November 03, 2017:

I don't wanna go out and smile....I just wanna go to the bathroom and cry

Meghna on October 02, 2017:

I just loved it....needed to read it....

gei on September 20, 2017:

thank you! just what i needed to read!

Lost girl! on June 28, 2017:

Lovely article!!

Weston on May 22, 2017:

A nonsense article at some point, the real fact for people break up is due to pride, in the name of pride war do start up, and so for relation breaking down,as couple always dream to find a greener field to pastor, this with time as years pass by with only remain an utopia in their heads, until eventually when they realize that years have passed by and not longer admired by any one else.

If a person was not happy in a relation and never truly appreciated the good time and care and affection, the same person will never appriciate in the future, no matter what.Even if they become richer in their second relation

Tim on April 29, 2017:

This article is stupid. Everyone's situation is different. Just because they are an ex doesn't mean it couldn't work out. It depends on a ton of circumstances.

Justme on April 21, 2017:

Thank you! This is the only article that truly stopped me from calling my ex.

littlebear on March 20, 2017:

He misses her

Eloise on February 28, 2017:

Yes, there must be something wrong with him that he can't appreciate how amazing I am. Yet, it is a hell not to call him--but I'm not.

Cathy Hatley on February 16, 2017:

Thank you very much I needed that and I am going to do that turns my phone off

Rachel on January 16, 2017:

It's been a few months but I have been thinking about him the past few days. I will get over it. Thank you, it should be obvious but I needed a reason not to do it!

Denni on January 09, 2017:

This was a awesome article, just what I needed.

Left on January 09, 2017:

This is perfect!!! Thank you for writing this

Lovi on January 05, 2017:

Hi this is so great. I almost cried, I actually did. Thank you! I needed so much inspiring words to help me re evaluate and love myself more.

Shanice on November 15, 2016:

I'd been i a relationship for about two years and my bf and I just broke up. The relationship was on and off and most of the off times were because he'd broken up with me. One of the things that I tried to figure out and asked him many times were why did he always resort to breaking up with me instead of trying to make the relationship work because that is what you do when you really love someone. He would always say it was out of anger and he was still here (after we'd gotten back together) so I shouldn't pay it any mind. I knew when the real break up might come, I would be devastated which I am not because every other time he broke up with my I had a difficult time and struggled. It is so hard for me to cope with this break up because I really love this guy. He was my first with so many things including the first boyfriend I ever really truly loved. It hurts even more to know that I can't deal with my emotions of this breakup (hence having to google an article like this) and he is wherever he is just living his life without a worry. It has only been about two days since the breakup but I have been crying none stop and it is hard for me to find motivation to do my simple everyday tasks. What's worst is that I blame myself for getting so wrapped up in a relationship in the first place and honestly it makes me not want to be in a relationship again all in hopes of not having to experience this kind of pain again.

All in all, sorry for the rant but this article helped me fight my urge to call my ex back and I really appreciate that because that is exactly what I needed to hear. I have been that person and called him back several times before and honestly if I hadn't been that person the relationship may not have lasted as long as did. Thanks for such a wonderful article.

GG on November 04, 2016:

Thank you for this. I am only days into a fresh breakup with a man I loved. I lost him and his two children. I am so heartbroken, shocked, and going through withdrawals- I thought I was going crazy. At least for tonight, you helped me feel strong.

marcella on October 29, 2016:

thank you, whoever you are! And thank you so much girls, for the comment section! You guys made me feel that I am not alone anymore. This is the first day of my 2-year-relationship breakup and it could have been worse without this article.

I hope everyone who reads this will find their power to resist the temptation of the easy way out (i.e. calls him and be the biggest loser)

xxxxx

MessedUp on September 01, 2016:

Hi everyone.. i just want to say i totally understand the pain. Words cannot describe. I cut all contact a month ago after being dumped around 4 months ago. I still dont know if keeping away is the best thing to do but im sticking to it and taking baby steps. I dont know what else to say except fight and keep fighting. Cry, sob, be miserable. Its all part of the grieving process. I know this is corny but every dark cloud does have a silver lining. Just believe that something good is awaiting. And its true - why chase someone who cannot see your value? If your ex really does feel as strongly as you, he/she would be doing everything in their power to win you back. Walking away is by far, the hardest thing i'd ever had to do but its better to do so than to cling on to someone who does not look at you the same way. I thought i had it all - the perfect partner, a comfortable home and the bestest friend i could ever ask for. We were together for 3 years. Finally, i was told to move on and she needed space. I was willing to do anything to get her back. Only recently did i decide that enough is enough. I wasn't going to let myself linger in that gray area. The hurt and rejection was too much to bear. It still hurts, every single day but at least i walked away with some pride left. Do not cut your ex off in hopes that she/he will realize they miss you. Do it for you. For your own healing. It may not seem like it now but it will get better. You feel start to regain control again. All the best people.