a passionate writer and a former editor, I love writing and i want to explore the limits of words!
Introduction about the Book
Reading the art of love by Erich Fromm Was one of the inspirational and amazing experiments in my life, it enriches my soul and rectified a lot of my misconceptions not just in terms of love, but about life’s meaning, our mission as human beings, and how love can be our refuge in a competitive excruciating world.
There is no topic discussed more than love, but most books wrote about love treated it as something controlled by an invisible power, it is like humans are hypnotized to feel in love with someone, and their role is only to obey that whispering voice that seduces them to love, and even in our language, the most expression used to describe love state is falling in love, which is far beyond reality, this book treats love differently, it shows us love is a decision we take with all our senses, and that decision we take with both heart and mind, in this article, we will reveal the best basic facts about love implied in that sublime book.
Love Is an Art Requires Three Elements
Like all arts in life, it requires learning to be mastered and polished, the problem is while people consider that all skills should be grasped well, they think that love doesn't deserve their efforts; it's not complicated like mathematics, and not as mind-blogging as physics, so for that reason, they don't try to learn it, and the result of which is to trap themselves into a net of problems due to their misunderstanding of the nature of love itself, and how to make a healthy lifelong relationship.
to be able to understand love as an art, you should recognize its three elements: discipline, concentration, and patience.
the First Element: Discipline
discipline means to force yourself to do the same thing regularly; you won't be able to master anything if you don't do it in a disciplined way if you do something in only the time you feel you are in a good mood, it will be just a hobby or an amusing pastime, but you will never be superb at it, the contemporary man doesn't have a discipline out the place of work; when he isn't at work, he becomes lazy, he begins to rebel, and those rebellious behaviors take on the form of orgiastic indulgences, the contemporary human can't force himself to do anything freely, that's why he still fails in love.
the Second Element: Concentration
Concentration is the core of any creative art, yet it's uncommon to focus in our hectic culture which is full of distractions, we are consumers around the clock, we swallow everything, foods, movies, information, that's why it's harder for us to sit still without any movement, to reflect on what happened or what we can do, and instead of thinking how can they fix a shattered relationship, we find ourselves absorbed in a new one with the illusion that will have the solution of our problem
the Third Element: Patience
like discipline and concentration, patience is harder to practice in our modern culture, given all the automatic machines that work faster and more productive; the machine that generates the same quantity in less time is more useful, humans began to turn into machines, and with the growth of the strain of consumerism, everything has converted into a commodity and love wasn't an exception; in our modern life people lost the patience to fix a broken relationship or to make it thrive, they don't have the patience to embark on a new relationship or bear its burdens, that's why the new generations feel more lonely than the old ones.
Love Is a Mysterious Craving for Union
Like a child feels belonging to his mother, the human race feels he is a part and parcel of mother nature, its soil, animals, and plants formed his world; he has worshipped animals as supreme gods, and wore its slain leathers to cover his bare skin, since his creation, human's bond with nature was inseparable, and as human emerges from this primary bond, his need to union becomes rather intense, he feels that strong need to fuse with something other than nature, so he learned to love as a way to escape his loneliness.
love is a way to satisfy this inbuilt instinctive craving for a union, the human who has tamed nature couldn't get rid of this natural origin in his soul, which led him to unite with supreme power; we can say human has transcended nature, but he doesn't leave it, and those lingered remnants of nature in himself induced him to search for oneness, especially be achieving infusion with an exclusive one, that's how love has arisen as a way to mitigate isolation and achieving unity.
Self-Love Is not a Synonym of Narcissism
It's quite common that people confuse self-love with narcissism, seeing it as two faces of one coin, the reasons causing this strange confusion are deep-seated in the human consciousness, and it dated back to the story of Narcissus who has sunk in the water due to this obsessive admiration for himself, religions have taken this story to a further extent, warning people of self-admiration, describing it as the worst of all sins, and while religions prompted people to love others and care for them, there are few verses in all religious scriptures urging people to love themselves.
self-love is so important for humans to flourish, and to love others; indeed, no one can love others without granting love to himself first, also, self-love has unleashed humans' energies opening the door for more creativity and ingenuity, it was the fuel the kindled the massive inventions, and spurred mankind to craft magnificent feats in the arenas of arts, music, and architecture.from that prospective, self-love isn't a sin, but a virtue that will bring about progress for both humans and civilizations.
Love Isn't the Absence of Conflict
Most people think that where love exists, all conflicts end, which is a common fallacy, the truth is love is never a cure of any problem, and we can't avoid either sadness or pain as it's all in the core of life.though, most of the conflicts the people chatter around are about superficial disagreements; it doesn't reveal the deep underlying issues, yet when people speak about their inner issues, they can clarify the problem, so, they can come to a solution of it.
Love is an Aware Decision
The misconception of love, the perception of love as a sudden hectic feeling we are gripped by as humans, has led people to think they have no control over their relationships with others; the story of love grows and wither on its own, and all that they can do is to observe that slow transformation of their story, yet that's all out of truth, as humans who decide to give it a try or let it go, they are responsible about the course of the relationship, that means they should be fully aware of their emotions, and to learn who to listen to their inner voice as they taught their body to respond to the surrounding stimulus.