I've been through too many failed relationships and finally found the one. I enjoy writing about relationships and spiritual connection.
Whoever said marriage was easy was probably never married. You see it all the time. Whether it is in movies, on tv, or in a book, two people meet fall in love and live happily ever after. Well, this is not a book or movie, but real life, and let us just say that if there is a little more to it than that.
If you take a minute and think about all the people that are in your life, there is a very good chance that someone you know has been or is in the process of getting a divorce. There are those that fear getting married just for the fact that they don’t want to have to deal with the divorce and the financial strain that will come along with it.
So, what is the secret to having a happy and successful marriage?
Well, there really isn’t a secret formula or a special power that you attain as time passes by, it boils down to something very simple, yet so difficult. It starts with the understanding that there will be ups-and-down and the attitude that you and your partner both, will not let it fail.
There are many things one must consider before getting married, and it all starts with you and how you view yourself as a person.
How true you are to yourself, will determine what kind of partner you will be.
A Happy Marriage Life
Marriage is a commitment, and like other commitments, it will take lots of patience, hard work, and a willingness to see through the difficult times. A happy marriage will begin with two people who are committed and love each other. They work together to create an atmosphere of compassion, love, and selfless actions. The couple is equally committed to seeing each other succeed in all aspects of life.
Noticing the trend? Selfish attitudes need not apply. A selfish attitude can almost guarantee a failed marriage. You and your partner have to be committed to seeing each other succeed and most importantly to want to work through the issues that will come up during the marriage.
As a couple begins to build their relationship through dating, they learn more and more about each other. Some things that you may want to keep in mind as you build your partnership would be; How your partner handles certain situations. How they treat you. These are all answers that will need to be determined because they will follow you into the marriage. But don’t count them out yet, if they don’t meet expectations at the beginning.
The key is growth. Understanding that an individual that you met and started the relationship with will be totally different than the person that you plan on marrying, and that is ok. The key is that they are willing to change and adapt to be the partner that you need. The question then becomes, did you?
Characteristics of a Happy Marriage
So, what exactly are some of the traits that can be found in a happy marriage? wel,l that is going to all depend on the couple. The key is that there is a level of respect and a level of selflessness in the marriage that keeps everyone happy.
Following dreams and trying to reach goals can be difficult, especially if you don’t have someone who is there to help you along the way. A successful marriage has two individuals who are doing whatever they can to support their partner to pursue their dream, without feeling like they are giving up on theirs.
This is a no-brainer, but unfortunately, this is probably one of the biggest reasons relationships fail. Listen to each other. Support each other even if initially you don’t agree. This is something that needs to be established early on, during the dating phase, because this type of behavior will only get worse.
There is no room for jealousy or lying in a healthy, successful marriage. If you feel like you need to lie to your partner than there are deeper issues that need to be dealt with. Marriage is based on a list of promises and vows that they should actively work on and never break. If any behaviors may cause doubt, that can be catastrophic for the marriage. If there is an inkling of doubt in a marriage, this can lead to a landslide of problems down the road.
Nobody is perfect. Patience is key, especially when the marriage reaches the lowest of lows (it will happen) A happy marriage has two partners who are willing to forgive and show patience to each other.
A successful marriage will not happen without investing time in each other. It is imperative that you give yourselves some one-on-one time with your partner every day, no matter how rough of a day that you had. A relationship is like an investment, and time is the capital that will help it grow.
8 Important Tips on How to Have a Happy Marriage
This is a no-brainer. A marriage is built on communication, trust, and love. If someone is talking with or without words, it is important that their partner is listening and receptive. Pay attention to both verbal and non-verbal cues so that way you can better understand your partner’s needs.
If you are wrong your wrong. Own it. This is one of the biggest trust builders in a relationship. If you make a mistake talk to your partner and deal with the consequences. The same goes for your partner. If they are owning up to a mistake. Hear them out, making sure to respect them just as much as they respect you.
3. Show Affection
This is a big one. Over time, the touchy, feely part of the relationship will slowly fade away. If allowed the days of when you both started to fall in love and were in complete lust for each other will start to become a distant memory. Touch is the ultimate form of affection, and it is the best way to show your partner that you are still present, both physically and emotionally. Strive to make touch an important part of your relationship. Keeping in mind that certain behaviors are meant to be done behind closed doors.
Forgiveness is important part of any relationship. The ability to forgive and to be forgiven goes a long way. But a big part of forgiveness is also the ability to forget. Don’t continue to bring up the past. The key to forgiveness is to be able to move forward.
And not to say that some marriages cannot always be saved. Sometimes the action itself is so big and hurtful, that it is best to walk away. But continue to work on forgiving, you will thank yourself later.
Thank them every day. Multiple times a day. Show them gratitude for everything that they do, especially being in your life, (and also putting up with you.)
6. Keep close to friends and family
Continue to maintain relationships with your friends and family in addition to your marriage. Unfortunately, most of the time, most couple’s kind of cocoon themselves up alienating themselves from the outside world. Having friends and family around you will keep those happy times going.
7. Enjoy the silence
Enough said, especially if you have kids.
8. Understand there will be ups and downs
Understand that there will be periods of ups and downs. After the initial wave of lust and desire start to wane, there will be periods where you can’t stand each other. It is perfectly natural to feel this way at certain times. Remember to keep in mind why you two are together and hold on to the fact that there is no one else that you would rather spend your life with.
Happy Marriage Quotes
True love is spending one day getting married, and the rest of your life feeling glad you did
Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way that you love your partner every day.
— Barbara De Angelis
A happy marriage is about three things: memories of togetherness, the forgiveness of mistakes, and a promise to never give up on each other.
— Surabhi Surendra
To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you are wrong- admit it. Whenever you are right- Shut up.
It is one of those cases where you may win the battle but lose the war. In marriage, it’s either win-win or lose-lose. There is no win-lose. If you don’t both win, you both lose.
— Sheila Wray Gregoire
Marriage does not guarantee you will be together forever, it’s only paper. It takes love, respect, trust, understanding, friendship, and faith in your relationship to make it last.
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person.
— Mignon McLauglin
The best thing to compare a marriage too is a fire. You start with some kindling and a flame. As the flame starts to die out, you feed the fire more wood, the fire will grow bigger, brighter, and hotter. The marriage must have a solid foundation. One that will not waver. It must be solid so that way as the relationships grow and blossoms, it will not fail or burn out, especially during the lowest most stressful times.
Muriel B Tewes (author) on September 17, 2020:
Thanks for the advice! Well, the tips seem easy- listen.. appreciate.. but it was super difficult for me when both of us are pretty headstrong. It took me a couple of years of fighting and counseling to get it. There was a point that we thought divorce was the only solution but we managed to get through!
Knowing to choose the right partner works after you accumulated experiences from heartbreak and tears. I got into a relationship so many times thinking he was the right partner and I was so wrong. So really, it takes time to figure out what you truly want.
Of course, back then, I was naive and went through everything head-on. Looking back, it makes sense to share (which is why I write). It will make me very happy to help someone to make a wiser decision or get through a difficult time with what I have learned.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on September 15, 2020:
"How true you are to yourself, will determine what kind of partner you will be." - True!
(As well as what you will tolerate or settle for in a mate.)
Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
Each of us has our mate selection process/must haves list.
Each of us has our own boundaries and "deal breakers".
"So, what is the secret to having a happy and successful marriage?"
In my opinion it's choosing the "right partner" for yourself.
Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.
Ideally you want to choose someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for each other.
Compatibility trumps compromise.
Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!
There is no amount of "work" or 'communication" which can overcome being with someone who does not want what you want.
There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.
We're either "growing together" or "growing apart" over time.
The goal is to find a "soulmate" not a cellmate.
No one is "stuck" with anyone. Suffering is optional.
Marriage is like a garden:
If you nurture it, it thrives. If you neglect it, it dies.
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
- Oscar Wilde