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Staying Grudge Free When Someone Does You Wrong

At 40 yrs old, I found out that some people can hurt. I had to teach myself how to ignore some things; also how to stay grudge free.

People Can Hurt

Unfortunately in life, everyone will be let down, disappointed, heart broken or lied to by someone else. This is a sad but true fact of life. After we are hurt by someone else, there are some things we should do to protect us from bitterness or holding a grudge against the person.

There have been times in my life when I was utterly dumbfounded by what someone else had done to me. Since I was brought up with Christian parents, and am a Christian myself; I am unable to relate to this kind of treatment. In one instance, I somewhat went into shock. I replayed what happened over and over and over again in my mind. I just could not let what he or she did to me go.

Eventually I found myself angry, depressed, bitter and holding a big time grudge against that person. This is when I knew I had to do something about my feelings before I reacted in a not so nice way.

I am not a licensed professional, but I have learned through my experiences somewhat on how to handle my feelings after someone has done me wrong. Of course I do not always do the right thing; and I don’t always take my own advice. I have thought of a few helpful tips to help after someone has done you wrong before getting angry, bitter, and even before rage sets in.

Get Your Feelings Out On Paper

This technique was taught to me by my parents and has helped me numerous times. Since you can express your feelings this way, this will help with the stress and hurt from the situation. You can even get mean if you choose, and it is OK, because you will not send the letter. I have learned when doing this; your mind thinks you are really letting that person know how you feel. This is somewhat like tricking your brain. You will feel less stressed after you try this. Do not send the letter to the person! You should tear it up and throw it away. Sending what you wrote to the person will most likely make things worse. I have done this also, so I am speaking from experience.

Vent To Someone ONCE

Confiding in a friend has helped me talk out the hurt and anger. This also kept me from going insane from the play over in my head. You may just need to be listened to, reassured you were hurt and reassured what the person did to you was wrong. Be careful though, to choose your words, depending on whom you are talking to. There are two reasons I say to talk to someone about the situation only once. The first is because the person who you are talking to may get tired of hearing of it, and this may bring him or her down also. The second reason is for you. If you keep talking about what happened, your hurt is just going to stay fresh in your mind. We want to move on, not keep dwelling on it; remember?

Help Someone Else

staying-grudge-free-when-a-friend-does-you-wrong

Focus On The Positive :)

Staying positive may be difficult, but it is do-able. You can keep the positive in your life by listening to positive music. Music always can soothe the soul when listening to the right kind. Some songs to listen to are:

  • Happy- Pharrel Williams
  • It's A Great Day To Be Alive- Travis Tritt
  • It's A Beautiful Day- Michael Bublé
  • Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)- Kelly Clarkson

Another way to stay positive is to look up positive quotes. Some people, like myself are visual. When I read something or look at pictures this will trigger happy or sad stimulants. Since we are trying to get over the hurt, I suggest looking at quotes and pictures which are positive.

It’s Not All About ME??

Try to get your mind off of “YOU”. Yes, of course you were hurt bad, but let’s stop thinking about “ME” for a while and focus on someone else. Do things for another person. How about a friend who is sick? You can send them a positive email, text, or even call them. If you are religious, say prayers for others who are hurt or ill. Look online where you are able to volunteer for local community activities or groups. Thinking and doing things for others during this time will work wonders for your anger and bitterness. Pretty soon you won’t even remember what happened. Well, the situation may pop in your head, but you will be so busy doing things for others, it will pop right back out.

Forgive? Really, After What They Did!?

Sometimes forgetting about what happened is easy; but forgiving, well that is another story. Forgiving someone who has hurt you can be very difficult. We may be able to forget how bad they hurt us with tips and talking, but forgiving is the hardest part. Maybe you are not ready to forgive them yet, and that’s okay. Everyone is different, and so is every situation. Forgiving someone sometimes can take months, years, and unfortunately maybe not at all. If you are not able to forgive them yet, don’t feel bad. This is normal, but don’t start dwelling on how you can’t forgive them.

Maybe You Can Forgive Someday

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You Are Going To Be Alright

Even though you were hurt, everything will be alright. I learned the hard way when losing a friend after what they did that life still goes on. You need to think about if they were really your friend or cared about you, they wouldn't have treated you this way in the first place. Try to get your mind off of what happened between you and the other person. Dwelling on what happened will make you miserable, and it will not help anything. If you just can not get over the hurt, there are chat groups, forums, and even licensed therapists to get your feelings out. Being hurt by another whether an ex boyfriend, friend, or relative can be sometimes very hard to take. I am listing some websites to go onto for further help. Remember to focus on the positive in your life as much as you can. Positiveness will help you from holding that dreadful grudge!

Comments

Me on May 21, 2017:

Great article. Puts positive light on the simplest things in life that tend to feel like there a huge deal and makes you realize that there no big deal. I believe every one looses track of what's truly right or wrong. You use your words in a contact that no matter what you can't take things the wrong way or make others feel bad because they read it wrong. These days it's easy to fall off track and wonder whoes right or wrong. You write in a way that is easy for others to relate and help in a variety of situations. When I read this it helped keep my thoughts on track and help keep me thinking positive. These days that's hard for lots of people to do when it seems like there's so many people trying knock others down and make them feel bad. Love what you had to say and what others Positive comments were. It lifted the cloudy thoughts. I got to admit when I read articles about these so called positive motivations a lot of times it seems that they are just building themselves up as if they are better than most and they are doing every thing right and that does more harm than good if you read things like that when you are already feeling insecure and looking for something to snap you out of that feeling. Every word you wrote is positive and gets ones mind off the negative that maybe hunting them or get them feeling down,guilty,or confused on situations. Good job.

DawnM Samora (author) from Akron, Ohio on April 27, 2015:

Thank you very much MarieLB! This means so much to me. This was my first hub. :) I am so glad it is useul. Thanks, DawnM

MarieLB from YAMBA NSW on April 27, 2015:

Great read Dawn M. Useful and insightful, and also a pleasure to read.

DawnM Samora (author) from Akron, Ohio on April 25, 2015:

Jean, I am so sorry it took me so long to comment back. I don't know what happened... I hope you are doing well.

I am sorry for the family situation. It is hard when people are mean and do not accept you. I am dealing with this also right now. Yes, I really believe their actions are out of jealously. I am glad you have that one cousin's wife to be friends with. I have learned who my real friends are and who will not hurt me. Sadly, the list is very short. Yea dwelling on the bad things will only bring on stress. I am trying my hardest not dwell but it can be a struggle. We have to keep trying though!

Thanks so much for reading, Jean!

:) DawnM

DawnM Samora (author) from Akron, Ohio on April 25, 2015:

Thank you Kenneth. That means so much to me...

I have been slacking in writing the last couple of weeks. Reading your comment gives me motivation! Thank you a lot! DawnM

Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on April 24, 2015:

This was one fantastic read! Loved every word. I voted Up + all of the choices. Your graphics usage was superb. I like hubs like this. I urge you to keep up the great work and may you have a world of success on HubPages.

Sincerely,

Kenneth Avery

Your Friend for Life

Jean Bakula from New Jersey on March 07, 2015:

This is so true, and such good advice. My late husband had a very large family, his Mom was one of 9 children. They all competed for attention, and did outrageous things. But I never saw so much jealousy, and they would often do or say really hurtful things to me. Or they would get mad about imagined slights, and never talk over with you what was bothering them, just hold a grudge forever.

Sadly, the next generation, his, stayed the same way, and now without him, I only keep in touch with one of his cousin's wives, is sister doesn't even call me. But I learned the hard way that thinking about the slights over and over, and not forgiving, hurts us more in the end too.

DawnM Samora (author) from Akron, Ohio on February 20, 2015:

Hi Chriswillman,

I know how you feel about forgiving. Forgiving can bring someone closure, but I also believe this is the hardest part of the process! I was recently hurt very bad by people who I thought were my best friends. Craziness was going to set in unless I tried to get rid of these feelings. Writing this Hub was somewhat like therapy for me.I am not so much dwelling on what happened, but I am still working on the forgiving part.

I am so happy you enjoyed the Hub! :) Thanks so much, DawnM

Krzysztof Willman from Parlin, New Jersey on February 20, 2015:

I'm terrible at forgiving people who have wronged me. Usually once someone has crossed me, I have a hard time letting it go. I enjoyed reading your thoughts about the matter as it gave me more to think about.

DawnM Samora (author) from Akron, Ohio on February 20, 2015:

Thanks for reading, Dsmizzle!

I also have had trouble (just recently) with holding a grudge and staying angry. For me, writing on this subject basically helped me to "let it go". I am so glad you liked it :)

DawnM

DSmizzle from Long Beach, New York on February 20, 2015:

Hi Dawn:

This Hub is actually about what has always been a big character flaw of mine. I've always struggled with this. Thanks for writing this!

DawnM Samora (author) from Akron, Ohio on February 19, 2015:

Thank you very much, MarieLB. :) That means a lot to me. I was kind of nervous since this was my first Hub. Yes, I like to try and stay positive. This kind of attitude can rub off on others also.

Thanks!

DawnM

MarieLB from YAMBA NSW on February 19, 2015:

What a great article DawnMSamora. It is so good to hear you advocate positive solutions; we all need reminding sometimes!

DawnM Samora (author) from Akron, Ohio on February 18, 2015:

Thank you MarleneB. I think it has been a struggle for me in the past to forgive. After I forgave the person, I felt free and I felt better towards the person and myself as well.

:)

Marlene Bertrand from USA on February 18, 2015:

Forgiveness is one of the greatest keys to living a successful life. People will hurt us. But, we do ourselves a favor when we forgive because that is where the healing starts. I like the quote that you shared. Forgiveness really does prevent their behavior from destroying our hearts.

DawnM Samora (author) from Akron, Ohio on February 18, 2015:

Thank you Paintdrips! You are so right. Forgiveness is closure.

Denise McGill from Fresno CA on February 18, 2015:

Forgiveness is the best way. It is the hardest thing to do but when you finally let go... freedom. Thanks.

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