Bayyinah is the author of Gimme Some Relationship Advice! She is the owner of Gimme that Recipe! an online lifestyle company.
Do you find yourself often wondering, "Why do I always pick the wrong men?" or "Why do I seem to pick the same men with a different name?" Or maybe you have been in the single lane for a while and now feel it's time to start dating once again.
You may feel you are careful who you date but nothing seems to work. You end up single again. You feel it's a never ending circle of disappointment.
Have you thought that maybe the issue is simply the men that you select? The number one strategy for meeting your future husband is to change and perfect your man selection habits.
Your man selection habits are actually connected and related to your experiences (good or bad), heartaches and pains. It's a reflection of your inner self. It's also a familiarity of your comfort zone. There is a subconscious or a hidden part of us that draws us closer to particular people who trigger a comforting familiar feeling. This is not necessarily a bad thing. This is how we all make connections and form friendships. It is only bad when one continue to make connections with the same toxic persons over and over. When a woman's man selection skills is off: she pick the same kind of man each time and will eventually get heartache and pain.
Fireworks in the beginning may be a bad sign.
When a woman has unhealthy man selection skills, she thinks that when she meet a man she has a connection with him and she feel those feelings of chemistry and fireworks. But actually, what is happening is that her adrenaline is rushing and her inner drama queen is having a ball. Maybe in her mind in her previous relationship she became "bored" with that high quality-good man, and in turn is craving for excitement and attention from the opposite. A bad boy.
If this sounds oh too familiar, then commit to taking the necessary steps to changing your man selection habits. If you do not acknowledge and change your unhealthy selection habits, you will continuously find yourself drawn to the same kind of man over and over. The key to attracting or allowing healthy love to find you, is to discover this dynamic and make the necessary changes as soon as possible. Once you make changes to this subconscious action, you will see that the men you attract and meet will change as well.
Steps to Changing Your Man Selection Habits
1. Break the cycle of bad selection habits.
Look at your past relationships and determine the common reoccurring relationship issues and figure out where these patterns have their roots. Identify these roots and also identify your desires and your fears of being with a good man or partner. Face these fears and address them.
2. Speak life to your inner self.
Work with yourself and your subconscious mind, maybe you have self-esteem issues stemming from your past via childhood or previous relationships. Speak life into yourself with daily affirmations, build yourself up. This process may take time, so give yourself time. If you seem to need more help with this, try setting up an appointment for a therapy session with a good therapist.
3. Place more value on his character.
Placing value only on a man's superficial qualities - e.g. his sexiness, money, how big his genitals are, his car - may be good for a short while, but later may leave you in emotional or physical danger where you may find yourself with a man who is rude, angry, disloyal, hurtful, non-communicative and may have excessive baggage. Rather than the superficial qualities, place priority on his character - his soul, who is honest, empathetic, caring, communicative, someone who values growth. Take time to to know him on a deeper level.
4. Run if you come across red flags.
From the beginning, if you identify red flags, simply run. Many women too often, ignore red flags and fall into the trap of giving the benefit of the doubt. Thinking that the red flags are not a big deal. This kind of thinking has been proven to yield unhealthy relationships.
Women are blessed with a keen sense of inner intuition. Listen to your intuition. Trust what it is telling you. You do not know the source of his pain or his life story, nor are you required to fix or repair him. It is just best to avoid such men. You will save yourself from possible disappointment, heartache and pain in the future. Preserve yourself first.
This is the number one strategy for meeting your future husband. The key to attracting or allowing healthy love to find you, is to discover this dynamic and make the necessary changes as soon as possible. Once you make changes to this subconscious action, you will see that the men you attract and meet will change as well.
© 2020 Bayyinah