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Signs of an abusive boyfriend: Warning signs that you are in an abusive relationship

Is my boyfriend abusive? No person or quiz can answer this question better than yourself. Read this post, reflect on your relationship and think about how your boyfriend's behavior affects you physically, emotionally and mentally. All relationships have their fair share of arguments and fights but if you can relate to more than a few of these situations, you could be stuck in an abusive one.

Are you always afraid of doing something that will annoy him or make him angry?

Are you always afraid of doing something that will annoy him or make him angry?

1) You are always extremely cautious to not make your boyfriend angry

Do you always find yourself being overly cautious to avoid doing something that can make your boyfriend angry? If you can relate to this, you may already be in an abusive relationship.

You cannot possibly be in a loving relationship if you are always worried and afraid about upsetting your boyfriend. Your behavior is likely to be a result of a sense of fear that you have developed after coming under the influence of your boyfriend's dominating behavior.

2) He has made you believe that you deserve nothing but humiliation, hurt and pain

People with abusive personalities have the knack of making their victims falsely believe that they are undeserving. It is a sign of being abused if your boyfriend has used his dominating ways to make you believe that you deserve nothing but humiliation, hurt and pain.

If you keep feeling the same way, ask yourself why you think that you don't deserve happiness. You won't find any answers but you your boyfriend's ridiculous and baseless logic.

3) Your boyfriend embarrasses you in front of others

As your boyfriend, one of the responsibilities that your guy has to shoulder is to stand up for you in front of others. He should be willing to take your side when you are right and protect you from embarrassment and humiliation even if you are wrong.

If your boyfriend does the exact opposite by embarrassing you, humiliating you and crossing the line when it comes to making fun of you in front of others, it is a sign that you are in an abusive relationship. Your boyfriend should learn to respect you and your feelings, especially in front of others.

Does he always seem frustrated because of failures, mistakes, arguments and fights? Does he blame you for everything?

Does he always seem frustrated because of failures, mistakes, arguments and fights? Does he blame you for everything?

4) Your boyfriend blames you for all his personal problems

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People are responsible for their own lives. They cannot go about blaming other people including their partners, friends or family for every little problem. This applies to you and your boyfriend too.

Notice how your boyfriend handles the problems in his life. Does he take challenges head on or does he simply blame you for everything? If he points his finger at you and channels his frustration at you for just about every argument, failure or fight, the blame game may simply be a facade to mask the abusive side of his personality.

5) Your boyfriend keeps a tab on your online activities

You could be facing emotional abuse day in and out if you allow your boyfriend to keep a tab on your online activities. Boyfriends and girlfriends are known to share passwords but if your guy is obsessed about monitoring every single email, Facebook post, tweet and other message, he is taking you for granted.

If this is actually happening in your relationship, take it as a sign of worse things to come. After all, if your boyfriend can't trust you with your online habits, it is impossible that he will trust you with bigger things in life.

6) Your boyfriend is overly possessive: Extreme levels of jealousy

Most girlfriends and boyfriends are possessive about each other at some level. It is a natural feeling if your boyfriend sometimes feels jealous about your friendship with another guy. But if your boyfriend shows extreme levels of possessiveness which turn into bouts of rage, he may be on the verge of turning into a man who is very dominating.

Telltale signs of such extreme jealousy are when your guy uses the excuse of being suspicious on you for cheating on him, to stop you from meeting your other guy friends. At first, it may seem cute but this obsessive behavior may easily turn into emotional abuse if it is not spotted early on.


7) Zero self-confidence: He makes you believe that you are worthless if he dumps you

A sign of being stuck in an abusive relationship is when you are made to believe that you will be worthless if your boyfriend dumps you. This is typical of people who are abused to the point that their self-confidence has completely shattered.

A lack of self-confidence is likely to be a result of humiliation, name calling and embarrassment faced on a daily basis. Before you even realize, you may have been conditioned into believing that you have no confidence at all.

If you can relate to this and find your self-confidence levels dropping because of your boyfriend's dominance, it may be time for you to walk out of an abusive relationship.

8) You are always wrong and at fault: Your boyfriend is always right

Whether it is because of his dominating nature or his manipulative ways, if your guy is steadfast on making you believe that you are at fault for every argument and fight in your relationship – it may be a sign of abusive behavior.

Always remember that there are two people in a relationship and both of them are responsible for all the ups and downs. It is impossible that just one person is at fault for everything that goes wrong. If you are being dominated into believing so, your relationship could be toxic for you.

9) Your boyfriend calls you by insulting names all the time

A rare slip of tongue during a heated argument is something that most couples face when their relationships are going through tough times. But if your boyfriend has no control over the kind of words he uses to address you, it is a sign that he is abusing you by taking you for granted.

Here are a few typical examples that are warning signs of such abusive behavior.

  • Your boyfriend swears at you to channel his frustration
  • He calls you by derogatory names all the time
  • He has no control over what he says when he is angry

Is your friendship with your bestie on the decline because of your boyfriend?

Is your friendship with your bestie on the decline because of your boyfriend?

10) Your relationship with your close friends is crumbling because of him

Have your friendships come to an end just because your boyfriend doesn't like your friends? A known trait of abusive people is that they isolate their partners from friends. Here are a few signs you should watch out for.

  • Your boyfriend tries to make you believe that your friends are a bad influence on you
  • He doesn't like it when you meet your friends
  • He tries to stop you from meeting your friends by planning impromptu dates
  • He regularly expresses his hatred towards your friends

Think about these things and reflect on your relationship with your close friends. If your boyfriend's behavior has affected your friendships, his dislike for friends may very well be a way in which he wants to cut them off from your life.

11) Your boyfriend has raised his hands on you

The very first instance of physical harm is not just a sign of abuse, it actually means that you are in an abusive relationship. Under no circumstances should your boyfriend ever raise his hands on you. Walk out of the relationship at the very first instance of physical abuse.

Give him one last chance to change himself or lose you forever. Until your boyfriend apologizes for his mistake, don't speak to him. Walk back into his life only when he promises never to do it again.

12) One of his ex-girlfriend accused him of abusing her

If you find out that one of your boyfriend's ex broke up with him because he was abusive to her, he could be a habitual abuser hiding behind a cute facade. Don't take it lightly if you hear rumors like these.

Instead of confronting your guy with such rumors, simply ask him why he broke up with his ex. If he starts fumbling with answers or he gets annoyed, there might be more to those rumors than just hearsay.


13) Your boyfriend has sudden temper and mood swings

Bearing the brunt of your boyfriend's crazy temper swings is a strong sign that you are in an abusive relationship. This is when your guy goes from being in a raging and angry mood to a happy and cute one in a matter of minutes.

Such flip flops in mood and personality are signs of mental instability. While you must do all you can to get to the root of your guy's inconsistent behavior, he too should take care not to let his personal problems affect the relationship.

14) He threatens you with physical or emotional harm

Partners aren't supposed to threaten each other with dire consequences, whether it is for physical or emotional harm. Even if he doesn't mean it, your boyfriend's threats may be a sign of his abusive personality. Here are a few examples.

  • Most of your arguments end in a threat after which you have no choice but to give in
  • He always keeps threatening to break up with you
  • Every time he threatens you, he seems to have his own logic and reason to do so
  • He uses threats to make you shut up

15) Your boyfriend regularly takes out his own frustration on you

As his girlfriend you deserve to be treated with respect and he must learn not to let his own frustration affect you and the relationship. It is a sign of abuse if your guy gets angry at you just because his boss told him off or because one of his friends made fun of him.

You are his girlfriend, not his punching bag. If you notice that he channels his frustration on you frequently, it is a sign of abusive behavior that could go out of control.

Do you have any say in the relationship at all, or are you always mum?

Do you have any say in the relationship at all, or are you always mum?

16) You are never in charge of anything in the relationship

A passive yet very powerful sign of abuse is when one of the partners in a relationship is never in charge of anything. Reflect back upon everything you have done together with your boyfriend and ask yourself some of these questions.

  • Does he always decide where the two of you will go out for dates
  • Is he the one who solely determines what kind of social life you have as a couple
  • When was the last time you suggested something that you did together
  • Do you have any say in matters that affect your relationship
  • Is he the only one planning the future of your relationship

Abuse isn't always direct. It can happen indirectly and this is a classic example of how a person with an abusive personality will govern a relationship according to his or her fancy.

17) Physical intimacy happens even when you are not in the mood

Whether it is kissing, cuddling or sex, it is an alarming sign of abuse if physical intimacy happens even then you are not in the mood. Physical intimacy is supposed to be a beautiful and magical, not a task that is supposed to be done mindlessly.


hopedeferred on March 25, 2014:

Nearly all of these apply.. . I finally had enough this last break up threat. He'd already asked me and my kids to move out of our home 2 WEEKS before Christmas. Anytime I have an issue or concern that deals with him he will get annoyed that I bring it up , followed by throwing up any and every mistake I may have made during the relationship, followed by threatening to break up... after cursing me out. I've been an idiot. I should have walked so many times before.. It had to be love , because the sex.. after the first 2-3 months became lackluster at best. I like to hope I can recover and that a normal healthy relationship exists somehwere, but I have to say...I really , at this point don't think I believe that it does anymore. Anyone reading this.. guys or girls.. if your partner is doing this.. don't be me.. go with your gut.. I did everything to fix it.. to become better to give more. It's not you. It's them .. and they can't be fixed. Walk away.

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