Sabrina loves to write about love, life, and everything in-between in a candid yet humorous approach.
It might seem obvious to some, but to others it is just not clear sometimes whether they're dating the right person or not. Just because you're dating or in a committed relationship doesn't necessarily mean you're happy. I know a lot of people who have a partner and are downright miserable for their own individual reasons. Others are much more happy being single because they no longer feel tied down or like their freedom is being taken away. In the end, only you can know if you're really happy or not. Just know that if you have to wonder, you probably aren't. Happy people don't have to think about being happy, they just are.
The first sign that you're dating the wrong person is that there's no spark. Also known as chemistry or attraction. It has nothing to do with a person's appearance either. Different people like different characteristics in a partner. While some may like a blonde and thin woman, another might be into a thicker brunette. Just because you're not attractive to one person, doesn't mean someone else won't come along who thinks you're absolutely stunning. It's just when you're dating, you have to feel that attraction towards the person you're seeing. They have to feel attracted to you as well. That's the first thing to know before you pursue anything further. Otherwise it'll be like having a date with a really good friend. Sure it's nice, but nice isn't what we're really after here is it?
The sparks leads right into the next sign...the first kiss. I believe you can tell everything you need to know about someone from the first kiss. Maybe it's not fireworks like in the romantic comedies, but come on you have to feel something for the person you're kissing. If you're not, it's like kissing a family member. You don't feel anything because you're not supposed to. With a romantic partner, it's supposed to give you butterflies or some form of nervousness or fluttering. If you feel nothing at all, then you're probably not attracted to the person in that way. Which is okay, maybe you can just be friends. You can never have too many of those.
Connection is the next sign. It's when you just meet someone and you vibe with them right away. It's not forced, you just can have a conversation and you feel like you've known them a long time. You either have it or you don't. Some people try to force it but that never works. This one is easy because you'll know right on the first date if you have a connection or not. You'll find things to talk about and have stuff in common. A connection is what you need to keep the spark going because if there's nothing to ground it, it might just fizzle out.
Common interests are a must if you're going to have a successful relationship with someone. I'm not saying you have to have everything in common, because just a few is enough to build something stable on. For me personally, I love when a person has the same music taste as me. It's like we have our own secret language. Sometimes I'll give them a playlist full of songs instead of saying anything and they'll just know what I mean. The same goes for books or movies. You start to develop your own memories and inside jokes which only makes your connection grow stronger.
Another sign you're with the wrong person is if you constantly find yourself bored around them. I'm not saying they need to put on a show to get you interested, but their presence should not inspire boredom within you. That's a really bad sign! I know I'm with the right person when anything I do with them is fun. I could be doing the most mundane or ordinary thing like grocery shopping or watching golf on TV, but just being in their presence makes it interesting and fun. That's how you know they're right for you. If on the other hand, you're rock climbing or sky diving with your partner and you're still bored to death, well then there's a problem. Remember it's not what you're doing, it's who you're doing it with that really matters.
Being too comfortable in a relationship is not a good sign. You know what happens when you're too comfortable, you stop doing things you did in the beginning like taking care of yourself, looking your best, and trying to impress your partner. You know how it goes, the girl stops wearing makeup and working out and the guy puts on a few pounds and stops dressing nicely. The result is two homely looking people trying to figure out what went wrong in their relationship. Part of keeping the spark alive is looking and feeling your best. Just because you have a partner doesn't mean you need to stop caring about your appearance. Don't do it for your partner, first and foremost, do it for yourself. Never get too comfortable in the relationship, keep some things private like personal hygiene practices and bathroom behavior. We don't need to know everything about you!
If you're with someone right now and you're thinking about somebody else, well that's a sign that you're probably not with the right person. This has actually happened to me on a few first dates. They were going along just fine but in the back of my mind I kept comparing them to other better dates and I would just come home disappointed because I knew I was not with the right person. This was just a few first dates though, I never let it get further than that if I knew I was with the wrong person. If you're in a long term relationship and having thoughts about someone else, well that's your sign that you're not happy and need to get the heck out. It's not really fair to your partner either because maybe you're it for them and you're thinking about someone else. Or maybe in the back of their minds they're thinking about someone else too. Regardless, you need to sit by yourself in the corner for awhile and really think about what you want out of life.
I think the amount of years you've had feelings for someone tells a great deal about your love for them. Some people just leave a footprint on heart that no amount of time could erase. You don't have to actively think of them because they're constantly on your mind already. You know how sometimes you can meet someone and five minutes later you don't remember their name and then there's other people who you couldn't forget even if you tried. Really think about the people you've had feelings for the longest, the types of feelings that don't go away whether you're in a relationship with someone else or they are. You're used to these feelings because they're like an ever present constant in your life. It's almost like they're a part of you now. Most people and even relationships don't produce these types of long term feelings. When I'm done dating someone, I usually try to forget them as soon as I can, and I don't like to go back to my exs either. Some people have stuck with me though. And no matter where I am in life, my heart always returns to them. These are the ones you never forget. They linger.
See what your family and friends have to say on the topic, but in the end listen to yourself. The people closest to you should have your best interests at heart so it might be smart to listen to what they have to say about your relationship. If everyone in your life is telling you to get out and that your partner is trouble, well maybe it's time to take a step back and evaluate your relationship. On the other hand, if those closest to you are saying to take a leap of faith with someone you've had your eye on for awhile and you're just not sure, listen to them as well. Maybe they see how happy this person makes you and want to give you the nudge you need to make a good decision. Either way, listen to your friends and family, but in the end make the decision yourself because you're the one who has to live with it everyday.
Ask yourself if you're really happy or not. Not content but actually genuinely happy. I'll tell you a secret, most people aren't happy. Not as happy as they pretend to be on social media. But life is what happens between the happy photos. It's the everyday life and your partner is a large part of that. You should be really happy in your relationship. You should look forward to seeing your partner and miss them even when they're gone for a short while. If you dread going home to the old ball and chain, well maybe you need to find a new partner. Life's too short to be just content when you could be really happy. Being happy in love is one of the best things in the world and you shouldn't deprive yourself of that loving feeling. It's so worth it.
Follow your heart and see what it leads you. Sometimes we think too much with our heads in a relationship when we really should be thinking with our hearts. There's not a lot of room for logic in love. Sometimes it doesn't make sense and it's not supposed to. You see someone, you fall for them, and there's no going back after that. They lit a match inside and no one else can come close to that. So take some time alone and really see where your thoughts wander. To whom specifically. Especially in those moments just before you fall asleep or after you've just woken up. Those are moments when you're most vulnerable and when your intuition is strongest before you're constantly influenced by outside forces during the day. The answer is simple and you've probably known it all along. Just listen to your gut. It never lies.
Gone Forever by Three Days Grace
© 2018 GreenEyes1607
dashingscorpio from Chicago on August 21, 2018:
"In the end, only (you) can know if you're really happy or not."
The above statement pretty much says it all.
Having said that the state of being "happy", "sad", or "unhappy" are generally (snapshots) in time.
They may be feeling unhappy with life in general.
No one is "happy" all the time whether in a relationship or not.
"The grass is always greener on the side you water."
- Michelle Obama
Try as we might the "infatuation phase" won't last forever. Once there is an emotional investment or commitment established people tend to (relax) and feel (safe) to reveal their "authentic selves" without the fear of having their mate walk away. In some instances they may not care if they do walk away.
The "good news" is now you're in a position to know if they're "right" for you. The "infatuation phase" of new relationship oftentimes fools people into to believing they have met their "soulmate". It's almost a cliché to hear someone say:
"He/she is not the same person I fell in love with."
After all this is a period where both people do their best not to say or do anything which may turn off the object of their affection. They make each other's happiness their top priority!
There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.
The choice is up to us. Choose wisely!
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
- Oscar Wilde
Dr Billy Kidd from Sydney, Australia on August 21, 2018:
"Ask yourself if you're really happy or not." Wow. Does that cut through all the advise from wannabes to the bottom line of a relationship.