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Signs Your Man or men Might Be On The Down Low


The top 47 signs to look for....Does He Game

First I would like to state that homosexuals are indeed people just like us but with a different sexual preference, I do not discriminate. There has been a recent wave of gay men surfacing around and there are many said to be in one particular part of Chicago more frequently, I wont mention names, but most of the in the closet men are married or have girlfriends.

Women need to protect themselves by knowing the tell tell signs because this subject is one of the leading causes of STD. So you say your boyfriend or husband has been acting strange ,here a some of the signs to look for. We're going to go with the does he game and if you find yourself saying yes to more than 15 of the questions or at least a majority,chances are he's definitely down low. Please don't by any means let this cause a problem in your relationship by taking too much into it, if you have suspicions just ask him and see what he comes up with and how quick he does come up with answers.

Tale Tell Signs

1. Does he show an interest in the way you style your hair by saying remarks such as that's hot,oh you're working that do,what kind of mousse did you use,did you wash your hair with a PH balance shampoo,or try to style your hair himself? He's probabyly not down-low but could be all the way gay.

2. Does he wear more colorful clothing than you or have a fascination with pink or rainbows or who your brothers dating or your brother himself?

3. Does he spend hours in the bathroom doing his hair or in the mirror flexing or posing?

4. Are his pants always seeming to get tighter and tighter?

5. Does he hug or touch his friends in weird kinds of ways when he greets them?

6. Does he look at other guys judging how they look or how something they have on looks,does he do it too much?

7. Does he watch weird or homosexual porn constantly? Okay he probably doesn't watch it in front of you

8. Does he listen to the divas such as Patti La belle,Dion, Franklin and watch way too much Americas next top model more than you? (must admit, this isn't a true sign)

9. Does he like for you to do weird things to him sexually that a female would most often prefer?

10. Does he watch soap operas knowing all the characters and what's happening in the storyline?

11. Does he get mad if he misses Oprah or another talk show? Maybe he makes weird comments.

12. Does he devote too much time at the shop getting his nails and feet done? Maybe he's just a clean freak but maybe some mans looking at those toes

13. Does he do facials a lot?

14. Does he smell the scented candles in Walgreen's or other stores?

15. Does he comment on your buddies dress a lot? His friends clothing?

16. Does he wear makeup,eyeliner perhaps?

17. Does he act unusually too happy when a hot guy approaches or passes?

18. Does he pluck his eyebrows to shape them?

19. Does he get nervous or offended when someone comments about a gay or down-low person?

20. Does he spend too much time with a single male friend?

21. Does he gossip about other people to you?

22. Does he ever comment on men looking good or being sexy in wet white T Shirts?

23. Does he have a best friend that is gay or people suspect of being on the down-low?

24. Does he wear thong underwear? Some men do wear them. May just be the fact that they like the feeling or maybe they are secretly down-low

25. Does he seem not to enjoy sex as much with you when the two of you are intimate?

26. Does he talk funny or gets shy when he's speaking to other men?

27. Does everyone else think he's gay or down-low?

28. Does he ever talk about ex girlfriends? Maybe he hasn't dated females in the past

29. Does he prefer shopping at the mall more than you?

30. Does it take him forever to pick an outfit to wear out?

31. Does he seem like a female friend you'd hang out with on a regular?

32. Does he watch a lot of romance movies,musicals?

33. Does he listen to a lot of love songs?

34. Does he get excited when the circus comes to town?

35. Does he perm or straighten his hair?

36. Does he own a set of flat or curling irons?

37. Does he trim his penis hairs?

38. Does he shave his legs often to have them smooth n silky?

39. Does he own a village people track that he plays constantly? You know the one!

40. Does he have a magazine in his collection that shows homosexuals doing the do?

41. Does he use any lip gloss that has a fruity flavor and wham color?

42. Does he walk with sort of a switch like his butt hurts but still manly?

43. Does he choose the majority of your clothes when you shop together?

44. Does he like to dress up sometimes or role play with you where he gets to be the woman?

45. Does he have a fantasy about getting spanked?

46. Does he have male friends who's girlfriends you've actually met?

47. Does he act too masculine? Could be overcompensation to hide something.

Again these are only a few signs that I have come across but if there is something I may have missed please alert me on it in the comment section so that I may add it, then we can finally get to the bottom of the down low subject and close it.

Its not even what these men do that women care about, it's the risk they're put at. Finding this fact out would hurt if you've been in a relationship or marriage for more than 5 years,have children and think everything is peachy in the relationship.

Society has learned to deal with the fact that there are men who prefer other men just like there are women who prefer other women and we're over it already, we're not throwing stones. Women really gotta be careful these days because most men will actually show no signs at all, and then how can you protect yourself.

There is never anything wrong with being yourself,nobody in the world should have to pretend to be someone to please family or friends.

More Interesting Reading On the Subject of Down-Low Men

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Denna Johnson on November 01, 2019:

I was standing beside him when a gay men called about a picture that was sended to my phone first than he called him asking did he send a picture to him and it was a picture of his penis his bed spread

Leana Annandale from Pongola South Africa on November 01, 2017:

I like your article.I have many gay friends who are afraid to admit that they are gay.

Mike from Harrisburg Pa on October 25, 2015:

I try to be upfront about myself but a few women want to think differently. I did live with a woman who knew about me and and my last partner. She felt safer with us than with 1 straight guy.

Liz on March 10, 2014:

I have been in a relationship with a guy for 25 years before he recentlyrevealed to me that he was on the down low and preferred to have sex with males. He is the receiver and loves huge dicks. Can you imagine a man in his sixties gradually losing interest in having sex with women and having a deep urge to be with the same sex on a regular basis? At no time during our relationship did he display signs of being bisexual or gay. He behaved like a straight guy. I felt betrayed and deeply hurt when he revealed his secret life . However, I thank God I am disease free and can move on with my life with few regrets.

Concerned on September 22, 2013:

Hey I am not in Denizli just wanted to get things cleared. Back in 2011 I found out that my boyfriend of 8 1/2 years was online trying to meet guys to have ananl sex with them, something just wasn't right so I had to find out and then one day he was like it seems like I'm stalking him cause I wanted to know where he was and when he was coming home. I could not go to him without doing my homework so he continued and I made up an email like I was a guy contacting him but it back fired because the email had my real address so he was telling guys he almost got caught that he had to erase everything , now his job has him on visits on most days and I have known him to pad the books to s. He did a visit to get the mileage money and he would usually tell me he was doing a visit. Now he does visits and says nothing now I found condoms in his draw and his answer was like oh I don't know where I picked those up from so I gave him the impression that his answer was just that I am not waitin for the ll to drop I have enough evidence to get him out my life and live his true life my thing is how do I confront him, how do I go about giving him hard cold facts

RtyThruYpu on July 07, 2013:

It's so crazy reading a lot of you guys talking mess and thinking it's sensible, it's normal for two guys to be buddies,it's doesn't gv any idea that they might be sucking each other dicks,nowadays the more masculine men are the ones being gays,while the feminine men are the straight ones,and the fact that people may called someone gay,don't Mae them gay,people just take it upon themselves to judge people,and does that be calling people gays,are mostly the gay ones,because the make it look like they hate gays,whole they doing it in the closet,that's pure bullshits,the world has come to the term of accepting everyone for who they are,so stop lying to urself if u know u really wanna be with men.

And whoever wrote this article is an ignorant ass.

choosen1 on May 20, 2013:

From an honest male here .....I can be as real as i can b/c this is anonymous. This list can make or break..I can honestly say some of these traits Ive gotten from both KNOWN straight men and Known gay/bi men.

None of these things will truly identify a mans sexual orientation.

Reality is, its a PERSONS business, but it should be one or the other not both at the same time , that is where the problem lies nobody wants to be cheated on and played!

All i know to be true is that it is a struggle a for a man who has same sex attraction , but GOD can deliver from sexual perversion and "ill- lust of the flesh".

Ladies if your w/ someone or met someone and you love them talk to them, that very someone that could have a mind to stop and change for you can be the same one you run away with stereotypes and cliches ,and assumption...being skeptical because he's too clean ,pretty, neat this list to say that a man must be rugged , sloppy out of shape, below average, careless, dirty in order to be considered that hat you want from a man??....

lyric69 on May 20, 2013:

A MAN ..should be honest and comment on his ladies hair if its hot its hot... thanks....a MAN should use good personal hygiene....most women dont like men with ragged hands and feet GO GET THEM DONE..esp if he works in a corporate setting....a MAN that cannot dress is quite a turn off and quite careless if you ask me... music....what id he is a skilled musician... clothing color...women beg their men to wear pinks and purples..colors were made ignorantly into certain meaning by man...tight pant..some MEN workout ..could naturally be larger..n quite honestly they make pants that are form fitted simply because they look better..I hate baggy pants either dressy or jeans on a MAN it looks cheap and ..its his money , hell let him shop, ..if he has good taste he does..certai nthings are obtained from an individuals personal style and taste...i know men who never had money ..went and got a degree..and changed their whole look...and are NOT gay/bi/dl..whatever ...shaving a personal pref..some women do not like being sexually intimate w a man who is relatively hairy (body or pube)..some men are self conscious about being hairy so the shave ..shaving pubic hair... can be sexy , having hair can be sexy just depends...the list goes on an on and on ..this post is def VERY far fetched ....

and the TRUE dEF of DL would be someone who is in relationship w someone and having physical and/or emotionally intimate(sexual) relations w someone typically w the same sex!!!..not who they are or what they do as a person.....

XYXABC on May 20, 2013:

this is crazy

Levertis Steele from Southern Clime on October 04, 2012:

Down lows are married men who secretly sleep with men occasionally. They try to keep their marriage and secret life at the same time. My personal opinion is that down lows are just bisexual, having both sexes, and they are in denial because they want to identify as straight men. Straight men do not penetrate or receive penetration from other men, nor do they participate in any kind of sex with other men. Straight men go straight to women, hopefully, their wives. They do not go down low with men! Many down lows insist that they are not bisexual. Puppy biscuits! They are bisexual. Bisexual means having sex with both sexes. "Bi-" means "two." "Bisexual" means having sexual encounters with both sexes (male and female). "Down low" is a name applied to bisexuals in denial. Down lows are usually very masculine and hard to detect. Most wives with down low husbands never find out. It is natural for guys to hang out with buddies, so who is to know that they are not headed for a hotel on the outskirts of town instead of the pool hall?

Levertis Steele from Southern Clime on September 04, 2012:

Downlows know! Can't argue with them. I did read King's book, ON THE DOWN LOW, and it was quite informative. Such men should not marry women who want whole men. I do not care how down lows argue that they are straight, straight men do not have sex with men. That's why they are called straight. Down lows are bisexuals in the closet. What whole woman wants her man mountaing another man?

I do not agree that all of these signs indicate that a man is a down low. I can say that the author is crafty at getting attention.

Wishiwouldveknown on July 21, 2012:

Men should just be straight up. Most of the Manly men like to keep it a secret due to their pride. DL men are mostly ashamed but don't realize their life would be so much better and complete if they would just come out of the closest. I had to find out about Theodore Gradford being on the Down low through the people in our unit. turns out the whole time he was having sex with me he was having sex with men in our unit. I never would've guess. A man with many secrets in his closet.

PRAVEEN on June 19, 2012:

do you know the place in the world where people visit to low down their stress and anger on somebody...

its like the people visit the place and they throw stones, they do what ever they want, nobody stops them.. all this is because to low down their anger. Do you know what is that place and where it is..?

anonymous on May 31, 2012:

Layn down sad n kryn ..idk y im even his fiancé

nashaindc on May 11, 2012:

hope this helps somebody. Ladies go with your instinct. I was married to an educated man so deep in the closet. He died left me with HIV.. and testimony I've had to tell to men meet. I hold no anger. Don't let it happen if you can prevent it. If you suspect.. ALWAYS USE A CONDOM UNTIL YOU GET OUT OF IT. Watch the hand movements in the face, finger pointing at the foreheads. tight clothing. I want to wright a book and may do so later. All the best to you my sisters. still living after 20years.

alex barlow ladidas on May 09, 2012:

Iam gay and that list I do all of them

Heartbroken on April 24, 2012:

I was involved for years, with a friend that would later turnout to be "A DL Brother". What a devastating toll it, can take on your life. I found out "Officially" from a family friend. I guess I refused to see, any signs that were plain for years. I just want to say something to "DL "and also there partners, that this is literally destroying women lives they have "NO" idea. They are truly in love with these" DL" guy's so if it is a "Game". It's destroying something in Women not to mention STD's, it's devoring Spitits and Souls, to make Women never be the same again, for themselves or there families, these Women come in all colors, ethnic background from all over the "World",. Question: Do you know how many "Tears" that is? How much fun does the "Game" sound Now ? Huh?

loyally misunderstood on April 16, 2012:

Is it weird for me to be okay with the fact that my fiancé could possibly be into the whole down low scene? I do not accept the fact that he allows a man to bend him over but i am definitely ok with the fact that he gets off being anally penetrated!!!! if he would just allow me to do it to him we would be so much better. I know he has deep secrets that he is scared to show me, but i want him to know i am willing to do buy a dido just to make our bond stronger.

No_bitch_assness on April 09, 2012:

A woman's intuition never lies!!! If you suspect a dude on the low, go with your first thought & get the hell away from that Kat!!! I had went to a neighborhood block meeting, and my neighbor made a statement to the police about the DL thugs. She said, "I'm tired of seeing these nasty s.o.b's standing on the corner in front of my house all day with the pants hanging off their ass selling dope & flirting with the women, but when 12 midnight come, you see those same 2 guys from the corner selling dope and flirting with women, now they are in the dark in the alley sucking and f---ing each other and thinking nobody is seeing them!!!"

Jessica on March 22, 2012:

If he is very secretive, if you ask him where he's at or where he's going and he don't tell you or he says he's around the corner and he will be home in a minute

Jessica on March 22, 2012:

If he like to fight women but wont fight a man

lboogsloca on March 16, 2012:

well i think my x is very down low he was very tight with a guy that has rumors about being bi and now he hangs with his friend and they both had a lot of rumors .. he calls them and they call him and talk about nothing more than 30 times a day i have even found text messages while i was sleeping saying i love you bro ,,, and another time i love you please let me hear youyr voice to know your okay .. hmmm and he always dissappears and is with guys then i find out he was in bkln or hudson in the city just a lot of weird stuff,,, when he tattooed my name on his chest he slapped me because i told that guy annnd when the guy calls him he doesn't wantr me to talk ... we have broken up because it is sooo much more i know hes gay he loves dressup biut me not him he is very very open with sex he love for me to enter him ,,, and one day i went on his computer search engine and it had transexuals typed in it ... he doesn't know a lot of people his own friends he grew up with think hes gay and his three friends

Jmonpollier on March 10, 2012:

This is so retarded. The person who wrote this has no clue. It seems like a stereotype diarrhea

Isaiah on March 01, 2012:

This is plain stupid , these are traits of flaming queens . I would never display any of these to my wife ! That is if I were on the down low! LOL

Genesis on March 01, 2012:

This is very ignorant.

notbigonbigotry on February 25, 2012:

This had better be a joke, unless you met a guy that enjoyed playing on your own bigotry for fun. These are nothing but generalizations and stereotypes, I don't think you ever met a man like this rather you probably haven't met any. Hate sucks.

The Real Deal on January 29, 2012:

Somebody bitch slap the author of this please. If this list is comprised of traits of men who were not interested in you... perhaps you have a problem... i.e. - NO MAN has an interest in you.

Tracey G. on November 08, 2011:

How about MANY men on the down low insist on ALWAYS using a condom even if you've been in a relationship with them for years and years. Straight men hate condoms and want to get away from them as soon as they establish you're disease free and monogomous.

Zamber26 on September 05, 2011:

What if you know nothing!

Hannah on May 17, 2011:

Ladies, ALWAYS follow your gut instincts with men, or anyone else for that matter.

Six years ago, I dated a man on the downlow, but I didn't realize it until a few years later when I read a few chapters of, Men on the DL, which made me so nauseous that I couldn't finish it. I HATE this lifestyle, because it's killing black women at a high rate. And if I see a woman with a man I KNOW to be this way, I'm telling her right in his face!

My first clue looking back was, he got angry when I REFUSED anal sex. Second clue, I heard two late night messages from a man left on his answering machine.

Third clue, he cancelled our date to go "help" his male cousin who was performing that night in a strip club. Fourth clue, he took to long to get dressed.

I can take comfort in knowing that I NEVER slept with him without a condom, but that doesn't mean I didn't feel dirty, or exposed once I knew the truth.

cocoa on February 28, 2011:

Let me just say from being with a man that was on the down low for 7 years the sign are all true but we as being black women be so in love that we over look what is right in our face my ex-hushad come from a single parent with only his mother and I just feeled cuz he was around females all his that he was just a clean freak but it more to it but the ting say is black women need to be more carefully with who u deal with.......

semaj on January 08, 2011:

now am a gay black male no am not on da dl y u may ask because i have 3 sisters soo i know what u women go through... to make a long story short if u ladies are goin buy this ways to find out if your man is on da down low yall are all dead wrong i have dated from thugs baskball players football office men and no am not a whore i just know da ways yall have on here yall will keep getting used email me and i will go more in details

EVE on December 17, 2010:


ThelmaB (author) from EveryWhere USA on November 21, 2010:

LuvSumMe those are good points to add, and might i add that any risque sex can spread disease, but many women wont stand for being made a fool of when these downlow men finally are out of the closet which puts peoples lives further in jeopardy.

ThelmaB (author) from EveryWhere USA on November 21, 2010:

To "The Man" that's good somebody isn't taking it so seriously and getting a laugh, people have their own takes on things. But if there are those of you Down-low men taking offense my apoligies.

LuvSumMe on October 22, 2010:

How about he has had MANY different girlfriends in the past and never been married. He picks fights for no reason at all. He ALWAYS, ALWAYS talks about having anal sex with you. He always has guys over his house. He tells his girlfriend to NEVER come by his house unexpectingly. He was more interested in having a threesome with me and another guy as opposed to me, him and another woman.

keishia on October 10, 2010:

he always points out other gays he speaks his voice changes when we r alone he is manly out in public an very femein alone with me he doesn't like to hold me but likes for me to hold him he makes weird comments like i see why men r gay so they cant have babies an he spends a lot of time talkin to his guy friend when i asked him what's up with that he says the guy seems to have gay ways an he really doesn't know if another where very hard an religious an him being the oldest boy make him hide or be with women to please her he doest want a male child very afraid of that

The man on October 08, 2010:

I don't know what everyone is griping about. This article was hilarious. The author had me literally rolling on the floor laughing. I nearly wet my pants when they said, "Does he get too excited when the circus comes to town?"

You should definitely go into comedy writing.

livedthatnigthmare on July 14, 2010:

Lovelydeelady, you're right. This list was stupid. A man who is on the DL is going to seem almost over the top masculine in comparison to other men, because he's hiding it! If you have ever found yourself with a man that you later discovered was creepin this way, there is no way you would ever post the inexperienced list above. The one greatest sign you can look for is a man who is hyper masculine or hyper sexual - I mean to an extreme. Another sign will be suspiciously close relationships with male friends whom they share EVERYTHING with. When I say everything, I mean, I used to date a man that wanted his "best friend" to watch, webcam or join every sexcapade we had. He even wanted me to be with his friend while he watched. These two planned sex parties together, were swingers together. A straight freak just has some other woman he swings with, but not this time. Watch the masculine ones with porn problems ladies.

blue on June 12, 2010:

i beleive my guy is on the down low it don't bother me,i think he needs to come to terms with it.

SingleandLeary on June 05, 2010:

I wondered if a guy I dated was down low be/c one day he posed w/ his hands on his waist, a male friend would text him every holiday one time he sent 3 text saying Merry Xmas throughout the day. Another guy I know shaves all of his hair below. That's scary be/c I didn't get the memo guys did that. He told me body builders do it but he is no body builder! They both did the hand tilt on occasion. Oh and lets not forget the tone of their voice at times. Check out the dating websites and how some of the guys pose??? I will read the JL King book so I can identify (more of )the signs.

Ihopeurhappy229 on June 05, 2010:

Lol... a guy would actually wear thongs?... ummm... weird. And seriously... the CiRcUs??? Haha... :)

DIA FEA from Maumee, OH on January 01, 2010:

Um, that was just plain gay tell tell, nothing of the sort of a man that is on the down low. I can agree with just 19. You must do better, because hunnee, that was just gay! not down low. A real downlow man doesn't even show none of those signs sweety. That's why its called "On the Down Low". And I read JL Kings' book "On The Down Low". The only book I read from cover to cover without ever putting it down for even a minute, you need to read that book, asap! I love that book. And he (JL KING) wrote all about the tell tell signs in his book about a real "down Low Man"! I recommended that book to a lot of women! But one thing about the book, it opened my eyes! Now my 6th sense works stronger than ever. Now I do KNOW for a fact who is down low, and who isn't, and who is curious now! hehehe! Life I tell ya!

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