Andrea has a background in astrology, Myers Briggs, and pop culture with expertise in relationships and dating.
You and Your Friend Are Inseparable
Your friend might have recently started acting strange around you. Maybe you have a crush on him, and now you’re wondering if he likes you too.
It’s fairly easy to catch feelings for someone, especially a friend because you already get along, you know each other, there is familiarity, and you agree on a lot of things.
Who among us hasn’t had a crush on a friend? It’s about as common as rain in Seattle. We develop feelings for strangers and friends alike. It’s better to go with the flow than make a deal out of it.
Friends or Lovers?
There is a TikTok trend where people play a song about ruining their friendship with someone and then asking that person to try to be lovers instead. (I put some of the lyrics to that popular tune down below.)
Signs a Friend Has a Crush on You
If your friend has suddenly developed feelings for you, he'll likely change his behavior.
- Often when people like someone they’ve known for a while they start acting more aloof. He might be in the picture more, he might be in the picture less. He might try to impress you but also try to hold back.
- Sometimes they overdo things to try and impress you. Your friend might suddenly start wearing nicer clothes, they might start styling their hair more. It may seem like they dropped a lot of money on their looks.
- Someone who has a crush on you will try to impress you with words. They may overthink what they’re saying and be more quiet than usual or they suddenly talk at rapid speed and sound like a mess.
- When you have a crush on a friend you either bury it and try to act normal, or you start testing the waters to see if they might like you back.
Don't Make a Big Deal Out of It
Take it as a compliment if your friend likes you. ;)
Don’t make a big deal out of it, try to be charismatic. Lead by empathy. Treat the person the way you want to be treated. And if you like them back, give them a heads up.
You don’t have to ruin your friendship if you don’t want to. Someone who really is your friend isn’t suddenly going to stop spending time with you just because you don’t reciprocate feelings.
When you have a crush on someone you tend to have a lot of nervous energy. Some telltale signs are:
- Getting red in the face randomly. Maybe your friend embarrasses easily in general, so this doesn’t really matter. But if your friend seems to get flushed in the face or neck really easily, like if you just appeared or if you asked a simple question — this person is likely holding back feelings.
- When you have a crush on someone you may do awkward things with your hands. You have more energy when you have feelings and half the battle is knowing where to put that energy. Your guy friend may fix his socks as soon as he sees you. Your lady friend might start playing with her hair. People tend to instinctively groom themselves when they like someone that’s in their vicinity, so they may straighten their clothes, play with their earrings, roll up their sleeves, or tap nearby items.
- Some people will start tinkering with things around them. Drawing on receipts, playing with drink straws, wadding up paper, tapping light fixtures, adjusting their seat…
- Another nervous tic: not knowing where to put the eyes. Someone who likes you will be thinking too much about eye contact. Maybe she keeps staring randomly. Maybe he keeps trying to avert his eyes, or his eyes seem to dart everywhere.
- Sweatier than normal. Your friend is suddenly super sweaty. He might have sweaty palms, noticeably sweaty armpits, or a sweaty forehead.
- He or she keeps looking over to you for approval. Your friend seems overly interested in your opinion and your facial expressions.
- Your friend’s energy seems different than it did in the past. Your friend is projecting a different side that you haven’t seen, plus she keeps trying to impress you.
People Crush in Similar Ways
One of the best ways to figure out if someone likes you is to think about what you do when you have a crush on someone. Most people have crushes in about the same ways: butterflies in the stomach, sudden excitement when you are around that special person, and waves of insecurity or confidence.
A friend who likes you will be more inviting. The person will take your words more personally. This person will want you on their side. He’ll want you to pick him for group projects, he’ll hope you have similar plans, and he’ll try to get your attention in new ways. Does it seem like they’re around a lot more? Does she seem a lot more interested in what you do at night?
- Someone who likes you may invite you to new things and with frequency. Instead of just hanging out, they’ll try to get you to do cool things with them, like check out a museum, concert, or new rollercoaster.
- A friend who likes you may try to figure out if you’re dating anyone or if you like someone. In fact, if you tell them who you like, they may try to act more like that person.
- A friend who likes you will try to get more into your interests. He already knows you like to make bread, that you play a musical instrument, and you go dancing on the weekends. Suddenly he also knows how to make bread, he takes up guitar, and he starts popping up at your dance lessons.
- Crushes make people do strange things. Your friend might suddenly have an outburst. He doesn’t seem to realize how loud he is or he starts showing off. Is he a Leo? Leos love to show off to people they like.
- Look into your friend’s Zodiac sign — sometimes astrology can tell you if someone is interested in you.
- Your friend not only treats you in a different way — this friend also doesn’t treat anyone else the way he does to you.
- Your friend starts talking to you a lot more. This friend is highly responsive to text messages and social media. Your friend will write letters to you. This friend will stay up all night talking to you, but this wasn’t something he used to do.
- Your friend gives you random gifts. Maybe they started buying you little things here and there because they thought those things were cool. If your friend buys you traditionally romantic gifts, then those are suspect of feelings. This includes: flowers, jewelry, luxury chocolates, etc.
- Your friend has a new nickname for you. She picks something that really doesn’t make sense and is kind of cloyingly sweet.
- Your friend starts getting really annoyed when you hang out with someone who might rival their affections for you. Your friend is supportive of you, but they’re not exactly a fan of your boyfriend, they wish you wouldn’t have a crush on someone else, and sometimes they flat out tell you they wish you could like someone who is more stable… like them.
Be Charismatic No Matter What
Crushes can be fun, wild, embarrassing, or just plain weird. Cupid’s arrow seems to strike at any time and for no real explanation.
When a friend starts to like you, the last thing he wants to do is act like an idiot. He may try to act immune to love and feelings. Your friend might be considering what would happen if you two did date. He might also worry that dating you could end the friendship and you two might hate each other.
People don’t want their little crush to ruin things. Your friend may get really weird on you because they like you and don’t want to make things awkward. So they might be hot and cold with you.
Hopefully, after you give them a signal one way or the other, the weirdness between the two of you will stop. You might have to address it.
Break the Ice: Tell Him You Like Him
You can be direct with your friend. Ask them about how they feel. Ask them what the friendship means to them. It’s important when you have a crush on someone to not let it get to your head. Crushes get really weird when they fester.
It’s also important when you are the one on the receiving end that you stay respectful, that you don’t make things already more uncomfortable than they might be.
Your friend will be really happy (and relieved) if you feel the same way. Just remember: people have been through this. You’re not alone. People pretty frequently develop a crush on someone in their friend group.
Instead of making a big deal out of it, try to take things slowly. Maybe explore those feelings and see if there is some kind of spark there. Just don’t become a jerk. Communication is key.
Attraction + An Excellent Bond
Someone who has a crush on you will try to keep an eye on you. They may try to be discrete about their feelings, but ultimately they can’t resist you.
- Crushes happen when you like the energy someone gives off.
- Maybe you’ve both known each other for a long time — and with some exercise and a little bit of grooming — you started to look a lot more attractive to them.
- The two of you may have started having feelings for each other after going through an intense experience that forced you to bond. Maybe you were the leads of a musical, maybe you both worked late into the night on a group project and you two were the ones that carried it, or maybe the two of you went through something traumatic together.
- Crushes are a mix of attraction and bonding. People tend to like someone who is easy on the eyes, but they also tend to like someone who gives them a strong sense of belonging.
- People tend to like and get along with people who have: common interests, common goals, common views on life, similar outlooks, similar financial upbringings, similar political views, similar religious views, etc.
- An experience may have brought you two together because you had to depend on each other. The experience may have shown that the two of you work well together and can take on challenges both big and small.
- The two of you may have started off as dancer partners, but someone’s moves became irresistible.
20 Important Questions to Ask When You Think Someone Might Like You
- Do his hugs seem longer than usual? Do you seem to be holding onto each other for a long time?
- Does he keep staring at your lips and seem like he wants to kiss you?
- What do your friends think? Do they know something you don’t? Maybe they can fill you in on a secret…
- Does she seem to be wearing a nicer or more noticeable perfume? Comment on it. See how she responds.
- Does he seem more helpful? Does he jump in to help with the smallest of things?
- Does he want you to be a date for something? Maybe for the Christmas work party? For prom?
- Did she recently break up with her boyfriend — and that boyfriend didn’t really like you because he was jealous?
- Imagine you got really sick or hurt and ended up in the hospital. How likely is it that your friend will visit you?
- Do you ever hold hands?
- Is he playing a lot more pranks on you than usual?
- Does she seem to follow you at parties? Does she like to be close to you? Does she like to share random insights with you?
- Does he like to remind you of things from the past? Like he holds certain memories sacred?
- Does he seem to offer a lot of information when he drinks alcohol? Does he compliment you a lot?
- Does she seem to be trying really hard to get your attention? Maybe she went outside and started dancing in the rain outside your window, maybe she baked a really complicated cake just for you — whatever it is, it’s not really like her to do it. It’s something that breaks the norm.
- Does he have a shrine of things from you? Does he keep little reminders of your “friendship” — sounds like he is crushing pretty hard.
- Does she suddenly take interest in your interests? Is she keeping up with your favorite sports teams? Why else would she memorize your favorite team’s players?
- Did he start writing and leaving behind special sweet notes just for you?
- Are you more comfortable with each other all of a sudden? Did you start cuddling?
- Do you stay up late at night talking to each other?
- Did you used to hang out with a group of friends but now it’s more one-on-one time?
This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.
© 2020 Andrea Lawrence
Andrea Lawrence (author) from Chicago on December 13, 2020:
Thank you! I try to be informative so people can walk away with something new or helpful. I wish you well.
Farrah Young from Lagos, Nigeria on December 12, 2020:
I remember my first crush and how I spent months in anguish wondering if he felt the same
This post is so detailed; gave details that will be helpful.