Andrea is a dating consultant who gives people advice on relationships and couple stuff. She's also a fan of traveling the world.
Signs Your Crush or Partner Isn't Interested in You
Having a supportive, strong relationship can make all the difference in our lives. With all the modern dating trends, it can be difficult to tell if someone genuinely likes you, or is only taking a ride in dating land. It can be hard to tell if someone has serious interest in you or is just having some fun.
In order to really tell if someone likes you, you don’t need to go find a crystal ball or watch every romantic comedy ever created. You can figure this out just by reading this hub, so you're welcome!
I'll break down for you: what works in relationships, the key signals that show that something isn't working right, and when it's pretty obvious they're not interested.
Interest Is All about Energy
First of all, when you like someone and they like you back, it shouldn't feel too anxious. You should have consistent communication back and forth, there should be some momentum from both sides to see each other, and there should be lots of positive signals like smiling, eye contact, text messages, joking, and trying to find common interests. You should feel like there is some energy coming back your way and that you're not just talking to a wall.
Ten Ways You Can Tell Your Crush or Partner Isn't Into You
1. You are investing WAY more into the relationship than your partner is investing into the relationship. You actually know this, but you keep thinking more energy will turn them to you. If you know you're not getting energy like you should than your crush may not have enough interest in you or your partner has lost interest. It's not uncommon that one partner gives more than the other, but it shouldn't feel like one person is giving 90% and the other is giving 10%.
2. Your partner flat out mentions seeing other people or that they are no longer interested in you. If they're candid with you: accept it. Don't try to back pedal. Don't try to make up excuses. Don't try to make things better! They're over you. They just communicated it to you. Now you have to deal with it. Dealing with it will help you move on.
3. They are not spending money on the relationship. They don’t take you on dates, they don’t buy you things, and the topic of their finances never comes up expect for say a blue moon. BUT they do buy things for themselves -- like that new spiffy Playstation, their solo trip to Hawaii, and some new flashy shoes. It's really obvious that they're not into you if they never pay for your meals or offer to pay. It's obvious if they're not that into you if they never consider putting any money into whatever is your bond. You're likely just friends if you spend any matter of time together. Money is a measure of one's choices. People who like you will buy you gifts, even if they only have an allowance in middle school.
4. They refuse to show you to their family or those close to them. That’s kind of weird -- actually it's a big red flag. If you are in some sort of relationship where you never meet the person's friends, know their names, nor ever meet their family -- you might not be in a very serious relationship. You could be dating a total loner, but in all honesty, that's probably not the best idea for you. More likely you're dating someone who has other people on the side.
5. They refuse to show you what their place looks like. Are you dating a man who mysteriously doesn't have a home? If you're in a relationship you should get a glimpse of their place, even in a video chat if it's long distance. Seeing someone's place gives you all kinds of clues about them and their interests, their hygiene practices, the books they read, how they spend their time. Not seeing someone's place if you are dating them... could mean they're trying to hide something. Like a whole host of other people that they're dating.
6. They don’t open up about emotional issues. They mostly just want a physical relationship. If he only wants you for your body, then he doesn't care about your dreams and ambitions. If she only wants you for your body, then she doesn't care if she screws up your dreams. See the issues here? Don't stick with someone for too long if it's only physical because they don't care about you as a person. It often ends in a big 'ole waste of time.
7. They don’t listen to you and your needs. If they don't listen to you and leave the room when you talk, then they're definitely not interested in you seriously. They likely only like you for your body. Which read number 6.
8. He is selfish and focused on himself. HE IS A GOD. Making you a priority isn’t a reality. You're there just to fill a void between his next goal. He'll date you out of loneliness while he spends 3 months in the same city as you on a work assignment. He knows he's moving to a new place, but he decides to have some intermittent fun with you. If you're hanging out with someone who isn't really settled and seems to have their eye on the next best thing and doesn't see how to include you in the big picture, then they likely don't have a real place for you in their heart or mind. It's probably casually, so hopefully it's mutually casual.
9. They don’t talk to you, don’t know you, and are not in a relationship with you. Number 9 is for those of you who are not in a relationship but have a crush on someone. Sometimes you need a reality check to realize that you're unrequited romance is a one person solo game. If you are crushing hard on someone who doesn't know you then you need to get over it -- or at least introduce yourself to the person and try to get over the magical fake image you conjured of them.
10. They do not offer emotional support when you are going through a tough time. Did your cat just die? Did they think that was funny? Do they even know your cat's name? Did they check out mentally when you told them one of your family members has a terminal illness? Some people jet out of a potential relationship or whatever once they hear the bells of something that sounds too serious.
- Relationships should move forward if there is interest. Relationships should not be in limbo if there is interest. Progression naturally happens when two people like each other and are focused on each other.
- There should be a healthy exchange of communication back and forth if two people are interested in each other. There should be a lot of chatter in the initial stages of a dating relationship as people learn more about each other and try to charm each other.
- There should be some amount of trying to impress you if the other person is interested in you.
More Signals That He Just Isn't THAT into You
Alright, let's break this down further. To be honest there are a lot of reasons someone might not be that interested in you. But don't sweat it! It's their loss.
Just keep focusing on yourself and doing what you can to be the best version of yourself. When you're becoming a better version of yourself you'll attract a better partner. Don't settle for less. Work hard and you'll see results.
People who put care into themselves are going to fall in love with people who do the same. So the number one rule of dating is: love yourself and treat yourself. You'll attract what you put into the universe.
Let's get back to some of the things you should look out for when someone isn't that interested in you.
- If they cheat, lie, or steal your stuff then they don't care about you. Don't date cheaters, liars, and thieves. They'll just ruin your stuff and make your life worse.
- They are spending more time and energy on an ex rather than you. Ultimately, all we have in this world is time. If your girlfriend can't stop hanging out with her ex and has trouble scheduling you into her day, then she's into her ex, not you. You should probably break up. You should probably have a serious chat about this at the very least.
- They blow up over small, insignificant issues. Did he just freak out because of the way you put mustard into the fridge? Pointless issues like that show you're not a high priority. Also, they have anger issues.
- They make fun of your beliefs, your clothes, your friends — mocking you isn’t acceptable. They don't respect you nor do they boundaries. Someone without a good sense of boundaries will hurt you one way or another. Someone who is interested in you will respect your beliefs, won't make fun of your clothes, and would like to be on good terms with your friends.
- They sometimes put effort into the relationship, and other times fall off the face of the planet. If your partner goes missing for a whole week without an explanation, you should dump them unless you're pretty sure they're a spy.
You should ask yourself some questions if it's hard to tell if they're interested in you or not.
-- Does your partner or crush talk a great deal about someone else?
-- Does your crush seem more interested in your friend? Do they try to spend time with your friend? Look at their feet and see where they point, look at their eyes and watch who they focus on, look for little awkward gestures when they're in the presence of others. Maybe your crush likes your friend and not you. Are you cool with that or is this going to be a big deal?
-- If you asked this person what is meaningful out of your relationship would they struggle to make a sentence or comment? Would they struggle to put together a timeline?
-- Did they recently move and stop communicating with you entirely? They might be using the move as an excuse to ghost you.
They could also not be interested in you because:
- He is too young
- He is too old
- She recently got out of a relationship
- She recently had a big career change
- He is already in a stable relationship
- He is actually a bot or you're being catfished
- She isn't into men
- She isn't into women
- He prefers to be alone and single when he dies
- He doesn't know you exist
You should avoid trying to get into a relationship with someone who feels half put together. This is someone who is scrambling to get a job, to make money, who hasn't figured out what they want to study in school, who doesn't know where they'll live, or doesn't have a car. Someone who doesn't have a lot of things solved in their life likely won't magically be a good dating companion either.
Someone who does like you should have:
- An idea of what kind of future that would look like
- Daydreams about what that should look like
- A vision of something positive, not negative
-- Someone who has lots of bad habits can’t focus on you; do they like gambling, drugs, some kind of addiction, or have a criminal history? I can't say this enough -- dudes or ladies like this aren't worth your time. Raise the bar on your expectations.
-- Also, someone who is in the beginning stages of their career might want to focus on that instead of trying to get in a relationship at this time. They may be too busy for you.
-- And just because they do spend time with you doesn't mean it's a good thing. Does this person continually betray your trust to no avail? Then they don’t really care what happens to you, they gaslight you, and will maybe beg for your forgiveness. And this will be a never ending cycle. If he doesn't have your trust -- then he shouldn't have your interest.
-- If they say they like you but don't like your kids or don't want to have kids with you -- take that as a clear indication that they're not that interested in you and your world. If you want kids but she doesn't, that's not something that's magically going to change. Someone who genuinely cares about you won't be scared away by your kids -- or your 14lbs. cat.
-- If your partner only shows up for money then leaves -- then they only want you for your money. Don't marry a gold digger.
-- And if they're constantly calling you the wrong name -- then honey, they're clearly not that into you.
Signs She Isn't Interested in You
Doesn't Know You
Never texts back
Makes fun of you
Won't hang out with you
Betrays your trust
Already in a serious relationship
Dating around, looking for something casual
Put a restraining order on you!
Makes fun of your kids!
Never invites you to things
Doesn't spend money on you
Doesn't introduce you to friends / family
Has no energy / like talking to a wool sock
Goes absent for days
Doesn't tell you about their day
Never shows you their place
More interested in your friend
Seems disgusted by your presence
Asks that you go away
Candidly tells you they don't like you / don't know you / want to break up / etc.
Gaslights / betrays trust / lies / cheats / steals
Only wants you for money
More Clues That They're Not Interested
Still not sure if they're interested in you or not? Maybe you've made it this far because you find this hub entertaining. I'll try to throw in more 14lbs. cats.
Someone who is interested in you will:
- Make an effort to call you, text you, or communicate with you in some capacity.
- If your crush doesn't take the time to talk to you at school or work, then he or she might not be interested in you. He or she might be shy, but observe how they interact with others.
- They're willing to take pictures with you 14lbs. cat.
Someone who isn't interested in you:
- You have only spoken to each online and not through different apps. You only talk to each other through texts and there is a strong repulsion to Skype, FaceTime, or anything that could pick up a voice. This is a strong sign that you might be talking to a bot, getting catfished, or worse.
- It's been weeks since your last date. You haven't heard from them at all. You sent them 3 polite texts with no responses. You've been ghosted. Time to move on.
- You’re in a serious relationship, and one day you go home and they have moved all of their stuff out of the apartment. They have made no comment on whether they will help you with the remaining bills. They likely broke or stole stuff in the process. Consider it the end of a relationship -- and you may want a lawyer.
- They don’t give any emotional responses to the things you say. There is no flirting, laughing, or touching. You get the same amount of response from an old sock with holes.
- You have never broke the touch barrier. You've been dating for months and can't even hold hands. That's bad.
You definitely know your crush isn't interested in you if they seem repulsed by your presence. Every time you walk into a room, it seems like they walk into another room.
They say that all women or all men are the same, and it doesn’t matter if you break up and see other people. If they seem glib about dating and think it's all just a big joke, and they don't have an interest in a monogamous relationship -- don't expect that to change. Perceptions about dating translate to relationships.
Look out for:
- If they refer to you as a loser, stalker, that your out of touch with reality, ugly, etc.
- The large overwhelming extent of their text messages are one word responses. Especially if most of them are simply: ok.
- They are texting about 20 other people at the same time looking to score some action. Are they constantly on their phone when you are together?
- You're straight but your crush isn't.
- You're gay but your crush isn't.
- They don’t know your name and you've worked together for 5 years.
- They avoid sitting by you during group activities
- They call you names and you cry because they're mean names. Get out of this predicament. It's not just a lack of interest -- she might be abusive.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on December 02, 2020:
They never compromise with you about anything.
They don't miss you when you're not around.
They never initiate contact with you.
They make no effort to impress or surprise you.
Whenever you are unhappy they suggest breaking up.
BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on December 01, 2020:
You have alot of good points in this one.