Andrea is a dating consultant who gives people advice on relationships and couple stuff. She's also a fan of traveling the world.
Signs Your Crush or Partner Isn't Interested in You
Having a supportive, strong relationship can make all the difference in your life. With all the modern dating trends, it can be difficult to tell if someone genuinely likes you or is only using you to get free meals.
In order to tell if someone likes you, you don’t need a crystal ball or to watch every romantic comedy ever created. Take some time out of your day and review your relationship. Think about your little exchanges.
In this article, I’ll tell you the key indicators that something isn’t working in your relationship, and when it’s pretty obvious they’re not interested.
Interest Is All about Energy
First of all, when you like someone and they like you back, it shouldn’t feel like pulling teeth. You should have consistent communication back and forth, there should be some momentum from both sides to see each other, and there should be lots of positive signals like smiling, eye contact, text messages, joking, and trying to find common interests.
- You should feel like there is some energy coming back your way and that you’re not just talking to a wall.
- You shouldn’t feel like the only one sharing in the relationship. Both people should be contributing.
Ten Ways You Can Tell Your Crush or Partner Isn’t Into You
- The person you like is aloof. Even though at times it seems like you two are on the same page, there are plenty of times where you are left hanging. You’re not really sure what’s going on. You find yourself getting upset by the wishy-washy interactions.
- Your partner flat out mentions seeing other people or that they are no longer interested in you. If they’re candid with you: accept it. Don’t try to backpedal. Don’t try to make up excuses. Don’t try to make things better! They’re over you. They just communicated it to you. Now you have to deal with it. Dealing with it will help you move on.
- They don’t spend money on the relationship. They don’t take you on dates, they don’t buy you things, and the topic of their finances never comes up, except for say a blue moon. BUT they do buy things for themselves — like that new spiffy Playstation, their solo trip to Hawaii, and some new flashy shoes. It’s really obvious that they’re not into you if they never pay for your meals or offer to pay. Money is a measure of one’s choices. People who like you will buy you gifts, even if their income is in seashells.
- They refuse to show you to their family or those close to them. That’s a big red flag! If you are in some sort of relationship where you never meet the person’s friends, family, or even know their names — you’re in something casual. You could be dating a total loner, but in all honesty, that’s probably not the best idea. More likely you’re dating someone who has other people on the side.
- They refuse to show you what their place looks like. Are you dating a man who mysteriously doesn’t have a home? If you’re in a relationship you should get a glimpse of their place, even in a video chat if it’s long distance. Seeing someone’s place gives you all kinds of clues about them and their interests, their hygiene practices, the books they read, how they spend their time. Not seeing someone’s place if you are dating them… could mean they’re trying to hide something. Like a whole host of other people that they’re dating.
- They don’t open up about emotional issues. They mostly just want a physical relationship. If he only wants you for your body, then he doesn’t care about your dreams and ambitions. If she only wants you for your body, then she doesn’t care if she screws up your dreams. See the issues here? Don’t stick with someone for too long if it’s only physical because they don’t care about you as a person. It often ends in a big ‘ole waste of time.
- They don’t listen to you and your needs. If they don’t listen to you and leave the room when you talk, then they’re definitely not interested in you seriously. They likely only like you for your body (if that).
- He is selfish and focused on himself. HE IS A GOD. Making you a priority isn’t a reality. You’re there just to fill a void between his next goal. He’ll date you out of loneliness while he spends 3 months in the same city as you on a work assignment. He knows he’s moving to a new place, but he decides to have some intermittent fun with you. If you’re hanging out with someone who isn’t really settled and seems to have their eye on the next best thing, and he doesn’t see how to include you in the big picture, then they likely don’t have a real place for you in their heart or mind. This could be okay if you’re aware this is casual. . .
- They don’t talk to you, don’t know you, and are not in a relationship with you. Sometimes you need a reality check to realize that your unrequited romance is a one-person solo game. If you are crushing hard on someone who doesn’t know you then you need to get over it — or at least introduce yourself to the person and try to get over the magical fake image you conjured of them.
- They do not offer emotional support when you are going through a tough time. Did your cat just die? Did they think that was funny? Do they even know your cat’s name? Did they check out mentally when you told them one of your family members has a terminal illness? Some people jet out of a potential relationship (or whatever) once they hear the bells of something that sounds too serious.
Keep In Mind. . .
- Relationships should move forward if there is interest. Progression naturally happens when two people like each other and are focused on each other.
- There should be a healthy exchange of communication back and forth if two people like each other. There should be a lot of chatter in the initial stages as people learn more about each other.
More Signals That They’re Not Interested
Alright, let’s break this down further. To be honest, there are a lot of reasons someone might not be that interested in you.
- If they cheat, lie, or steal your stuff, then they don’t care about you. Don’t date cheaters, liars, and thieves. They’ll ruin your stuff and make your life worse. Those are narcissists who use you for their own personal gain.
- They are spending more time and energy on an ex. Ultimately, all we have in this world is time. If your girlfriend can’t stop hanging out with her ex and has trouble scheduling you into her day, then she’s into her ex, not you. You should probably break up. You should probably have a serious chat about this at the very least.
- They blow up over small, insignificant issues. Did he just freak out because of the way you put mustard into the fridge? Pointless issues like that show you’re not a high priority. Also, they have anger issues. They might also freak out a lot in hopes that you’ll break up with them.
- They make fun of your beliefs, your clothes, your friends, etc. They don’t respect you nor do they respect boundaries. Someone like this will hurt you one way or another. Someone who is interested in you will respect your beliefs, they won’t make fun of your clothes, and they would like to be on good terms with your friends.
- You have only spoken to each other online through chat messages. You only talk to each other through texts and there is a strong repulsion to Skype, FaceTime, or anything that could pick up a voice. This is a strong sign that you might be talking to a bot, getting catfished, or worse.
- It's been weeks since your last date. You haven't heard from them at all. You sent them 3 polite texts and received no responses. You've been ghosted. Time to move on.
- You’re in a serious relationship, and one day you go home and they have moved all of their stuff out of the apartment. They haven’t commented on whether they’ll help you with the remaining bills. They likely broke or stole stuff in the process. Consider it the end of a relationship — and you may want a lawyer.
- They don’t give any emotional responses to the things you say. There is no flirting, laughing, or touching. You get the same amount of response from an old sock with holes.
- You haven’t broken the touch barrier. You've been dating for months and can't even hold hands. That's bad.
They’re Glib about Relationships in General
They tell you that all women or all men are the same; it doesn’t matter if you break up and see other people. If they seem glib about dating and think it's all just a big joke, and they don't have an interest in a monogamous relationship — don't expect that to change. Perceptions about dating translate to relationships.
100% Not Interested
Don't settle for any of the following:
- They call you a loser or stalker. They say that you’re out of touch with reality, ugly, etc.
- Most of their text messages are one-word responses. That’s the bare minimum.
- You only receive group texts from them.
- You're straight but your crush isn't.
- You're gay but your crush isn't.
- They don’t know your name, and you've worked together for 5 years.
- They avoid sitting by you during group activities.
- They call you names, and you cry because they're mean names.
- If your partner goes missing for a whole week without an explanation, you should dump them. . . unless you’re pretty sure they’re a spy.
Questions to Ask Yourself
— Does your partner or crush talk a great deal about someone else? Often we talk about what we’re interested in. Your crush is interested in this other person. They may even be hinting that they see you as a friend by talking about someone else.
— If you asked this person what is meaningful out of your relationship would they struggle to make a sentence or comment? Would they struggle to put together a timeline? This person isn’t invested in you.
— Did they recently move and stop communicating with you? They might be using the move as an excuse to ghost you.
They might not be interested in you because:
- He is too young
- He is too old
- She recently got out of a relationship
- She recently had a big career change
- He is already in a stable relationship
- He is actually a bot, or you’re being catfished
- She isn’t into men
- She isn’t into women
- He prefers to be alone and single when he dies
- He doesn’t know you exist
There Should Be a Vision
Someone who does like you should have:
- An idea of what kind of future that would look like.
- Daydreams about what that should look like.
- A vision of something positive, not negative.
Signs She Isn't Interested in You
|Doesn't Know You||Never texts back||Makes fun of you||Won't hang out with you||Betrays your trust|
Already in a serious relationship
Dating around, looking for something casual
Put a restraining order on you!
Makes fun of your kids!
Never invites you to things
Doesn't spend money on you
Doesn't introduce you to friends or family
Has no energy, like talking to a wool sock
Goes absent for days
Doesn't tell you about their day
Never shows you their place
More interested in your friend
Seems disgusted by your presence
Asks that you go away
Candidly tells you they don't like you
Only wants you for money
Don’t Accept a Bad Deal
Someone who has lots of bad habits can’t focus on you; do they like gambling, drugs, some kind of addiction, or have a criminal history? I can’t say this enough — dudes or ladies like this aren’t worth your time. Raise the bar on your expectations.
Also, someone who is in the beginning stages of their career might want to focus on that instead of trying to get into a relationship. They’re too busy for you.
Just because they do spend time with you doesn’t mean it’s a good thing. Does this person continually betray your trust? Then they don’t really care what happens to you, they gaslight you, and they beg for your forgiveness. And this will be a never-ending cycle. If he doesn’t have your trust then he shouldn’t have your heart.
If they say they like you but don’t like your kids or don’t want to have kids with you — take that as a clear indication that they’re not that interested in you and your world. If you want kids but she doesn’t, that’s not something that’s magically going to change. Someone who genuinely cares about you won’t be scared away by your kids — or your 20lbs. cat.
If your partner only shows up for money and then leaves — then they only want you for your money. Don’t marry a gold digger.
And if they’re constantly calling you the wrong name — then honey, they’re clearly not that into you.
This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.
© 2020 Andrea Lawrence
dashingscorpio from Chicago on December 02, 2020:
They never compromise with you about anything.
They don't miss you when you're not around.
They never initiate contact with you.
They make no effort to impress or surprise you.
Whenever you are unhappy they suggest breaking up.
BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on December 01, 2020:
You have alot of good points in this one.