Andrea has an extensive background in writing, pottery, knitting, Europe, ghosts, pirates, and environmental science.
Welcome to Crush City
It can be tricky to tell whether someone has feelings for you or not. Some people are fantastic at hiding their emotions. It can be frustrating whether flirting, dating, or in a relationship and not knowing if the other person is as invested as you are.
The following guide will highlight things men do when they have a crush on someone. You'll want to consider their body language, the way they spend time with you, and if the way they treat you is different from others.
Body Language Reveals Our Feelings
When someone likes you, their eyes might light up. They’ll smile a lot and give you direct eye contact. This is someone who wants to engage in conversations with you. We look at what we want to understand, include, and get to know.
Body language is one of the most obvious ways that someone reveals they like someone. Here are ten things to observe when it comes to men and their body language:
- Watch the eyes. Are their pupils dilated? Do their eyes seem to get bigger and shinier? Someone who has feelings often has a glossy look to their eyes. You might catch him staring at you rather frequently.
- We’re often unaware of what our feet are doing. Look at someone’s feet and see where they point. If they are pointed at you, it might be a sign that he thinks you’re hot.
- He often does something awkward with his hands — combing his hair, playing with paper or something on a table, a sudden quick movement to fix up his outfit. When we like someone, we instinctively groom ourselves.
- They get antsy in your presence. They like you and they don’t know what to do with all their nervous energy. They might be bouncy in their chair, making strange noises, or moving their legs a lot. Careful though, some people are just excitable. Always consider other variables that might be at play. It’s all too easy to analyze something incorrectly.
- He can’t stop touching his hair. He keeps combing it. Again, grooming is an instinctive behavior of someone who likes another person.
- He has forward-facing body language. He turns toward you. He doesn’t turn his back to you because then he can’t see you (duh!). He makes sure you are in his line of sight.
- He lingers to give you a goodbye hug. The longer the hug, the more likely he likes you. Is it a tight hug? Did he say you smell nice?
- He fixes his socks. This is a strange one, but when you really don’t know what to do with your hands and someone really grabs your heart — you fix your socks. This is something men are far more likely to do than women. He is trying to avert his feelings to somewhere else. This oddly results in reaching for his socks.
- He keeps following you. Okay, now he doesn’t do this like a stalker. He just likes to go where you go. He finds his way to the room you are in at parties.
- He reaches out and touches you with his hands, maybe to guide you through a crowd, maybe to fix your hair, or maybe to pat you on the back. You should consider whether he does this with other people. Some people are more touchy-feely than others. Also, if you don’t like these things — you should tell him that.
He Gives You Undivided Attention
Someone who has feelings for you will focus on you. Even if they’re trying to hide it, they’ll try to figure you out and look for ways to get to know you. He may train himself to avert his gaze, but he likely wants to see what you’re up to if he likes you.
- He’ll remember details about you. He’ll remind you of something that happened a long time ago. He’ll go through memories and have a positive spin on them. He doesn’t want to embarrass you. He just wants to bring up something he finds enduring, sweet, pleasant, or enjoyable.
- He will look to your opinion in a group setting. He’ll align with you in a group. He’ll try to sit near you. You can expect him to try to be your lab partner.
- He notices things about you like lint on your coat. He might try to fix these things.
- He tries to impress you with his knowledge about you. He might remember that you took a trip to Italy and found a small red cat that you played with for 30 minutes and named Christina.
- He tries to stand out from the crowd to get your attention. He could dress up like a big chicken and do a song and dance. He might also do something more simplistic, like playing a guitar or wearing a bright-colored accessory.
- He makes an effort to mindlessly talk to you at work or school. He routinely seeks you out for chit chat.
- He has a nickname or pet name for you. It’s a nice name, not something mean.
- Think back to elementary school days at recess. Some boys would do mean things to get a girl's attention, like yanking her ponytail. This behavior continues for some into adulthood.
- He makes an extra effort when he previously didn’t.
He Finds You Charming
Just because he has feelings for you doesn’t mean he knows what to do with those feelings, so you can expect some odd displays. You might ask yourself — what is he doing? Why is he so abrupt? Why is he being so weird? Why did his behavior change? Hopefully, all these questions have to do with either cute or socially awkward things… and not something that spooks you.
Your intuition should develop as you age: you’ll be able to tell who is serious about you vs. those that aren’t legitimately interested. Don’t give too much time to those who honestly don’t know how to cope with their feelings. Sometimes guys will play head games with you because they haven’t matured.
Instead of falling for someone who is a mess, look for someone who is focused on you and has the means to treat you well. No one is a fixer-upper, so don’t expect someone you like who has serious problems to change. Also, don’t get stuck with someone who is hot and cold with you.
Someone who really likes you isn’t going to be able to hold back their feelings. He will be consistent. If he isn’t consistent, don’t put up with him.
More Signs He Has Feelings for You
- He won’t be able to get enough of you. He’ll find a way to talk to you. He’ll text you, he’ll email you, he'll respond quickly, and he'll jump at any opportunity to get to know you or make you happy. He is eager and excited to see you. Feelings are all about energy and excitement.
- He’ll try to impress you. Maybe he’ll bring over every book he can find of your favorite author. Maybe he’ll drive you to a beautiful spot in the city that is his favorite spot. Maybe he’ll stock his fridge with your favorite and hard-to-find ice cream. When he likes you he is eager to impress you. When he is uncertain about you, he’ll be aloof.
- Consider what you do when you have feelings for someone. A lot of how you interact with others when you have a crush is how someone else will act.
- If he is shy, he might find comfort in your presence. If he usually doesn’t talk to most people and sees you as more approachable that could be a sign that he has a soft spot for you. He likes you because he finds it easy to talk to you.
- Often people fall for their friends. Friendly connections can mature into something more — but don’t force it.
- Sometimes people develop feelings for their sworn enemies. Shocking but it happens. You know something is fishy if you used to hate each other and now you spend every waking moment together.
- He cares about what you think of him. He takes your opinion to heart. He seeks out your advice. He doesn’t want to do something that would cause you to think less of him.
- He might try to get interested in things that you like that might not suit him —for example, he suddenly starts watching Korean soap operas. He tries to find shared interests.
- He puts in more effort than he did previously. Suddenly your best friend seems to be trying really hard with their looks, he seems to speak from rehearsed speeches, and he seems way more attentive.
- He kisses you and seems pretty happy about it. He gives you a starry-eyed look after kissing you. He comments that he has wanted to kiss you for a long time.
- He candidly tells you he has feelings for you. If he straight up tells you this, believe him.
- He says he loves you. Context is everything, but if he says the “l” word — he probably isn’t throwing it around casually. Of course, who doesn’t say they love tacos or they love cats?
- His hugs last a little bit longer. The longer the hug the more the feelings. A long embrace isn’t what you give a potato.
- He talks to you about anything — especially things that are more personal. Most of us don’t ramble about our family, our ambitions, or our deepest thoughts like Forrest Gump did on a bench.
- He seems to rely on you. If he seems to rely on you for part of his day then he likes you. You can tell he relies on you if he misses you.
- He invites you to things, he includes you, he encourages you, and he seems accepting of your ideas.
- He goes old school and writes you letters. I can’t imagine any man doing this in contemporary times and it not suggest that they have feelings for someone.
- He is willing to travel for hours just to see you. If you live several hours away from each other, and he keeps coming up for weekend visits, then he must really like you to sacrifice all that time to come see you.
- He wants to take you to nice things. This includes ballets, symphonies, art museums, and fancy dinners. He wants to take you to expensive things to make your heart swoon.
- He surprises you with gifts. His gifts are really thoughtful and show that he took the time to come up with them.
- He gives you special attention that isn’t given to others. He treats you in a different way that is noticeable to your friends and family.
- He laughs extra hard at your jokes. He is, dare I say, captivated by your words. He could also be nervous, which causes his laughs to be more explosive. (He could also be tired because I tend to find things a lot funnier when I’m tired.)
- He has sweaty palms. This is a classic sign of first date jitters. Keep in mind that some people sweat more.
- He is consistent. Someone who has feelings and wants to explore them will act on them.
- He says he wants to be in a relationship with you. Generally, people spend time getting to know each other. They start to like each other and then they want to make a commitment.
- He finds ways to incorporate you into his day. He seems to try to maintain and keep a personal connection with you with little notes, lunch breaks, and phone calls.
- He is responsive to your needs. He’ll notice when you’re cold and offer his coat. He’ll notice when you’re struggling to walk and offers you an arm.
- If he has a lot of butterflies in his stomach, he might have a hard time eating or he eats really slowly. Feelings can make you really nervous, so they can come out in funny ways.
What If He Is Shy?
You’ll still see signs of feelings even if he is really reserved and good at hiding his emotions. He’ll still probably stare at you from time to time, and he’ll try to interact with you in some special and different way. He might be more guarded, but he won’t be immune to your presence.
- Shy guys will make quick and subtle jokes around you.
- He’ll be watching you to determine if you have any interest in him.
- He might be looking for a way to break the ice.
- He may not know what to do with his hands.
- He’ll be particularly choosy with his words.
I find shy guys like to quietly find their way in their crush’s presence. He’ll find a way to just kind of be there. He might not say much. Try observing him and see how he responds to different interactions in the same room of people. He might try to do something really simple or cute to get your attention. Shy guys are better at subtle nuances rather than big gestures. He might not really want to compete and be an alpha male. He would prefer to keep a low profile.
Consider the energy in his voice when he does talk to you. Does he still sound engaged? Excited? Maybe he talks to you in a different way than he does to others. If he likes you, he’ll communicate with you in a special way. He might straighten up his posture, he might try to subtly show something he is good at doing like playing the piano or drawing. He might actually try to get you to talk, so he can listen.
© 2020 Andrea Lawrence