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Financial Abuse- What Is Is?
OK, so we have heard about physical abuse, emotional abuse is likely something that you will be aware of too. Then, we have gaslighting and financial abuse and many are knocked for six. Sadly even in 2021 that that are in abusive relationships are really not aware that they are.
Financial abuse can take place in many different ways. Some will actually feel like they are with a very generous partner. However, there is one key objective of the abuser and that is to make sure that you, the victim, has no access to physical funds. They will cut at no stops to lure you into a sense of false security. Make no mistake for it.
Your Partner Will Subtly Take You Away From Your Education Or Work
Usually in the beginning, it will seem like a very sweet thing. Many women are totally unawares that it's in-fact happening. See, one of the key traits of a financially abusive man is that he will actually seemingly be so sweet that it's almost too good to be true. When you start dating to begin with, right up until the time that you've sealed the deal, walked down the isle- or even just moved in with the guy.
If you're financially secure, your partner will not be able to have full "control" over you. For many reading it will seem totally crazy as the objective for normal people is not to control your spouse at all. Being together is about being a team. Working together and supporting one another's choices and goals in life.
If you're in further education, your partner will most definatley try to halt this study. Perhaps not in a direct way. I'm however listing a bunch of scenarios that are stereotypical to a financially abusive man.
He will encourage you to marry and have a child. Sweet yes, but the actual motive behind it is more sinister as he knows once you are pregnant, further study will be difficult for you to pursue right away. This is what he needs, to get his claws into you. See in an educational institution you also mix and socialize with friends. You get to see how others go about their day to day routines. An abusive man doesn't need his partner to be around other people. He needs you all to himself so you're in a perfect position to be broken down and controlled.
He may even encourage you to work, as you need to save for the future. Then, you will feel like it is something hat he wants you to do. Slowly, he will play on the fact that it takes too much time to raise kids and work. That it is, infact, much easier for you to not work. Or, he will make you feel like you should get a job, knowing that it is not possible.
You Will Be Indirectly Encouraged To Move Away From Friends And Family
If you're living close by to friends and family, he will want to move you away from them. You will not even notice that this is intention he will purposely make you rent a home that is of distance from them. He may play on the card this it's impossible for him to reach his career goals as he's far away from decent jobs or life goals that he had.
If you got married to someone from another country then they will make it their key objective to make you move to their territory. Naturally you would think it is normal seeing how you have most likely started a family at this point. It would be totally weird if you had a spouse that wished you to be away from him in another country. However, this is a sinister act as the key objective of a financial abusive partner is to distance you and segregate you as far away as they possibly can from any kind of comfort zone that you have.
The Stingy Financially Abusive Man
See, there are actually two categories of financially abusive men. First, I will describe this stereo type. There are the men that make it their main target to get you cut off from finances , friends and family so that you are totally dependent upon them.
Overtime You Will Start To Feel Like An Employee
This is in order to make you feel like you owe him something. See, he works, he earns. He slowly, gradually makes you into somewhat of an inferior. You will not even notice that it's happening until it comes to shopping trips and outings where things that he wants will be prioritized. Anything you want however, will be pushed to the side and shoved under the carpet.
You may find yourself hanging around with him in malls as he shops for designer suits, shoes, aftershaves, then, whenever you wish to look at something that you want or need. Your, needs are quickly not needs, they are twisted to someone that is greedy. Someone that is materialistic, someone that shops all the time and doesn't have control over their needs and wants.
Supervised Grocery Visits
It can make you feel like you are mad. Food shopping can be a complete nightmare as you will be supervised around the supermarket and anything you need will be shoved to the side. If you have meal planning ideas, he will quickly tell you that you do not need to eat certain foods as they are not within his budget.
If he is clever to disguise these things you will be made to feel like he doesn't like meat, or that it is not good for you. Perhaps, for example if you wish to take whole milk he will tell you that it is not good and you need to take long life. This type of guy is actually the worst type of financially abusive one. You will literally have no budget to get your hands on.
He may give you spends. It sounds like a child right? But in-fact you will have the spends, which will be a fraction of what he earns transferred to your account. Those spends however are not enough to be able to do anything with! For, despite him telling you that they are yours. You will in-fact have to account for not just your own, but your kids expenditure from them too.
Clothing that you need for your kids will not be necessary, therefore you will feel the need to purchase it from your cash. Food that your kids eat outside and petrol money for the family car that you will be using for taking kids to and from school, and back and from from activities will also be paid for with, "your spends" You will have to ask for cash when you need it. However, you will have by this point probably trained yourself to ask for more than you need as what ever amount you do request will not be granted!
You will not have access to a joint bank account. Also, you will be abused and told to get a job, when he knows that it's not possible for you to do. Then, should you actually start to earn anythign that was making you occupied and busy, you will have a brick wall crumble on top of you. He will actually shout and make such a fuss of you spending time on something other than him, and his home then you will be made to feel like you did a crime. He may even hold temper tantrums and smash your items that help you to earn. Take car keys, and keep you from being able to go out. He will play every card he can to take away your chance to earn. Until, sadly it will work.
Prolonged Arguments And Outbursts About What A Burden You Are
Whenever you do ask for things that are necessary around the house and home, you will be shouted at. An argument will begin and he will start to highlight on the fact that you are lazy, do nothing and are completely not educated to the level that he is. Therefore he has some sort of a God given right to be able to have what he wants and needs, yet you cannot. See he doe not view you as a partner the stingy financially abusive man views you as inferior. Almost, slave like.
The Generous Financially Abusive Man
Now this guy will seem like he has all your needs taken care of. But you will be living an artificial whirlwind of a life. The generous financially abusive man will offer you a false sense of security. He will not mention that things are his all the time. You'll hear things are ours, however actions speak much louder than words. He is insecure about his relationship with you. You will be given a card where you can access some type of funding. He will also make sure that you have an allowance like the stingy financially abusive man does. However this allowance will again be sent so that you do not go back to work. He will make you feel like you do not need to work. He does not want to see you at work as he can support you.
To Him- A Bank Card Is A Mode Of Tracing Your Location
The card has in-fact been given to you so he can track your whereabouts during the day. He will know where you are each time you swipe the card! Also, when you discuss about wanting to pursue a career he will hold you back. You will be made to feel like you are very wrapped in cotton wool and too precious to work. This is so you cannot gain your independence and mix outside of the home in a working environment.
The allowance that you will be given to access will not be enough to secure yourself. It will be made as a control thing as you will become so reliant on this. You will not wish to pursue a career, or look for another life as you are already caught into a cycle of financial dependency.
This Type Of Guy Will Make You Feel Like Education Is Possible
He will blind sight you that you can pursue an education. However, it will be done in a manner where you will be told that education is not everything. You are very smart, clever. As you are raising his kids in the manner that he is happy with. You are much more than those that have a degree or masters. Also, getting a job will not be on his priority at all. He will in fact praise you at how well you raise kids, and you will be in a position where you feel like you really do not need to pursue your own life goals.
You Will Have A Card To One Account
This bank account will not be the primary source of income. You will be allowed to access this for food, and bills around the home. Also all issues pertaining to kids. Infact, he will make it his prerogative to give you this to cover himself as he is bone idle lazy and has no intention in participating in shopping trips for the household or kids at all. He will however, hold multiple accounts and you will not know about them.
Traits Both Stereotypes Of Financially Abusive Men Share
- Both stereotypes of man will both make you feel so loved in the beginning of your relationship. Later on, you will be left second guessing and feeling like there is something wrong. You will always have a conversation that you wish to address, yet the time will never be correct. Any of your life goals will not be obtainable. It will always be hard to reach them. Almost impossible, and it is not for the lack of trying. Children will crop up, childcare will be an issue, timings with his work and career, and family.
- Both parties, to note the generous financially abusive guy will NOT have your name written down on the house. car, or any property that is owned. Despite you having been around as he obtained it. In-fact, you will have been raising his kids but have no right to anything as you were lazy and are not smart enough. You will not be trusted.
- Both types of man will not wish to acknowledge that your family are of importance. They will make very rare efforts to coincide and pay visits to your family. Also, your friends and social groups will be scrutinized. No one will ever be accepted or good enough for you to hang around with.
So, there you go guys an insight to financial abuse. If this can help just one person to understand that this is wring. My jobs a good one.