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Should You Keep Pictures of Your Ex?


You are in a new relationship, but still have pictures of your ex.

Do you keep them, or not?

A local radio station, here in Seattle, has Therapy Thursdays where they choose a listener's problem/question for other listeners to call in and give their advice about.

A recent question was from a woman about to move in with her boyfriend. The boyfriend still had a picture of his ex-wife, with whom he has children, hanging in his home. The woman thinks he should take the picture down, but he doesn't think he should.

The majority of the callers said he needs to get rid of the picture.

However, I can't agree that he should get rid of the picture.

Every relationship requires understanding, trust, and compromise. If you are ready to move in with somebody, you need to have all three of those things first.

In this case, the picture isn't merely of an ex, but the mother of this man's children. I can understand that it might be uncomfortable for the woman to be uncomfortable with a picture of her mate's ex-wife hanging in her home. But, will she also be uncomfortable with the children coming around and talking about their mother? The children are also constant reminders of a romantic relationship that no longer exists.

In my opinion, the best solution to this problem is a compromise: put the picture up in the children's room. This way, it is still in the home, but not in the ordinary living areas.

When should you get rid of pictures?

I do not advise every couple to keep pictures of their exes around after embarking in a new, serious relationship. So, when do you get rid of the pictures?

If your new love interest is really threatened and insecure about you keeping pictures of your ex, it might be because you put a lot of importance on your past relationship. As a way to show how much more important your new relationship is, you can get rid of old pictures.


You can also compromise by putting the pictures away. Especially if the pictures are group shots, with other friends, they might be fun to look at in twenty years. If you and your new love are still together then, old picturesof an ex shouldn't be a big deal by then.

What I don't recommend is point blank refusing to get rid of pictures.

The best way to dealing with this situations is talking about it--I don't mean arguing or fighting, but actually talking about it.

A healthy relationship can only exist with a lot of open communication. If both of you can express your reasons for wanting to keep or get rid of the pictures, you will both learn a lot about your relationship. In fact, it might be the thing that keeps you from becoming exes.

This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.

What do you think? Keep pictures or not?

Samantha on January 15, 2019:

I have been married for 30 years. My Huband and I were both married before. I found some pictures my husband hid very well,of him and his ex. I had a child with my ex and had ONE picture of my ex. it was just to show my child when they grew up. He had no child with his ex. My husband found the picture I had,15 years ago and he tore it up and stabbed the pieces into the wall with a knife. That's how upset he was. Why is he keeping these? and why would he hide them? What should I do? He's not easy to talk to,he get defensive and likes to turn thing around on me.

Lisa Ish on December 31, 2016:

been married for 5 months now. My husband and I bought a new home. He has 2 girls and I have a son. He is with us full time. His girls come every other weekend. My husband just hung up a bunch of pics of him and his ex wife up in there rooms and some with all of them some are just him and the girls. I don't mind them. What does bother and hurt me is him and his ex wife. I have to see them holding each other evertime I go by the rooms.I close the doors all the time they end up back open .. Makes me feel like crap we have no pics of us . hurts my feelings . is this ok.

Mart on July 26, 2016:

Scroll to Continue

Problem I am encountering is more about keeeping love letters from her ex's.

Pictures I totally understand, because of memories. But keeping loveletters, seems like a person is too much hanging in the past. Even tough she puts it away, it is not in the open of our house or anything, but still it annoys me that she keeps them.

ZJ on April 10, 2016:

My wife of 3 years keeps a box of scrap photos of her ex's and other people. Sum of the pics are with her and her child father club pic. She say its memories and that it can be handed to her daughter which is 8 am i wrong for feeling like she should throw it away

William on May 13, 2015:

I found some pictures of ma ladies ex...

I came and toll her about it...

*She just reply to me does are memories for the kids..

* I don't mind the pictures of them and the kids but in a box... not around the house..

But the pictures of them together just the two of them mmm.. not cool to me...

I know they still friends cuz of the kids.. but some times I just feel like I don't count on our relationship...

She thinks I wanna control her but nop it's nothing like that...

I know she has a past but past it's the past..

Am her future that's what I want her to understand

martha on April 27, 2015:

I recently found out by accident that my husband of four years keeps his exgirlfriend's pictures on a flash drive that he carries with him everywhere. I am hurt and feel like he is not over her. I asked him about this and he says she is very special to him and she was there for him when he needed someone. He also added he does not look at them every day. How am I suppposed to handle this hurt and resentment. I can't even look at him the same way.

Heidi on May 22, 2014:

Hello am Heidi, So trustworthy spell caster are still online?i never believed until i saw some post about DR.LOVESPELL on how he has helped lots of people on the internet.I told him i have had about him on internet and before i told him my problem,He has already told me what i came for and said people had scammed me off my money and added pain to my pain i was so shocked,He just told me that everything will be okay within 48hours,i told him this was what does fake spell caster also told me,He said i should give him a try which i did.Truly am just short of words and over excited for what DR.LOVESPELL has done for me exactly when the 48hours was completed the call i got was from my lover that left me with pain for over 4year,He said on phone Heidi,can we talk in a sad and shy tone,i was like yes then he came to my house and apologized to me that he was sorry and proposed to me that same day.Thanks to DR.LOVESPELL,you can contact him on tel.+2348104004707 for your solution his truly a man you can trust and confide in. 

elizabeth on April 20, 2014:

My name is Elizabeth Taylor from UK. I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went to Africa on a business summit. I meant a man who’s name is DR ABUBAKAR ( he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one’s gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 4years. I really loved him, but his family was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster, i told DR ABUBAKAR what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 8 days when i returned to UK, my boyfriend (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better. His email is

Paige on April 01, 2014:

Well, in my situation, its not that I nessecarily WANT to keep pictures of my ex, its the fact that I cant literally never bring myself to throw them away.

I keep them in a box in storage and don't look at them. But when I do see them, I just can't get rid of them.

I'm seriously over my ex. He seriously screwed up my mental stability over time and nearly led me to suicide.

Yet he was the first boyfriend I had had that I actually felt REAL LOVE for. In a way, he made me SO happy. I had so much love for him. Even when he cheated 3 times and flirted with other girls and often ignored me. He really is a master manipulator and a womanizer.

I'm now with someone alot better who keeps me happy and stable and we've been together for over a year and a half. When I think of my ex, I feel nothing but hatred and sickness towards him. I remember how much crap he put me through.

But, like I said, I cant bring myself to throw away pictures of him or presents he's given me, even when they're packed away in storage.

Its a confusing feeling.

faith on January 19, 2014:

A faith testimony on a spell caster who brought my husband back to me..

My name is paul faith i live in CANADA,and I'm happily married to a lovely

and caring husband,with two kids.A very big problem occurred in my family

five months ago,between me and my terrible that she took the

case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me

again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and

made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible

means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no in Vail.and she

confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me


So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of

mine who asked of my husband.So i explained every thing to her,so she told

me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster

called DRIDEGUSPELLCAST@GMAIL.COM because it has really worked for her too.So i never believed

in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave

me the email address of the spell caster {DRIDEGUSPELLCAST@GMAIL.COM} whom she


So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the

spell caster assured me that i will get my husand back the next day.What an

amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me

everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my

husband who didn't call me for the past seven months,gave me a call to

inform me that he will be coming back home.So Amazing!! So that was how he

came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for

her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that

day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help


So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website {

DRIDEGUSPELLCAST@GMAIL.COM},if you are in any condition like this,or you have any

problem related to "bringing your ex back.

So thanks to the DR; ogul for bringing back my husband,and brought great

joy to my family once can email him



faith on January 19, 2014:

A faith testimony on a spell caster who brought my husband back to me..

My name is paul faith i live in CANADA,and I'm happily married to a lovely

and caring husband,with two kids.A very big problem occurred in my family

five months ago,between me and my terrible that she took the

case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me

again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and

made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible

means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no in Vail.and she

confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me


So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of

mine who asked of my husband.So i explained every thing to her,so she told

me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster

called DRIDEGUSPELLCAST@GMAIL.COM because it has really worked for her too.So i never believed

in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave

me the email address of the spell caster {DRIDEGUSPELLCAST@GMAIL.COM} whom she


So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the

spell caster assured me that i will get my husand back the next day.What an

amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me

everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my

husband who didn't call me for the past seven months,gave me a call to

inform me that he will be coming back home.So Amazing!! So that was how he

came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for

her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that

day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help


So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website {

DRIDEGUSPELLCAST@GMAIL.COM},if you are in any condition like this,or you have any

problem related to "bringing your ex back.

So thanks to the DR; ogul for bringing back my husband,and brought great

joy to my family once can email him



katie on November 18, 2013:

Hello my name is Mrs Katie from UK i know a spell caster who helped me when i had problem with my Husband if you need a right place to solve your problems contact DR Ozama SPELL TEMPLE is the right choice. he is a great man that have been casting spells with years of experience. he cast spells for different purposes like

(1) If you want to get your ex back.

(2) If you always have bad dreams .

(3) Do you want to be promoted in your office.

(4) You want women / men to run after you .

(5) If you hotiterebenka .

(6) Do you want to be rich.

(7) Do you want your husband / wife will be yours forever.

(8) If you need financial assistance .

(9) Herbal care and more

if you need any of this spell above to be cast for your sake, kindly contact me today at for the right solutions to your problems.

lillie kelvin yvonne on September 09, 2013:

My Names is Lillie Kelvin Yvonne, Am giving this testimony because someone out there may have similar problem i have suffered before, last few months, my man called Kyle left me to another woman who he now feels the best for him, he has been ignoring my calls after all things i have done for him, He has been seeing another girl for about 2 months now. I told him that he needs to stop going out with her, that all what he is doing is very wrong, but he says he is in love with her. They’ve talked about being together “forever” and eventually her moving in with us. My husband still loves me. He regrets getting into this in the first place, but is not willing to just break up with her. He says if they so break up then they will be it and he will not pursue another relationship. i tried all possible means to ensure he lives the girl alone and think of me alone as his wife, but still yet he doesn't have time for me, until 1 faithful day when chatting on Facebook with my friend called Marian, she told me of one powerful spell caster who lives in Africa called Dr muku, that he is a mighty spell caster who has been helping people greatly in spell casting, i was amazed to contact him at first, but at evening at the same day, he email me to say all my problems to me and he promise to set my problems for me for just an (1hr) okay? i believe him and he cast the spell for me immediately, and so surprisingly my man call me on phone to tell me that he is coming back, he really come back to me at home sharing tears heavily that he was very wrong to leave me that he will never on his life leave me alone, i was so surprise and i was very impressed for Dr muku work., please for all that needs Dr muku help please email him on: or call him directly on his cell on +2348100538026. thank you DR muku

jessica on August 15, 2013:

Dear Master spencer

I just want to take a few moments to personally thank you for helping me bring back my husband to me and his family. About eight months ago, I discovered that my husband of 11 years was having an affair with my next door neighbor and so called friend of five years.

When I found out about this affair, I approached him and he did confessed that he and She was having an affair and that he loved her and wanted to end our marriage and be with her.I was so devastated that I had to be hospitalized for a nervous breakdown. When I got better, I decided to go online and look for someone very good to help me. for a surprised! I was ripped off by many so called Psychics and Voodoo workers who all they did was to take my money with no results.Then one day, I saw your coment and was impressed by what you said ,but I was more impressed with the news reporter who was impressed by you and the fact he pointed out how many of your rivals were so jealous of you and spreading lies about you.

You just responded by simply saying, poof is in the tasting. That was when I made up my mind to contact you and I am so glad I did. After 21 days my husband had a big nasty fight with that woman and he called me from jail to get him out.

He told me that he was sorry and to please take him back. After having a few days of seriously talking we are now a happy family. I thank God for you each day for you and my family.

I want you to put this letter on your website, because I am shocked at the lies these other so called Psychics are doing to other people.

I want who ever reads this letter on your website to know that I do not work for you, you have not paid me and I am a very real person.iam swearing to God that all I have written to you is the honest truth!

That news man was right, you are very good and I can see why so many conning people hate you and hid behind phony names and websites.

Just like you said on your coment, the proof is in the tasting! And I have tasted your work and you are the best! so please contact him via

Your client for life


jane on May 18, 2013:

I have to give this miraculous testimony

My Name is JANE.I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our wedding for another man..,When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on her facebook and she changed her facebook status from married to Single...when i went to her to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me. I lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until I met a Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back. I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how I lost my job...he told me he goanna help me...i don't believe that in the first place. But he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets’ was amazed when I heard that from him. He said he will cast a spell for me and I will see the results in the next couple of days. then i travel back to US the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he's busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells, he said am goanna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday...My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all she had done ..she said, she never knew what she's doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do that again. it was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call, I called the man and told him my wife called and he said I haven't seen anything yet... he said i will also get my job back in 3 days time. and when its Sunday, they called me at my place of work that i should resume working on Monday and they goanna compensate me for the time limit have spent at home without working. My life is back into shape, I have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back too. This man is really powerful. if we have up to 20 people like him in the world, the world would have been a better place. he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now. Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help. you can mail him I cant give out his number cos he told me he don't want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay and he' will replied to any emails asap..hope he helped u out too..good luck:okutaspellhome AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS:

Thanks For Dr okuta

colby on December 28, 2012:

What would i have done if not for shamu spell,my name is Colby, I am 27 years old and i have a son. Unfortunately almost a year ago his father broke up with me because of a mistake I made and I just really want him back. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I want our family to be complete again, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I read online that you helped a girl in this situation and I contact him for help. I grew up with my parents divorced and I don't want that for my son and I miss my husband so much and just want our family to be whole again I want the love of my life back and I can honestly say that because he is the only man I have ever truly loved with all my heart.So i seek help from and he responded to me and he cast a love spell for me which i use in getting back my husband and i am happy and grateful to him for helping me. the only through spell caster i have ever known.

Velvet on November 12, 2012:

Emotionally have been disturbed for a while and i came to a conclusion that i was not meant to love and possible die of loneliness.....i tried all i could to get my ex

back but all to no avail

Alot of people here have been writing good things here on TOPIX about professor Lucy

initially i never belived and of the posts and testimonials cos have once fallen victim to a fake spellcaster but the real mind in me gave it a trial

i contacted him and he said some prayers for me and that was the begining of the solutions to my problems

in a nut shell,my ex who happened to be the mother of my child came back to me after 7 days of the prayers

professor Lucy is simply the most powerful spell caster one can ever trust

you can also contact him if you are having the same type of predicament,contact him via

Utku on October 28, 2012:

I also have a similar problem with my gf. Especially with the new facebook life it became more complicated. My girlfriend have some photos with her ex guys(some of them were serious boyfriends some of them were shit) both on her computer and facebook account. Even there are some photos of kissing, touching etc. First I asked her to delete them on facebook and pc but she only deleted the kissing picture on facebook and the old profile picture(after a big argue). But the rest of them stays. Keeping some pictures with your serious ex-bf in some archived folder is understandable for me unless they are romantic pictures like kissing, nude etc. Once she agreed to do it and then changed her mind back.

But why she keeps these kind of pictures on facebook and pc? When I ask, she says they are part of her life although she doesn't have a feeling for them. For me this situation is very annoying. Most of these guys just used her and didn't care and respect to her. I am very romantic and caring guy; I buy flowers, make surprises, prepare romantic dinners, buying gifts, doing her housework and cooking soup when she is ill(we live in different houses), thinking about small details to make her happy etc. But at the end I see these photos of shitty guys next to my photos.

Also she still has contacts with some of them. It is very annoying when these guys are making comments, giving advices to her about our relationship. Why can't you just delete the contacts and photos to start a new, clean, innocent, lovefull life?

If you are curious, I don't have any pictures and contacts with my ex's.

Linda Cassini from Las Vegas NV on October 08, 2012:

This is certainly a highly objective commentation...Kudos :)

Nick on August 03, 2012:

And she recently made mention of these photos, but I didn't make any commment since I didn't want to start a fight. Any thoughts?

Nick on August 03, 2012:

I have been in a relationship with a woman for about 16 months now and for the last 13 months we have been talking about getting married. Yet on her facebook page, she will not remove photos of her with guys she dated and slept with from two to three years ago. I asked her to remove this photos about a half dozen times over the course of December and January, yet, she never did. I haven't made mention of it, but I am still deeply troubled by this.

ME2 on June 29, 2012:

My fiancee' finally took down the "family picture" of her, her ex, and their child. There were a few pictures in the beginning of our relationship that I didn't care for that were of her ex. Not because he was her ex, but because he treated her like a hired hand... spat on her, belittled her, mentally abused her. In short, I have nothing but complete and utter dislike for this "person," and therefore don't want to see his face on my walls.

After she took down those pictures, the only one remailing of her ex is hanging in her son's room. One out of however many isn't bad, but I'm looking forward to the day whe her child is old enough, and I don't have to hear about the "mental and psychological" reasons for having his picture hanging anywhere in my home.

Oh, and I think I recently discovered "hidden" pics of her ex on the laptop. I was trying to figure out why she set the computer settings to "do not show hidden files, etc." When I un-checked it... poof... pictures of her ex came out of nowhere. I can only imagine what pictures she's been hiding and if that's the case... I don't need to be here.

GespepGosse on June 10, 2012:

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windutza from Jakarta,Indonesia on June 06, 2012:

In whatever reason,shouldn't keep publishing the picture of him and his ex !

PLS HELP ME on May 10, 2012:

Ive been living with my bf (who recently became my fiancé) for nearly 4 years. He has a daughter from a previous 3-month relationship and she is now 5 and a half. The mother actually left when the baby was just 8 months old and so she doesn't remember her mother. He has no contact with her as she also left the country when he kicked her out. They were not on speaking terms then, or now. She is totally out of his and the child's life but he still keeps the photos from his daughters christening which include her. Ive asked him to chuck them out but he says he doesn't want to because his daughter is also in them. Then i asked him just to throw out the ones with the ex in but he is still reluctant. There all millions of them all with similar poses. Isn't it a bit fishy that he doesn't wanna get rid of them or is it really about his daughter. he is mad in love with his child so should i believe it is maybe because he cant face chucking out any single photo which has his daughter's face in or is it about the women?? what do you guys think!! PLSSSSSS HEEEELLLPP

wendycity on May 09, 2012:

I have been living with my boyfriend for 3 years. He has 3 grown children from his marriage of 25 years. He's been divorced from his ex for 3 years, his choice. This morning I found him looking at photos of his ex and his ex with he and his children from a recent graduation which are stored on our computer. I asked him about it and he went crazy and told me to ***** and **** off and pack my **** and move out! A bit of an overeaction I think. Sooo, I'm going to pack now....

me on April 27, 2012:

I found pics of my boyfriend and his ex. I looked at them and I put them back were I found them. He must have realize that I was looking through his photos. He said "honey did you get rid of some of my photos?" I said "NO why would I need to do that?" He said " yes you got rid of photos of me and my old friends." So then I got pissed that he accused me of doing something that I honestly had not done. So the following day I went through the photos and and got rid of them. Now I'm guilty and don't care. Your ex should not have pics of his or her ex. There is no purpose. get rid of the Crap.

birney on January 25, 2012:

I have been living with my boyfriend for the past year. When I moved in he had me burn most everything I had kept from my ex-boyfriends and my ex-husband. However, it took him several months to finally burn a box of old pictures he kept of his ex-girlfriends. He still has many pictures stored on the computer with his last serious girlfriends (which he says he will delete but still hasn't). He has also had me deactivate my fb page and start a new one in which he dictated who i should add. There are times I did just add people...but if he felt they needed to be deleted he would ask me to (or he would do it himself as he has access to all my accounts). He has maintained his fb page since the day he started it and refuses to delete anyone, even after I've asked if he would do the same for me. He is extremely faithful and I know that he is insecure. I try not to be bothered by all of this but I still can't help but feel it is unfair that I have done so much for him, out of respect for him. I've actually told friends that I had to make a choice and i chose my boyfriend over them...I was lucky they understood and remained my friends. He says that he shouldn't have to delete anyone because he can control himself by CHOOSING NOT to contact any of his exes meanwhile I have no such control (according to him) so he made actions he felt necessary to prevent things from going too far with me and those I communicate with. I have tried to be patient with all of this but after a year I'm starting to be bothered. I also don't like the fact that he can still text his last serious girlfriend and says he can't delete her from his contacts list because she is like a "co-worker" (they used to work together doing volunteer things for the community- which they haven't done in a while) but he does reassure me that he always knew he never loved her and never felt anything long-term with her as he does with me. Yet, I'm not allowed to stay in contact with any of my exes even if I gave him the same reassurances. I'm tired of trying to find ways to broach the subject but getting really annoyed that I have to put up with it. I do love him very much, regardless.

Stlrfn on January 17, 2012:

Well, my husband of nearly 3 years hates me for "being insecure" over ALBUMS of other women. Women he lied about being in contact with AFTER we married... Didn't remember to tell anyone on face book he married (till I found out about his Facebook by accident) he has pics of ex wife... They have kids... That doesn't bother me... He actually said he wished he married these other women so he'd be ALLOWED to keep their pics... BEFORE we married, I told him I refused to compete w/ any woman!! Said if he wanted female friends PARTICULARLY Ones he " loved & slept with" DO NOT MARRY ME. He did & just lied about communicating..he. Can't understand why I would feel insecure now?!? I hate him now & don't know how I could ever trust him... He didn't love me enough from the start. He didn't have to marry me... I tried to give him every out to protect myself from this kind of thing. He wanted cake & eat it too... Said doesn't understand what is wrong with ME

christine on January 09, 2012:

I have personally been in this exact situation,, I was happily married for 12 years and have two amazing children. although my marriage ended in divorce we remain very close friends. I was single for 5 years before meeting my current boyfriend. we had to deal with that very same issue, good life is unfair and hard enough on children let alone to be asked to remove pictures of their parent, not only is it a sign of insecurity but also sign of disrespect and insensitivity to the kids I do agree with a previous comment not putting the pictures in the children's room should be a healthy compromise. if that does not work for the other partner this is a relationship that is doomed to fail

Wonering woman on December 26, 2011:

How would u feel if your bf's aunt made a scrapbook for him for christmas and out pics of an ex in it. Yes he has kids with this ex. But pics don't have the child in them. They r just of him and

her. I don't like them in the scrapbook but he refuses to have them removed.

danjor on December 25, 2011:

My situation begins like so many others... Finding a picture of his ex (in my case soon to be ex-wife) and questioning the need to have the picture rather than the existance of the picture itself.

My SO and I have a long history. His parents were friends with mine... Every summer we traveled from wherever my father was stationed (I'm a military brat) and visited family which included his.

We both had feelings for each other, but his somehow grew deeper as he recently claimed. He and I went on his Junior and Senior proms and he carried many memories from our time together - to include keeping pictures from each prom night. As I think of it, his mother kept them on display in her living room and always desired and made proclaimation that we should have married each other.

Seeing that my SO and I never had a steady relationship due to distance etc.... There were many "friends" and a few girlfriends that filled his time and heart as a result. I too had a few crushes and even a few loves, one of which produced two beautiful children, but none of which resulted in marriage. One such love went on to marry a woman with my first and middle name, which I found ironic and oddly flattering.

With respect to my SO, he went on to marry a woman who found herself in this very situation. Although I am not here to write about her account, I find it necessary to provide the backdrop to what now results in my own issue of keeping pictures of the ex... My SO had kept several pictures of me to include those taken at each prom. She found them and tore them to shreds.... However her insecurity was never curbed by the action, as she never felt she had his whole heart. The pictures and those of other women were a catalyst to her fear and subsequent controlling behavior for 16 years of marriage. Although my SO loved her and many good times were shared, the breakdown due to jealousy and insecurity undermined their marriage and resulted in distrust, ill communication, disrespect and disregard. They have separated as a result, yet she is not willing to end their marriage amicably for reasons unkown.

Now the irony here (if you can even call it irony) is that I recently found a picture of his soon to be ex-wife in his wallet. The first siting was on his cell phone which I saw when he was showing me pics of his kids etc. I kindly asked him to delete them and he did. There was no issue, only the desire to keep the relationship in perspective and encourage respect.

Well fastforward to a month or so ago. I was retrieving a card out of his wallet for him and came across a pic of his wife in the flap part of his wallet - not in plain view. It is quite possible that he doesn't see it that often and even forgot it was there, yet removing it was what I felt to be the most respectable thing to do. He said that he would and I trusted in his word. Now does this mean I want him to get rid of every picture of her and the children? By all means no! They are memories and if they bring joy to his heart, the love I have for him has no desire to stand in joys way.

Even further, I actually enjoy the fact that my SO is desirable and that women compliment him all the time. However 16 years of marriage is nothing to regard as insignificant - no matter how badly it may have ended.

Most recently my SO was singing songs about lost love as he bathed in the tub. My gut started to question his behavior and for some reason I was compelled to look in his wallet to see if he got rid of the picture. And he had or so I thought...

What he had actually did was remove the pic from the flap and bury it in a side pocket amongst medical cards.

When I called him on his motive he took the pic and threw it in a drawer. I wasn't satisfied so I asked him to throw in the trash and he did.

What still haunts me is that when I asked him did he "want " to keep the picture he kept saying he didn't "need" it and tried to put the destruction of it on me... I asked again, "Do you WANT the picture?". He responded... "I don't know".

What contradicts this whole scene is that he treats me like I am number one, he's romantic and his actions are often nothing short of honorable.

Peter on December 05, 2011:

I am a guy and I cannot see my gf having photos with EXs. I have told her many times to through these stuff away, but still I find pics and love cards in the storage room. She says those are not important to her. But she still has them. Whenever I see some photos, she puts them away she always says she did not know about that specific one.

I am losing my strong feelings for here… that’s not what I want to do. It is just natural.


iamad on December 04, 2011:

I just broke up with a guy(dated three years) that had a self sketch (partial nude) of one of his x's in his bedroom. I guess he considered it artwork so it was ok. I was trying to be reasonable about it but I had to look at it everytime I was in that bedroom. I had a difficult time with it but never said anything (and he would not have moved it anyway.) Also he never once put up a photo or picture of me. However, I can say that i did not have a photo of him at place either. However I was waiting for him to make the first move on that one.

I am glad I finally ended that relationship. We weren't kids either both in our late 50's. I think it is ok to keep photos of x's in a box somewhere. Once the heartbreak of breaking up with someone is past it is also good to look back on the good memories. Some of the photos are like on trips, with other people, family and so on. So can't expect to throw all that away. When you are lonely, not in a relationship, older fun to pull all that out and remember. May want to show some new friends

one day.

BW on November 29, 2011:

I am married for 3 years. What if not only you find pictures of your husband's ex hidden away, but pornographic photos of her? THAT is what hurt most. I can see keeping greeting cards and face photos but the rest I find to be completely disrespectful.

RBridge on October 24, 2011:

So keep your photos people. And those of you who feel threatened by old photos, you need to realize they are the past, you are the present and if you want to be the future, get over your insecurities and start creating your own memeories together. And to the woman who's mother-in-law keeps a photo of her son and ex on display, did you give her a nicely framed photo of you, her son and any grandchildren to display? Give her a nicely framed photo for every occasion that depict happy times with her family and I am sure she will be very proud to display these photos.

RBridge on October 24, 2011:

I was married for 15 years and have 3 children and am remarried to a man with 2 children (all of which are teens now). When I got divorced, I kept my ex's pictures as they are memories to our children. When my ex passed away last year my daughter made a beautiful picture collage from those photos and displayed it at her dad's funeral. I am so grateful for the kids sake that I had saved all of those photos as it is the only memories now they will have of their dad. So those of you with children, keep that in mind. The collage she made sits in our family room now and my current husband has no problem with it as it is a memorial to my kid's dad. His kids have many pictures on display in our home of them and their mom. (I am not fond of her, but I would never tell them they could not display her photo) We are a family and like it or not, our ex's are part of our children's family. So we include everyone for the kid's sake. If you are mature and adult, you do what is best for the kids, not what is best for you.

jane on October 04, 2011:

i found a pic of my bfs ex in his wallet and he said he forgot it was there. when i asked if he still had feeling foe her he said yes because they got on so well....when i asked if he missed her he said yes as a friend....he says he is scared to talk to her in case i get jealous? (but would like to talk to her). she was declaring her undying love for him a few months ago, until she found out we were together..and my gut feeling is that he still fancies i being paranoid?? oh and he also said if we were not together he would probably be back with her just for the company! on October 01, 2011:

I'm right in the middle of this dilemma. What to do with 21 yrs worth of family photo's? I've decided for the kids sake that I keep, put away, family pictures and some letters their dad wrote to me. I'm doing this so they live their lives knowing that they were wanted and their parents loved each other when they were born. I feel that it the least I can give them, since I can't give them a home with a mother and father.

I personally can't even get to the point of thinking what his girlfriend cares about. I don't give a shit. He's still married. That's her problem and the next and the next ones problem.

Yes I'm mad. I'd love to burn it all and enjoy every minute of it, but I have to think about my kids.

Bonnie on September 23, 2011:

to the ones who's husbands ex wants to take pictures at family events...I know how you feel...My mans ex is just like that and what bothers me is that HE won't speak up and stop it...I don't want to hurt someone feelings either but if it where reversed I would gladly NOT take a pic with my ex..child or no child...It's just an ex's way of hanging on or trying to have some sort of admonition over the new love in his life...

unknown on September 14, 2011:

mine is a little bit different its the mom of my husband keeping photo of her son's displayed one of her shelf on her living room.the picture is together with my husband sister and the ex was takin some years ago.i always felt bad everytime i see it it made me not having a nice feeling to come visit to my mother inlaw's house cus i didn't want to see it its just make me mad and feel bad about them.i got hurt ofourse i have feelings too :-(.. made me think that maybe that was her favorite lover of her son ...

howie on September 14, 2011:

well, i don't care what kind of pictures anybody keeps or displays. being in a relationship with someone doesn't mean you get to control what pictures they keep or display.

My fiancé made me purge pictures of my sons mom, i did it to humor her but now she's my ex fiancé, the demand for me to purge pictures was the first of MANY demands...

i now realize this is an indicator of real boundary issues, so next time a lover makes a request like this i'm heading straight for the door...

jamie on September 05, 2011:

Words can't describe how good it feels to find these postings! I am going through something rather difficult.

My bf who I just moved in with 2 and a half weeks has got me mindf***ed. Just on the first week of being here I decided to use his computer to check online email, family, friends etc. And tell them how I'm doing since I moved 2,000 miles away from home to be with him. So anyways I was on his computer going to get on his webcam to take some cute/sexy pics for him. Then suddenly I stumble upon pictures & videos still in the webcam folder of him and his EX wife! My dropped and I felt so shitty knowing that my bf who I am completely falling for still has this of his EX wife..

It broke my heart because just that morning I had ripped a picture of my EX bf who I was engaged with but then he cheated on me and I couldn't be with him because I couldn't understand how someone can say they love someone yet f*ck someone else?...

He broke my heart and made it so difficult for me to trust, but when I met my bf who I am with now. I felt that I could trust and that things were real and nothing was going to ruin it. Sad thing is I find this after I'm 2,000 miles away from my home/friends/family & I don't know ANYONE here besides him..I have nobody to run to, no one to talk to & I feel like I'm being destroyed mentally inside from this nonsense that shouldn't be happening..

He promised me he was totally over her & that he loves me. So when I confronted him with this he was completely sh*tfaced! Like a guilty person! I felt like I was dying inside, betrayed, mislead, lied to, fooled. Because I don't understand why he wouldn't tell me this beforehand that he had this sh*t? And then the fact that he got all defensive and refused to delete it all. There was a dirty pic of him grabbing her boob?! Now what the hell kind of a memory is that?? It's so disrespectful. It made my views of him change so much..Don't get me wrong I love him, but this sh*t hurts. And I told him fine you keep those lame pictures and videos and when YOU are ready. YOU delete them. And to not do it because of me, I want him to do it because he is DONE with that sh*t. Another thing that gets to me is why does he have to mention her name? Her name irritates me, and it's not jealousy. It's envy because I want him to only think of me and being with me, the person who has done nothing but respect him, care for him, be with him, and love him. I just don't get it. I understand to keep photographic memories because I have memories aswell but I don't mention my EX, nor do I secretly attempt to hide pictures of him. Because he is my ex for a reason & things cant be changed & good things fall apart so that greater things can come into place.

I'm just truly praying he begins to see what I feel & see what I am to him. Because if not I don't know how to fake things & I know I can't be with him if he's going to make me suffer like this for a pathetic memory in the past that f*cked him over so much.

Someone in need of advice on August 25, 2011:

I am looking for some serious advice. More so spiritual advice than any. I saw this site and thought i would give it a try. My wife and I have been married for 2 months now. I will try to keep it brief, but i get long winded sometimes. She has had 4 sexual partners before me. At age 16, she was dating and this was her first. He went away to college and they broke up. She then started dating the (i will refer to him as the "GUY") the GUY. They dated for 2 or so years and never had sex. This GUY was a family friend and the families are still friends and she is too. Keep that in mind for later. They broke up and she dated another man, whom which she had sex with. Then that ended, and she then was having sex with a man who she worked with at a restaurant. During our engagement, we were watching a show...the phrase "F....buddy" was said. She said to me "I had one...", with an embarrassed look on her face and then said "you think i am a s..t don't you" Hard to respond. So we moved on and got over that. And then i find out the shocker...she was drunk and then several times just went to the GUY's house to have sex. She says only a handful of times. I have a really hard time with this. being around, friends, getting his wife a birthday gift, seeing there baby, and just anything to do with him and it mostly stems from this......she just willingly had sex with him no questions is bothersome for me because while we were in our dating and engagement we WERE having sex. 6 months before we were getting married, she told me that she wanted to stop and that she wanted God to be happy with our marriage. and start it of good in God's eyes. I agree, but as human as i am, i just had the thought of "why did all these guys just get to have sex with her" "why is it that i have to be around this GUY who was just looking to get laid" "why am i in this situation". So before judgement or advice is casted on her or me, here's about me. I have been with 2 woman before her. I also was married for 4 years, her being 1 of them. I do not have friendships with either one of the woman and i do not desire it. I know for a fact that my wife is more important to me than anyone of my past relationships would be if i even had a freindship with them now. I know the answer to her quesiton of "would you give her up to be with me?" answer is YES. Well, just this last weekend things really blew up. I'd had enough and seeing and being around the GUY was the "straw that broke the camels back". We have been arguing for days. i have asked her not to bring his name up and not have contact with the GUY and what has happened is that i am "attacking her character" "being her father" "demanding her to obey me" and "unbelievably unreasonable". I don't think that she understands my feelings as she has told me that it is my problem and i need to get it fixed and go see someone for help. I need advice and to I off my rocker? Do I have a resonable feeling? Or am i completely crazy and wrong?

Asian Guy in Houston on July 16, 2011:

I have been involved with my girlfriend for almost 6 years. She has an album full of pictures of her and her exes or by themselves in her bedroom. One afternoon I was over at her place and she was showing me albums of family pictures and I noticed there was one album I asked to see and she was extremely hesitant because they were pictures of her ex boyfriend(s). I insisted on seeing it, and when I did there was some PDA and some other pictures along with her friends with them in a group. I never met anyone who had an album full of their ex boyfriends pics before. From the beginning, we lived and worked together (BIG MISTAKE), while working together, her exes would call work one by one not on a daily basis but at least once a week and she used to stay on the phone with them in front of my face. Rather than jealousy, I found that extremely RUDE. I confronted her about it and she accused me of being "insecure" and "jealous" when plainly, I thought it was disrespectful. Over the years, her exes kept calling her and she kept talking to them for over 10 minutes with me next to her as if there's nothing wrong with that because they're just friends. I have complained and she would bring up to her friends saying I am "jealous" and "insecure", over 3 years of that, I've had it with her and lost interest. We broke up every 2 to 3 weeks for the last 3 years, going back and forth. Today, I told her how much it bothers me and she brought up why I can't get rid of my high school class picture with my ex in it. That's like an yearbook for me with all my friends, my history of high school, how can she compare that to her photo album full of her exes pictures that are non-school related?? We got back together 3 weeks ago and I thought everything's going to fine but it's not. She yelled and said I wasted 6 years of her life where she could have been married and had children. I'm done with this nonsense. She's not going to change. I thought it was a small request but she didn't take it very well. I think at this point, I have to move on.

Emma on July 06, 2011:

How about boyfriend had two very large photos of his ex wife above his bed and this was in a house that he bought subsequent to his divorce.

I have finished with him not just because of the photos but because he was constantly meeting up with the ex behind my back and she refused to have me in her house but invited him round frequently.

sandrajohn201142 on July 03, 2011:

Hi - im going thru the same with my BF. Been together for 3 years, he had an ex whom I found out recently that he still keeps her pictures (nude ones) on his PC, physical pictures in his closet and to make it worse he decided to move a street across from her house. What confuses me is that I was introduced to his family, and we are supposed to get engaged this year.My personal anlaysis is that hes not over her, he still checks her profile regularly and chances are hes also checking her pictures on PC to remember what feeling she gave him.

What am I supposed to do, if I tell him I found the pictures accidently which indeed happaned when he asked me to look for something in his closet, knowing him he'd be so mad, shout, do I handle this? how can a guy be or prtened to be serios about someone or even thinks about getting into a relationship when hes not over his ex? chances are he/or later we will bump into her almost daily since we share the neighborhood, I am not comfortable talking to him and not comfortable moving on in this relationship knowing that he pingponged between me and his ex 7 times before, he eventually left her and claimed he only wants to be friends with her and kept on seeing her for 5 months until they had a big fight and he stopped seeing her?

bigd on June 15, 2011:

Right- I went through my bf's history on his laptop-not snooping-looking for a website I'd been on before. I found that 3 wks ago he viewed videos of a sexual nature of his ex-this then led me to look further and found a hidden file on his laptop full of videos and pics of his exes that he had created when he was with me and then viewed them. His excuse-well he didn't know they were there and just looked at them! He thinks it was wrong of him but just one of those things and everyone would do it! I know I certainly wouldn't. When I met him any videos which are of a sexual nature got deleted. Am I right??? I've got rid of him today cos I can't stand the sight of him and the thought of him watching his ex do what she was doing to him and also what he was doing why he was watching it and why he did! He said he knows he should have deleted them before- 2 yrs ago- but obv hadn't and had no intention to until he's been caught out. Help please....

The Ex-Files on June 12, 2011:

A relationship without trust is like a car with no gas. You can get in but you won't go anywhere. With that said you people really need to look inside yourselves and see why you are insecure. People keep pictures to remind them of the good times they once had in their life and not all relationships have ended on a bad note. Most of you are okay with the fact that your significant othesr are still friends with their exes yet the pictures bother you. I have pictures of my ex and my gf doesn't care for the simple fact I'm with her and not my ex. As much as you want them to not dwell on their past you must do the same because you are intimidatd by a woman/man that has actually done nothing to threaten your relationship. So on that note, unless your partner is doing something suspicious don't worry about it because if you do you'll soon end up as one of those pictures.

S on June 07, 2011:

You folks are crazy. I have pictures of most of my exes. I don't display them except for one group shot of an old band I was in that included an ex. The pic is almost 10 years old. I am not the slightest bit interested in reuniting with any of these people, but they most certainly are a part of my history and the person that I have grown into being. I would take a pic down if my partner requested I do so, but I certainly wouldn't throw it away. Unless your partner obviously has continued feelings, or the photo involves pda, I can't begin to think of a reason you would want someone to erase a part of their life. Show a little self-confidence... appreciate everyone's journey. You are acting like scared little wimps. Oh, and I'm female so don't start calling it a dude problem. Certainly, talk your feelings out honestly like any issue, but I would advise you to be less threatened. It's way hotter than being jealous and demanding.

Bier on May 30, 2011:

I have (i think) a less serious problem, but would like advice.

I just got married two months ago, and many months ago, at the request of my new wife, deleted all the photos i had of my ex gfs (there were only 2 exes). I don’t mean naked pictures, I mean all pictures.

Keep in mind, I have an iPhone, so every picture in my ‘pictures’ folder get copied onto my phone. Thousands of pictures, hard to go through every single one. A few months before we got married, she was on my phone looking at pictures of my dog and found one of my ex (fully dressed) napping with my dog. She made a big deal out of it and an argument ensued. Then, again today, she found a photo from 5 years ago of my ex and I at a park on my phone, i thought I’d erased every pic of her, but had one remaining. She accused me of lying to her about deleting photos and said ‘i don’t know who you are’ she hasn’t answered her phone and it’s been about 8 hours. It’s getting late and I’m worried. what should I do? Is it really that bad?

I should also mention that she still has photos of her ex bf on her computer and I have not asked her to get rid of them. The way I see it, it's part of her past those relationships taught her things, that sequence of events happened in the way that they did so that fate could bring her to me. I don't like the idea that she has pictures, but can accept it. So, why is it such a crime when I missed one or two while purging my history?

Confused on May 20, 2011:

This has all be quite helpful. I have been dating a man for awhile, and he keeps all his pictures on FB. It wouldn't bother me so much if I didn't know she could see all of them. Seems odd that he would send her the message that she could take him back with the snap of her fingers. I am not a game player, and I am honest and open with him. If he still loves her, he should be with her. I love him enough that I truly want him to be happy. The lack of respect he has shown me shows me that he, in deed, doesn't feel the same about me. I basically have two choices: stay and accept how things are or leave. I guess I have a lot of thinking to do.

Sandoo on March 27, 2011:

O.k. glad I found this hub. I seen all the comments,But what about the deceased ex. I had the eight by ten hanging on the front room wall. After 3 yrs finally took it down When my new boyfriend expressed his feelings. I still however have a picture in my wallet. The other day I was showing a friend a pic of my grand baby. She began flipping through all my photos and asks me who's this? When I explained to her it was my ex who had passed away 4 years ago, She offered her un asked for thoughts in front of my boyfriend. Needless to say My boyfriend got upset about the pic. I don't think I should have to get rid of my pic. I feel It's his silly insecurity as a dead man is no threat to him.

Sticky Situation on March 05, 2011:

I friend I worked with introduced me to her son nearly 3 years ago. Her son's wife had left him 6 months prior. He and I instantly connected and starting hanging out. One thing lead to another and we ended up in a committed relationship. To my knowledge, my boyfriend doesn't have any pictures of his ex but the weird thing is that his mother (my friend) still has his weeding photo with her and her deceased husband hanging in her bedroom.

It's bothered me for a long time but I never let on. I felt awkward having to mention it. My boyfriend and I do not officially live together but spend most of our free time together. My issue is that recently my boyfriend's mother brought up the topic and mentioned she thought to take it down and replace it with her own wedding photo but was worried how her son would take it. I awkwardly suggested to ask him.

I overheard her mentioning it to him a few weeks ago when we were visiting and felt relief. I didn't want to eavesdrop, so I focused on the tv while they talked.

A few days ago, we go to his mother's for dinner and I hang my jacket on her coat rack (which is placed in her bedroom) and notice that his wedding photo is still up. I was naturally really disturbed, upset and felt disrespected to the extreme!

When we left, on our way to his place I mentioned I felt uncomfortable about it and he insisted that I am insecure and jealous. That it's a happy memory and his father is in the picture. I'm not suggesting that they get rid of the picture, just take it down. He refused and we argued and he broke up with me. I feel extremely disrespected, hurt, and I believe he's not over his ex. Am I in the wrong here because this seems like common sense to me....

Celeste on February 25, 2011: interesting subject. 1 week ago, my husband found photos of my ex boyfriend who i was with for 7 years on my computer and was really hurt. I didn't even remember I had them on the computer. I deleted them all, but he said he stayed up all night thinking about it, and he said if he saw him he would want to knock him out. He said he just hates seeing another guy with me. My ex cheated on me, and was pretty aweful in the end. I have no feelings for my ex what so ever, but when he found out i was married with a son and am expecting another baby, he drove down to our old neighbour - stalker! nah, but he is with the girl with 3 kids and so fat and ugly. i love my husband and have never been in love with anyone before like with him, but I just want to know from a man's perspective why this would hurt him so much, and why he won't just drop the subject and focus on us?

Krystal on February 22, 2011:


In my opinion, ex's should be the past. And should be left in the past. If you an her are going to get married and love each other than, I think that you should both do what makes each other happy. She should respect you and get rid of those pictures as well as you should not have any pictures either. If I were you, I would tell her that it bothers you a lot. I would mention that it also bothers you that she is friends with her ex-lover. I am a female, and I do not think that it is right to be friends with your ex-mate, not like that (best friends). Talk to her. Do not argue, but tell her how you feel. And if that doesn't work, then do the same thing to her, to show her how you feel. Sometimes, that needs to happen in order for them to realize that they are wrong. I wish you best of luck.

Chris on February 20, 2011:

A while back my hopefully soon to be wife found a couple pics from years ago of my first wife (torn half naked, couldn't see much of anything)... I wasn't holding onto them they were in an old daytimer I found them and was going to throw them away (just not at home) well I forgot she found them... NOT GOOD. So they were thrown away.

I told her that I would for her to do the same if she had any of ex BF's. She made it clear that what she had was in photo albums from trips etc... ok not a big deal I can live with that.

Now she was snooping on me, so my brain got on the track that just maybe she is just maybe hiding something. Well first place I looked it turns out I was correct she had many photos of ex's stashed in a box in plain view in our closet. There were pictures of a guy from Cuba which she was talking to for a few months after meeting on her vacation with the gals, half naked! Also pix of her ex who stole money from her, cheated on her and resulting she got a STD from him!! Why the hell would she keep those!? Also her best friend is an Ex, I only started to be a bit uncomfortable with this months after finding the pictures of them kissing. Last night we got in a fight and well I let the cat out of the bag by putting the pics under her door. Well she freaked!!

She still thinks that it is OK for her to keep them because there memories.... oh ya and her excuse is that she is helping raise my kids.

What are your thoughts on this situation?

Aaron on February 18, 2011:

Don't know how I came across this hub, but very interesting. Not long ago I bumped into my ex and her boyfriend of 6 months (we spilt 5 years ago). We got on well and I went back to theirs for a couple of drinks. I noticed she/(they!) had 7 or 8 photos of me hanging on the living room wall. At the time I didn't think much of it, but now, after being reminded by this site - I think keeping pictures of your ex on display (especially when you've a new partner), a tad unhealthy (it gives me the heebie jeebies knowing they're there!).

Sheila on January 27, 2011:

She is nuts and what's gonna happen when they break up? All those wonderful memories of his love will be gone. I lost my fiancé 4 months ago. On the day I found out I was pregnant with our first and our only child. It tears me apart to think of ever letting those pictures go. I am madly in love with him and I am very young so to say I will be alone for the rest of my life is unreasonable. When the time comes I will make some concessions like putting them away in a box or all in my son's room. I was not broken up that love never goes away I'm not sure anything you find after will compare. There will always be this big cloud of broken hopes and dreams for me. Being that in love I know he died feeling that way. I will die feeling that way about him no matter who may come after. I only have these photos and videos left, he can never take another with me. They are priceless. I would talk your brother into evaluating what kind of girl he's with. She's not being repectful of what he lost. I can bet a million his late gf would never have asked that of him. Your right about talking to your partner. Its may be a trust issue in some cases but what threat is a person who can't ever come back? The only thing I do wonder about is what am I supposed to do with the more intimate photos/videos?

Sheila on January 22, 2011:

Oops!! Anyways, He loves this new girl and has done everything she asks of him--get rid of it all, don't talk about her, don't be friends with any of her friends and family. I'm sure the new control freak girlfriend will move on to something else once he has complied with all these things, and eventually she will be gone and he will be left with no memories of his dead fiancée and no girlfriend. She's crazy. I am married and my husband has an envelope of pictures from his previous marriage. He also has a photo collage of his daughter and his ex hanging in his daughter's room. This is a comfort thing for the daughter when she comes to stay with us--she misses her Mommy--understandable. She also has a picture of her Daddy at her Mommy's house to remember Daddy by when she's at home. Totally reasonable. Am I jealous of an envelope full of photos from his past taken before he even met me?? Of course not--that's silly. They are pictures. He loves me and made a commitment to be with me. We have been married for 10 years and have 2 wonderful children together, as well as a wonderful (step) daughter. Get over your partner's pasts I say--it was a time before you, it has nothing to do with you. He has chosen to be with you now, so live your life forward from this point. Don't begrudge him a few pictures and memories from his past. I also have photo albums of pictures, of which I'm sure have ex boyfriends in them.... does this bother my husband? Not at all. We have no secrets--if he asks me who this is in the picture--I tell him. Straight up. Because I have a picture of an old boyfriend does that make me more likely to run off and have an affair with him--doubtful. I'm married and happy. They are ex's for a reason. Keep your pictures folks.

Sheila on January 22, 2011:

I have a friend who was engaged to a girl who passed away tragically 5 years ago. He has had a hard time of it over the past few years, obviously--this was not a break up, rather something that he never wanted to have happen in a million years. He has found a new love and I am happy for him. She destroyed pictures of his deceased fiancée and destroyed furniture and property that used to belong to her. She insisted that he drop all family and friends of his dead fiancée off Facebook (they are hurt and confused because they felt there would always be a bond between them). She found pictures on his computer of his dead fiancée and deleated them. I think she's nuts. He has a past. She will never be a part of that time period. He should be able to remember someone that he loved. He is allowed to have a picture of his brother who died when he was a boy hanging on the living room wall, just not the dead fiancée. Don't get me wrong--he doesn't wave these pictures in her face or anything and they certainly arent hanging on the walls, but I know he might enjoy a picture to remember her by. There are 6 friends that come over to his house and from time to time a memory or story may come up that involves his dead fiancee--we are not allowed to talk about her at all. Ever. Again--

krosen12 on January 11, 2011:

I am in a bind. My boyfriend and his ex broke up more than 5 years ago- his ex is now remarried. I am not threatened by their relationship, but sometimes curious since he rarely talks about it. We have been dating almost a year and have a wonderful relationship. However, recently my boyfriend left two huge cd cases which are filled with dvds at my house. While searching for a dvd to watch, I found one dvd with my boyfriend and his ex's name on it. I was too tempted not to check it out. So I watched it. There was nothing bad on it, just some footage of them on vacation, but I feel like I did something bad by looking at it without his permission. Do I tell him I watched it? or is this something I should just keep to myself? I don't want him to lose trust in me. I wish I never saw it.

Mary on December 29, 2010:

Ok, so i understand that a man is going to have a relationship of some sort with his ex wife if children are involved. I'm ok with that. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years and living together for 2. We have been through plenty of ups and downs but the recent one involved having a picture of his ex wife in his phone that was sent to him by her!!! His daughter was going through pictures and ran up to me to show me one of her mom at work and of her new born baby brother. The mother remarried but her parents kicked her husband out less than a year later! Thats her situation...Anyway, when i comfronted him about it in private, he gave me the lame (5yr olds) excuse of "I don't know why I kept it"! Im at a standstill and love him to death, but I don't think i was wrong in this situation. I didn't even ask him to delete it cuz it was in his phone, he did anyway. What reason is there to keep an ex's picture after more than a year of seperation??????

Lanna on December 06, 2010:

My ex and I broke up 2 years ago because I had moved out of town. He knew this going into the relationship that it was most likely temporary. However, recently I visited my home town and decided to contact him to see how he was doing, and found out that he still has pictures and videos of us.

He claims he has no feelings for me and has moved on, and I the same. However, I can't help but wonder why he still keeps them. I also wonder if he has showed these pictures off to others, although I don't think he is that type of person.

fri on November 29, 2010:

welll my bf of 2 years keeps items,photos ,phone numbers ,facebook contacts etc of his exes.

Is is normal?

i have not had many serious relations before him but i would never do what he does,

I don't want to be reminded of my old partners ,100% devotion to the one i love

Sly on November 28, 2010:

Hey jj

I hope someday you fall head overhills in love with someone and they keep hot sexy pics of their ex and I hope it haunts you! You clearly have never been in true love and are cold and heartless! You make me sick!

Lorie on November 18, 2010:

What is your take on ex wife after being divorced 25 years ago posting on facebook pictures of her old wedding pictures with my husband I've been with for 7 years! I feel this is total disrespect! Not sure why anyone would do this! This bothers me alot! She's the mother of his grown adult son! But Wedding Pictures! I think she did this to cause us problems! What do you think?

Lisa on November 11, 2010:

I don't know what to do. My boyfriend says he does not want to share a shelf with my exes. He thinks any picture with an ex in it should be destroyed. I hate to give up my memories. I have wonderful family videos with grand parents who have passed away, etc. How can I throw that away? It's like denying my life before I met him. I tried putting them in a box out of site but that is not good enough. I mentioned pawning them off to family members and he doesn't like that idea either. I think if I do this, what will be next?

Sarah on October 25, 2010:

I have just found out that my b/f of 6mths has asked his brothers g/f, (who happens to be his ex' best mate), to get some pics off his ex for him... He did tell me about them and showed them to me... But I wondered why he would want them, as they split up over two years ago! When I asked him about it, he said he just wants pics to remember that time of his life, then got shirty and said that I was being moody and jealous! Is this a warning sign? As I now feel I can't tell him anything what bothers me, for him to just dismiss it and almost try and turn the tables on me, saying it was me just being moody about it!

Heren There on October 23, 2010:

My husband still keep his ex pics.From my point of view why should keep it it is the past.He title one of his exs pics my true love.I came across the pics by accident.They contact each other lately without me knowing it.His ex send more cute pics and tell him she still love him.His ex is still married to her husband and they lived together while she is still married to her husband?Sometimes i want to let him go nomatter how much i Love him.

sp on August 26, 2010:

My BF keeps pics of his late wife and family in boxes, that's ok. But several months ago I found a little box in his closet with a pic of his EX wife, cute pic with xo's and luv u 4-ever. I got a little crushed recently when looking for a file I discovered that picture and another of the 2 of them hidden in an unmarked file. Kindof like hiding it ... makes me wonder what else he is hiding. I agree, I think they are still not over what was lost and they don't realize they divorced 4 a reason. The ex is the past I am the present, luv me or let me go.

Jealous on August 20, 2010:

I hate my partners pic of his ex. They have one child together and I cant stand the pics of them all together. I even found some pics of my b/f and his ex kissing. I have gone through his pics and thrown lots away of him and her, none of the kid cos I appreciate that is his childhood however, photos of my b/f and the ex do not need to be kept. I haven't told him that I have done this and sometimes feel guilty but then I think, it shouldn't matter. I am pregnant with his child now and what matters is our relationship now, not old pics of his ex. If I found anymore I would throw them away too!

Jedink on August 19, 2010:

I think It lies in the grey area. We can not determine that it is only as a matter of the past. If there is a suspicious behaviour around that, it should be a big problem. No one know about someone feeling toward others accurately. Talk to your partner. Try to trust your partner, but you should listen to your instict.

I don't keep pics of my exes. What for? my brain memory is much wider than pics themselves. I prefer to keep them by myself, not to be seen by other people, especially by new partners. What is over,is over.

Before I got married with my husband, ex factor has never been discussed by us, since I thought both of us already free from our relationship more than one year. At our early datings I saw there were several pictures hanging at wall in his appartment, I never asked who she was, although I thought she must be his ex. But at that time, I did not really care. We were just dating several weeks, nothing compared to his relationship with his ex for 5 years.

We were together 5 years (4 years of them by long distance relationship)before we got married. After getting married I felt suddenly so uncomfortable with the reality that the traces of his ex could still be found in our current appartement (not the one they ever shared when they lived together). One day, I was looking for something in our drawer in our sleeping room, I was so schocked, because I found there were still bunches of pictures of his last ex and her old love letters to my husband. I talked to my husband that it shocked me, and somehow It hurt me.He said it was only his past, he said that he loves me, he even not thinks about her again.I understand it is his past, I should respect him. Since my husband keeps everything from old time, so I thought, it should not be problem, that he keeps old foresake from his previous relationships. I tried to accept it. Until one day, I found her picture again in other drawer in our desk,as I was looking for home stationary.I could not deal with it. I feel she has been haunting us. To hell no, the pictures were not kept in a box that are away from my side. But yes, he has also a box of old things.

As I have been feeling uncomfortable for several month, I talked again with my husband. He finally threw almost of pictures upon his own initiative (I can tolerate the group picture)and the love letters.

For the pictures of his other exes, I am okay.

Ana on June 08, 2010:

It's understandable how it would make people feel but the thing that makes the most sense about keeping pics of the past are that it is what makes a person who they are today. Look at it this way, say one day you suffer from a stroke, disease or are involoved in any accident for that matter. If you suffer memory loss, you will be able to look through those pictures and remember who you are and what you have become. Pictures and memories are the only thing that make somebody who they are, so what happens if you lose your memory, what then?

mee on June 05, 2010:

my g/f has scrapbooks of ex's and it kills me!i just don't get it...i try not to think about it but i cant take it...maybe i should move on...i don't want to waste my time on someone whos not all in.

laura on June 01, 2010:

my boyfriend has pictures of his children absolutely everywhere. one is on a display unit that doubles up a photo album. there is also a cupboard that i'm 'not supposed to look in' as it has lots of 'scary stuff from the house' that he shared with ex wife. i haven't sneaked in their for fear of being caught, but i recently had a flick through the 'album' and saw one photo of the 2 of them with the kids. i assume it's the ex as i've never met her. i get jealous anyway, and this has made it worse. why not throw away such photos, and what else has he held onto? i don't feel able to bring it up and am so unreasonably(?) jealous that i'm thinking of ending it. i don't want to always feel this way, and have no idea how to resolve it. i admire everyone here for sticking with their partners.

rachael on May 09, 2010:

I have been having issues about photos of ex- girlfriends. I accept that we all have a past. My husband of just under a year was my highschool sweetheart 20 years ago. When we got back together 2 years ago he toldme he stillhad an issue with my boyfriend after him when I was 18. I was kindof shockedbut accepted that and killed all contact even tho he was a short term relationship that ended in friendship. I have no photos of ex partners except the father of my children who passed away when they were young and ofcourse is not a threat. HE on the otherhand has kept all intimatephotos and letters of his ex-girlfriends that I don't search for but are just in everything! When I go to find our old photos or sort out boxes they are there! And it really hurts! I have given him cards with meaning.. pictures and they are nowhere to be found??? that's what hurts the most.I have considered throwing them out but the guilt gets to me... Am I wrong in wanting to bring it up with him? He still has quiet contact with some of them:-(

jenny on May 08, 2010:

My husband was telling a friend about an old hat he used to wear. I said I wish we had a picture to show him because it needs to be seen to be appreciated. A few minutes later my husband goes to the closet, takes out the laptop case, and takes a picture of him and his ex-fiancee out of the front flap??? It was in there along with his airline tickets from a business trip he went on a few summers ago. He says he doesn't know why it is in there, yet he knew it was there... He says I'm jealous and should be past this in our relationship and got really mad and went to bed. I just want to know how he knew it was in there if he claims to not know why it was in there. Am I wrong to wonder about this???

loppy on April 28, 2010:


Every man Ive had a serious relationship with has gone back to an ex.... EVERY MAN... so I obviously have insecurity about the ex thing.

My current boyfriend is the type that keeps hold of pictures of his ex has them on his facebook account and most are in easy reach, sometimes he gets a phonecall or a text for him to go and help them with something. I am the type that removes them completely from my life, an ex for a reason indeed. In my opinion neither is right or wrong as people are different some people keep hold of things and some people don't, some people keep in contact with ex's and would never go back to them, some people don't, what I think is important is the respect between a couple. Okay... but now getting down to me specifically... I cant cope at all with him being within such easy reach... I know logically it doesn't make a difference, if he wanted to leave he would, if he wanted an ex he would go and get them if he was in contact at present or not, but at the moment I feel ill because of it. I've told him how it makes me feel and the reasons why. He just says that hes different to me which I agree with and then he does nothing, which doesn't help me feel like a couple, if there was a suggestion of compromise it would help but no nothing, he says that I shouldn't ask him to get rid of them, as he needs to keep hold of who he is. As if I am trying to control him... which I'm not! I just feel sick about it all.

Jenny on March 25, 2010:

I say get ride of them, the past is the past. Photos of "old loves" are hurtful...our memories we carry in our hearts and if you have old pics to look at...old memories are going to invaid the new ones. When you want to spend the rest of ur live with "the 'ove od ur Live" what need is there for old pics? I say most Men are LAZY when it comes to saying Goodbye to their EGO.

A Male Perspective on January 18, 2010:

In this instance, seeing that children are involved; keeping photos of the mother is acceptable only if they are placed in the kid's bedroom or another common area.

I think it is not a basis of jealousy, or insecurity but, more so common respect for your current mate.

It is uncomfortable for a current companion to see photos of someone you had an intimate relationship with in the past. It is simply human nature for such feelings to arise.

Having experience this first hand, a number of issues can result. I think as most have stated, the best solution is to simply get rid of any reminders.

Adobe on December 20, 2009:

Oh my life.....This topic hurts me a lto.I have been down that road...and its not nice..Belive me!

Disturbia on November 25, 2009:

I say toss it out. Why hang on to all that old stuff anyway? After all, isn't the ex an ex for a reason?

I put up with my husband's collection of old "keepsakes" because he said he was the sentimental type and these were his memories of his life.

However, when I found a very provocative 20 year old love letter dated two months before his second daughter was born, I immediately threw it into the trash without even asking or telling him about it.

Sentimantal or not, I draw the line when it comes to him keeping mementoes of cheating on his then pregnant wife.

Susan on November 09, 2009:

My husband has a large collection of DVDs (maybe 100 or so)and pictures (100s) graphically depicting sex life with his former wives. He has viewed these on his computer or television almost every day throughout the 10 years we have been together. Whenever I have expressed to him how hurtful this is to me he denies my feelings and says I am nuts. I have to agree, I am nuts that it took me ten years to call it quits.

Sienna on October 27, 2009:

I've been dating someone for about 8 mths and he still has pictures of his ex displayed in his apartment. They broke up a month or so before we met and started dating so when I saw her picture up, I felt I couldn't say too much because not much time had passed since the final end of their relationship. Not to mention that to my knowledge he has been completely honest about the circumstances of their break-up, that they are still friends and do talk on occasion. So after we officially became a couple ( a few weeks ago) I let him know that seeing the photos of her makes me feel uncomfortable and makes it difficult for me to feel like he is focused on us. He said he understood but when I went to his place a week later, the pictures are still there. By no means do I expect him to destroy any memories...I guess it just makes me feel lousy when I tell him how it makes me feel and they are still there.

destiny on October 25, 2009:

I got divoreced 4 years ago and made sure I had no remaining pictures of my ex. The pictures I have with my daughter I kept and gave him the pics of him and the ones of him and my daughter together. But my fiancée now of 2 years still had pics of his ex who he has a child with and he hasn't removed them. I saw some videos of him having sex with his ex and also cyber sex with some other girl. I then phoned him up to question these things and he explained it was before he met me. but still it bothers me why he still kept those tapes! plus im pregnant with this guy and I have kicked him out! I don't trust him anymore.

Marissa on September 14, 2009:

My boyfriend was married for 22 years and had 3 kids, and his wife walked out on him. Initially she kicked him out of the house and he had to stay in a rented room for 6 weeks till he found her a house to stay in. So now after being separated for a year he met me, and 1.5 years on he asked me to move in with him, and before when I used to visit for short period of time, the way things were in the house bothered me but not as much as they do now I am living here with him. There is a birthday calendar in the toilet with her writing on it, and also just the general layout of the house is the exact same way that it was when he and his ex had a home together, the only difference is that she isn't there anymore, and there are no photos of her except in the kids bedrooms. I asked him today if I can make some changes to the house, put some new pictures of us up, also to make me feel more like I have a connection to the home.But he said no, and to wait till we have bought a new house together.

Because now I feel as if I am living in another womans shadow. I just feel really hurt and confused, because he is always willing to talk about the future and making a new life with me, but he wants to leave this house this way till he can sell it, as he has put it onto the market. But with the recession and the way things are, it will be another 2 years minimum till he sells this house. I don't know what to think and do anymore, its also the same story with his divorce, he's waiting for his wife to sign the papers, he gave her the papers a year ago now?!!!! Any advise is welcome!!!!!!

jane on September 12, 2009:

sorry , i meant SEX VIDEOS OF HIS WILD TIME with his girl frens.

Jane on September 12, 2009:

im married for about 2 mths now, my husband used to be a very wild person, who have sex a lot with his "frens".

i was a virgin and i gave it all to him on our wedding night.

we've been quarelling a lot, cause i found out tht he cheated on me before our engagment when he promised he wouldn't.

then recently, i found out a folder, full of porn ( which he deleted in front of me) and also sec videos of him and his girl frens.

what does it mean by tat? why does he still keep all those videos? now he do not allow me to touch his laptop anymore. so there is no way i can find out if he still keeps those pics and videos or not.

Michelle on September 10, 2009:

Peri, there are lots of reasons people keep pictures of their exes. I have pictures of my exes in a box in the closet, because I keep lots of photos from my past. I don't throw out pictures of dead relatives or pets, and exes are still a part of my past. I still cringe when I see them by accident, but maybe that's a good thing.

Your sexless marriage probably has nothing to do with the photos you found. There are lots of reasons people stop having sex, usually do to intimacy and communication.

Ann, how can you be married for two years but only living with your husband for a couple of months? It sounds like you have a lot more to worry about than a few photos or videos!

peri on September 01, 2009:

I found three framed photos of my husbands ex in a drawer in his desk at work. What does that mean. THey have been divorced for ten years. He says he hates her but I am feeling like he is still attached to her. By the way we have only been married two years and he will rarely have sex with me. They are not having an affair.

Ann on August 18, 2009:

I am married for 2 years now, I started living with my Husband for a couple months now. I saw pics, accessories and video tape with my husband and his wife. I am very envious. I don't want to see these things in my sight, If my husband loves me and wants to make me happy, them he should get rid of these things from his pass, because I am his present.

Jolie on August 09, 2009:

I had similar issues with my partner. He had been split from this girl for three years when we met, and when we eventually got together he still had all her pictures/postcards etc. I didn't bother me for a good 8 months, until I thought about the fact that I'd lost my virginity to him with her face tacked to the wall behind me.

Enough was enough, so I questioned why he kept them. His answer was that he couldn't be bothered to throw them out - I mean c'mon. Blu-tacked to a wall? All you've got to do is pull it off! Anyway, I explained that it was making me uncomfortable as we had been together for a while and they had been split for such a long time and he agreed to remove them with no problems.

A few months later I found that he kept some of it, and that's when I lost my cool. Deliberately deceiving your partner isn't really my idea of fun.

It's been roughly two years since then and it still makes me angry sometimes to think of it. Personally, if my ex kept stuff from me I would be freaked out - in fact I'd probably demand that he removed them.

I'm the kind of person who doesn't believe in clinging, which is what I think holding onto those kinds of items is. I don't think it's emotionally healthy, as well as a waste of time. It's called the trash.

Rosie on August 04, 2009:

God I am so proud of my boyfriend after reading all these stories

Awesomeness on July 27, 2009:

Before I discovered these photos, we've been engaged for about a year. We stayed with his parents for 3 months, then one day he was at work, and I had this itch to look through his photo albums. Which he has showed me before. Hoping I wouldn't discover anything more than just an album of his high school gf's, in a separate compartment there was a zipper bag of more photos. Nosy me, went through them all. For some odd reason, I felt betrayal. As if hoping that he would already ditch these things in the midst of being serious with me. I can see how it shouldn't bother me, but it did tremendously. At the time I was already 6 months pregnant. It was almost as if he was collecting pictures. They were pictures of them attempting to be cute, with messages on the back, each saying "I love you" etc. He was engaged a few years prior to us, and he kept his promise ring from her, along with her pictures and notes. I think I hurt so much because I didn't want to imagine any other woman in love with my fiancé. But that's inevitable now a days. Also, considering the fact that these woman did him wrong, either cheated, broke his heart, or used him for money, it is odd that he would keep their pictures. He says he has them kept away, and he doesn't go back in the drawer. Personally, when I break up with someone I rid all their things, only to rid the memories I had with them. When I asked him why he kept his promise ring and pictures of his exes piled up like a collection, he said throw them away. Obviously I did. However, a huge part of me would rather have him throw them away. It's apparent that if he wanted them discarded he would have done so himself. Also his parents keep his prom pictures up in the living room, where he's holding hands with other woman. I don't know if I should say something about that, I haven't yet, but it seriously bothers me every time I go over there. She has pictures of our son up, and her family. Is it just me, or is it wrong that she has pictures of 2 different woman all over him.

brown on June 15, 2009:

My husband of seventeen years has an ex wife who insist on taking pictures with just him and their children at family events. What do you think?

Lu on April 16, 2009:

I have moved in with my boyfriend of three years, and he has finally agreed to take down his ex-wife's pictures from our bedroom walls. However, he carries pictures of his ex-wife in his lunch box every day and shows them to fellow employees, etc. He has a few pictures of me, but they keep ending up at the bottom of the stack. He did have his ex's pictures displayed in the visor of his car, and I had to look at them whenever I rode in his car. I don't mind his keeping pictures of his ex, but I don't think it's right for him to carry them with him at all times - he even carries more pictures of his ex than he does of me. I told him the pictures belong in a photo album - not in his lunch box, pockets, or visor. What do you think?

Vanessa on April 14, 2009:

I am so glad I found this Hub!

I am having this issue right now with my fiancé, his mother has kept a box with all his old school stuff. It has love letters, pictures, grades, the box is just full. So, I decided, with him sitting right here, I would go through it, as we went to Junior Kindergarten together when we were 5. So, I began to go through it, and I found pictures of him with his ex's, love notes, a love book, and other love notes from random ex's as well. I have no idea how his mother go this stuff, but she did.

So, I don't want the pictures or love notes/book in our house, and told him I was throwing it out. He started to freak out, and say it was from HIS mother, and this was HIS past.. and got really defensive. What makes this story even more frustrating, is that I was married before, and HAD to get rid of ALL my wedding photos and everything to do with him.

So, I have asked him why he didn't want me to throw this stuff out, and it I wanted to because it bothered me, he has a life with me and 2 children, why is he hooked on keeping these pictures?

I already have trust issues, and he does not help by doing this. I need to be reassurred, and him keeping these pictures and he wont tell me why, makes me wonder. He gets so angry and defensive which is a HUGE red flag.. I just don't know what else to do.

jj on April 02, 2009:

How Pathetic, they are exes for a reason! if someone has chose to be with you then why are you all worrying about a little photograph, photos represent the past and of course people have exes in the past,

IF someone wanted to be with there ex still they would be with them simple! a photo is a photo it cannot come alive!! so all get over yourselves, and to the girl who threw out the photo's, thats just spitefull and you have issues!! thats throwing away someones memories! i hope someone does something like that to you one day!

Feerless on March 25, 2009:

The guy I used to date and I had a fight over he still had the photos of his ex. During the fight he got up and told me he went to get rid of them and I believed him. Sometimes later, I checked the draw accidently and found all the photos still there. He was just removed them from one draw to another and thought that I would not find out. I dumped all of them in the dumpster and felt really good after that. Of course how can I marry a LIAR so I broke up with him soon after that.

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