Pastor of Iglesia Conexiones (Conexiones Church) in Jessup, MD. B.A. in Bible, B.S. English Ed., M.S. in Educational Leadership. Author.
If you are about to enter into a serious relationship, whethr you are dating or gettig married, I think it is important that you take time to reflect about your loved one's sexual life before you. Do yoou know what things were really like? How will their past affect youor life and your relationship with him/her?
What does the Bible say about sexual relationships outside marriage?
"Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband." (1 Corinthians 7:1-2, KJV)
The church at Corinth had asked the Apostle Paul about celibacy. He replied to them that celibacy is an acceptable lifestyle before God, but he also advised them to marry to avoid committing fornication. Having sex outside mongamous and heterosexual marriage is not acceptable before God.
God expects a man and a woman to enter into a lifelong covenant to love and support each other exclusively throughout their lives before they have sex with each other. This covenant is called marriage.
As followers of Jesus Christ we need to understand that we are morally bound to obey God since He has made us free from sin so we can lead holy lives for Him (see Romans 6:11). Nevertheless, believers often find it difficult to resist the temptation to fornicate. Our bodies crave for sex, and many times our wills are not strong enough for us to resist the temptations that come our way. Consequently, when we are about to enter a relationship, we need to do our best to understand what we are getting ourselves into,
Thinking about Your Partner's Past
“And if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed, and lie with her, he shall surely endow her to be his wife. If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins.” (Exodus 22:16-17, KJV)
If you find out your partner was promiscuous, living in fornication, or was preivously married, you should seriously consider the following questions:
- Why did your partner’s previous relationship(s) fail?
- Why was your partner not emotionally attached to the person before you?
- How can you be sure your partner will not abandon the relationship with you?
- Did your partner take in consideration his previous lovers’ feelings, or did he disregard them?
- Was your partner faithful to his previous lover?
Children, STDs, and Feelings
Apart from making sure your partner is having a healthy relationship with God, there are some very practical reasons why you should find out about your potential partner’s sexual life prior to meeting you.
First, consider whether your potential partner has any children already. A woman who is about to enter into a relationship with a man who has been sexually active should find out whether he has fathered any children already. If he has, it is possible that someday he will want to spend time with them. Are you going to allow that, or are you goint to interfere in his relationship with them?
Moreover, if he has children already, he may be obligated to help them financially, especially if the mother of the children takes their dad (your loved one) to court. So the issue of children is one that can affect your marriage for as long as it lasts. Are you prepared for that? And how will you get along with his children?
STDs are also a factor to consider when dating someone. Not everyone uses protection consistently and correctly, sometimes condoms tear, and there are also STDs that condoms cannot prevent because they are transmitted by skin-to-skin contact (of course, STDs are alos transmitted in many other ways, including using shared needles).
A factor with STD’s is also that not only do you need to take in consideration the habits and health of your partner, but also the habits and health of your partner’s previous partner(s).
Finally, there is another factor that you should also consider before entering into a relationship with someone with who was sexually active before meeting you: how does he feel about those with whom he/she had sex? Does your partner still have feelings for them? Do they still have feelings for your partner? Are they still friends? Is there a chance that they will be tempted to renew their relationship again?
What To Do?
As you and your loved one become closer to each other, you should have open conversations about your previous sexual activities so you can take time to evaluate whether you want to move forward with the relationship.
Keep in mind, however, that dating a person is not like buying a car. A car loses value depending on how many miles it has gone and on how many accidents it has had; but a person does not lose value.
I say this because regardless of their past, the person with whom you are now may very well be a real catch and God’s will for your life if they repent of their sins and set things right in their lives. You may just need to know what to expect in the relationshp, what to watch for, and how to help them.
Questions For Reflection
- What do you think is the best way to find out about your partner's previous sexual life?
- What do you think are the most important issues to consider when pursuing a relationship with someone who was previously sexually active?
- Did you or your loved one have sex before your current relationship?
- How can you know that your loved one will be faithful to you?
© 2016 Marcelo Carcach