Should Men Share Chores With Their Wives
The household chores consists of cooking, washing clothes, cleaning, grocery shopping, doing the dishes and the others that need to be done every day in the home. Many times we hear women complain about men not helping out with any of the domestic chores and such men are classified as wicked and insensitive. What do you think about the division of housework between married couple?
Running a household is a tedious job especially if the woman works. When some wives think about the tasks generally fall on their shoulders, they sometimes want to scream. Why am I the one who is in charge of the laundry, the bills, the cooking, the housecleaning, the grocery shopping, and the kids’ activities?
Many couples come into marriage with their preconceived ideas about the duties of a husband and a wife. Most husbands definitely don’t picture themselves vacuuming floors and changing diapers. Cultures vary on a number of issues involving what the husband’s role in the family should be. In the past men were sole earners, while women worked at home.
If your husband is the sole breadwinner in the family, you can take the major part of running the home front. He can be more effective in his job if he is supported by a well ran home. If the woman stays at home while the man goes out to work, then the woman’s job should be at home.
But as more women went into the office, men did more of the chores and child cares. However, men are still the primary breadwinners in most homes. Despite the dramatic changes in gender norms in the last few decades, there is one domain where men have steadfastly refused to make tremendous gains: chores However, a study has proved as stated below:
- There's less and less housework to do: The amount of housework has declined by 23 percent in the last half century, according to the American Time Use Survey, which is the gold standard for measuring how we spend our days. Some of this decline might be dirtier houses. Much of it is new technologies, like better washer dryers and vacuums that save time.
- Men do more of it than they used to: They've more than doubled their share of housework since the 1960s.
- But women still do most of it: 18 hours a week for mothers vs. 10 hours a week for fathers in the 2011 ATUS. (Source: Yes, Men Should Do More Housework by Derek Thompson, December 10, 2013).
Amelia Earhart wrote, “Marriage is a mutual responsibility and I cannot see why husbands shouldn’t share in the responsibility of the home.”
Josephine queried, “What is wrong with your helping me around the house? You act like a husband should not do anything around the house. Before we married you helped me wash dishes when we had supper at our house.”
“Either I work to support the family and you do the housework or I do the housework and you go out to work to support us. Men are conditioned to work outside and bring home a paycheck and women are to be at home and do housework,” Paul retorted.
Paul is a workaholic who has little time left for his wife. Joan works part-time. Paul acknowledged that Joan was a good mother, good housekeeper and an excellent cook but there was simply no affection coming from her. “I work my hands to bones and there is simply no appreciation,” he complained.
While Joan complained, that Paul does nothing to help in the house and had no time for her. Though she accepted, he is a good provider. “I have a dream that women will one day be married to the men who will do exactly 50% of the household chores without complaining at all if they both go out and work evenly, or not necessarily 50% but the fair share of the housework as long as their partners approve it and are satisfied,” Joan said.
“Men should not be made to do household chores like cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes or taking care of babies because when it snows, we shovel it off the sidewalk and we mow the lawn and when there’s something that needs fixing, we fix it,” John said.
While Chika said, “My responsibility as the head of the family is to provide for the family regardless of whatever my wife earn in her office; it is my duty to spend time to think about how to ensure that the family as a whole moves forward. As Africans, domestic chores are meant to be a woman's duty which she does with pride, teaching her daughters also. Growing up, I can't remember seeing my father wash dishes, sweep or wash clothes; the guy spent his time providing for the family to the point of ensuring that my mother does not have anything to do with providing for anyone.”
Couples must figure out who does what in the home. The important thing is for you and your husband to have a mutual understanding of one another’s roles as you work through the responsibilities of your household together. At times when you are both relaxed and comfortable, dutifully discuss what a healthy balance of responsibilities would be in your home. Decide what each of you can do to support your marriage and the proper running of your household. Work together to divide chores as best as you can.
Helping your wife with house chores not only gives the husband greater insight into the problems of maintaining a house but also gives his wife the reassurance that their home is of mutual interest and concern.
After the two of you have determined what is right, reasonable, and fair for both of you to do around the home, the women should set in their mind that they would always do more than their fair share. It’s best that both men and women do the housework. If the man can do household chores, he will have a much happier and healthier and more satisfied wife. The reward, will be a well-kept home and a happy family. Be faithful to keep up with your responsibilities and do your part to make the household run smoothly.
If both of you are employed, you will have to work harder to find a healthy and agreeable balance between you. Both of you have to compromise. Consider each other’s time and workload at the place of work because both of you have different levels of responsibilities outside the home.
Couples with an equal sharing of the housework can produce more stability in their marriage and less conflict or resentment. Men also benefit from equal partnership because they can get more openness from their wives and they can feel relaxed about their relationship and reduce stress. In case his wife isn’t around or falls sick in bed, if her husband has been used to doing the housework, he can pitch in and take over the control without turning the house into a disaster. If you have more money than time, hire someone else to do some chores, so that your time and energy can go into activities that you need to do yourself.
When dividing domestic chores, also take into consideration the unique gifts, abilities, and talents each of you possess. Your husband may be a wonderful decorator, both inside the house and out in the garden. He may be gifted at it and he loves gardening, and lawn maintenance. On the other hand, you can handle the bills, do laundry, and handle household maintenance.
Every couple’s situation is different which means the division of labor in the household responsibilities will be different. Some husbands mow the grass when time permits, rake the leaves, vacuum the floor, and carry garbage out while their wives are in charge of cooking, washing dishes, and other household maintenance. Now it becomes a shared responsibility and the wives will feel relieved.
Every reasonable mother must cook for her children but at times it is not possible. Then the husband can help. Go to the market and prepare a meal if you wife is ill or she is busy or away. The children will never forget the day daddy cooked for everybody and these memories will stay with them for life. They will in turn tell their own children stories of how their father cooked and how he loved them. Your sons will equally emulate your exemplary behavior when they eventually grow up and become married.
Women now go to work; most of them are managers in their offices and directors. By the time they get home, they need to rest and their husbands can help them, to be quickly through with the chores so that they can turn in early to rest for the next day’s work. The more men do around the house, the happier their wives are, and the happier women are, the more they want to co-operate and help their spouses. Analysts say that the happier the women are, the more they want to have sex with their husbands and that’s the proof that men’s sharing the housework will bond the marital relationship. The more they share the housework, the more they can communicate with each other and feel emotional intimacy and equal partnership.
Some men even get home sometimes before their wives and all they do is watch television and expect their wives that just came back from work to go to the kitchen and fix their meal, take care of the children, do their assignments, do the dishes and in bed give him sex. A loving husband will say, “Sweetheart, why don’t you fix the meal, let me help the children with their assignments.” She will love him more and complain a lot less and they’ll have more quality time. Wives are happier when their men appreciate them for the work they do at home and they are less angry or depressed.