Student of economics and business, passionate writer and naturalist. Always wandering around...
What is your name?
My name is Jelena Podbevšek. My name is daughter, sister, a student, a creative writer, a lover... My name is sun and the rain, sometimes a thunderstorm. My name is a she - wolf. My name is a woman. What is your name?
I put my hands up in the air, high underneath the wind of life, truly free...Until I became her, my protector, my she wolf.
The she - wolf of my childhood
When I was a child, I was living near the sea...So near I could have seen it through the window the moment I opened my eyes in the morning. For me, there was no summer, or winter...autumn or spring. I would go swimming any time of the year. Sometimes in the mornings when sun rose so high, I would look at it until tears started running down my face...And then I would jump in the sea, lost and blind, touched by the hands of God. Sometimes in the evenings I would take an old surf board and just float in the middle of the channel...It was so wonderful. The stars were shining bright and proud as it was their last night on the sky. As every child does, I had my secret place. It was a small cove no one knew about, except myself. Full of oaks above the sea, it was a favourite place for crickets and sparrows to rest and release their voices into the forests. I could spent hours there listening to the sea talking to me...Only later i found it was her, my she - wolf, waiting for me to grow up and finally understand the songs she sang in the dusk.
...and then I would jump in the sea, lost and blind, touched by the hands of God...
Later in life, I moved from my heaven to some bigger cities, full of people with grim faces always in hurry, always in sadness... I never understood where were they rushing to...And even less I understood why was there grief on their faces. But late in the evening, when I came to the sea, all the answers were preserved there. My she - wolf sang so gently and clear, like she tried to protect my ears and eyes from all the sorrow surrounding me through the day. She had a clear message - dance and feel, feel the life you are given, your sole life. So i did.
...dance and feel, feel the life you are given, your sole life...
I put my hands up in the air, high underneath the wind of life, truly free...Until I became her, my protector, my she wolf. Until I felt a tremble spreading in my whole body, a tremble of becoming a woman. I danced and loved, healing myself, feeling the hand of God caressing me on the cheek. Since then, the weather was different. Everytime pain deformed my face, storms were wrecking the windows and the sea would rage in waves. When I cried, the sky would open and the rain would start falling out of the blue. The flowers were soaking, so they grew...as did I. Mostly I was just laughing with life, loving every inch of the path I'm walking. The sun shined and people lighted up their faces. I always knew it was her inside me, the woman and the child at the same time, loving life and trying to tame it, strongly, but unsuccessfuly. Later I realised, life was never ment to be tamed, neither did I.
Where is your she - wolf?
None of us is meant to be tamed, nor by work, nor by people. Life was given to us uniquely, to find her, that beast inside of us and to release it to the world. Because she is an free animal, not ashamed of her wounds, not ashamed of her scars. And she is not afraid of walking alone, because truly, she never is. And if you still don't know where is your she - wolf hiding, listen carefully, because she is out there, howling for you.
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