Updated date:

Secrets to a Long-lasting Marriage

Devika enjoys sharing her work with a friendly community. Writing opens the mind. I live in a foreign country learned a foreign language .

Long-lasting Marriages

Why did I write about Saint Valentine’s Day?

I was married on this day and it is a special day to have had a wedding and to have the love I have in my life from this day forward. Valentine’s Day is on the 14th of February and in many parts of the world this day is well-celebrated and taken to heart. Gifts, red roses, chocolates and candy are exchanged between loving people.

It is about St. Valentine. These traditions came from the Roman times. In that tradition card exchanging occurred making Saint Valentine a custom for many nationalities.

A month of romance and so much about love.

The three different Saints are recognized in the Catholic church as I know and all three are martyred. I learned that one of these legends, as a priest, made a better server than married men. They performed better than married men when in a battle as soldiers. Marriage for young men was outlawed, however, this was an injustice to men and marriages were performed in secret.

A holiday that is celebrated by many couples, married or dating couples, they are celebrating this day with love. The one you choose to spend this special day with is your valentine. The day was discovered in association with love, much later in the Middle Ages. In France and England Valentine’s Day is the beginning of mating season for the birds.

This is how Valentine’s Day became a month of love and romance.

Marriage is a signed contract and when you are in a commitment in most experiences there is no way of getting out. Unless you fail to keep up with your word, there is a way out such as divorce.

Marriages last when you do not take every nonsense to heart from your in-laws.

You meet the in-laws, and feel nervous or insecure about how they would react, but such issues can be ignored.

To have a good marriage do not pay attention to both sides. In-laws shouldn’t make you feel insecure or troubled in any way. Save your marriage in having a troubled free relationship with in-laws from both sides.

In-laws come with traumatic conversations, making you feel nervous and hesitant. Some marriages in-laws interfere and break up those marriages and this is one of the major problems in short marriages.

A marriage can be broken in its early stages when you decide to make good with your in-laws and it doesn't work out for you. Whoever comes into the family, they need to focus on their partners not the in-laws.

You are not married to your in-laws. It is a package deal that you have taken when you marry, but it doesn’t mean you should take to heart whatever the in-laws throw at you.

No matter who is right or wrong the facts are important.

Emotions are strong and are close to making you feel like you have to choose between parents and the one you married. However, when you see this situation you want to have happiness and an understanding in your marriage.

You do not want in-laws to suffocate your marriage.

A marriage requires understanding, love, time, patience, communication and trust. Each day you spend in your marriage you are getting close to your spouse. In-laws coming in, between you both will ruin your married relationship.

A long-lasting marriage requires the attention of both partners and not about having in-laws come between a marriage There is no need to argue about household chores.

Love is what you have and this allows for the strength in your marriage. Have what it takes to be happy and willing in your marriage. It is a simple, travel down memory lane and think about the first time you met. If you still love each other you have no need to fail in your marriage.

Everything else falls into place.

Love is something that takes you through many challenges in your marriage. You can go with the flow or change that flow and move into a different direction. It is easier to walk away from a marriage because you do not want to do the hard work. So, you feel walking away is the answer. Unfortunately, you will make the same mistakes over and over with someone else.

You can be married for many years and brag about that, but if you are stuck in an unhappy marriage for many years you are the one to be sorry for staying in that marriage.

The key to having a good long-lasting marriage is to keep your independence. You are protected by this shield when you keep up with this spirit. You can either accept the habits your partner has or tolerate it.

Changing habits isn’t always easy as you would think.

A commitment may not last as long and sincerity as well, at least you have your independence.

Communication saves all relationships and creates an understanding between two people without hassles. Off-course there can be a misunderstanding, but no need for creating a big issue from a small issue. Love in a marriage is one instance and a marriage is about two families.

It depends entirely on how you gather information and interact with families. Above all, learn to love yourself first before spreading love to others. A couple supporting each other in discussions shows that there is hope in that marriage.

Being comfortable with each other emotionally, co-create trust, intimacy, affection, safety, warmth, and calm, and reacting in a loving manner rather than attacking each other is the way to a successful and long-lasting marriage.

How does this happen in a marriage?

Couples engage in each other's interests out of concern and support. They do not ignore their partner’s conversations. Couples fail in their marriages when they lose interest or love in one another.

For example:

If your wife or husband tells you they are reading a book. You do not ignore that conversation. In that moment you discuss the book or show some interest in the book your significant other is reading. It is the little moments in a marriage that show your love for each other. Marriages fall apart when couples do not show interest in each other’s activities.

Is there such a thing as long-lasting marriages anymore?

Are you stuck in an unhappy marriage?

Love Birds

secrets-to-a-long-lasting-marriage
secrets-to-a-long-lasting-marriage
secrets-to-a-long-lasting-marriage

Valentine's Day History

Love and Valentine's Day

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2021 Devika Primić

Comments

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on February 09, 2021:

Mary Norton Thank you I do believe that it is hard when alone, but life is just that.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on February 09, 2021:

Adrienne Farricelli It is such a lovely day for those who actually believe in love and this day. Thank you and to you as well.

Mary Norton from Ontario, Canada on February 08, 2021:

Happy Valentines, Devika. I used to love this day but after my husband died, I get lonely on this day. Love can forgive everything though it is hard to practice.

Adrienne Farricelli on February 08, 2021:

So many great tips here, Devika! Long-lasting marriages take work and some effort but it's all worth it in the long run. I wish you a Happy Valentine's day and Happy Anniversary!

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on February 07, 2021:

ravirajan01 thank you for comment

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on February 07, 2021:

Hi Ravi Rajan, thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts at my hub. Communication is key to all relationships and without communication no partner will know much of the other. I appreciate your comment keep safe and take care.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on February 07, 2021:

Misbah You made good points here and I so agree about the in-laws. No family member should interfere with a marriage and it is true about the culture as well. I appreciate your time here and glad to hear your views on this topic. Thank you

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on February 07, 2021:

John Hansen so kind of you to share your thoughts here. It is what a marriage is about good communication, sharing some interests and to be able to count on your significant other when times get tough. Thank you

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on February 07, 2021:

Peggy that is many years of a marriage. I am 28 years on Valentine's Day. Thank you for the comment.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on February 07, 2021:

Ruby Jean Richert I appreciate your time and so kind of you to comment

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on February 07, 2021:

Denise That is correct, '' have learned to love what my honey loves and he loves my things too. That's the way to make relationships last.'' Thank you for sharing your thoughts here

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on February 07, 2021:

BRENDA ARLEDGE Exactly, that is what it is in a marriage. Thank you for sharing your side of it. Enjoy and stay safe.

Ravi Rajan from Mumbai on February 06, 2021:

Devika, you offer some great advice here that is worth implementing and pondering. In addition to all that you have mentioned, the secret of a long-lasting marriage is conversations and lots of it. Communication is the key.

Asking open-ended questions encourages the person you’re conversing with to think deeply and therefore to be more engaging because open-ended questions allow the respondent, not the asker, to control the response. As a result, the conversations end up being more vulnerable, deeper, and meaningful.

The more the partners talk, the stronger will be the relationship.

Misbah Sheikh from The World of Poets on February 06, 2021:

A well written article

Devika, yes in- laws are not the ones whom we are getting married but the truth is they are also a big part of this relationship and can never be ignored, they shouldn't interfere in the personal relationship of husband and wife but a lot times they do interfere, even if the wife ignores or shows patience. Sometimes husband don't cooperate.

A broken marriage where as i have seen specially in Asian cultures are the result of interference of the in-laws of either side...

Sometimes the wife shows more affection towards her parents and don't listen to her husband and sometimes the husband shows more affection towards his parents and doesn't listen to his wife...

Things and relationship breaks down when they Collide...

I wish no relationship ever break ups...

It is the most hurtful feeling one can ever feel...

Blessings

John Hansen from Queensland Australia on February 06, 2021:

Devika, you offer great advice here for a successful marriage. You must show interest in the things your partner enjoys, still keep some independence, and don’t take everything your in-laws say to heart. They can break up many marriages, and you are right, you are not marrying them.

Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on February 06, 2021:

When we marry, both families come along for the ride. There can be problems with inlaws, but if we put our spouses first, most times the problems can be managed. Good communication is key. In our 50 years of marriage, our inlaws are now gone. We concentrate on the good memories.

Ruby Jean Richert from Southern Illinois on February 06, 2021:

You wrote about an interesting subject, and it is a two-way street. Take and give comes to mind. Interesting facts about Valentine Day...

Denise McGill from Fresno CA on February 06, 2021:

I think you are right when you say that if you leave a marriage you take the same problems to the next one, over and over. People don't realize that. I have learned to love what my honey loves and he loves my things too. That's the way to make relationships last.

Blessings,

Denise

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on February 06, 2021:

Nithya Venkat Thank you very much for stopping by You are right! In-laws shouldn't try break up a marriage, it is not fair on any couple to have to go through such unhappiness.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on February 06, 2021:

Chitrangada Sharan thank you for that. I am glad you understand my hub and sharEd your views.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on February 06, 2021:

Bill thank you very much for sharing your experience

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on February 06, 2021:

manatita44 thank you for sharing your kind words.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on February 06, 2021:

Pamela Oglesby thank you very much for stopping by here. Sometimes we just need to experience what works best for us in a marriage.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on February 06, 2021:

Hello Ann, I am keeping well thanks, A marriage takes hard work if you are in commitment, and want to be with that person. Marriages don't always work out some choose a partner and realize years later that was a wrong choice. As long as you have an understanding and good communication and someone to talk to it can work out best for you. I appreciate your stopping by and hope you are all well.

BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on February 06, 2021:

A wonderful article!

The key to a successful marriage is probably conversation...taking time to take interest & do those little things for one another.

Don't take the other one for granted. Show him/her that you enjoy his/her company.

In laws...be glad you have them but don't let them interfere.

Devika Primić (author) from Dubrovnik, Croatia on February 06, 2021:

Sankhajit Bhattacharjee glad you stopped by thank you

Nithya Venkat from Dubai on February 06, 2021:

I totally agree with you; in-laws should not be allowed to ruin the relationship. Love, communication and understanding forms the basis of a long-lasting marriage. Great article.

Chitrangada Sharan from New Delhi, India on February 06, 2021:

Great article about happy and durable marriages. You have made some significant points. Love, communication, mutual trust and understanding--are some of the key factors, to make the marriages last long. That's what, I believe.

Thank you for sharing this thoughtful article.

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on February 06, 2021:

You touched on so much here; great food for thought. We don't have any in-laws to muddy the waters, and so far we find interest in each other's activities. Twelve years for us and still going strong.

manatita44 from london on February 06, 2021:

A lot in your piece. I 'home in' on the part about taking an interest in each other. The next time someone asks you how you are, say: 'Could be better.' Do this for a day and note the response from your 'friends.'

Maslow talks about our 'hierachy of human needs' and they are definitely true. We all love to be liked and doted on to an extent ... to know that empathy is there if we need it.

I don't know what you mean by celebrate. I'm kind of neutral about it, but all things have their value. If I was coming home to a wife or partner, I'll definitely do the decent thing in relation with my oneness or harmony with her. Surprise is good too. Love decides.

Pamela Oglesby from Sunny Florida on February 06, 2021:

This is my second marriage and we are both happy. You shared many important ways that help make marriages last. I agree that conversation and concern for each other is very important. Thanks for sharing, Devika.

Ann Carr from SW England on February 06, 2021:

My experiences of marriage have not been good ones! However, my present relationship, unmarried, has lasted for more than 30 years so I don't think we're doing too badly. We talk, we have some shared interests and we understand each other's separate interests too. Surviving lockdown this long has been a good sign that we're ok! No arguments and we're content together.

You make some good points here, Devika, and you dispense good advice. Both have to work to make a good marriage. I believe talking and understanding is the key.

I hope you are keeping well.

Ann

Sankhajit Bhattacharjee from MILWAUKEE on February 06, 2021:

interesting message

Related Articles