Do you feel that your man likes to keep quiet whenever you are talking to him ? Have you ever felt frustrated over men who are not very responsive when you talk ? Have you ever wondered what is going on inside his head when he keeps quiet while you are babbling away ?
Secret No. 1 : Men communicate best when we are more specific and direct in our conversation with them
Men are goal-oriented and therefore they feel more comfortable operating within boundaries they know about in advance. Only then they can have a sense of control over the situation they are in. For this reason, men talks better when there is a focused topic in their conversation with you. With this, they will feel that they know what they are doing when they are talking to you.
For example :
It is too vague, unfocused and open-ended to start a conversation as followed :
“Let’s discuss about our relationship”
“Shall we have a talk ?”
“Tell me what to do with my job.”
With such vague starters, the men will act uninterested in pursuing the conversion, or appear resistant to talking to you. He may not take you seriously or try to put off the talk.
Tell him exactly what you would like to talk about, what you hope to accomplish and what you expect from him. For example :
“John, I’d like to talk to you about our relationship. We have been going out for a year and I thought it would be a good time to introduce you to my parents. They are coming down to visit me next week, would you mind having dinner with us ?”
“Tim, I need your help in figuring out how to handle my boss. I felt really stress recently from overworked. I am not sure how to approach him about it. I thought if I got a man’s opinion, I’d know how to do it better.”
Avoid using hinting as a way to ask for what you want, be direct. One of the worst habits women has is to expect the man to guess what is in our mind, testing him by asking him what he thinks about an issue rather than taking the risk of sharing our own opinion, being vague about what is bothering us rather than talking it out. These tactics make men feel manipulated and loss, that makes them angry.
Secret No. 2 : Men internalize their thinking process and only communicate the result
Men have been trained to have all the answers and avoid showing their fear or uncertainty. As a result of that, they often internalize their thinking process and will not express themselves until they have come up with a conclusion or a solution.
Men prefer to talk only when they know the answer or solution, and will not like to talk much until then. They like to do their thinking process silently. They don’t want to give the answer immediately for fear of getting it wrong. So they will normally response by saying, “Let me think about it.”
Women, on the other hand, like to think out loud. They speak out every thought that come to their mind.
Men and Women are different. Men are solution oriented while women are process oriented. Men prefer to “get to the point” and think that women talk too much. When men ask women to keep the conversation short and direct, the women will complain that men refuse to listen to them and don’t care much about their emotions. What men cannot understand is that the process of talking about every thought and feeling are part of what helps to resolve those feelings and give the women more insight and clarity into the problem.
Women complain out loud about what is bothering them, while men often internalize their complaining.
Secret No.3 : Men don’t access their emotion as easily as women
Men are used to think with their head and not with their heart. They are not used to spending time delving into their feelings. Emotional world makes them feel out of control, and that frightens them. The process of talking about their feelings, expressing their doubts and worries is stressful to them. So when you asked how they feel, the common response you will get is, “Nothing.”
Women often misunderstood men’s lack of expression as being “insensitive” or “stubborn resistance”. The actual fact is : Men are just as sensitive, and in some cases, more sensitive than women are.
1) Discuss the above secrets with the man in your life
Explain your way of thinking and talking (process oriented) to him and let him know you understand his way (solution oriented) too. You don’t have to stop thinking out loud if you enjoy doing that. After telling your partner how different you are from him, it will certainly ease up the tension between the two of you.
2) When discussing a problem with him, give him time to come up with an answer.
Ask question like, do you want to talk about this matter now, or would you rather think about it for a while and let me know the answer later ? This gives him the opportunity to internalize the information without feeling put on the spot or fearful that he may give the wrong answer.
3) Let him know that you are going to complain out loud in order to solve a problem, so that he is warned in advance !
Men often feel obliged to rescue you if they hear you complaining without an apparent direction. Let him know that you are interested in finding a solution and that talking it out loud is your way of working through your mental confusion toward some clarity. If you are able to find the solution yourself, let him know that what you need is just a listening ear.
Study the above three secrets and apply the proposed solutions to your life, and you should see instant results in your relationship with men.
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Another funny one, recommended by Will Starr
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© Ingenira 2011
Deborah Brooks Langford from Brownsville,TX on May 13, 2013:
this is an excellent hub.. great advice.. and it is so true.. that men think sooo different than women... lol.. I know sometimes my husband just looks at me when i am rambling on and the next thing he is somewhere else. and I go look for him and he will say i thought we were done..lol what? I say!!! so funny.
Thank you I love your hub
Yasmeen Anwer from Lahore, Pakistan on May 11, 2012:
Voted up and Useful! great hub....
pooilum from Malaysia on February 15, 2012:
haha.. i certainly agree with the things that men do and what women don't realize and visa versa
jamila sahar on February 15, 2012:
interesting useful hub thanks for sharing
Yaduvanshi from Bharat Vrse on February 12, 2012:
It certainly an excellent and very informative hub written on the subject Ingneira, but you will agree that we can not generalise so easily.
physician-jobs02 from Garden City, Georgia on September 29, 2011:
This is SUPER HELPFUL. Full of sense! I really love this. Upon reading, I was imagining myself. This is me and my man! I have been having troubles understanding him. He is so difficult to understand. After reading this, I realized that my problem is "me" the way how I look at him is actually different. Now, I will apply these things to our relationship and for sure, from now on we will have the best relationship ever. Thank you so much..
Ingenira (author) on September 28, 2011:
thanks, internetwriter. thanks for the rating too.
Internetwriter62 from Marco Island, Florida on September 28, 2011:
Excellent work Ingneira, very informative, I learned a few things here. I will use your suggestions when I talk to the men in my life. Rated it up.
Ingenira (author) on August 20, 2011:
prasetio, glad to see you again. You are so humble as always. thanks for dropping by.
prasetio30 from malang-indonesia on August 20, 2011:
Beautiful hub and very inspiring. You always come up with the most interesting topic like this one. I learn much from you. Cheers....
sord87 on August 15, 2011:
My opinion is Communications means a lot to both,but in certain cases men prefer to be more secretive in looking up the solution to any problems,if this thing happens and at the same time support comes in from women , it will secure both healthy conversation.Anyway thanks for giving some thought and observation for men.
WillStarr from Phoenix, Arizona on August 15, 2011:
Picture two roads.
One goes straight to the destination. Period.
The other meanders around endlessly, and has countless side roads and detours, all ending in either cul-de-sacs or dead ends.
Guess which road is male and which is female.
Christina Lornemark from Sweden on August 15, 2011:
Very good advices that we need to think about. Many problems between men and women are because of communication problem! Thanks for this well-done article, you explained the differences in a great way! I enjoyed the videos too:)
Ingenira (author) on August 15, 2011:
thanks, WillStarr. That was a really funny video, I had a really good laugh. Thanks for recommendation, I have decided to add it to the hub above.
WillStarr from Phoenix, Arizona on August 15, 2011:
Here's a funny but realistic view of how men and women think and why we are so different: