Ms. Macon is an advice columnist and content writer for radio and television commercials. Catch her on Ask A Bitchface, truly funny truth.
I'm Not Saying I Can't Be In A Successful Relationship...
I'm saying, if relationships were vehicles, mine would be a Ford Escort. I'm saying that if relationships were televisions, mine would be a Curtis Mathes console television. If relationships were nightmares, mine would be on Elm Street.
Yes, it's that bad. I have a history with some of the worst of the worst. However, that doesn't mean that I was quite ready to throw in the towel, so like any good masochist, I had to see just how far I could push my limits.
Let's take a look back at some of the red flags I managed to completely disregard on my way back to happily single.
If relationships were vehicles, mine would be a Ford Escort...
— Ms. Macon
If He Can't Hold A Job, There's A Big Problem
In my trips through relationship hell, I have a recurring theme. I seem to always be supporting some Bozo who won't hold a full time job. There have been many excuses, most of them lame, but it's the singlemost repeat performance that has been replayed throughout my relationships.
I know the reasons. My mother is a codependant woman who was always with one bad man or another because of not being able to support us. So, I slid as far to the opposite end of the spectrum as possible. I have always worked entirely too much. Multiple jobs, day and night, just really killing myself to prove that isn't who I am, that I'm not her.
Somewhere along the way, it happened to draw men into my life who saw how hard I worked, and they decided that meant I needed someone to spend my paychecks. I allowed it, because in those days, I couldn't see my own worth. I was too busy trying to prove who I wasn't, instead of knowing and loving who I actually am.
If a grown man doesn't have a job to support himself, and there's no medical reason behind it, that's a serious problem. Most men still define themselves with their careers. A man who doesn't work or refuses to work, there is a a lot going on to the story that you're better off not reading. The fact is, every grown individual should be doing something fulfilling with their time, and if it isn't school, it should be a career.
We're All Entitled To Privacy, But Come On...
I have this thing about checking phones: I feel like your relationship is already over if that's what you have to do. You clearly don't have a line of communication between the two of you that is working if you have to resort to going through another persons phone to see what is happening in their life. It's just not the type of relationship that I want to be involved in.
I can't think of a single reason that would leave me sitting up at night going through a phone that isn't my own. The logic, for me, just isn't there. I know that many women have claimed they do so due to a history of infidelity, but I would state that if you've chosen to forgive, which I couldn't do, you have to choose to trust again. If you are like myself, and you know that you'll never be able to trust them again, just end the relationship. Don't waste your time or theirs looking for something to justify your suspicions. Just call it a day.
Stop Flogging The Dead Steed, Just End It...
Can Infidelity Be Forgiven?
I have been engaged to my high school sweetheart twice. We've been involved a countless number of times. I ended it for good about 7 years ago. It was truly one of the hardest things I have ever done, because he knows me like nobody else does.
He, however, can't be faithful. Always an endless string of women in his messages and apps, just always one foot out of my door and into another womans. I can't live my life that way. I can't be with someone who has an entire starting line up, and just plans for a day that we aren't working anymore. I need a relationship where they bank on me, where they bet everything on us making it.
I have taken him back after infidelity, but it was always the same. I was always hurt and suspicious, and I just can't live my life that way. I'm better than spending my nights worrying about what someone else is doing, who they're out with, or where they may be at. He has proven himself to be unworthy of my trust, so why forgive him? His behavior is a pattern, and I don't like the finished product.
Have You Overlooked Red Flags In A Relationship?
The List Of Red Flags Is As Long As My Arm...
But, the fact remains, if there is a fundamental difference in what your central beliefs are, and how your partner behaves, there are going to be problems in your relationship. Usually, the problems that arise from red flag issues aren't the kind of problems that you can get over with a simple discussion. They're the issues at the heart of the relationship, and they aren't quick fixes.
If you choose to ignore red flag behavior, it's most of the time setting yourself up for a heartache further down the road. Choose your red flag oversights carefully. They can be more than you bargained for in the honeymoon phase of your relationship.