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Learning to Love Yourself After an Abusive Relationship

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Mary loves being able to tell her story through her words, it allows her the freedom to voice her opinions without being silenced.

The Awakening

The first step towards relearning to love yourself after an abusive relationship is what I like to call "The Awakening. " This involves you really looking at yourself and realizing you deserve so much more out of life than to be treated like a piece of used up, recycled trash.

Nobody has the right to make you feel like less of a person, you are a wonderful, beautiful, creation. You are the only one who can end the abuse, if you stay with someone who abuses you the pain will never stop, people who treat others violently are struggling with things in their own lives, you can't change them. They have to want to change themselves, their problem is theirs but they have a tendency to make it others problem when they put their hands on people. Don't wait another minute, if you are being abused please end the relationship right this minute, relearn to love yourself today and end this vicious cycle.


Renovate Yourself

Next thing you need to do to relearn to love yourself, is to renovate yourself. So you can find yourself and reclaim your happiness once again. Think long and hard about what makes you happy and only you happy, put yourself first for a change. Start a journal about your triumphs, relish in every new achievement you make call it your "I can do anything book. "

Do things that you were afraid to do in your past, like sing in public, even if you are a little off key, dance in front of someone else, besides your bedroom mirror. Shoot, you can even take up playing an instrument or speaking out in a public space, if that is what you want. Whatever you decide to do is fine, it doesn't have to be done perfectly, all that matters is that you tried and have accomplished the act of actually trying something a little out of your comfort zone. This will help boost your self-confidence so much.


Ease Your Mind

Once you have eliminated the problem and started going through the process of relearning to love yourself and finding out who you are, you should start noticing yourself opening up a whole lot more, spiritually, emotionally and physically.

This is when you should try incorporating some type of meditation or yoga into your daily routine. You will be pleasantly surprised, both are very enjoyable, healing and relaxing. You don't need much to try either one just your mind, body mat and a little time.


Forgiveness is also a very important step to learning to love yourself again, the first person you should forgive is you. So many abused people blame themselves for everything, they seem to put more blame on themselves for the abuse they went through, than the person who actually did the abusing.

You also need to forgive your abuser, never give them that satisfaction of being a burden to your progress. Hating them will just take a toll on your mind, body and soul, free yourself from their tight grip.

Stop Apologizing

Stop saying sorry all the time, don't be one of those people who apologize for others bumping into you, be the one who says "Excuse Me" instead of "Sorry," after all they bumped into you. Stop saying sorry when it's not necessary, if you haven't done anything rude or obnoxious you have nothing to apologize for.

Accept You

Accept who you are, everything about you, being you is what has got you through what you have made it through so far. Never give up on yourself and always hold your head up high, you are amazingly, wonderful. Embrace your spirit and let it prosper and branch out.

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Love You

Hopefully you will find the steps I posted above helpful during your journey of growth and relearning to love yourself again. The true secret to loving who you are starts within yourself.

  • How to Deal with Leaving Someone You Love
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Debbie Pinkston from Pereira, Colombia and NW Arkansas on May 02, 2013:

Title "Sexual Abuse in Marriage" by D. Anne Pierce. Amazon ebook. Thanks!

Mary (author) from From the land of Chocolate Chips,and all other things sweet. on May 02, 2013:

Thank you for commenting debbie and I would love to read your ebook.

Debbie Pinkston from Pereira, Colombia and NW Arkansas on May 01, 2013:

I love your Hub. So many women are in abusive relationships or are just getting out of one, and you provided some excellent advice for moving forward. I especially like your paragraph on forgiveness.

I wrote a Hub about sexual abuse in marriage and have published an ebook on Amazon on that topic (under a pseudonym). If you are interested in passing it on to someone you know, I would be glad to give you details.

Thanks for writing a great Hub!

Cat from New York on April 27, 2013:


What doesn't kill us makes us stronger right? At least I can say that I have learned something from every relationship! Thanks

Mary (author) from From the land of Chocolate Chips,and all other things sweet. on April 27, 2013:

Thank you for commenting Cantuhearmescream, I am so sorry you had to go through the situation you did.

Cat from New York on April 27, 2013:


I love this. I absolute admire you taking the time to talk about this, as many suffer in silence. It's so easy to feel that you are to blame and have shame and embarrassment associated with an abusive relationship. I've had a really bad experience and it's amazing how much it can affect your mental, emotional and psychological state. It is very hard to find a way up when you've gotten so low. Thanks... I loved this!

Voted up and awesome!

Mary (author) from From the land of Chocolate Chips,and all other things sweet. on February 28, 2013:

Thank you Angela for your comment.

Angela Blair from Central Texas on February 28, 2013:

Nearly everyone has, in their lifetime, suffered some kind of abuse be it mental, physical, something in between or both and nearly always leaves the abused with loss of self worth -- happened to me not once but several times. It was when I finally realized that if I continued to let any abuser affect my thinking -- be it about myself or anything else -- that I'd given that abuser not only stature but power -- and whether I liked it or not they were in charge of my life -- and I put a stop to it. I personally believe that abusers seek those with low self esteem and those with low self esteem are prone to association with abusers because they have a feeling of not deserving better. The whole thing is a vicious circle and you've covered it all in this Hub -- good work and exceptional advice. Best/Sis

Mary (author) from From the land of Chocolate Chips,and all other things sweet. on February 27, 2013:

Thank you HRudman for commenting, I myself have had some past experiences with abuse, it is only when we love ourselves that we can break free.

Heather Rudman from Long Beach, Ca. on February 27, 2013:

I am an abuse survivor.

You've shared an important piece of information in the recoveryprocess. You gave some hope to those who may not of had it before.

Mary (author) from From the land of Chocolate Chips,and all other things sweet. on February 27, 2013:

Thank you billybuc for the comment and link add, some people don't realize just how effective meditation can be for ones heart and soul, it heals you from the inside out, which is the main thing an abused person needs to work on in order to learn how to love themselves again.

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on February 27, 2013:

Powerful message. I'm writing a hub about abuse and when I'm done I'll link to this. This is a must read for anyone who has suffered from abuse.

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