Anamika S. Jain has been a social media consultant for six years. She has written more than 200 articles on relationships and dating.
Cheating Men and Relationships
Like it or not men cheat. The percentage of men unfaithful to their wives is many folds than wives cheating on husbands. Whatever the case is men are less forgiving of their wife cheating than wives are about their cheating husbands. Overall, only about a third of marriages survive affairs as it is hard to forgive, redevelop trust and make the marriage more intimate and satisfying.
Reasons for cheating in Men are more physical whereas for woman it is more on the emotional side. Many women mistakenly believe the mistress must be more attractive than she which is not true in majority of cases. Given below are some reasons why Men may cheat on their women.
Why do Men cheat on their Women? Reasons for Infidelity
Men may cheat on their women because of the following reasons:-
- Sex: Sex is the most important reason to why men cheat on their spouses. It is possible for a man to have sex with a woman without having any emotional attachment to her whereas it is not very easy for a woman to do so. It is also said that men only need a place to have an affair whereas a woman needs a reason. Even if the man have a loving spouse who takes take of his every need physically a man may cheat on his wife if he gets an opportunity to do so. Moreover, the thought of sex can get majority of men excited so they may not leave the chance of getting another women to bed.
- Unhappy Marriage : An unhappy marriage may prompt many men to go for an affair.Many times men go behind other woman when they do not get all what they expect from their wives than putting on any effort to salvage the marriage. Rather than analyzing what went wrong in the relationship and making a commitment to work on it majority of men prefer to go for temporary quick fixes. Many times lack of communication in marriage leads a man to run into the arms of another woman than try solving the problem.
- Fragile Ego : Men have very fragile egos. When men are complimented by women other than their wives it is only natural for men to expect having a fling with the lady. Many Men cheat on their spouses to prove to themselves that they are still attractive to the opposite sex.
- Seeking Variety with No Commitment : Majority of men like variety when it comes to woman. The more the merrier is the outlook of majority of men who cheat on their spouses. If they find woman with whom they need not commit they jump into such relationships looking for some ‘fun’. No matter how good or faithful the spouse is many men tend to think that having one woman is not enough.
- To Fill the Void : Sometimes men may want more than what his spouse offers him on bed like kinkier sex, group sex, talking dirty or submissive sex for which he seeks another partner or partners to fulfill his needs more willingly than communicating to his wife. Men tend to be motivated by sex including new sex, forbidden sex, more sex and different sex.
- Family Background: The child of an adulterer is most likely to follow the footstep of his parent.
- Superiority Complex: Many men think they are superior to Woman and get away by doing anything they please including breaking the sacred marriage vows he took at the time of marriage and not caring about the feelings of his spouse. Majority of men are selfish and they try to get what they want and it does not matter who they hurt while doing so.
One thing Men must understand is that they are going to get caught at one point or the other. May be it may be the scent of another perfume, some fallen hairs, lipstick marks or different behavior than normal because women are smart, no offense meant. Many men have lost their money, property, health and wealth by opting for relationships outside marriage. But that still does not prevent them from doing it again. After all, Men are men!
Useless itch on June 19, 2015:
In my own personal experience all relationships (especially the kind shared between intimate lovers) can be very frustrating and confusing at times! It took me years (and a wonderfully compassionate wife) to understand that these relationships take a lot of hard work! Love and/or lust is felt with such abandon that it blinds us to the fact that we are committing our lives to another. At some point physical attraction can be faded by the flawed imperfections that always show up in our human nature. Unfortunately I have experienced that it takes both people to be WILLING to base their relationship in healthy and honest communication! The differences in our personalities as well as so many other variables make miscommunication and misunderstanding a common occurrence. I am so sorry that you are hurting and that you have to go through such a painful experience at the hand of another! I do not judge your feelings because everyone has their own way of dealing with the many issues that this life brings. I do however pray that you can find someone in your life that you trust to talk to about your experience and that they help you come to terms with this incident in a loving and empathetic way!
John Puckett on February 10, 2014:
To the author: By reading this article it's extremely evident you have been cheated on. I'm sorry for that. It hurts. I've been cheated on more than once. This doesn't excuse trying to pass off incorrect information as "facts" however. Right off the bat you wrote "The percentage of men unfaithful to their wives is many folds than wives cheating on husbands."
Many folds eh? According to modern statistics, women cheat at about the same rate as men, but are better at lying about it.
"Men have very fragile egos" I'm sure some men do. Some women do also. I think this is a human quality. Don't try to paint everyone with the same brush.
"Majority of men are selfish and they try to get what they want and it does not matter who they hurt while doing so."
Again, some men are selfish are sociopathic. A lot of women are too.
With all of the venom that is practically oozing out of this article, I can see why you may have had issues in your dating life.
Also, you come off as a bigot.
Read all of the statements you wrote, but replace the word "men" with "African Americans". and look how prejudiced it sounds.
I do wish you luck in the future.
sajajo on December 13, 2012:
You say, "Men complain that their wives no longer do things they used to do when they were still dating or courting. Women should continue doing things that will make their men stick to them."
But can't this be said of men as well? When a couple is first dating most men do things such as open a door for her, listen to what she has to say, compliment her, take her out to a nice restaurant (at least occasionally), etc. But once they're married will walk in first and let the door close on her, complain that she talks too much and often drift off and ignore her when she tries to talk to them, and when it comes to taking her out forget it, it's cheaper if she cooks. Especially after having children if the wife is the primary care giver AND works outside the home how much energy is she supposed to have to be doting on and taking care of her man so that he doesn't cheat. I think that comment can go both ways, both should try to do some of the things for each other that they did when dating/courting. As for the thrill being gone, even a roller coaster loses the thrill it had the first time after you ride it a hundred times. If you're looking for constant thrills marriage is probably not for you.
I also just read another hub about why women cheat. It seems that at least as far as the comments that women who cheat are seen as somehow worse than men who cheat. On that page some comments called women hoes, trash, pigs etc. On this page there seems to be more "men are programmed to cheat" excuse, and blaming women for not keeping her man interested and for not being willing to get wild any time he wants no matter what is going on or how tired she is and if she doesn't she is rationing sex or trying to control when, where, why, what, etc. What makes men think they should get what they want when, where, and why they want it all the time? (Hint: maybe if she weren't so tired from working AND taking care of a home and family with little to no help she may be in the mood more often.)
These are not good reasons to cheat as there are no good reasons to cheat. For men or women!
Joshua Nyamache from Kenya on July 17, 2012:
“Some say its because the thrill is gone, that what once started out as a heated fire has turned into cold ice.” This is what is making many men who are married to cheat on their wives. Men complain that their wives no longer do things they used to do when they were still dating or courting. Women should continue doing things that will make their men stick to them. If they don’t then they are allowing their men to cheat on them.
Svdam on May 30, 2012:
True and sad !
Muniapakhi on March 13, 2012:
Good article... what u've written is sad but true. My question is, what's the way out?
Recently a newly married friend of mine slept with another girl, just because he wanted to give some comfort to her. And he says he doesn't mean to leave his wife or anything. What does this behaviour mean? Many of my guy friends express their desire to get it on with another girl- they blame the girl no doubt. But what i notice is the increasing number. People are taking sex so casually when they do it with someone, then again they can't take it to be cheated on! My guy friends keep on making me frustrated.
And as I left my ex bf after he was cheating on me- my girl friends were saying things like- 'Men r like this, why didn't u forgive him? There's no way u're gonna get any better...'
Jean on January 22, 2012:
Sorry about the typos. I was angry at the thought of selfish men.
Jean on January 22, 2012:
Come on guys. You know you will not die without sex. We women need to be listened to, romance, and affection. But we do not cheat if we do not get those things. Men are just selfish and uncaring. What would any man do id he was isolae on adeserted island with plenty of food, but not other people, for 4 years. He would not cheat would he?? (Ha Ha Ha ) It can be done. Men just want to cheat, because the men in times past have set up society to encourage a man to cheat and justify it because he is not getting how much he says he wants. Hogwash!! Open your eyes young women. Marriage is not wotrth it for a woman.Don't do it!! You will get heartbreak from a husband!!.
@cape cod paulie on January 06, 2012:
oh man, your comment sounds like you are a RED FLAG.
Cape Cod Paulie on December 23, 2011:
Bottom Line from a male perspective: Most men that cheat on their wives feel cheated themselves. That is, when their wives ration sex or control when, where, why, what, etc.... they get pissed off and look elsewhere.
Come on ladies....you know you do this to your husbands. What do you expect. Remember, whenever you do this....you must accept the fact that this is the relationship that you chose...not he. He wants sex with you as often as possible. When you deny him time and time again and control when you have sex.....you set up the worst case scenario for a relationship.
Do not starve him and then criticize him for being hungry.
Tricky 63 on October 15, 2011:
Lack of sex is a popular myth for men who engage in affairs, however statically this is incorrect. The most common reason for an affair is the lack of communication and connection which is lost within the primary relationship, sex is third down the list. While some men can separate sex from love, for most men they also need the connection and the intimacy involved in the act of love making which is found in their mistress.
TyNu on October 14, 2011:
I do disagree with some of this article. It is a stereotype that men can have sex without emotion, and women cannot. With so many, the opposite is true (for both). The finding about oxytocin being released in women's brains after sex was actually only found in rodents. No evience of that has been found in humans.
Also, the lie continues to permeate that women do not want variety. How? I have never, ever met a woman that wants to be with one man/the same man their entire life. Women like variety as well.
Plus I don't think the want that husband's have to go outside of their marriages is about sex. Sex is never a purely physical need in this case-- it is a psychological need to be validated. The men may say they just cheated for sex, but as we know, men are not very in touch with their emotions, so it is fully possible that there was a problem in the marriage, and they just cannot identify it. Maybe try investigating this assertion? Just my two cents.
troubled 1 on October 10, 2011:
have caught my man three time now he had a pic of himself and everything on line and still saying he didn't do anything still living with the man so my daughter can finish high school three month and counting am i am so gone he lost the most loyal women he will ever meetso looks like it have been the whole time we have been dating as well four yrs to long to b treated this way i am better and can do better
Dana on August 30, 2011:
Here's something to consider that goes against current trends. What if women were chemically or biologically born to want to be that perfect wife. And men were in the same way born to want to provide and raise a family? What if these natural instincts were pushed aside because of trends in thinking and our true natures were not allowed to develop? What if a Mans true desire was replace by the ideas we accept as "natural"? Now instead of looking for that perfect one, they are looking for several to experience and move on? They actually believe those desires are just who they are because that's what everyone expected. Instead of looking for the other piece of their puzzle, they're going on random pursuits that never satisfy. And women who were born to look for the one they can nurture now believe they were meant to date and break up, take a huge gamble on a marriage, then start all over again. Now you have bitterness and confusion on both sides. The expectations will change and more confusion, bitterness and dissapointments will prevail. Nobody is satisfied because the kind of relationships we were meant to have are frowned on. What a sad state.
neha on August 17, 2011:
really all things r true.. it shows your experience also.....thanks 4 alert al d girls..
Mabel on July 06, 2011:
That's the hope of all women, that some men will turn out to be good. But the percentage is very low. The fact is men are really a very good actor in pretending that they are good just to get the girl..
acewebdesign from Adelaide, South Australia on June 30, 2011:
Dont think all men could be like this. Some turn out to be good too.
Faithful on March 06, 2011:
I think what you said is sad but true. I hung on to my spouse for 24 years because the only thing he didn't do was cheat. He was too busy controlling me and giving me emotional abuse and keeping me last on his list of priorities after his mama and sisters. This all makes marriage look like a ridiculous farce. I love the promise of fidelity etc. of marriage but what good is it if men don't honor it. Even if the wife doesn't know about the cheating. She's still brushing her teeth with a toothbrush that's been used by others. Yech!!
tammy on June 18, 2010:
my husband has a wondering eye, ihave noticed.
i work at night, i wonder if hes cheating, what are the signs?
hollywoodjames from USA on February 12, 2010:
Nice article. Just remember it takes TWO, and women are just as prone to cheat as a man.
RYPcontent from Chatham, IL on February 04, 2010:
I think we should spend less time trying to explain "why" and start asking how we can be more faithful.
Casey on December 08, 2009:
Doesn't just saying that men are genetically programmed to cheat imply that it's natural for them to cheat, and therefore okay?
I'm not repudiating science or anything, I'm just speculating on how people coming to that conclusion could end up having counterproductive side effects.
philip carey 61 on October 22, 2009:
I think it is somehow genetically driven behavior. Where does individual responsibility begin? It is a deep question. Nice hub.
privateye2500 from Canada, USA, London on October 18, 2009:
...Simple - it is in
The Laws of Nature...
I am writing a hub on it.
Lisa on October 09, 2009:
Trust once damaged is very, very difficult to be rebuilt. If your hb has had an affair, and lied abt it with a very straight face (read...no change in emotion on the face!), whilst u already hv tons of evidence and is still refusing to admit it...how on earth are u ever going to believe what he says ever again??? Even if he is no longer cheating or lying...how cld u know for sure?? There's always this image, of him not betraying a single emotion when caught lying, in ur mind! how can u trust him again???
Forever you will be wondering....the paranoia will eat u up inside...how to go through marriage with the same man??
Anamika S Jain (author) from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India on August 12, 2009:
Stephanie : I am sorry to hear about you. I hope time will heal your wounds. All the best for a happy future.
Bakari Chavanu : I would defenitely write on at least one of those subjects. Thanks for the visit.
Hardik : You can follow me all you can but you will never be able to catch up with me.Thanks for the visit.
Hardik` on August 11, 2009:
h ianamika .. hum toh tumrae liye yaha aaye yaha.... tu jaha -jaha chalegaaaaaaa ...mera saaaya saath hogaaaaa
Bakari Chavanu from Sacramento, CA on August 02, 2009:
Anamika, I agree with what you have to say. It would also be interesting to explore two other related issues: why do some women date or have sex with men that they know are married? And what does infidelity say about the institution of marriage? I'm not sure if true monogamy is even naturally possible. It seems in cultures that don't have high rates of infidelity that married women typically are in very submissive roles.
Stephanie Toms on June 22, 2009:
Great article. My ex husband cheated on me 15 yrs ago. I tried to get over it but it damage the marriage as the trust was never the same. We did last 10 yrs before finally divorcing, I believe if is had not been for the kids it would of happened sooner. Its hard to lay in bed at night when he has cheated and is telling you he is at work and to actually believe it. It takes a very strong and special woman to NOT allow it to effect the marriage when they are caught. Hats off to those woman that can put it aside.
Anamika S Jain (author) from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India on June 09, 2009:
Thanks cindyvine and Bunny Boo for your comments. Some how I do not agree with you completely on your point cindyvine. Bunny Boo, I am really pained by your experience with your husband. I hope you would recover from it soon.
Bunny Boo on June 09, 2009:
I totally agree, I found out my husband cheated on me by way of text from her, he said was sex, but I found out then I was already a mth pregnant, we are in counselling now, I have a beautiful baby boy, but the hurt and pain is enormous, I don't think I'll ever get over his total lack of respect and complete selfishness.
Cindy Vine from Cape Town on June 06, 2009:
I think the main reason men cheat is not because of sex, but communication. Their mistress listens to them and listens to them share their dreams. Often, the wife can't be bothered or has other things on her mind.
Anamika S Jain (author) from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India on June 06, 2009:
Yes. Thanks for the visit Charia Samher
Charia Samher on May 21, 2009:
Anamika S Jain (author) from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India on May 18, 2009:
lol, Thanks for the Comment cashmere.
cashmere from India on May 18, 2009:
Now i better go pamper my husband, lest he strays...;)
Anamika S Jain (author) from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India on May 18, 2009:
Well, I have written my Opinion. If you feel something is missing please feel free to add it up. Thanks for your comments.
Not a shallow man on May 18, 2009:
I think it stereotypes men though reflects the popular view held by women
the new pen from india on May 18, 2009: