Trust is the Foundation of a Relationship
In order for a relationship to be strong and healthy, it is necessary for both parties to have complete trust in each other. It is the foundation of a healthy relationship. When someone is unfaithful, the trust is often completely destroyed and it can be quite difficult, if not impossible to rebuild. It takes patience and a total commitment from both partners and even then success is not guaranteed.
"So, where do I begin", you might be wondering. Unfortunately, there is no simple step by step process that works for everyone. What follows are a few guidelines to help you work your way through the process.
Is the Relationship Worth Saving?
This is a question that can only be answered by you and your partner, however an honest answer to this tough question is the first step you both must take in order to rebuild the trust. It will take a total effort from both you and your partner in order for success to have a chance, any less than that will be a waste of time. Give this question serious thought and be honest with yourself, otherwise you could end up prolonging the hardship.
If your answer to the question is "no, it is not worth saving", then the best thing to do is end the relationship and move on with your life. If, on the other hand you and your partner both feel that the relationship is worth saving, then this hub is for you. Read on and I will share some tips to help you rebuild the trust and help your relationship become the love affair that you both deserve.
Begin With An Honest Dialogue
Once you and your partner have mutually decided that the relationship is worth saving, the next step is to sit down and have a long talk. It is important that you both share your feelings in order to understand the issues that led to infidelity. Listen to each other and try to understand how they are feeling.
These conversations will not always be easy, but it is important that they are open, honest and peaceful. Share your feelings with each other, but avoid placing blame or making accusations. These negative remarks only serve to increase the barriers between you and your partner. Instead, focus on the positive aspects of your relationship.
Do Not Keep Secrets
This may sound obvious, yet many people develop the unhealthy habit of keeping secrets from their significant other. This is a practice that erodes trust in a relationship, leaving the other person to question what you are really up to and what your intentions are. In time, this will cause serious problems in a healthy relationship. In the case of a relationship where the trust has already been violated, secrets create a roadblock to rebuilding trust and saving the relationship.
If you are serious about rebuilding the trust in your relationship, it is essential that there are no more secrets. Open up your life and let your partner inside your life. Let your partner know who you talk on the phone with, who your friends are and who you email or chat on Facebook with. Sharing this information with your partner will go far towards establishing a commitment to each other and building a bond.
Let Your Partner Know How You Feel About Them
This is another one of those things that should be automatic, but all too often we take for granted that our significant other knows how we feel about them. It is always important to not only tell our partner we love them, but also when something is bothering us. After our trust has been broken, this communication becomes even more important.
When someone finds out that their partner has been unfaithful, it is a normal and natural reaction to feel unloved and alone. As a result, they often find themselves seeking the love they feel that they lost. They will blame themselves and wonder what they did so wrong that their partner turned to someone else. They will naturally find themselves grasping at straws, trying to understand why.
Understand The Hurt Infidelity Causes
When infidelity happens, it results in tremendous emotional pain. It is a broken trust that leaves emotional scars and requires patience and understanding on the part of the unfaithful partner. Too often when a person is unfaithful, they confess, apoligize and think that everything is alright. In reality, it does not work that easily.
The person who was unfaithful needs to be understanding to the fact that their partner is going to need time to sort out their feelings. They are not going to forget the incident as fast as you may hope for. They are going to need time to open up and learn to trust again. This is an important step in rebuilding a relationship after a partner has been unfaithful.
Avoid Placing Blame
Equally important in the quest to rebuild trust is avoiding the blame game. If your partner is unfaithful and knows they were wrong, then there is no need to continue blaming them. They already know how much pain they caused, it serves no constructive purpose to continue throwing it in their face at every opportunity. This will only serve to further the divide between the two of you.
Instead, focus on positive things. Remind yourself why you both feel in love with each other in the first place. Spend time together, laugh and enjoy life. If the love is real, it will survive this setback and grow stronger moving forward.
When the love is true, it is able to survive any challenge. Infidelity is just another test to your love and with patience and hard work, it can be overcome. It really just depends on the two of you and how much you both desire to make it work. Stay focused on the love you have for each other and I think you will find that even something as painful as infidelity can be overcome.
© 2012 Christopher J Wood