Margaret Minnicks has been an online writer for many years. She writes about interesting things.
No matter how young or old you are, you remember many firsts in your life. You might remember having your first drink, going on your first airplane ride, getting your first car, your first job, your first kiss, and your first love.
Many people remember the experience of their first love for many reasons that are normal. Even if they are happily married to someone else, they cannot forget when they were in love for the very first time. Many relationships might have developed after a person's first relationship. However, the first relationship will always be unforgettable for a lifetime while the second and other relationships fade away.
This article is about first loves and the attachments that were formed. It is not about exchanging Valentine's Day cards when kids were in the third grade. It is not talking about walking home with someone when you were in the fifth grade. This article is about people who were deeply in real love for the first time when attachments were formed and plans were made for a future together.
Whether you end up marrying your first love or not, the experience will always be a part of who you are for the rest of your life.
When people fall in love their bodies go through major changes that produce powerful chemicals such as dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and norepinephrine. In fact, oxytocin is also called the love hormone that releases feelings of excitement and pleasure.
People who fall in love for the first time are introduced to feelings they can't explain. They have emotions they didn't know existed. They feel as if no one else in the world exists except the two of them. The mixture of emotions takes them on a strange but wonderful path not yet taken.
If you did not marry your first love, why do you still remember the experience after the two of you moved on in different directions? There are reports of people who were first loves when they were young, but they ended up marrying someone else. They were happily married with families. However, some circumstances caused them to reunite and marry their first love many years later.
So, why do first loves pick up their lives where they left off after 25, 50, 70, and many years later? Let's explore the science behind that trend.
First Loves Are Innocent
More than likely people experienced their first love when they were young. Being in love is an innocent experience because it has space and time to develop organically over time.
Usually, it isn't planned. It just happens naturally between two people who go down the same unknown path together. It is even more special when it is the first love for both the male and female.
Years later, thinking about your first love may bring back memories of your youth when things were simple. Keeping your first love part of your memories represents a yearning to return to that simpler time.
It is common for first love to develop in high school and college. It is because the male and female are in the same community and they already know a great deal about each other. When they get together and talk, they discover they have a lot in common.
Their families know each other and perhaps they all attend the same church and other activities in the community. Therefore, they know about their goals, ambitions, and often they have the same moral compass. They make plans together. They talk about getting married and having a certain number of children. They might even go so far as to naming their children.
Then graduation happens and high school lovers go to different colleges, or to the military. If there is no closure to the relationship, the relationship lingers in the minds and hearts of the two people. While in different colleges and the military, one or both of them might begin other relationships and marry someone else.
What happened with all those plans that were made while in high school? Even though the people have gone separate ways, there is still something lingering in their hearts based on the experience of their first love because it has become a permanent fixture in their memory.
Other Firsts Come With First Love
You and your first love more than likely experienced other firsts together. You might have experienced physical firsts during the relationship that brought about deep emotional feelings and chemical reactions within the brain.
Those physical first might have included a first date, first kiss, and first intimate encounter. Those physical firsts become memories buried deep within because no matter how clumsy they were, they were still the first. There might have been other relationships along the way. However, your first firsts are locked within you no matter how many years have passed even though you and your first love are miles apart.
Someone to Care For
Before your first love, it was just "I," "me," and "my." Your first love became part of an “us” or a “we.” You moved from being an individual to being a couple. This may be the first time you considered someone else in your life. You have someone else to bounce things off of to help you make major decisions. You also have someone to support you and you also have someone to support.
Changes That Come With a First Love
When young people fall in love, it is often the first love for the male and for the female. They go through exciting changes in their lives at the same time. Therefore, it is quite possible that they both are holding on to buried memories years after they separate.
April Davis, a matchmaker and founder of LUMA (Luxury Matchmaking), says first love might not have been the best or deepest love. It was the intensity of the experience that left a lasting imprint on people's minds and hearts.
That's why sparks still fly after they accidentally meet decades later.
The Hallmark channel knows about first loves. There are hundreds of stories about young couples who separate to go away to school or to pursue a career in a different city. While away from each other, one or both marry and raise a family. When the first loves meet years later, sparks still fly. By the end of the show, every couple has worked things out and they end up getting married decades later.
Book: "My Boyfriend's Back"
My Boyfriend's Back: True Stories of Rediscovering Love with a Long-Lost Sweetheart is a book full of true stories about people reconnecting with their first love. The author is Donna Hanover, journalist, actress, and former First Lady of the City of New York. Her second husband was former Governor Rudy Giuliani from 1984 to 2002. They are the parents of two children, a son and a daughter.
Hanover and Edwin Oster were high school sweethearts. They connected, rekindled their love more than 30 years after they separated. Oster became Hanover's third husband in 2003, and they are living happily ever after. The couple is part of a trend that is not unusual.
There are 50 true stories in Hanover's book about others who have married after decades of being apart. Many of them are celebrities such as Carol Channing, Suzanne Pleshette, Tom Poston, Nicole Miller, and Liza Huber.
Some people stand by the thought that first love never dies. Keep in mind that the major reason your first love will always be in your memory is because no matter what, your first love will always be your first love.
What never dies are the memories of the experience. Therefore, the focus is not on the first person you loved. Rather, it is the memory of the experience that brought about wonderful feelings and excitement.
There is nothing wrong with remembering your first love. You couldn't do anything about it even if you wanted to do so. Your brain is wired so you will never forget.
This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.
Margaret Minnicks (author) from Richmond, VA on September 30, 2021:
dashingscorpio, thanks for reading my article about first loves. You made some valid points in your comments. Thanks for taking the time to share your opinions about this topic.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on September 30, 2021:
The first love is rarely a lasting love.
Oftentimes it occurred prior to us having formulated our own mate selection screening process and "must haves list" for choosing a partner.
Having likely not had any real experience with heartache or betrayal we are much more likely to be "all in" when it comes to our first love.
For many of us our "first love" came along while we were in high school or college. During our youth we truly believe almost anything is possible.
Our emotions and hormones are unbridled. Every feeling is intensified.
After we experience the failure of that relationship, the heartache, or betrayal we begin the process of learning to "date smarter" and identify "red flags". We become much more cautious and in many instances never fully allow ourselves to believe any relationship is truly everlasting again.
There is a small part of us which plays a "what if" scenario where we imagine what we would do or say should things fall apart.
With our "first love" it never occurred to us that relationship would not last.
As for reuniting with first loves I believe romance novels and Hollywood movies play a role in "romanticizing" second chance romances.
The couple who broke up and found their way back to each other is probably the most romantic love story of them all. It's the ultimate fairytale ending many of us would like our lives to resemble.
Today with the Internet and social media sites it's much more easier to "look up" an old flame, contact them, meet with them, and explore the possibilities.
No longer do you have to speculate about whatever became of your first love. With a few Google searches you are bound to find them.
Sometimes the sparks still remain but oftentimes we see how much we have changed or grown over the years. Our memories are sweeter than reality.
Umesh Chandra Bhatt from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on September 18, 2021:
True. Very well presented, thanks.