Following a break up, an individual finds themselves in a confused state - should they try to get their ex back or move on with their lives? And, what about the emotional pain? How can they get over it? What with the feelings brought about by the break up?
Not knowing which direction to take, or steps to undertake to heal and recover from a break up, can lead an individual to employ unhealthy behaviours thereby prolonging the hurtful emotions and pain felt.
The major reason individuals engage in unhealthy behaviours is to lessen or suppress the emotions felt. Such behaviours include: jumping back into a former or another relationship immediately following a break up, engaging in sexual activity with their former ex or multiple people/partners, relying on alcohol or drugs, and pretending to be fine, to name but a few.
There are several healthy techniques you can utilise so that you can get over your break up in a shorter time, and through which you'll form an unbiased decision (not influenced by hurtful emotions) whether to get back with your ex. One such technique is 'No Contact Rule.'
What is no contact? No contact is the cessation of any form of communication with your ex. This implies you won't contact your ex or respond to their attempt of contacting you for a certain period of time. The minimum period of employing the technique is two weeks though thirty days is the most preferred.
It take takes discipline and patience to exercise the technique. The missing your ex and the emotional pain felt will compel you to contact them or respond to their call/text/in-person contact. If you break the rule, you won't enjoy the benefits derived from exercising the technique. But, you can start again. And, pledge to yourself to stick with the rule until you reap the fruits of engaging in the exercise.
So, why should you exercise no contact?
- It assists in ushering in the healing process leading to eventual recovery, and the moving on from the break up.
- It assists you in assessing the relationship from an uninfluenced position (not influenced by the hurtful emotions) so that you can make an informed-decision whether it's the right thing to get back with your ex, or you should move on.
- It assists you in regaining control of your life. The end of a relationship can make you feel as if your ex was the one in control of the relationship than being a partner in it. Or, the toxic nature of the relationship made you feel your ex was in control of the relationship even if you're the one who terminated the relationship.
- It helps you in appreciating the things you lost in the relationship and/or following the break up. You'll regain joy in doing the things you loved doing.
- It prevents hurtful emotions from taking control of your life. When allowed to rule in your life, they will influence in making decisions which will aggravate the emotional and mental state you're in, and decisions which you'll regret of having followed through.
The above are some of the benefits derived from employing no contact. The following quotes will further assist you in understanding what no contact is, and the benefits you can reap from exercising the technique.
Quotes on 'No Contact'
- The reason to follow the no contact rule is to give your brain and your heart time to de-tox from the relationship and get a quick breather. You’re allowing yourself to experience what it’s like to live without him – and letting yourself gain a little bit of distance and perspective on the relationship. The No Contact Rule – Everything You Need To Know. Vixen Daily.
- The “no contact” rule is important for a number of reasons, chief of which is that it is the most effective coping mechanism to help you move on…In a nutshell: Without any physical reminders about your ex, you’re able to get over the breakup in a shorter span of time. Why The No Contact Is So Important After A Breakup Break up Knowledge.
- Keep in mind though, No Contact Rule is not meant for revengeful purposes or to hurt anyone in the process. This rule is for you, and your piece of mind. We all know that happiness is a choice, and through the NC Rule, you’re going to be making yourself happy and releasing yourself from the pain you’re going through. No Contact Rule After s a Breakup: Does It Work? Find Out Here. Love Bondings.
- The most important rule by far is to have absolutely no contact with your ex until you are healed. Any contact at all, any reminders, simply prolongs your suffering, increases your pain, and delays your eventual recovery. No Contact. Break up Recovery
- By going quiet, you have time to be you for a while, and who knows, after a month or so when all the wounds have healed, you may not event want them back. It works because it builds your confidence and it is the method that has the most chance of working if you want to get your ex back. Does the no contact rule work? Dating and other sites.
- No contact is you telling yourself: You can heal, you can live, you can move on, you can start loving yourself right now. No one’s stopping you. You’ve to allow yourself to love you. The beauty and power of No Contact. Pseudo Love.
- At the end of the day, it comes down to what we intend through our actions, and how we want our actions to affect other people. If an action is done through malice, with malice as the intent –it’s harmful. It can wind up ruining lives and destroying people caught in the crosshairs. But if an action is done through an honest desire for change, growth and perspective – then its outcome is positive. Why The No Contact Rule Is The Hardest Part Of A Breakup. Elite Daily.
- When done right, the no contact rule can give you the exact relationship you’ve always wanted (and not always with your ex, sometimes you’ll be surprised where it takes you). When done wrong, you just end up wasting even more of your precious time pinning away for someone who isn’t meant for you. The No Contact Rule: Everything You Need to Know A New Mode.
- If you can handle the no contact rule, it’s the best way to treat your ex no matter how things ended in your relationship. You deserve to be happy and move on with your life and the no contact rule can help make that happen. 12 Reasons Why The No Contact Rule Will Always Work. Everyday Know.
- Once you’ve successfully avoided communication with your ex for three weeks, and in the process shown them what a kick-ass person you truly are, deciding whether or not the relationship is something worth saving will come to you much more naturally. It might be worth a second chance or it might not, but the break allows your decision to come from a balanced perspective – one of strength instead of desperation – and one of reason instead of fear. Your Only Chance To Get Him Back Is Having No Contact – Here’s How. Your Tango
- Always remember, everything happens for a good reason. Some will definitely come for you and will shower you with all the love you were waiting for. I hope these points have given you more reason to move on in your life. Top 15 Benefits Of The No Contact Rule After Breakup. Panda Gossips.
- The no contact rule after a break up is not a strategy to get your ex back, although that is often one of the benefits. No contact is about getting you back, about learning to manage your own emotions, gain control over yourself, not control over the relationship or control over him. HOW DOES THE NO CONTACT RULE AFTER A BREAKUP WORK? Katarina Phang.
- I know from person experience that fighting the impulse to pick-up communication, for any reason, with your ex can be hard, but I also knew that it is possible. You can heal, build strength nd self-love by focusing on yourself without being distracted by complicated interactions with your former partner. After the Breakup: 7 Ways to Not Break the No Contact Rule. Project Amazing You.
- The No-Contact Rule is one of life’s necessary evils. No one likes it, especially the brokenhearted, but in order to really heal from a rough breakup, it’s pretty much non-negotiable…It’s kind of like a detox, helping you clear out all the sadness, bitterness, and sexual tension that’s holding you back from starting the next chapter of your life. The No. 1Rule Every Girl Needs to Know During a Breakup. Glamour.
- This is why No Contact works. We often don’t know that keeping in touch is a distraction – or what’s really motivating us to do it – until we’re not in touch and can face ourselves. The No Contact Rule. eHarmony.
- The No Contact Rule – Everything You Need To Know. Vixen Daily.<http://www.vixendaily.com/love/no-contact-rule-everything-you-need-to-know/>
- Why The No Contact Is So Important After A Breakup Breakup Knowledge.<http://breakupknowledge.com/does-nc-work-to-get-ex-back/>
- No Contact Rule After s a Breakup: Does It Work? Find Out Here. Love Bondings.<https://lovebondings.com/no-contact-rule-after-breakup-does-it-work>
- No Contact. Break up Recovery <http://breakuprecoveryguide.com/NoContact>
- Does the no contact rule work? Dating and other sites <http://www.datingandotherstories.com/no-contact-rule-work/>
- The beauty and power of No Contact. Psudo Love <http://www.pseudolove.com/no-contact/>
- Why The No Contact Rule Is The Hardest Part Of A Breakup. Elite Daily <https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/no-contact-rule-of-breakups/1386563>
- The No Contact Rule: Everything You Need to Know A New Mode <http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/no-contact-rule-everything-you-need-to-know/>
- 12 Reasons Why The No Contact Rule Will Always Work. Everyday Know <http://www.lovepanky.com/love-couch/your-ex/why-the-no-contact-rule-works>
- Your Only Chance To Get Him Back Is Having No Contact – Here’s How. Your Tango <https://www.yourtango.com/experts/claytonolson/how-to-make-no-contact-rule-work-after-break-up>
- Top 15 Benefits Of The No Contact Rule After Breakup. Panda Gossips <https://pandagossips.com/posts/86>
- HOW DOES THE NO CONTACT RULE AFTER A BREAKUP WORK? Katarina Phang <https://katarinaphang.com/how-does-the-no-contact-rule-after-a-breakup-work/>
- After the Breakup: 7 Ways to Not Break the No Contact Rule. Project Amazing You <https://www.projectamazingyou.com/after-the-breakup-7-ways-to-not-break-the-no-contact-rule/>
- The No Contact Rule. eHarmony <https://www.eharmony.co.uk/dating-advice/start-with-you/no-contact-rule#.WmcrbjRRW1s>
- The No. 1Rule Every Girl Needs to Know During a Breakup. Glamour <https://www.glamour.com/story/breakup-no-contact-rule>
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2018 Alianess Benny Njuguna
Alianess Benny Njuguna (author) from Nairobi, Kenya on April 26, 2020:
No contact rule works in letting the other person know you can move on with your life without them.
It is a sad case but you let her knew you can move on without her.
marton mason on February 06, 2018:
I am a witness of this rule
we broke up 10 December 2017 after seeing her getting into some dudes car after an event i tried calling her she ddnt pick up later the phone was off.i deleted her number blocked her on whatsapp unfriend her on facebook no talking to her friends blocked any calls and sms's from her and private calls. avoided places she usually goes to
From the 1st of February 2018 i got a lot of calls from an unregistered number i kept ignoring the calls untill the 5th coz i thought it might be a relative or something
So i called and i could still recognise her voice when she said hello i pretended i ddnt know its her so i asked "who is this"
She replied "its me Casie"
I said F***k you
Then i dropped the call
After that she sends a very long sms explaining nothing happened its not what i thought n asks us to try again
Unfortunately she wont get it she must learn not to get away with cheating on someone who found her a job